Just found out my daughter is gifted, but her grades are average?

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I am completely shocked. My daughter went to a very reputable psychologist to do a psycho-educational assessment and we met with the psychologist last week.

His first comment to us was that we have a wonderful child and we’ve done a great job…blah blah blah…then he tells us to be prepared to be surprised.

“You’re daughter’s cognitive ability is in the 99.6 percentile.”

I was thinking oh that’s great! What does this mean???

He then tells us about her test results in detail and ends it with

“Your daughter is very gifted.”

My first question is, “Then why are her grades not reflecting that???”

He says that she probably learned to read via wrote memory instead of phonics, but she must have adjusted bc she is now reading way above her grade level. I was in complete shock b/c we tested her b/c I thought she had dyslexia b/c her ability to read had progressed very slowly.

He told us that her weakness is sequential reasoning…like, what day comes before Friday or if I have 110 books, how many piles of 10 can we make? So we need to help her with that.

Her handwriting also sucks and he told us it’s because her brain is a “Cadillac” and her hand is a “Pontiac”; hence a bottleneck affect of her thoughts and being able to put them down on paper. He said with practice, her hand will eventually catch up to her brain.

We are in shock…completely in shock!!! Now what??? Anyone with experience in this area???

I didn’t see this coming.
 
Hello,

Congratulations on the good news! I can see how it is a surprise though.

There is a lot of information on giftedness at this site:

hoagiesgifted.org

I know some professionals are skeptical of giftedness specialists (I think especially of IQ estimates) so you may want to check what you learn with other doctors if necessary.

Many gifted children are “twice exceptional” meaning they are gifted and disabled/learning disabled/impaired at the same time. Sometimes there are problems like you mention with certain types of learning and handwriting (which I think is a common problem). Other times there are more severe disabilities like autism or cerebral palsy.

Best of luck to you.
 
That’s great, Serap. 🙂

I was like your daughter, back when I was in grade school. I read several levels above my grade level when it came to reading. By the time I got to high school, I was reading at the college level.

You can still be “gifted,” but still be weak in some areas.

However, I was weak in Math, and had been since grade school. It just wasn’t one of my strong areas, so I would ask for help in it.

I would continue to encourage your daughter, in any way that you can, and where she needs help, continue to help her.

My parents were avid readers, and they supported my love of reading. To this day, I still love to read. My Dad used to read bedtime stories to my sister and I when we were little, too.
 
I don’t have experience with this as a parent, but I was tested as a “gifted” child. I usually did very well in school, but I went through several stages where I performed as an average student (actually one semester in middle school I almost failed every class). For me, the poor and average performance was social. Even in very early elementary school, kids who are smart stand out and are picked on. I skipped from second to third grade partway through the school year and got trouble from my former and new classmates, and my teachers didn’t seem to know how to handle it. Some kids learn to “play dumb” to fit in. Or children get very bored with the material - I attended several mediocre schools and teachers figured I was smart enough to figure everything out on my own, so they literally did not teach me anything. Another district was strong academically but the social atmosphere was really cutthroat and did not really address that dynamic in any healthy way (they figure, hey, a high percentage of our kids go on to Ivy Leagues, we can’t be messing up.)

One thing I would make sure of is that your daughter’s school has an gifted enrichment program headed by a competent teacher, and that your daughter will be challenged (and that she has a gifted individual education plan or GIEP if those exist in Canada). As the psychologist who evaluated your daughter said, having incredibly high intelligence does not mean there’s nothing to be improved upon. My MIL was a gifted program teacher for decades, and almost all of the kids she had were severely lacking in one or more areas even though they were incredibly bright (actually, many of them would probably be considered high functioning on the autism spectrum today).

Also, while you are no doubt proud of your daughter and want to encourage her to use her talents, it can be easy for exceptionally intelligent children to develop perfectionistic tendencies and to become lazy when things are difficult (because they simply don’t experience trouble that often). They can also put a really big emphasis on their intelligence as part of their self-worth - either thinking it makes them better than other people, or thinking that they are not worth much if they run into something difficult. I’m not saying your daughter will have these issues, but I’ve experienced it myself and seen it in other students I knew and taught.
 
Lots of good points upthread!

If she has persistent handwriting issues, try to nudge school in the direction of allowing her to turn in long assignments typed rather than handwritten.

