Just got my RCIA sponsor, but

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Irishmom2 said:
Many people are not aware of this. When my daughter made her confirmation during high school, the leader of the class (the youth minister) insisted that sponsors had to be “physically available.” As all of our family lives 7 hours away, she insisted my daughter have a church provided sponsor–who happened to be the leader’s own sister. It wasn’t until afterward that we found out this is not the case.
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I think it’s up to the pastor, generally. Several years ago, I tried finding some sort of official rules or regulations about using a proxy for a sponsor, and I couldn’t find anything official and concrete. Some parish websites listed it as a possibility while others said it wasn’t spelled out in canon law, so proxies could not be used. Some parishes thought that the proxy had to also fulfill the conditions outlined in canon law for sponsors, while others seemed to think that a proxy just had to be a warm body and so could even be your parent or a non-Catholic.

I can understand why people hear different things at different parishes about it. 😝
 
Thanks for sharing that. That’s generally how I have viewed it. If someone can use a proxy to get married, then it seems like a sponsor should be able to use a proxy. 😄
 
I suggest you put any romantic feelings on the shelf at the moment and continue as a sponsor/sponsee (?) relationship. Pray about it and put it in God’s hands. You sound like you are sensible about this, but it is a good idea to ask God for his help. You need all your focus on the journey into the church right now. As you say you dont know what the attraction is now and/or if it is something or not… why not just let it be in God’s hands and he can guide it into friendship or more in his own time. Especially as you have the language barrier etc. and cannot easily move to another sponsor and don’t intend to make any move on him anyway. I am sure if anything comes up, you and he can prayerfully discern what to do.
 
Since you have a profile picture here, I am wondering, in case that is an actual photo of yourself, whether you have somehow verified that your sponsor is not a member of the forums here.
 
I so agree with you… I would definitely ask for different sponsor.
 
The possibility of having a proxy comes from the fact that the sponsor, both in baptism and confirmation Rites, has to be physically present to do something (touch the one being baptized/confirmed) but the function of sponsor, of course, goes way beyond that.

So, if a person’s choice for sponsor cannot be physically present at the Rite but is otherwise a fitting candidate for this role, there really is no reason at all to say that the sponsor can’t pick someone else to do those physical/ritual actions.

Yes, this option is no longer mentioned in the Code of Canon Law (it was in the previous one) but it really should go without saying, as far as I’m concerned, since it is common sense:

“Hey, could you go to this Mass for me and, when they tell you, put your hand on this other person’s shoulder?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Great!”
“Is that all I have to do?”
“Yup, that’s all I need.”

But, in this day and age, perhaps not many things can go without saying. We need things spelled out down to every last detail, it seems.

Dan
 
😳 That is an interesting point! @to-whatever-end you may want to change your avatar.
 
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Dlee said:
Husbands sponsor wives, wives sponsor husbands
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Many, many parishes do not allow spouses to sponsor spouses. Our current parish does not allow it either, even though we are often asked about it. We also don’t let engaged couples to sponsor each other.
 
I personally think you need to concentrate on the Class not a maybe relationship, if it is a problem or if it even bothers even a LITTLE I would ask for a new sponsor for personal reasons…
 
P.S the classes are more important right there then I’m baby relationship that might not even go anywhere so just concentrate on the classes cuz that’s more important right now 😀
 
We had problems with that for a long time in our parish. Now a spouse may sponsor their wife/husband but only in certain circumstances and it has to be approved by the priest. I agree with not allowing it as a rule, along with the engaged couples not sponsoring the other.
 
Horton, what is the thinking behind not allowing it? I didn’t know there were parishes that didn’t allow it til I read it here. Just curious as to the reason.
 
If you are comfortable with this person and feel you can share your journey with him then there is nothing wrong with having him as a sponsor. As there is a reason you were matched with him by the RCIA Director I believe you should trust her knowledge and judgement.

Also the idea of this being any type of incestuous relationship is complete wrong. Think of the spouses who have sponsored their wives or husbands.
 
The biggest reason is there may be a marriage case for either one of them or both. The next is the spouse may not be a strong Catholic with a solid knowledge of the basic doctrine. And there is always the freedom to consent to conversion issue. Are they converting because they’ve come to believe the Church is right or because their spouse is pressuring them, or they feel guilty for some reason and so on. I’m sure you can imagine how many scenarios that could come out of that.

It is allowed if it is long term married couple who were married in the Church, have no tribunal issues, and the spouse is knowledgeable about their faith. Every sponsor must be able to receive communion or have no standing impediment to receiving communion such as a marriage case.
 
Good points. I was my husband’s sponsor while we were engaged. (He was baptized Catholic as a baby, but that was it.)
 
Horton said:
And there is always the freedom to consent to conversion issue. Are they converting because they’ve come to believe the Church is right or because their spouse is pressuring them, or they feel guilty for some reason and so on.
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This is the main reason cited by most of the parishes I’ve been involved with. The concern that someone is converting simply to please the other or because they think it’s the only way to get the church wedding they want is a big one. We have had several come into the church at Easter, marry in June, and never come back. It is less likely to happen when another person is their sponsor is the thoughts behind parishes that do that.
 
You & your sponsor become relatives in the eyes of the Church once you receive initiation into the Church. It’s incest for you & him or even his children and your children to have a martial relationship - not legally, but in the eyes of the Church you’d not be able to marry with him or his family. It’s possible that this has changed within Roman Catholicism and I’m not aware of it. If it’s changed, I’d like to learn when & how.
 
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