Just Learned Mom Has a DNR

[Pattylt]

I certainly understand your frustration and being expected to make medical decisions based on no medical knowledge! What I tell everyone I know is…when confronted with questions or decisions that you can not judge which way to decide is ASK.

If a doc wants to know whether you want mom to get plan A or plan B…ask what the benefits and downsides are to each? What’s the outcomes expected? What if this plan doesn’t work? And yes, what’s the cost of each plan?

Doctors don’t know your level of knowledge…tell them if you have no way to know. Ask them what they would do for their mother? Doctors have been sued for failing to do everything possible, even if it was a one in a million chance of working so they need you to make the final decisions. But, they do want your decision to be an informed one. It’s part of their job to inform you of all the options AND all the known outcomes. We do have to learn to be advocates for ourselves and loved ones.

 

[BlueMaxx]

@lonegreywolf20
@BlueMaxx

I thank both of you for giving us perspectives that, otherwise, we may not have had the opportunity to learn about.

I thank you, also, for pledging and devoting such a large portion of your lives to the hectic and underpaid lightning-speed decisions and solutions that usually keep us together long enough to be treated by doctors and their hospital staffs.

BlueMaxx, you had me shaking with laughter a few times, but we can see that you and lonegreywolf—and by extension, your fellow emergency techs worldwide—are extremely dedicated and affected by those precious and fractured moments with your patients. May God bless all of you.

I salute you.

Thanks for the kind words…while working as a flight medic in the Alaskan bush I had a life changing injury on the way to a medivac that basically ended my career and occasionally makes me walk around looking like a question mark.
I was told when I first started by a fellow we called Dinosaur Mitch (he was what we considered an old timer) that my back would go out before I retired…danged if he twern’t right.

When people ask me what was it like doing that job I always say…

“For the most part imagine your job was to be with someone and maybe their family on the worst day of their life”

Others say it’s long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of absolute terror.
Not to be melodramatic…you have to find someway to get through so we have black humor…

 

[lonegreywolf20]

I was told when I first started by a fellow we called Dinosaur Mitch (he was what we considered an old timer) that my back would go out before I retired…danged if he twern’t right.

That has certainly been my fear. I just turned 45 this past Tuesday and in December will have been doing this EMT thing for 18 years. I’m tired, very tired. I do a 24 one day a week and it takes me three days to completely recover from that. So, I’m not sure how much longer I can go.

You really don’t see many over 50 doing this job. It is a young man’s job for sure. Everyone at quarters calls me the old man as I am indeed the oldest.

My problem is, I have no other skills. Being an EMT is all I know. I could go to school, but my supervisor is talking about putting me on two 24s again because we lack manpower. There is no way I can handle school and work anymore. It seems like one or the other and I have to work as I have bills to pay and kids to support.

So, I keep plodding along. One of these shifts I am just waiting for something to give!

 

[BlueMaxx]

I got a broken up back, a heart attack and more stress stomach related problems than I care to think about.
The fact is, yes it is a young persons job, just like when I was a Marine…and there is always one waiting in the wings to take someones place.

My wholehearted honest advice is to truly look inside yourself and find another journey, another road to take.

You know more than you think. Being in EMS is a wonderful teacher on reading people, on handling a crisis and on being self sacrificing.

Maybe it is time for your next act in life…if you want to stay close maybe work in an ER.

Or build bird houses…anything to let your body, mind and spirit decompress.

Life is fleeting…

Or to quote the Eels…

I was at a funeral the day I realized
I wanted to spend my life with you
Sitting down on the steps at the old post office
The flag was flying at half-mast
And I was thinkin’ 'bout how everyone is dying
And maybe it’s time to live

I don’t know where we’re going
I don’t know what we’ll do

Walked in to the Thrif-tee
Saw the man with the hollow eyes who didn’t give me all the change
But it didn’t bother me this time 'cause I know I’ve only got this moment
I went to the gas station
Old woman honked her horn
Waiting for me to fix her car

I don’t know where we’re going
I don’t know what we’ll do

Laying in bed tonight I was thinking
And listening to all the dogs
And the sirens and the shots
And how a careful man tries
To dodge the bullets
While a happy man takes a walk

And maybe it’s time to live

 

[BT3241]

With todays tech you could end up hooked up to a machine for the rest of your life - not like the past - for me I don’t want that and I don’t want a family member keeping me alive so they feel better - so I will do the same thing - do not resuscitate. These things do happen to people. It should be my choice not someone elses.