Just ... I don't know a question? A ramble? Colour me embarrassed

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mom2em

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My daughter and I have been back in church almost a year. We go either Saturday or Sunday depending on our transportation.

I’ve begun taking my 6 year old nephew with me, to hopefully get him accustomed. And really, it is going wonderful. Asides from my 4 year old who loves him dearly who might sometimes egg him on (nothing loud or terribly bothersome mind you) the two of them are so wonderfully behaved that it impresses me to no ends.

This morning, I had the two of them with me. My daughter and my nephew. There were four baptisms. Which is fine, they’re behaved and quiet. Only there were some people there for the baptism behind us. They talked frequently, but the worse was there were a few improper jokes (about Communion and confession.)

Are we, under any obligation to turn around and speak (albeit quietly) to people who behave like this? I did not and I feel badly that I didn’t but I didn’t know rightly what to say. I am no one to judge. But I felt so badly just sitting there, hearing things though I was trying my best not to.

They then happily helped to egg on some negative behaviour from the 2 kids in the middle of the closing hymn before Father had even left. Normally, we stay right until the last hymn has been sung. We exit our pew, genuflect, bless our selves at the font, and say our goodbyes, etc. Today though, instead of leaving the kids in the situation to be egged on further, I took them by hand, we genuflected, skipped the font, said our goodbyes to father and left before the end of the hymn.

I also feel badly about this. I’m concerned I might have offended the people behind us by removing the kids from the situation. I didn’t want to get upset about the kids not listening. They’re little and it’s a week before Christmas, they don’t need any help to get excited. I promise! So making them dance and what not, I just didn’t appreciate it. And I know they noticed me trying to get the kids to turn around and behave.

Perhaps I’m just an old … crank.

How would you have handled this? The improper jokes (the kids at the time I believe were at Children’s liturgy downstairs) and then the ‘activity’ during the closing hymn?
Any suggestions how to better handle it should it occur again?
 
Difficult to say.
With the improper jokes etc. you might have just turned and gently sshhh them (finger to lips type), indicating that their babble is distracting to you. This might have given them prevented them from distracting your little ones later.

It is sad that you felt “driven from” church by their bad behavior but I don’t think you should address it with the kids either. Just keep giving them good examples.

Just my 2 cents

Peace
James
 
mom2em said:
My daughter and I have been back in church almost a year. We go either Saturday or Sunday depending on our transportation.

I’ve begun taking my 6 year old nephew with me, to hopefully get him accustomed. And really, it is going wonderful. Asides from my 4 year old who loves him dearly who might sometimes egg him on (nothing loud or terribly bothersome mind you) the two of them are so wonderfully behaved that it impresses me to no ends.

This morning, I had the two of them with me. My daughter and my nephew. There were four baptisms. Which is fine, they’re behaved and quiet. Only there were some people there for the baptism behind us. They talked frequently, but the worse was there were a few improper jokes (about Communion and confession.)

Are we, under any obligation to turn around and speak (albeit quietly) to people who behave like this? I did not and I feel badly that I didn’t but I didn’t know rightly what to say. I am no one to judge. But I felt so badly just sitting there, hearing things though I was trying my best not to.

They then happily helped to egg on some negative behaviour from the 2 kids in the middle of the closing hymn before Father had even left. Normally, we stay right until the last hymn has been sung. We exit our pew, genuflect, bless our selves at the font, and say our goodbyes, etc. Today though, instead of leaving the kids in the situation to be egged on further, I took them by hand, we genuflected, skipped the font, said our goodbyes to father and left before the end of the hymn.

I also feel badly about this. I’m concerned I might have offended the people behind us by removing the kids from the situation. I didn’t want to get upset about the kids not listening. They’re little and it’s a week before Christmas, they don’t need any help to get excited. I promise! So making them dance and what not, I just didn’t appreciate it. And I know they noticed me trying to get the kids to turn around and behave.

Perhaps I’m just an old … crank.

How would you have handled this? The improper jokes (the kids at the time I believe were at Children’s liturgy downstairs) and then the ‘activity’ during the closing hymn?
Any suggestions how to better handle it should it occur again?
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I don’t think you should have addressed it with the other children or the people who egged them on. This can be a teaching experience for your daughter and your nephew so that you can explain to them how that behavior was not proper for Church, as an example. I’m sure others felt the same way and you did nothing wrong by leaving a bit early so as not to let others set a bad example for your nephew and your child.
 
Are we not supposed “flee” even from the occassion of sin.
What you did was done for the sake of the good of your charges. Myself i would have taken the time to stop at the font and bless oneself.
 