Our 12-year-old is mildly autistic (diagnosed at the end of 1st grade) with the fine motor problems that often go with that, and we’ve had one teacher after another astonished by her improved performance once she is allowed to type. When handwriting, she writes the very minimum she can get away with.

It is very normal for very high performance in some areas to be matched with below average performance in others. This can be confusing to teachers who wonder, “If Suzie is so bright, why can’t she do this particular thing well?”

But, as I always say, smart is area specific.

Good luck!
 
That’s really good news. Most of the time, a student’s grades are not based on what they can do, but what they did do. There’s lots of reasons a child might not be working up to their potential. They could be unmotivated to do more then they have to. They could be distracted by the environment they are in. They could be in a hurry because they want to get on to something they find more interesting.

When I was in elementary school, my grades were always horrible. (generally the elementary equivilant of failing.) However, my standardized test scores were in the top 5 percentage. The fact of the matter is, elementary school was deadly dull for me and akin to torture. I used to block out all the noise in the room and read a book under my desk or write a story in the margins of my notebook. My classes were always large, so if I wasn’t punching anyone or being a disruption, my teacher never noticed me and certainly didn’t have time to fuss over me and make me do my work.

However, when I got to middle school, I had shorter classes and more interesting subject matter to work with and I began to get really good grades. I got put into the advanced classes where I got to read more interesting books and write poetry instead of diagram sentences. I also had some extra-curricular activities that I loved and my participation depended on doing well on my report card, so my motivation increased significantly.
 
Gifted mind does not automatically translate to excellent academics. There are skills to being a star student that the gifted mind may, or may not possess.

ICXC NIKA
 
Serap said:
My first question is, “Then why are her grades not reflecting that???”
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There could be any number of reasons. I do remember when I was in the 6th grade, making a decision that I wanted to get a particular grade (I could have gotten straight As) and answering exactly the right number of questions incorrectly to be able to get it. I remember that the reason was that kids in my class were getting beaten up for being “brainiacs,” and driving up the teachers’ expectations (after all, if too many people get "A"s, they assign more difficult work).
 
jmcrae said:
There could be any number of reasons. I do remember when I was in the 6th grade, making a decision that I wanted to get a particular grade (I could have gotten straight As) and answering exactly the right number of questions incorrectly to be able to get it. I remember that the reason was that kids in my class were getting beaten up for being “brainiacs,” and driving up the teachers’ expectations (after all, if too many people get "A"s, they assign more difficult work).
Click to expand...
Smart kid!
 
  1. Puzzles and games can help with various forms of sequential reasoning, etc.
  2. Khan Academy and similar Internet resources can help with math.
  3. It’s never too early to learn another language or get into music. And music can also help with math skills, in its own weird way.
  4. Every strong point in our abilities creates its own problems, but it’s still better than having a weak point. And every weak point is an area useful for growth and betterment.
  5. The older people get, the more their weak points tend to fill in. But it makes it easier if you fill them in earlier, systematically, instead of waiting to figure things out when you’re 40.
 
As a teacher (and father of gifted kids) one of the weaknesses that gifted kids fall prey to is that they can “wing” it, learn on the fly, picking up concepts quickly, and they can learn to read and interpret their teachers, and look very smart doing it, all while avoiding the details, the nitty-gritty and the grind of mastering the details and the skills necessary to do really well.

I would rather my kids were average but had a ferocious work ethic, than gifted but able to wing it.
 
I would steer her to the creative or performing arts.
Class work may not necessarily be the place where her skills may manifest themselves.
Maybe expose her to some of the Fine arts and see if something there turns out to be her “thing”.
Congratulations, but also, be ready for her to be kind of misunderstood by folks. I would keep the “gifted” thing under wraps. Kids can be mean, parents can be jealous, and some educators skeptical. She’ll encounter lots of grief if this is not handled with a fair amount of discretion.
I’m sure she will make the world a better place. God bless you all. I would pray to St. Ignatius of Loyola, and Thomas Aquinas for guidance in managing all that she will encounter in her development. 🙂
 
triumphguy said:
As a teacher (and father of gifted kids) one of the weaknesses that gifted kids fall prey to is that they can “wing” it, learn on the fly, picking up concepts quickly, and they can learn to read and interpret their teachers, and look very smart doing it, all while avoiding the details, the nitty-gritty and the grind of mastering the details and the skills necessary to do really well.

