Just how seriously do you take the advice you get here?

  • Thread starter Thread starter DL82
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

DL82

Guest
Please don’t take what I’m about to say as an attack on any of the posters here.

A number of people, myself included, post here with some quite serious family and relationship problems. Sometimes, it’s just a case of finding other faithful Catholics who can point us in the direction of Magisterial teaching on unusual issues (though surely you could find a priest who would know?) Other times, it’s just to ask for prayer, and have the relief of sharing with someone else.

Sometimes, though, people write about very complex problems and ask for advice from a group of anonymous strangers online which could affect their whole future. I’ve done it myself, but in all honesty I’ve only listened to the advice I wanted to hear. That’s hardly surprising, if someone says “you’re/she’s obviously spiritually immature, end it now”, I’m not going to say “hey, the anonymous guy on CAF said so, I should tell the woman I’m in love with it’s over.”

So, yeah, the question is, how seriously do you take the advice you get here? If you do ask for advice, but don’t take it, why? Is it more like group counselling?

Is there a way we could improve the forum to make that group counselling approach more apparent? Is there a way people could improve their ‘advice’ to make it more suited to the modest value it holds on an unmoderated online forum?
 
I take the advice I’m given to heart and ponder the the logic and helpfulness behind it. I pray about it, and maybe even allow it to influence my actions.

Granted, if someone doesn’t take the time to examine the entire complex problem, generally I won’t listen to their advice, especially when it is drastic or doesn’t make sense.

But usually those who try to help me are in fact quite knowledgeable and have good ideas.

I’d say that just like if you were receiving the advice in person, you examine the advice carefully.

I think this forum has done a good job with all of the problems that are presented here. I can personally vouch for the helpfullness factor.
 
DL82 said:
Please don’t take what I’m about to say as an attack on any of the posters here.

A number of people, myself included, post here with some quite serious family and relationship problems. Sometimes, it’s just a case of finding other faithful Catholics who can point us in the direction of Magisterial teaching on unusual issues (though surely you could find a priest who would know?) Other times, it’s just to ask for prayer, and have the relief of sharing with someone else.

Sometimes, though, people write about very complex problems and ask for advice from a group of anonymous strangers online which could affect their whole future. I’ve done it myself, but in all honesty I’ve only listened to the advice I wanted to hear. That’s hardly surprising, if someone says “you’re/she’s obviously spiritually immature, end it now”, I’m not going to say “hey, the anonymous guy on CAF said so, I should tell the woman I’m in love with it’s over.”

So, yeah, the question is, how seriously do you take the advice you get here? If you do ask for advice, but don’t take it, why? Is it more like group counselling?

Is there a way we could improve the forum to make that group counselling approach more apparent? Is there a way people could improve their ‘advice’ to make it more suited to the modest value it holds on an unmoderated online forum?
Click to expand...
Depends. I don’t like to be lectured, so I tune those replies out. I tune out uncharitable remarks, too…I tend to view the advice given as supportive, in general, I like asking a complete stranger who isn’t attached to me in some way, about problems, because you get a totally stripped down point of view…no holds barred. I sometimes need that. I read everyone’s replies, and I think if anything, at the very least, it helps the poster more to get out what he/she is feeling, read it over, and that in and of itself can be therapeutic at times.
 
Posts here can be useful as “finding tools” to lead you to teaching you can peruse offline. You should never base a major decision solely on anything you find here at CAF – or at any online forum, for that matter. You have no way of knowing whether a guy named “BishopJoe” on CAF is really a bishop, and you have no way of knowing whether a guy who says “I have 16 canonical degrees in theology and canon law” has ever cracked a textbook. We’re just a bunch of anonymous people posting on a website. I think the CAF folks themselves would be the first to tell you “Don’t take our word for it; look it up yourself, and then consult with your priest.”

That being said, if someone says “That question is answered in paragraph ___ of the Catechism,” you can then look it up for yourself and see whether that’s true. The most helpful posts are the ones that (A) answer the question, (B) explain the answer, and (C) tell you how to confirm the correctness of the answer for yourself.

If they do it politely, clearly, and with a little bit of wittiness, well, that’s just an added bonus. 🙂

So, sure: feel free to post questions. Go ahead and read through the answers. But then do your homework. After all, in the end Jesus will not say, “Enter into my Father’s Kingdom. For you did everything the posters at CAF told you to do.” 😃
 
LOL^

Everyone here also says “Go talk to a priest”

That’s wisdom right there!!
 
Sometimes I look at it like a “poll the audience” lifeline. LOL

Sometimes its helpful to run things by people who would have a Catholic perspective on things, something I can’t get IRL. But on just about every topic there is a huge range of opinions, and I can usually tell who is giving me a more orthodox answer. I also like hearing parenting tips from some of the moms on here who have been at it longer that me, and who have parented more children than I have.

