Just moved- did we do the right thing?

[smallcat]

Our family just moved to a new town, about 400 miles away from our old one, a couple of months ago. It was a surprise move due to DH’s job, but it seemed truly like what God wanted us to do. This opportunity fell into our laps, quite unexpectedly, just as he was in danger of being laid off at his old job. The new one allows us to earn significantly more income (as in more than twice as much), with MUCH better hours (as in 40 hrs/week instead of 50), while moving closer to our (elderly, ill) parents.

However. Now that we’re a few months into it, I’m wondering if we made the right decision. We left a wonderfully vibrant, orthodox parish for a much smaller community with one… lukewarm parish. My kids had fantastic friends in our old town, most from strong Catholic families, who supported and encouraged them in the faith- so important as they enter the teen years! Now they are having trouble finding friends and miss their old ones so much. We had a homeschool community which was active and, again, faith-filled. There are plenty of homeschoolers in our current town, but they are mostly of the evangelical/fundamentalist flavor. Good Christians, all, but not the same. And, of course, I miss my friends.

I know you all, internet strangers, can’t tell me if we’ve made the right decision or not, but is it normal to feel this way shortly after a move? I keep worrying that we are short-changing our kids by not allowing them to grow up in the dynamic Catholic community we used to live in. This is the first time we’ve moved since our eldest was just a baby, and DH keeps reminding me that the Holy Spirit is bigger than a single parish or city, but it’s so hard!

 

[juno24]

Smallcat, it sounds to me like you have a pretty good case of homesickness. All the positive aspects of the move cannot possible erase or overshadow how much you miss your old home.
It is perfectly normal to feel out of place, a bit lost, and even sad when you leave your old life behind. Even as you are embarking on an exciting new life. Please don’t be hard on yourself.
It takes time to develop a new normal; a new sense of belonging. Give yourself time to adjust to the new town, the new parish, the new life in general. The more active you become, the more you will grow to love your new home. Who knows? Maybe you and your family are just the catalysts that your parish needs to become more vibrant.
Best wishes to you and yours as you get settled into your “new normal”.

 

[purplesunshine]

You’re homesick, as stated above.

However, please realize that family is more important than good friends and a vibrant parish. You and your children now have 10 more hours a week with your husband, he has 10 more hours of his life back. You are also closer to elderly relatives and can show them respect and dignity and be their advocate as they age. I know a dr who fights on behalf of elderly and he said the hardest thing is when realitives care but live too far to do anything.

Don’t be afraid to make the difference your community needs. