Just Go Away!

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JLCecilia

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Okay, I realize that I can’t just go crawl under a rock and my main problem is that I am not making myself clear w/ others in setting my boundaries . . .but what do I do?

If you have read any of my posts, you know that I have a co-worker who has really worked my last nerve. This week, I have been able to excuse myself from going to break and lunch w/ her and not responding to her emails by simply saying that I came in late and need to make up my time and I am very busy w/ end-of-the-month work - this I tell her when she comes to ‘check up’ on me. I feel like she’s taking roll call!

I have a certain degree of guilt w/ her as well as some other well-meaning co-workers when I consider how ‘aloof’ I am, but quite frankly, I wish I could just be invisible right now. I am pregnant and have been cranky pretty much 24/7 for the last couple of months and cheery people at work just really drive me nuts! There is the ‘office granny’ who is the nicest sweetest older lady you could ever meet, but she greets me every d**n time I walk by her desk! And there’s a number of other co-workers who I simply do not even acknowlege when they come to my desk to pick stuff up off my printer - I usually put my earphones in and pretend not to hear them.

Right now, I don’t want anyone to look at me or talk to me! I realize that maybe people are overly ‘nice’ to me b/c I look so glum, but I would just rather they ignore me! I have taken to walking around the long way on my many potty breaks b/c the usual way takes me right past this girls’ desk and she is constantly turning around and either giving a ‘poor me’ look b/c I haven’t been corresponding w/ her, or she wants to flag me over to talk every time I walk by.

I feel like I am on sensory overload! Maybe I am just really out of whack b/c everyday courtesy and ‘niceties’ just seem like a bother to me! What is my problem?!
 
maybe Depression? I know I struggle with all most the same thing since my parents both died in june and it has gotten to the point where I can’t stand me anymore. I grin and bear it, everyone thinks I’m ok but inside I’m a wreck.
 
JLCecilia said:
I am pregnant and have been cranky pretty much 24/7 for the last couple of months
(…)
I feel like I am on sensory overload!
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Congratulations! I’m not your doctor, of course, but the fact that you’re pregnant, could explain a lot. That happens a lots when a woman is expecting. Don’t beat yourself up over this - you have all rights to feel annoyed and depressed, because your body (in fact, entire you) is going through a lot of changes and energy drainage during this time.
If people around you know it, just tell them that you’re pregnant, and that you don’t have strength being nice. Act as if it’s your right to be this way - because it is! If they don’t know it, then it’ll be harder to explain to them, but you don’t have to.
At this time your focus should be on your baby and yourself, not being nice to other people.
God bless you and give you and your baby much strength! 👍
 
My mother gave my husband a T-shirt that says:

I can only be nice to one person today.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

Sounds like you need one of these, too! 😃

Seriously, praying for you at this time, that it all works out with your workmates and with your pregnancy.

St. Gerard Majella, pray for us.
 
I don’t recall pregnancy being a reason to be uncharitable.I’ve been through 3 full term and one that ended early. I’d work on that a bit. I haven’t read your posts about the one co-worker so I’m not commenting on that. But “you can’t be bothered to acknowledge people”? C’mon, you can do better.

Part of being a Christian is to appear joyful. You’re not doing such a good job if people can describe you as “glum”. How’s your prayer life? Are you fitting prayer time in every day?

Edit. Went and read some of your posts in particular about your DH. You have a lot on your plate. Make sure you are getting enough rest and taking supplements especially since I think I recall you are smoking. WRT to the particular co-worker you may have to be more direct and just say you are trying to focus only on work matters at work.
 
Hah! Yes, I’ve seen that shirt, thanks for the laugh. Yes, I can think of another mommy to be in the office who is always bubbling over and in talking to her, I get the hunch that she is proned to anxiety like I am. I guess I just need to work at faking happiness until I figure out how to actually be cheery. Maybe if people figure nothing’s wrong w/ me, they’ll leave me alone instead of trying to make me a charity case.

Yes, I realize the pregnancy is no excuse to be uncharitable, and I have never used pregnancy as an excuse for anything, but I may slide this one in w/ my co-worker just to relieve her that my attitude isn’t about her. An aside, this morning, she caught me on the way back to my desk and asked if I’d actually be able to go on break which of course I said, no I’m busy. I was short and to the point and directly went on my way as she tends to dawdle, but I could hear as I’m walking away, she said (in front of other co-workers) ‘you hate me don’t you.’ Yes, it’s all about you!!! I just kept walking and pretended not to hear - there is no good that could have come of justifying her pity party w/ a response. Sometimes I feel like her workday hinges on me and it feels like a real burden right now.

