Just had an argument with my parents

[JD27076]

I just got out of a theological argument with my parents.

I think it was mortally sinful (I deal heavily with scrupulosity.)

My parents are Baptist Protestant and I am a Catholic.
We were outside and we got into a theological argument.

I said that Baptist were wrong when dealing with the Lords Supper and that we were right. (Pride maybe?) And yes, I said it very bluntly.
Can you be wrong with truth?

My parents do not know much of Christian History and only what has been said little by my priest at his class he teaches.

Both my mom and me heightened our voices and started to bicker.
I NEVER said that Baptist were going to hell, or protestants. I actually said that Protestants hold truth, but not full truth.

I stated that the Church teaches without error on faith and morals, then they got the wrong idea and I was trying to tell them and they thought I meant something else…

My parents aren’t the most theologically inclined so they would get confused easily.

The only part I have a bad deal with is that my mom and I bickered a lot about this.

My mom and I have discussions, but nothing this big.

Did I commit anything sinful? Venial or Mortal?

 

[blase6]

You don’t sound like you committed any sin. Saying you believe the Baptist’s understanding of the Last Supper is wrong and the Catholic understanding is correct has nothing to do with pride.

 

[Trishie]

Holy Spirit of God please guide and inspire JD and family in their understanding and interactions, and in their discussions.

It’s really hard for parents when their children take a different path.

You may like to do something extra kind and helpful for your mother. If she is hurt and confused, your kindness and help is sometimes a better witness than words to your dear parents. (And blase6 is correct that it doesn’t sound like a mortal sin.)
May our dear Lord guide and bless each of you in what you say and do.

Sometimes you may find the words of the Catechism helpful in sharing your faith with them.
vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Maybe you dishonored your mother by bickering with her. And by being too blunt in your speech.

But you need to be armed with apologetics before you start discussing our Church. Don’t argue. Never argue. Look for points of agreement. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, remember that.

Get a copy of Catholicism for Dummies or another simple apologetics book. You have to know where these arguments are going and how you can make your points clearly and kindly.

Don’t be defensive, you have nothing to fear, our Church does hold the fullness of truth, but you don’t need to rub anyone’s nose in it.

 

[Catholic80]

I don’t know one person who has converted or had a change of heart over an argument… over a calm, rational, discussion, perhaps, but not while arguing. When we argue, we are defensive and pride takes over. No one is going to truly listen to the other side while arguing.

 

[underacloud]

Some great advice offered here so far, especially from TheRealJuliane and Catholic80regarding discussing your faith.

A rhetorical question for the OP: how old are you? This makes a great difference in your dealings with your parents. While you are a minor, your duty to honor and obey (in certain matters) is greater than when you are an adult. Bickering with them, even in matters where you may be correct, is not appropriate while you live at home still, so it may be sinful behaviour (though I’d hardly consider it to be even close to mortal sin).

So with regard to bickering and heated arguments, keep two things in mind: a) that it is disrespectful to your parents to argue in such a manner and b) that it is not an effective approach to expressing your faith anyway.

Now, as for whether this is sinful, even mortally sinful (which I highly doubt), when you deal with scrupulosity, it is important to have a regular confessor to discuss such matters with.

 

[GratefulFred]

I do not think the Commandment to Honor Thy Father and Mother means to never disagree with them.

But I think Honor means respect.

We are always better off to keep a civil tone whenever we disgree with anyone. More so with a parent who loves us. Would we talk that way to our boss? A loving parent deserves as much or more respect as our boss at work.

Unless you turned it into a personal attack - you stupid so and so - stuff like that - I cannot see just being heated would be anything more than a venial sin. I do confess when I get angry, justified or not. An apology would go a long way to reaffirming the love you both share.

I generally try to avoid telling other person he or she is wrong, respectfully or not. I try to say, “Here is what I believe and why I believe it. I hope you will consider it.”

Coming closer to Christ takes time. Be positive and patient.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I don’t know one person who has converted or had a change of heart over an argument… over a calm, rational, discussion, perhaps, but not while arguing. When we argue, we are defensive and pride takes over. No one is going to truly listen to the other side while arguing.

This is also true in political discussions. Or just about any area of disagreement. Oh, and in marriages too.

 

[animalis]

(I deal heavily with scrupulosity.)… (Pride maybe?)

The Sacred Congregation for Catholic Education (part of the Roman Curia that speaks in the name of the Pope) said in Ratio fundmentalis institutionis sacerdotalis (1970) in n. 86 “…Uphold St. Thomas Aquinas as one of the highest teachers of the Church.”

