Just met a guy that wants more than friendship

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1cor1313

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Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
 
It’s a cliche, but…sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Sometimes men and women can’t just be friends…when one wants more, that the other won’t give, it’s perhaps best for both of them to move on and recognise that the friendship isn’t in their best interests.

You’ve already made it clear that you’re not interested in more than friendship, yet he has persisted to the point of making you feel very uncomfortable. At this point you need to directly tell him that you’re not interested in more than friendship (again) and will not answer his questions. If he persists, you’ll need to cut off communication.
 
1cor1313 said:
Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
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To be honest, his behavior is seriously creepy. He’s already discussing this sort of thing after a few days, even though you made it clear that it’s not something you want to discuss. He’s probably mistaking your politeness for vulnerability or weakness. I would be very cautious if I were you. If it were me I would be dissolving the friendship altogether right now.
 
I have run into this problem many, many times. As someone else said, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. 😦 Especially if being kind has not worked! Wishing you luck in dealing with this fella!
 
I know what you mean OP, as I also find it hard to be stern with people, but seriously sometimes you just have to be. I second the notion that he’s coming off as creepy. Tell him again that you’re only looking for friends, and that you don’t feel comfortable discussing things like marriage in detail with him. If you’re getting creepy vibes from him, then follow your gut instinct and cut off contact. The only reason to keep talking is if you think he could become a genuine friend of yours, and that doesn’t seem likely.
 
1cor1313 said:
Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
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Well, as a guy, sometimes I realise my feelings for someone can build up very strongly overnight and pretty much “get out of control”. 😉 So I can understand his infatuation…

I also understand that sometimes, a guy needs to be persistent for a girl to really understand that he is serious. Unfortunately, girls are very complex or relatively differ from each other. And the fact that you have been trying to answer his questions doesn’t help. For me, I would take that to mean, you have some interest but…(wherever). So I can very well understand why he is not backing down yet.

Some guys believe in getting straight to the point. He is merely interested in marriage and that’s why he is talking about marriage. Others might go much more slower but all still leads to the same destination. I personally belong to the speedy category. We usually appear creepy because we just can’t wait. LOL! Honestly, it’s just a natural reaction. When I try to control it, I realise I am just fighting with myself and it just drivers me crazy. Again, it just natural–being one’s self. It’s better for me to know early enough whether something would or wouldn’t work out.

I think you have to come out clear but in a polite way!

Telling him how you feel about the whole stuff would be hurtful in any case. However, how you express yourself might help to minimise the pain somehow. (But this might vary from guy to guy). For me, it would be better if you do it in a unique way. For instance, write to him before he writes to you. Early in the morning would be cool. Then tell him you have given everything a thought and have finally arrived at your conclusion.(!) Then just say it and wish him well and farewell.

I don’t know but I can understand him to a certain extend. You say you don’t think marriage is something for you right now. I would take that to mean marriage might be something for you tomorrow. So maybe that’s why he is still hopeful. 🤷

I don’t see how he would accept to just be friends with you when he has such massive feelings for you. So just be explicit and tell him you wouldn’t be availabe for communication again. After you have explicitly expressed this, then if I were him, I could be cool with it and wouldn’t communicate further.

What I would find really hurtful is if you stop communicating without explicitly saying so.

That’s just my take.
 
1cor1313 said:
Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
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Just let him go, one way or the other, but you should never have joined if you weren’t even entertaining the idea of a relationship in the first place. I know there are sections on there for seeking only friendship, but I find that to be a little ridiculous on a dating site anyway.
 
Lochias said:
Just let him go, one way or the other, but you should never have joined if you weren’t even entertaining the idea of a relationship in the first place. I know there are sections on there for seeking only friendship, but I find that to be a little ridiculous on a dating site anyway.
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My thoughts exactly!👍

If you jump into a pool, expect to get wet.
 
1cor1313 said:
Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
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I think it’s very strange your friend wanted you to sign up as well, so she wouldn’t have to “do it alone.” It’s not like going to a bar or a nightclub or something; your being there has no impact on her whatsoever. It kind of makes me wonder if perhaps the point of the whole thing was to get YOU on CatholicMatch. 😉

In any event, if necessary, just reiterate your unavailability. Clearly he thinks he can change your mind. If he can’t (and it seems like he isn’t), make that clear again.
 