Alright, to clarify the thing about not saying hi to every person who comes by my desk: often, the same people come by about every 15 minutes or so to pick stuff up and I guess I don’t feel the need to greet and have a convo w/ them each and every time - they have work they need to get back to too and after awhile, I imagine we’d run out of things to talk about anyway.

Yes, I pray every day, on my own and over my son. Sometimes I feel like a phony. Not to speak for God, but sometime I wonder if he isn’t thinking, don’t even bother talking to me until you start being nice! Kind of feel like a fraud, but I’m gonna keep praying anyway. I realize that love for others, esp the ones we find annoying is not a measure of our own merit - it is truly a gift from God. And right now, I don’t want to love anybody, I just want them to go away. I know ultimately what will please the Lord and help my attitude (and more likely to happen in reality) is more of the former and less of the latter.
 
Good for you , keep on praying. Sometimes love is a decision, not a feeling. We don’t have to feel it in order to show it. Doesn’t make you a phony, just doing the best you can right then.
Praying for you.
 
I have a colleague who keeps a sign by her desk as well – “New Years Resolution: I will attempt to tolerate fools more graciously; as long as it does not encourage them to take up any more of my time.” 😉
 
JLCecilia said:
Alright, to clarify the thing about not saying hi to every person who comes by my desk: often, the same people come by about every 15 minutes or so to pick stuff up and I guess I don’t feel the need to greet and have a convo w/ them each and every time - they have work they need to get back to too and after awhile, I imagine we’d run out of things to talk about anyway.
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If they are coming by regularly to pick stuff up from the printer by your desk, then no, you really don’t need to chat with them each time. You’d get nothing done! Be sure to smile, nod, and say hi when they come by in the am, after that a brief nod if they catch your eye should be enough.

Is there any way you can turn your desk or move the printer so that people coming by aren’t right in your line of vision? If you aren’t looking right at them, it will be easier for you to stay concentrated on work.

Keep praying and be sure to pray for your co-worker also.
 
I get the hunch that she is proned to anxiety like I am.
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Have mercy, that jumped out at me like. . . well, like something would jump out at me. 😊 Since you’re pregnant and feeling this way, might you have the beginnings of PPD (post-partum depression)? I mean, yes, you’ve not had your baby yet, but PPD can strike at any time during your pregnancy. If you’re having a really difficult time, maybe have an honest chat with your OB about it.

Trust me–PPD is absolutely nothing to mess with, and usually very easily treated. And when you’re feeling better, your whole world will change. 👍 And CONGRATULATIONS! ❤️
 
JLCecilia said:
Alright, to clarify the thing about not saying hi to every person who comes by my desk: often, the same people come by about every 15 minutes or so to pick stuff up and I guess I don’t feel the need to greet and have a convo w/ them each and every time.
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This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where everyone in the building was greeting eachother in the lobby. Greeting became obligatory and Jerry refused.

So, how would Jerry, Elaine and George handle this?? —KCT
 
Well, I’m never a rude person… I speak to everyone that comes into my office… if I’m on the phone then I wave to them…

If you have a problem with a co-worker then you should sit down with that person and talk to them about it. Walking around with disqust in your heart for them is not Christian like.

You must have personal problems that you are carrying to work… You even get angry over the nice “granny” lady that greets you???

From the way you have explained your co-workers…sounds like you are the only person in your workplace that is rude!

Is it possible that you are getting on your own nerves… Are you jealous that you are the only one that isn’t in a good mood??

You should appologize to everyone you work with and do it from the heart. You could be the only Christian person that they are ever exposed to… BE THE CHRISTIAN THAT CHRIST INTENDED YOU TO BE.

Maybe your co-workers have personal problems at home and the workplace is their safe place… their place of peace… you shouldn’t ruin that for them…

What if just one of these people need a friendly smile?? I wonder how many of them go home and pray for you?? I wonder how many of them have started talking about how rude you are??

I’m an employer of more than 100 people… If you worked for me and gave me this complaint… I’d probably fire you… pregnant or not… But at least I would do it in a friendly manner and let you know what the problem is.

😉
 
Gee, thanks pyropam. Glad I don’t work for you. But that’s good for you that you greet and are friendly to everyone who crosses your path - I hope to be sanctified to that place again.

Yeah, when people greet me, I will say ‘hi’ back, but I prefer just to be left alone at the moment and if I don’t make eye contact and greet every person that walks by me, I don’t see why it’s rude to keep to myself, just b/c I am in a bad mood. Say for instance that I was just shy, would it still be rude to keep to myself just b/c the circumstances are different?

