Just for fun - Boyfriend / Girlfriend Wanted:

[Sierrah]

If you could place and ad for a future spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend what would you put and why. Make it funny this is not meant to be serious at all.

 

[Rascalking]

Wanted: Happy girl who thinks that hiking is more important than religion. Must love dogs, and want them more than children. Frequent headbanging to heavy metal is to be expected. Anyone who thinks that conservatives are the anti-christ probably shouldn’t apply. Being able to feint interest in male’s long and boring speeches is important, because this boy can’t shut up and loves to talk for no reason whatsoever. Poetry readings and art shows aren’t just for geeks, they also a great place to meet people. If I met you there, rock and roll!

 

[trinichiqn]

This is so funny cause just yesterday I read this:

Before catholicmatch.com existed

***I always love stories about God working outside what we might consider the “normal” way of things. Here is a great example:

Back in 1920, a 43 year old German man was getting desperate that he had not met the right woman, so he placed an advert in the newspapers. Although a policeman, he worded the ad as follows:

Middle-ranking civil servant, single, Catholic, 43, immaculate past,from the country, is looking for a good Catholic, pure girl who can cook well, tackle all household chores, with a talent for sewing and homemaking with a view to marriage as soon as possible. Fortune desirable but not a precondition.

A woman named Maria Peintner answered the ad. She was 36 years old, a trained cook, and had been born “out of wedlock”. While carrying her, her mother, whom it is suggested was also born out of wedlock, spent some time in a home for pregnant girls. She later married a baker named Rieger with whom she had five more daughters. Maria did not have a fortune, but even so, they married four months later. In spite of their somewhat advanced years they had three children – two boys and a girl. The youngest child recieved the same name as his father : Joseph Ratzinger. He is better known today as Pope Benedict XVI.

After his election, someone dug up the “wife wanted” ad and showed it to the new Pope who, of course, smiled. His parents really loved both one another and their three children. Pope Benedict often speaks about that love. In fact, his first encyclical is entitled, “God is Love”, and it describes marriage as the preeminient figure of God’s love for us.

Meanwhile isn’t it worth reflecting on the fact that the mother of Pope Benedict was “illegitimate”. At the time, her conception and birth were possibly the source of scandal and condemnation, but she was to become the mother of the present Pope.

God is good!***

 

[nickybr38]

I’ll play. I’m not very funny though.

Looking for a male spouse. Must not like cats. Must love dogs (and must be willing to eventually own a small pocket sized one and one hip high one).

Must be Catholic - even though I’m not Catholic … yet. I’ve had a hard enough time finding my faith, I’m not eager to have to defend it in my home. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to evangelize and that hardly seems an appropriate spousal relationship to me.

Must be okay with not being physically affection while dating.

Must love God more then me.

Preferably tall, dark and handsome but I am open to others since I am not tall, slim and beautiful.

Preferably patient - I am a bit thick headed at times.

Preferably a farm boy - I grew up on a farm, but can’t tell a swather from a combine.

Literacy is optional. I can read, he doesn’t have to be able to. I mean, I could always read to him… “And then God said - husbands obey your wives… REALLY! That’s what it says!”

Age would ideally be between 25-30 but I’m pretty open to suggestion.

Erm. That’s all I can think of right now!

 

[cmscms]

Well… since this is all in good fun

I would like a husband who…

1-)Understands chilvary means when we are palying a game (be it pool or cards or tirvia) that no matter what, I am always the winner.

2-)Can’t cook but will always do the dishes (I hate men who cook because they won’t make low fat meals. I want control of the menu)

3-)Looks good in a suit (this isn’t for fun, I really want this)

4-)Isn’t jealous when I tell my best friend a 93 year old priest he will always be my favorite boyfriend

5-)Likes to play fight.