If this had been at the movies, people behind you were talking and making rude comments, you would have asked them to stop and if they persisted you would ask an usher to deal with it. Why do we expect LESS from people at Mass than we do at the 7 PM showing of Harry Potter?
 
It sounds like you handled it just fine. I also try to ignore any bad behavior around me during Mass and usually don’t sush people because it can backfire with them then getting huffy and disturbing me more. 😦

With since your kids (dd and nephew) are so young, I’d not worry about talking to them about the situation. Hopefully those people will not sit behind you again!
 
Mrs_Sally said:
It sounds like you handled it just fine. I also try to ignore any bad behavior around me during Mass and usually don’t sush people because it can backfire with them then getting huffy and disturbing me more. 😦

With since your kids (dd and nephew) are so young, I’d not worry about talking to them about the situation. Hopefully those people will not sit behind you again!
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I have no qualms whatsoever about packing up and changing seats. I’ve done it before and will do it again. And I give “the look” when I do it.
 
Good for you. You handled it well.

I will try to remember how well you handled this when we get the influx of drunk relatives at Mass on Christmas Even who are going to Mass just to make old Granny happy and proceed to talk and carry on through the whole thing like its a big joke. Oh yeah, and I look forward to the nightclub wear that the girls wear, since they are going out partying later.
 
Irishgal49 said:
I have no qualms whatsoever about packing up and changing seats. I’ve done it before and will do it again. And I give “the look” when I do it.
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I would not change seats in the middle of Mass. If I knew before Mass began that people nearby would be chatty or disruptive, perhaps then (depending on how crowded Mass was). But during Mass I think it would be a bigger disturbance for a family with young children to gather coats, prayer book, etc and march out of the pew and into a different one! :eek:
 
I don’t think you have an obligation to say/do anything in that situation.

However, that being said, I also wouldn’t blame you if you did.
 
I really appreciate the answers. And advice. Fr. would probably chuckle at me for worrying about the things I do worry about. hehe in fact weekly he asks how I am with a little raised eyebrow that no one else might catch 😊😃

I’m SO excited to be including my daughter (and my nephew when he comes) in mass. I know that I could perfectly leave them home and go myself, but I want her(them) there with me. And when they’re with me I want them, as best as they are able to for their age and attention spans, to pay attention to the front.

Not to people joking and carrying on behind us.

Monsignor made the suggestion once for my daughter and I to sit in the front. I think from now on, that that’s what we will try and do. We had made the back our usual spot since it was easier to get up and leave for bathroom breaks as needed for her without disturbing anyone. But perhaps on the weekends when I know there are baptisms, or Christmas and Easter services where I might expect people who might not attend normally with us, the front is where we will go.

I’m not a confrontational person by nature. In fact, confrontation intimidates me. I’m quite shy! But it was certainly difficult to bite my tongue. hehe I have a spitey side and then the Oh I worry about EVERYTHING side 😛

Thanks again!
 
mom2em said:
My daughter and I have been back in church almost a year. We go either Saturday or Sunday depending on our transportation.

I’ve begun taking my 6 year old nephew with me, to hopefully get him accustomed. And really, it is going wonderful. Asides from my 4 year old who loves him dearly who might sometimes egg him on (nothing loud or terribly bothersome mind you) the two of them are so wonderfully behaved that it impresses me to no ends.

?
Click to expand...
first just want to congratulate you for bringing these children to Mass, that is a wonderful thing to see. No way you should feel embarrassed at the outright rudeness of other people. We used to have ushers who could put a stop to this kind of thing, that disrupted Mass for you, which they still did that.
 
I encountered a similar situation a few months ago, at a funeral Mass of all things. The deceased was a prominent member of the community so there were a lot of folks there who were not familiar with Catholic customs and it was pretty noisy before the family entered and the funeral rite began. I was sitting about three fourths of the way back in our fairly large church and directly behind me were two college age couples. One of the young men chose to “entertain” the other three with a steady stream of comments and wise cracks and kept at it even once Mass had begun. Finally during the Preparation of the Gifts I turned around and quietly, but loud enough so all four could hear, asked “Is this your first time in a Catholic church,” even though I could tell by his remarks that he himself must have been Catholic. He gave me kind of a strange look and said “No, why?” To which I replied “Well, we don’t usually joke and carry on during Mass.” And that and the smirks he got from his friends put an end to that.

Except then for the rest of Mass I vacillated between feelings of righteousness and guilt so at the Sign of Peace I turned to him and said “I apologize IF I was rude earlier” witha lot of emphasis on the “if” mentally. To which he replied “I apologize too.”

And after Mass several people who were sitting nearby made a point of thanking me for saying something.
 
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