Just had to vent about cohabitating

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When I first read the OP, I thought you were just being jealous. And trust me, I absolutely TOTALLY understand that feeling. But then I feel bad because I look at it and it’s materialistic stuff. But then I’m back to feeling jealous because I struggle too yet no one helps me out. Then I actually start to feel good because then I know that my DH and I are actually being adults and doing this on our own. So it’s an evil pattern… make sure you don’t get sucked into it! 👍

As for the person saying “whoring around”… .heck, even Dr. Laura calls it “shacking up.” When I listened to her a few years ago, on my LOOONG drive home from work, I used to laugh my tail off everytime a caller would say “I live with my boyfriend” or something to those effects and she’d cut them off and coldly say “Shacking up. Your’e not living together, you’re shacking up. Being married is living together.” And the caller would nervously laugh.

Overall… be happy for yourself. You are doing the right thing and no one has ever said following Christ would be easy. And it’s VERY well worth it!!! You won’t regret it!!! 👍
 
hasikelee said:
We promised each other to be virgins and get married on the same day. Obviously, that was the romance of youth. But it hurt to hear her take this step. And she was beaming, as if she expected me to congratulate her.
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Things like that can be very painful. It’s strange how good friends can do this. To you, that probably actually meant something and was important. Now however, she has probably completly forgotten about it. That hurts sometimes, to realize that something yall did together and you thought created a bond between the two of you apparently didn’t last. I am sorry if that is the case for you.
 
tamccrackine said:
As for the person saying “whoring around”… .heck, even Dr. Laura calls it “shacking up.” When I listened to her a few years ago, on my LOOONG drive home from work, I used to laugh my tail off everytime a caller would say “I live with my boyfriend” or something to those effects and she’d cut them off and coldly say “Shacking up. Your’e not living together, you’re shacking up. Being married is living together.” And the caller would nervously laugh.
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I so have your back on this one, but have you listened to her lately? I am so not trying to argue with you, but since she left her religion and quit being ortodox Jew, she has been telling UN-MARRIED male callers that live with women that they are treating said woman as an “un-paid WHORE.” The women who call are told they are giving it up for free like “Unpaid Whores giving the milk for free without buying the cow.” I was shocked (I couldn’t get her on radio for three years due to remote location) to hear her talk that way. However she always did try and insinuate marriage as the institute, or in our words “The Sacrament” that it is. I remember the days where she used to say to callers who were married, or marrying into the Catholic Church to read the Catechism as it’s a “BEAUTIFUL BOOK.” One day recently I heard her tell a couple who called in, that although they did marry in the Catholic Church, wife Catholic, husband - no religion, and he PROMISED that he would raise kids as catholic should they have them – although no plan to, well had a kid. I about fell down when I heard her take hubby’s side saying “since you don’t practice your faith you have no grounds to baptize baby now. I don’t care he made the promise, no grounds.” I was so DISSAPOINTED in her! I couldn’t believe this was the SAME Dr. Laura I respected for her frankness and respect for religion, any religion, especially pertaining to “family unity.” The SAME Dr. Laura who called our Catechism “beautiful.” For YEARS I heard her tell non-Catholics who married in, made their vows, and MOST IMPORTANTLY --PROMISED TO RAISE THEIR CHILDREN CATHOLIC, that they HAD TO accept their vows and promises under God. Period. Where did SHE go? (OH wait, I KNOW, same place the people we are posting about went!)

Then again, I really did enjoy her books about the “proper care and feeding of husbands marriage.” She just is not the same lady without her faith. 😦 I accept it, and my listening time, even when I CAN has dropped dramatically.
 
I’m writing to encourage you. This is the standard by which I was raised:

Dating is for getting to know the other person, not for sex.

Engagement is the first step and a serious discussion about your life together. The parents of both sides should be a part of it, but if that’s not possible, I’d recommend talking to a priest.

Marriage is the eyes wide open commitment. For life, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

There are no guarantees in life except your salvation. If both of you love God, God will guide you.

In a society with few role models, let Jesus and His mother be your role models.

I know how you feel. A close friend of mine told me about a coworker who referred to her live-in boyfriend as her husband. They were together for some years, then one day she just packed up her things and left. That’s not a commitment.