6-)No matter how much money is on the table will never wear a dress for fun (one bad image and it is over)

7-)Uses a nail clipper twice a week but would NEVER get a manicure

Let’s me put pink ribbons in his hair and makes me swear to secrecy (A bit contradictory with point 6)

9-) Would never be caught dead doing yoga, eating sushi or in a country bar

10-) Never lies when he tells me he thinks I am beautiful

 

[mjs1987]

Lets see

1. She must cook my food whenever I want and to thee exact specifications. Just a little bit rarer or a little bit more well done than I like it then its back to work to make it how I like it.
2. She must be a flaming liberal and an atheist. She must admire Kim Jong Il, Troysky and Mao. Green living and tree hugging is an absolute must.
3. She has to be available to meet my “needs” whenever I ask for it. This is non-negotiable.
4. When I am sleeping in and relaxing, she needs to be cleaning the house and doing my laundry. I am the king of the house and I do not do any dirty work.
5. The beer must be brought cold and on demand.
6. She takes medicine to prevent her time of month from becoming a bad time for me.
7. She doesnt mind when I cheat on her with other girls. This is a quality rare to be found in girls. It is like they selfishly cling to their men.

In all serious though,

I try to look for people I think I could marry one day. This means at a minimum she needs to be Catholic and orthodox. I would like her to be right of center politically but I do not want to make this a requirement because there are some people that maintain their orthodoxy and are still politically left of center. Ideally she would be close to me politically but the faith matters more. Common goals in life are also something I look for. Common interests as well. I also like a certain degree of financial aptitude so that we can have checks and balances on that area. Overall, it is hard to put my finger on what exactly I am looking for. I just know when I find what I am looking for that I will know what it is. There are a lot of things that need to be put in place.

 

[Rascalking]

1. She doesnt mind when I cheat on her with other girls. This is a quality rare to be found in girls. It is like they selfishly cling to their men.
   .

I told my girlfriend this was one of my real life rules. She became my ex shortly after.

(And I’m kidding people)

 

[puzzleannie]

Must understand that holidays are about family not football.

Must age gracefully and always weigh more than I do.

May not take up sports that cost more per year than Catholic school tuition.

 

[Sierrah]

Ok here’s mine:

Looking for a lively guy who doesn’t mind if I take off for a day in the woods (of course he’s always welcome to join me) every now and then.
Must like weird movies (independent films) and not be scared off by Jane Austen.
Must be Christian.
Must give flowers every now and again…(no guy I have ever dated does this …what gives) other gifts ok but not necessary.
Must like cats with lots of fur and animals in general as I can’t imagine ever not having pets of some kind.
Must enjoy the irony of life but respect it’s majesty too.
Must be willing to dance once in awhile weather good at it or not.
Must be honest
Also must accept that if I’m not one to sit at home waiting on his schedule.
Must tolerate scifi and my ocassional temper…lol and above all MUST SMILE IN PICTURES!!!
One more thing I wouldn’t mind a guy that can really cook either…lol
Oh and tall, dark, or blond and handsome do need apply… lol

 

[NoAvailableName]

You’re all crazy!

I want a girl, just like the one I’m with.

 

[Sierrah]

Must understand that holidays are about family not football.

Must age gracefully and always weigh more than I do.

May not take up sports that cost more per year than Catholic school tuition.

I actually like football…not the Rams though

 

[Patrickulating]

WANTED: Catholic woman who won’t change the thermostat every half hour.

 

[nickybr38]

WANTED: Catholic woman who won’t change the thermostat every half hour.

WANTED: Catholic man who won’t attempt to freeze his poor Catholic woman.

 

[Sierrah]

WANTED: Catholic man who won’t attempt to freeze his poor Catholic woman.

I need to add that to my list…lol

 

[Ponyguy]

A long time ago, I decided that I desperately needed a sporty car for fun. And, yes, I was about fifty. So, I decided I was going to purchase a car that I had drooled over for quite some time… a pretty Red convertible… a Ford Mustang convertible with a white interior and a white top. My wife shook her head… “What the heck do YOU want with a red convertible? The next thing I hear will be that you’re looking for a long-haired blonde bimbo to ride around with…”

So, going along with the joke, I placed an ad in the paper:

"Wanted: Bimbo. Must have blonde hair long enough to fly past the tail lights of a Red Mustang Convertible."

And yes, I did get a few replies, all in jest, of course.