St. Thomas wrote in his Summa Theologica, “A man is said to be proud, because he wishes to appear above (super) what he really is’ for he who wishes to step beyond what he is, is proud.” (II-II, q.162, art. 1) So pride is a wish.
newadvent.org/summa/3162.htm

In St. Thomas’ commentary on the book of Job, the part that deals with Chapter 40 (the first lesson whereof), he says, "Know that every evil in man has its beginning in pride, as Sirach says, ‘Pride is the beginning of all sin’ (10:15) Among all the vices God detests pride most of all, and so the Epistle of James says, ‘God resists the proud [and gives grace to the humble]’ (Jas 4:6)…There are two types of proud men. Some exalt themselves above others on the basis of the goods which they have [spiritual qualities, knowledge of truth, shoes, having nothing to do with the poor, ect.], like the man who said in Luke, ‘I am not like the rest of men.’ (18:11) These men are properly called the proud (superbi, in the latin commentary) as the name itself shows…Another type of proud men are those who presumptuously claim for themselves what is above them. These are properly called the arrogant (arrogantes), and so Jeremiah says, “I know his arrogance and haughty character of heart, says the Lord, and his power is not up to it.” (48:29)
josephkenny.joyeurs.com/CDtexts/SSJob.htm#401

Now, I say that you should focus on your wishes and know what pride is by heart so that you can properly identify it and confess it to a priest (for “pride is the beginning of all sin”). With this focus on pride you can aquire a greater humility, the virtue contrary to pride. Humility as you may know already is one of the greatest virtues, and will give important help to your confessions and worry with sin. Humility, according to St. Alphonsus Liguori, is the foundation of all the virtues. So, “you do well”(Jas 2:8).

 

[grandfather]

Did I commit anything sinful? Venial or Mortal?

You may have failed to honor your mother, which is sinful. You know the tenor of the argument. People here can give you opinions, but they do not know what was said, the tone of the argument and whether the intent was malicious, to hurt. Whether it was or not it sounds like it did hurt. You can be sorry for hurting someone else whether or not it was intentional or accidental.

The reason people get into emotional argument is they fail to convince others with their intellect. Appeal to reason and logic fails. They get frustrated at their own failure and use emotion to try to persuade where they failed with reason. They lose patience. Patience is a virtue for a reason. If you lose it bad things happen.

In your next confession you can mention the argument, but forget about whether or not your argument was sinful on your part for a minute. The question is what to do about what happened.

Go apologize to your mother for bickering with her. Tell her you believe you are right, but that is not an excuse for being rude, impolite or angry with her. Tell her never want to do anything that hurts her and you want to respect and honor her as God commands. Say these seven words and mean them. “Mom please forgive me. I am sorry”.

That is all you can do to heal any hurt that might be lingering.

I have been in numerous discussions with non-Catholics over the years and can tell you that you may be right and win all the arguments, but in the end people remain unchanged. What is the point of winning an argument if no one changes? Then we are arguing for the sake of argument. If you present an argument against a person’s faith and the person is unable to show you why you are wrong all that proves is they were unable to answer you. It does not prove that there is no answer. It proves they don’t know it.

It is the power of love that converts people. Trying to beat people into intellectual submission through vehemence and argument only makes people angry and stubborn. That is not to say we should abandon reason, but it is generally not enough. Love wins hearts.

Once you say words in anger you can not take them back. If they cause hurt the hurt is real. All you can do is say you are sorry and ask for forgiveness.

If the topic comes up again in discussion before you allow it to proceed verbally raise a warning reminding both of you that you want to have a discussion and not an argument. Agree that if the discussion starts to become heated it should stop, because you don’t want to repeat what happened that was unpleasant.

Be mindful that both parties intention is the good of the other. Verbalize that. Both of you think your religion is true and want to share it for the good of the other. It is difficult to be angry with someone who wants what they think is good for you even if they are wrong.

The reason God gave you to your mother and her to you is so that you could love one another. That is God’s will for you and her. If you do it you will help one another on your journeys to eternity. After you say you are sorry for arguing you can also tell her you love her.

“Love covers a multitude of sins.”

 

[Trishie]

You have received wonderful advice from grandfather and if you carefully consider and apply what he has said, you, and your parents will have greatly benefited.

 

[spockrates]

I’d recommend asking your parish priest if it is a sin. If it is not, no harm will be done in confessing it.



I’d also recommend asking your parents questions, next time. Asking questions to get them thinking about what is true is less likely to result in a debate. But before you do, you might want to tell them you hope you did not upset them. Let them know you like discussing Christianity with them but hope to avoid arguments.