Right now, keeping to myself is the most charitable thing I can think of. Yes, maybe others have stuff they’re dealing w/ and the workplace is their only refuge, but I’m not really ‘buddies’ w/ anybody in the office and I guess I just don’t see how it’s my responsibility to console everybody else - I have not had many heart-to-hearts w/ my fellow co-workers and I doubt very much that the aura of the entire office hinges on my mood. Yes, I realize that it’s my responsibility as a Christian, but as far as I know, everyone who needs a shoulder to cry on has one, and since when do all just sit around talking about what’s wrong in our lives at work anyway!!! Yes, I realize that in an office, a certain degree of your workday is social, but right now, all I can handle is just to come in, do my work, keep to myself, and go home.

I have a few personal issues weighing heavily on my heart at the moment, but there’s really nobody at work that I feel is appropriate to confide in (what I have to talk about is entirely too personal to talk about at work and far too deep to squeeze into a 15 minute break/30 minute lunch . . .I don’t like to pour my heart out, only to get up and go back to my desk and pretend that everything’s fine and I didn’t just share entirey too much w/ someone) In fact, I really don’t feel like I have anybody I can talk to who I trust who would understand.

I don’t go around asking how everyone’s day is at the moment or if they enjoyed their weekend b/c at the moment, I can only mull over my own problems. I am proned to deep depression and social anxiety and I’m not crazy about mood-altering drugs which I’ve tried before. I’ve never really been taught and have not learned so far how to effectively deal w/ my emotions and depression, so for now, keeping to myself is the best I am able to function. Please keep in mind that this is not how I normally am, I will get in a funk every now and then, this one just happens to be going very deep and having a good long run.

I wouldn’t concede for a moment to think that my co-workers are so hung up on ‘what’s up w/ her’ that I may actually be a topic of discussion outside of work. Perhaps I am not all that connected w/ my co-workers and I really don’t give my workplace and the people in it much thought when I punch out b/c I do not feel like we are a tight-nit group and I have never felt like I fit in anywhere, and quite frankly, I have a lot on my mind right now!

Last Sunday, Fr.Corapi preached in his Catechism series that the best thing to do when you are depressed is to do something for someone else. It makes perfect sense to me and I agree w/ this bit of advice whole-heartedly, but putting it in to practice is a struggle for me at the moment. Even if I did something for someone, I could only stand to do it for some I wanted to do it for, not necessarily someone who needs it. What is the Bible saying “what merit is it if you only love those who love you?” That’s where I am right now. I don’t want to give anything to anyone who I feel is putting a request or an obligation on me right now.

Please just pray for me, I am just caught up entirely too much on myself right now.
 
There really is a lot going on with you right now! I’d say your priorities should be to your own health–tell your OB about all these symptoms, eat properly, try to get sufficient rest. Then you need to work on you issues with dh and whatever else is going on. Then finally you can be worried about being buddies with folks at work.
 
Thank you! In talking w/ my mother these last few months that I’ve been in a funk and feeling obligated to others and resenting it, she reminds me not to get down on myself for not being superwoman and doing all the charitable things that everyone else is doing (often times ‘everybody else’ includes singles, widowed, and women w/ older children or who are able to stay at home).
She reminds me that my #1 priority is taking care of myself (if for no other reason than the baby) and my family and there is nothing wrong w/ that. They need me more than everybody else does. It’s just nice to be validated in being a little ‘selfish’ if you will just to stay at home and take care of the homefront.
Thanks for all the support.
 
I haven’t read through all of the posts, so I apologize if this is a repeat. I just had to respond to your post. You sound just like me when I am pregnant. Heck—you sound just like me NOW. I just had a baby, and I am just getting back on track.

It really annoyed me the first pregnancy because I was only 27 at that time, and people were very condescending with “OHHHHH, your so hormonal!!”, and then they would laugh. I hated the overly familiar people at work who touched or hugged me(who did not normally do so BEFORE I was pregnant, btw)—and am sorry for sounding mean, but I felt disrespected. I just wanted to be left alone AS BEFORE to do my job.:mad: My last pregnancy, I was 41, and NOBODY ----not even strangers in stores with overly friendly advice —approached me. I did not look cute anymore—just pitiful, I guess:rotfl:I just enjoyed the peace, and I was not as tense anymore since people treated me the same as before.

it really does feel like a personality change. I have been told by my mother that my personality changed drastically since my first pregnancy 14 yrs ago—I am not as friendly, she says.
 
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