Just here to vent!

[1234]

I support marietta on this one.

A unilateral pledge of $3k to a large ambitious church with a large, expanding plant, by a man in a couple, living paycheck to paycheck after 22 years of marriage (ie not newlyweds)–is inappropriate and irresponsible.

It also smacks of passive-aggression on the part of the husband and financial irresponsibility. This couple should be actively saving and investing for retirement, paying off credit card debt, and other high-interest debt obligations, and saving for children’s college educations. The money saved from eating at home, not buying lattes, etc., which probably won’t be much but will be something, should go to finance and pay off these obligations. Period.

Once the husband has made this pledge, be assured that the church will come back for more.

The OP should consider financial and marriage counseling if this sort of thing happens again. Maybe her husband’s *well-financed church *offers these services.

 

[jman507]

Well as you can see by this posting dance, the further along you get the more you can understand the other person’s message. I’ll say this no matter what if you want the benefits of a partnership, you’ll always have to live with contention. You need to try to manage it well, so it is more beneficial than harmful.

I guess while we probably in general agree, I’ve still not scene you once yet acknowledge any justification, albiet even if it is weak or poor, on his part. It is hard to work to an understanding and solution if it is all about what you feel and how you perceive the situation. As effective telling another how you feel is, typically it is even more effective if you tell another why doing something an alternative way may be better for him in terms that he (from his perspective, and not exactly yours) cares about.

 

[marietta]

jman507:

At the risk of sounding self-centered and believing your post is aimed at something I wrote, I must tell you I don’t understand what you mean when you say I/we have not “acknowledge[d]
any justification on [the husband’s] part . . .” What does this mean? I don’t feel he was in any way justified in his actions.

And after having lived a solitary, abstinent life for over ten years, I don’t see any benefit to partnership. Too much strife and too little comfort add up to diminishing returns. No, thanks.

marietta