1cor1313 said:
Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
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Tell him again that you are not considering marriage now and then tell him goodbye, he is not taking the “let’s just be friends” thing seriously and it is best to just cut it off while it is still early and he can go on to find another match. Also, since you are not really interested, I would withdraw your profile from the site, your friend can fend for herself from now on.
 
If you’ve made your position clear, stop chatting with him and just get off CM.
 
I have the opposite problem guys only ever want to be friends. :o
 
Ok people, now dont freak out here.

But, I think the problem is the OP.
She joins a site that only exists to help people find mates. Then goes with the “I just want to be friends” line THEN some poor guy who is obviously socially awkward when it comes to dating (he is on the site) makes socially awkward advances, then she complains about it. I think she is titillated by it.

In this day and age you can do anything online. Even date. And sadly it appears, even tease.
 
1cor1313 said:
Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
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Yikes. I think you just have to be upfront and honest… I don’t think it would be disrespectul or hurtful… that is always the best way. It would be more hurtful to lead him on, instead of being honest. I would just say exactly what you said… You joined because your friend wanted you to and not to find someone. And probably stay off the site… I don’t think an online friendship with someone who is interested in marriage is a healthy one.
 
I’ve faced similar guys when I was on catholicmatch. The only thing that was ever successful was to completely cut the guy off. You feel mean, but if he’s not interacting with you, he will have more time to find the woman he’s actually meant to be with.
 
hannajomar said:
I’ve faced similar guys when I was on catholicmatch. The only thing that was ever successful was to completely cut the guy off. You feel mean, but if he’s not interacting with you, he will have more time to find the woman he’s actually meant to be with.
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I’ve told him that I think it’s best to stop chatting, but he keeps sending me messages. Do you know if it’s possible to block someone? Because for some reason trying to deactivate my account has not worked.
 
1cor1313 said:
Several months ago, I joined Catholic Match, not because I wanted to find someone, but to help out a friend that didn’t want to join alone. Just a few days ago, I got a message from a man, asking how I was and such. I replied to his questions and soon we started to chat. He asked me what I was looking for on CM, and I specifically told him that I was only interested in making friends, nothing more. He seemed completely fine with that, so we continued to talk. We’ve talked once more since then, still only using the chat feature of the website and he started telling me things like I’m such an amazing person, he’s already infatuated with me, and the like. He’s also started asking questions about marriage and family. Not the general get-to-know-you questions, but pretty in-depth ones dealing with raising children, who supports the family and how, money, jobs, living situation, etc. I tried to give him some type of answer, but kept telling him that I couldn’t properly answer his questions because marriage is not something that I believe God has in the forecast for me right now. I’m uncomfortable with how this has already spiraled out of control and I’ve tried to tell him gently to calm down/slow down and that I’m not interested in anything but friendship. I don’t want to hurt him by just disappearing forever if he thinks that there’s a chance here…how can I let him know how I feel (or don’t feel) without being hurtful/disrespectful so that we can still be friends? I know this seems like a childish question, but I so hate to hurt people and I’ve never been good at finding the right thing to say in these situations. Thank you!
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Why are you still talking to him? You have already said enough and you are not in any way obligated to talk to this person or provide any explanation at all. Stop talking to him, deactivate your profile and get off the site.
 
1cor1313 said:
I’ve told him that I think it’s best to stop chatting, but he keeps sending me messages. Do you know if it’s possible to block someone? Because for some reason trying to deactivate my account has not worked.
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You can just ignore his messages. Also, I am sure they have some kind of a help site or a way to open a help ticket, so you best ask the question about the deactivation or blocking another user to the site administrators: catholicmatch.com/help.html
 
Luvz2travel said:
I have the opposite problem guys only ever want to be friends. :o
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I have the same problem.

To the OP: This is what I pulled from CM hope this helps:
Code: 
       Q: If another member is bothering me, what should I do?
      
       A: If you no longer wish to receive correspondence from a specific member, while viewing their communication to you, choose the option to "Block messages" with that member from the "More" menu. This will prevent them from being able to contact you further unless you choose to reopen the communication.
If a member contacts you in an inappropriate way, please click on the “Report Messages” link so that our customer support staff can review and take the appropriate action. We like to make sure that CatholicMatch is a safe environment for everyone.
 
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