It is time more Catholics followed the Word of God, encouraging and exhorting each other. Offering each other advice and helping to bear each other’s burdens.

I’m seeing way too many Catholics who act like the rest of secular society. Following God’s rules will lead to a better life. Each of us needs to live out our faith.

I grew up with an appropriate sense of shame, of guilt for sin, of gratitude, saying I’m sorry when I’m wrong. Modesty for boys and girls was encouraged and enforced. I cannot go to a beach anymore. The female “celebrities” are really bad examples.

“Do not follow the crowd in doing evil.”

The mistake some Christians made was feeling guilty about seeming to impose our beliefs on others. To be made to think that our beliefs were simply “opinions” and no more or less valid than anybody else’s. Friends, Jesus said, “If you love me keep my commandments.” Not for the outside world, but for the love of God Himself.

Keep the commandments. Ask the Holy Spirit for renewal. I think about God every day and compare what I’m thinking and doing to what I know He expects of me.

God bless,
Ed
 
hasikelee said:
You know, venting did help, just by allowing me to acknowledge my stress and feelings.

I do love her deeply. She was my closest friend and her boyfriend is a nice guy. I remember when we were young, we talked about abstinence. We promised each other to be virgins and get married on the same day. Obviously, that was the romance of youth. But it hurt to hear her take this step. And she was beaming, as if she expected me to congratulate her.

I didn’t hurt her feelings or mistreat her. But it gave me such an odd feeling. Sometimes I wonder if it all really matters, KWIM?

Random aside: I do keep them in my prayers now. She can’t be resting with a peaceful heart. They use NFP as their contraception. lol! I believe there must be hope.
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You will feel how ever you feel, especially those feelings that creep up, but when that happens go back and remember why you chose the path you did. You certainly saw the value in it, the value still holds. You know how fleeting the beaming can be, especially in length of marriage. Even if one does get divorced in a year, I don’t exactly think there was beaming the whole time.
 
Do people get offended reading the bible? There are some harsh words in the bible too.
 
Just going from the original post, yeah, it does sound like you have some bitterness and envy involved here. Please, try not to let it interfere with your own hopes and plans! After all, do you think for one moment that your friend won’t be ecstatic for you when your marriage date comes? 🙂 There may well be a little envy going the other way then too, presents or no presents, then, and maybe it’ll give them a shove towards making it legal (the altar, whichever).

Your friends do sound happy, and I’m so glad to hear your date is on the way. For us, it’s just a few (frantic, crazy) months away. Yes, we are living together, very happily (and not Christians), but we had some very good reasons besides all that living-in-sin stuff some people worry about, like safety, finance, the sheer madness of planning, and most importantly, our friendship. We were best friends, needing each others’ company and conversation, long before we acknowledged our physical attraction and entire devotion, and are now making it an official union. My goodness, six years have flown so fast, and it’s only the last several months we have lived together, and we are happier each day, and are really looking forward to settling into householding and a family.

I know it’s hard, but relax, and don’t resent the happiness of others – yours is on the way! Maybe you are just a bit impatient, and that I do understand. Venting is fine, but don’t let it make your face screw up with sourness and bitterness. This next year will be swift, and the reward of your patience sweet. 😃
 
The devil keeps unmarried couples living together happy.

They are right where he wants them to be. Living in Mortal sin, and in near occasion to sin.

This is why co-habiting couples are always ‘happy’ and have no, or little ‘troubles’ in their relationships.

When they get married, things change. Notice how co-habiting couples who get married have the larger divorce rate…? The devil doesn’t like it when these couples get married, they are not sinning anymore when the carry out the marital act. So he tries his hardest to destroy them.

To the OP: Don’t get disheartened… Take up your crosses willingly, otherwise you will receive an even harder cross next time.

In the Hearts of Jesus and Mary,
 
CatholicNick said:
The devil keeps unmarried couples living together happy.

They are right where he wants them to be. Living in Mortal sin, and in near occasion to sin.

This is why co-habiting couples are always ‘happy’ and have no, or little ‘troubles’ in their relationships.

When they get married, things change. Notice how co-habiting couples who get married have the larger divorce rate…? The devil doesn’t like it when these couples get married, they are not sinning anymore when the carry out the marital act. So he tries his hardest to destroy them.