---

As long as the topic is still on my fading mind, I remember reading a comical ad in a car-nut magazine:
"Wife wanted.
Must love to cook, clean house, do laundry and be able to identify tools. Must be able to drive a stick shift and own a pickup truck.
Please send picture of pickup truck."

… http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/ponyguy/Haha.gif

 

[RazzsMom]

**WANTED: **
A Catholic man who knows how to be a man! No metro-sexuals need apply.

A man who will NEVER forget my birthday, our anniversary, Mother’s Day, Valentines’ Day or any other “holiday”.

A man who will send flowers for no reason at all. And send them to my place of employment so others can see them and be jealous.

A man who will occasionally say, “Let’s go shopping for a new outfit for you. It has been a long time since you have gotten a new outfit.”

A man who can choose clothing that looks better on me than the clothing I pick out to try on.

A man who understands my obsession with purses and books.

A man who loves dogs and would never conceive of a house without at least two.

A man who will not be ashamed to do dishes or run the vacuum.

A man who will love me and think I am sexy no matter my age, weight or hair style.

A man who tells me I am the smartest woman he knows. Smarter than his mother.

A man who tells me every day that he loves me.

Wait a minute…**I married that man!!! **

 

[Sierrah]

"Wife wanted.
Must love to cook, clean house, do laundry and be able to identify tools. Must be able to drive a stick shift and own a pickup truck.
Please send picture of pickup truck."

… http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/ponyguy/Haha.gif

Love it. I almost bought a pickup truck once…lol The cost of gas at the time scared me off.

 

[nickybr38]

"Wife wanted.
Must love to cook, clean house, do laundry and be able to identify tools. Must be able to drive a stick shift and own a pickup truck.
Please send picture of pickup truck."

… http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/ponyguy/Haha.gif

Love it. I almost bought a pickup truck once…lol The cost of gas at the time scared me off.

Diesel is cheaper. You should have gotten a diesel.

Those things are like secret chambers. No one can hear a word you say when you’re in them. It’s great.

 

[Ponyguy]

Love it. I almost bought a pickup truck once…lol The cost of gas at the time scared me off.

Not all pickup trucks (in the USA, anyway) are gas-hogs… and European & Asian trucks are usually Diesel-powered… (no gasoline at all).

A Chevrolet Colorado/GMC Canyon compact pickup can deliver decent gas mileage, if you get the 4 cylinder engine. Likewise, the Toyota Tacoma compact pickup truck, (as much as I dislike “foreign” makes) offers good gasoline mileage. But, the best pickup truck gasoline mileage of all is the little Ford Ranger with the 4 cylinder engine and a manual transmission. (Yes, I own one.) While I was commuting to the university and doing some Grad work, I was driving about 500 miles per week, and I’d usually be able to make a single 16 gallon tank of gasoline last all week, driving intelligently, of course.

Diesel pickup trucks (in the USA) are those huge ¾ and one ton trucks, frequently having dual rear tires… for their size, they’re remarkably efficient on a ton-mile per gallon basis, but you still need to feed them a lot of expensive Diesel fuel.

Okay, truck discussion is over with, back to your regularly scheduled “Boyfriend-Girlfriend Wanted” silliness and humor.

 

[the_phoenix]

Wanted: Blue Collar Responsible Practical Down-to-Earth He-Man

Are you a mechanic, farmer, hillbilly, or US military
who likes the great outdoors and is not afraid of
nor threatened by a small spitfire
imaginative eccentric artist woman
who speaks several languages?

You’ll need plenty of self-confidence,
an easy-going sense of humor,
and a gung-ho sense of adventure,
be willing to travel off the beaten path
and save me from any stray pit bulls
or wild horses while I’m out doing fine art nature photography
(yep, I’ve encountered both them dogs and them horses, fer real)
along dirt roads in the back country or climbing some mountain
or visiting Middle Earth or Narnia
or receptions at art galleries and museums.

Great!

I’m the brains, you’re the brawn, okay?

Plus, I cook REAL good.

Um, now y’all probably know why I’m still single, eh?

~~ the phoenix