I would rather my kids were average but had a ferocious work ethic, than gifted but able to wing it.
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But we don’t get to choose, do we?
 
pianistclare said:
I would steer her to the creative or performing arts.
Class work may not necessarily be the place where her skills may manifest themselves.
Maybe expose her to some of the Fine arts and see if something there turns out to be her “thing”.
Congratulations, but also, be ready for her to be kind of misunderstood by folks. I would keep the “gifted” thing under wraps. Kids can be mean, parents can be jealous, and some educators skeptical. She’ll encounter lots of grief if this is not handled with a fair amount of discretion.
I’m sure she will make the world a better place. God bless you all. I would pray to St. Ignatius of Loyola, and Thomas Aquinas for guidance in managing all that she will encounter in her development. 🙂
Click to expand...
Very good saint choices!
 
Xantippe said:
It is very normal for very high performance in some areas to be matched with below average performance in others. This can be confusing to teachers who wonder, “If Suzie is so bright, why can’t she do this particular thing well?”

But, as I always say, smart is area specific.
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👍 Xantippe is correct.

Intelligence is not a black and white concept. Read this article.
examinedexistence.com/the-nine-different-types-of-intelligence/
It claims that there are 9 different kinds of intelligences, and lists them.

Educational environments such as schools help foster and evaluate academic intelligences, such as Logical-Mathematical Intelligence, but are unable to properly nurture other intelligences which are more important than academic intelligence in many key areas of life.
For evidence that intelligence should not be restricted to academic performance, read this book: The millionaire mind by Thomas J. Stanley. It’s an old book, but it should still be applicable today. Stanley interviewed millionaires from all around the states, and his research evidences the theory that good grades are not a particularly significant factor in determining one’s ability to succeed in life.

The majority of modern millionaires did not perform particularly well in school, yet they are the ones who ended up earning the big bucks.

Basically, the most efficient way to become wealthy is to notice opportunities no one else notices. The bulk of today’s rich folk excel in that. The ones which don’t likely inherited their wealth.

Other primary factors for them reaching their millionaire status include: happy family atmospheres, supportive and capable spouses, positive mindsets, and perceptiveness. Good report cards are noticeably missing from the the list of primary factors.
Xantippe said:
Our 12-year-old is mildly autistic (diagnosed at the end of 1st grade) with the fine motor problems that often go with that, and we’ve had one teacher after another astonished by her improved performance once she is allowed to type. When handwriting, she writes the very minimum she can get away with.
Click to expand...
:yup: Even though Autistics lack Interpersonal Intelligence, which governs the ability to convey thoughts properly, they have unusually high levels of Spatial Intelligence.

For insight on the Autistic mind, view this PDF:
nazarenemedia.net/uploads/8/1/0/5/8105580/unwrittenrulesofsocialrelationships.pdf
Serap said:
I am completely shocked. My daughter went to a very reputable psychologist to do a psycho-educational assessment and we met with the psychologist last week.

We are in shock…completely in shock!!! Now what??? Anyone with experience in this area???

I didn’t see this coming.
Click to expand...
You certainly are shocked, and didn’t see it coming.

:hmmm:

Your reaction hints that you, like many other parents, have been brainwashed into thinking that straight C, D, and F students won’t amount to anything in life.

I found an interesting question a youtube video comment section regarding the importance of intellect: Do we use intelligence to compete or lead happy lives? One recurring problem with many educational environments is the presence of unnecessary competition, which is fostered by everyone: teachers, students, and parents.

Getting good grades in school is indeed important, but too many parents and teachers take its accuracy at face value. :sad_yes: Some parents actually punish their children for not getting straight A’s! Best not to go there.
 
Grades are a very poor indicator of future success in life. The Unabomber was a math prodigy that went to Harvard when he was 16.

The world is run by ‘C’ students.
 
Brianmcg321 said:
Grades are a very poor indicator of future success in life. The Unabomber was a math prodigy that went to Harvard when he was 16.

The world is run by ‘C’ students.
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Careful! With grade inflation, today’s ‘C’ students are not the last generation’s ‘C’ students. ‘C’ means, “they haven’t learned a blessed thing, but I don’t want to deal with an irate parent and they DID come to class so they should get something for that.”
 
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