To the OP: Don’t get disheartened… Take up your crosses willingly, otherwise you will receive an even harder cross next time.

In the Hearts of Jesus and Mary,
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I couldn’t have put better myself. Good reasoning.
 
GregoryPalamas said:
That is irrelavent.

CDL
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So are you saying that NOT living together prior to marriage is a guarantee that the marriage will work? That no couple wo didn’t live together prior to marriage ever gets divorced? And you spell it " irrelevant "
Kathy
 
Katie1723 said:
So are you saying that NOT living together prior to marriage is a guarantee that the marriage will work? That no couple wo didn’t live together prior to marriage ever gets divorced? And you spell it " irrelevant "
Kathy
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I think its just a matter of which way is God’s way and which way is Satan’s.

Ultimately, **if they stick to Gods way **-
they should trust in Him.

So yes, everything and all other senarios are irrelvant.

If a valid marriage does not work out- it is not due to Gods plan failing it is due to human failings - humans failing God.
 
Ok, here is a new rant for me…

My FIL asked us to go out of town with them and the cohabitating BIL with GF. Now they suggested My DH, and 3 kids share a hotel ROOM with the Cohabitating brother and girl friend. Talk about inappropriate! :rolleyes:
 
Katie1723 said:
So are you saying that NOT living together prior to marriage is a guarantee that the marriage will work? That no couple wo didn’t live together prior to marriage ever gets divorced? And you spell it " irrelevant "
Kathy
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Your point is irrelevant and is not relevant besides it is beside the point and not relevant.

CDL
 
‘Irrelevancy’ would certainly describe trying to make some huge rhetorical point about all this.

People live their lives, and your snarly face makes no difference. Perhaps religion does, but in the meanwhile let us delight in our lives, whether it is under the worry of Catholic sins, or those of us with modestly secular aspirations.

Not everyone will see things the same way you see them, but if they are truly joyous, doing no harm, and being good friends? Be glad for their gladness, and they will return it, if friends you both truly are.
 
Nepenthe said:
‘Irrelevancy’ would certainly describe trying to make some huge rhetorical point about all this.

People live their lives, and your snarly face makes no difference. Perhaps religion does, but in the meanwhile let us delight in our lives, whether it is under the worry of Catholic sins, or those of us with modestly secular aspirations.

Not everyone will see things the same way you see them, but if they are truly joyous, doing no harm, and being good friends? Be glad for their gladness, and they will return it, if friends you both truly are.
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I didn’t notice that anyone had a snarly face. The issue of the thread is about whether or not we serve God with how we live our lives. That is what is relevant. I believe people are much happier when they live their lives as servants of God.

CDL
 
Ah, is that the issue? I had the impression that the issue was the OP’s personal feelings as regards her friends and her own state in life.

Silly me, carry on.
 
The theme that seems to be surfacing here is “Do we judge and how”. THe OP’s friend obviously is living a life that is outside what the CC would hold to be moral. So then as christians what are we called to do? Are we called to love or are we called to judge or both? The answer is C if we have our ducks in a row and A if we have some things in our lives me might need to take care of. Nowhere are we called not to judge a brother who is sinning, we are however responsible to make sure that we are doing it in a loving way and that our lives reflect the life that God would have us live (that means don’t judge if you have things in your life that would cause your credability to be in question, then you become a hypocryte and the church has enough of those). This goes back to the “speck in you brothers eye and the plank in yours”. My feeling from the OP is that there is jealousy and that could be fueling her to maybe be too harsh in her juggement. If time come where this friend needs to be reminded of her faith jealousy taints her position and ultimately could harden her friends heart against doing what is right.
 
Nepenthe said:
Ah, is that the issue? I had the impression that the issue was the OP’s personal feelings as regards her friends and her own state in life.

Silly me, carry on.
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Did you just stumble onto this board and not read its purpose statement? This is Catholic Answers. It is not the PC club.

CDL
 
hasikelee said:
Please pray for me not to be so mean spirited. Keep me from self pity.
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GregoryPalamas said:
Did you just stumble onto this board and not read its purpose statement? This is Catholic Answers. It is not the PC club.

CDL
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The OP’s post was was about her and her emotional state more than anything else. Let’s focus on that and try to keep the mind of Christs love above judgement for the actions of her friend.
 
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