I read all the replies, try to sift through the answers, sometimes honestly, its a matter of thinking about who’s opinion carries more weight with me. Some posters on here I would give a little more credence to their opinions, and others I just don’t, to put it nicely.

Sometimes its nice to get an objective opinion, someone who doesn’t know me, my dh, or my kids to let personalities or dynamics get in the way of advice on a situation.

But at the end of the day, I have to make my own decisions, and make decisions that I feel are best for my family and our situation.
 
I like asking a complete stranger who isn’t attached to me in some way, about problems, because you get a totally stripped down point of view…no holds barred. I sometimes need that.
Click to expand...
Exactly! Sometimes when you go to family their advice is skewed by prejudices you are aware of. I like the reality check here from people who aren’t emotionally invested in “putting you down.” Sometimes just seeing how your situation looks written down clarifies it. Hearing how something sounds to a room full of strangers can be helpful. And it’s always nice to hear you aren’t as alone as you think you are, because no matter what subject I see here, someone else always has seen it too. Hearing that other people survived and emerged on the other side not totally insane is helpful. I like hearing from people whose teenagers are beyond that chaos and drama. It gives me hope.

So yes, I pay attention. Most people here are pretty nice and are at least trying to live according to God’s laws. I didn’t always get that from people giving advice in my real life.
 
If I’m honest, I usually post when I want confirmation that something I’m doing is right/wrong.

I have been surprised that CAF posters have proved me wrong, even if it took me a couple of days to realise at the time.

And from caf, one specific person has changed my life even further, by expanding my knowledge of society, and human emotions, when I was getting hung up on explicit definitions and seeing our faith in a very legalistic manner.

So, in a nutshell, I do consider everything people take the time to post, on here and on other forums 👍
 
leonie said:
I find that threads help me to clarify my thinking.
Click to expand...
fo sho
Arlene said:
Sometimes I look at it like a “poll the audience” lifeline. LOL
Click to expand...
lol that is a great way to put it.

I also look at WHO is posting the advice. I’ve been on the parenting/fam life board for a couple years now, and have gotten to know some of the posters very well…I tend to take their posts even more seriously, because I know them better, if that makes sense?
 
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think I could ever really seriously ask for advice from anonymous people on a forum some place. I suppose it’s in part due to the fact that I’ve learned over time just how many fakers there are out in internet land 😃 I personally need to be able to trust the person I am seeking advice from, and I just can’t trust unknown people online. I have no idea if anonymous posters on the web actually give a hoot about my situation or not. They very well might just be using the internet as a forum to sit up on their soapboxes and sound off under the guise of trying to be helpful.

I do, however, like to hear people’s opinions on products and such (kind of like consumer reports). LOL! In that respect, I view this place kind of like a poll.

In the end, though, I find CAF to be a form of entertainment of sorts. You can tell that some people are truly good and want the best for others. You can tell that other people just want to feel better about themselves by denigrating others. It’s kind of like a Catholic slice of life that I sometimes just can’t resist peeking into----and participating in! As The Catholic World Turns, I suppose. Some of the stuff said around these forums is so utterly outrageous…but it sure does give me stories to regale my husband with! LOL

But no, I’d never come here to find advice (other than whether I should consider one product above another and why) about something serious in my life. That’s what I have priests, family, and friends for. If I felt I needed a much more objective opinion than they could give me, I would seek out a counselor.
 
DL82 said:
…So, yeah, the question is, how seriously do you take the advice you get here? If you do ask for advice, but don’t take it, why? Is it more like group counselling?

Is there a way we could improve the forum to make that group counselling approach more apparent? Is there a way people could improve their ‘advice’ to make it more suited to the modest value it holds on an unmoderated online forum?
Click to expand...
I use this forum as more of a “support group” rather than group counseling.

I like encountering others here with similar Catholic values and gaining their perspective. Not all people are Catholic here, but those who post are expected to at least be respectful of Catholics and the Catholic teachings. Not all the advice given here is consistent with Catholic teachings. Often a quick profile check or reading a few past posts can reveal a poster’s bias. I don’t take advice from someone with an anti-religious or anti-Catholic bias. I’ve been here long enough that I have come to respect the opinion of certain posters. Some people’s posts strike a cord of truth. Some give better advice than others.

I know friends in counseling, and I have friends who are counselors. Sometimes you get what you pay for–and sometimes you don’t. Free advice from the internet should be taken with a grain of salt, yet some counselors who cost big $$$ should also be taken with a grain of salt. Good advice is often difficult to find. Usually when I have a problem I want to discuss, I seek advice from friends, but this internet community at CAF has become an additional source of support for me.
 
Yes, I wouldn’t base a major life decision on the opinions of a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Some opinions could be helpful, but it’s better to seek out your family members and/or a priest.

Internet forums are better to get non-personal information, like if you were doing some research or trying to find out about something that others may be more knowledgeable in.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top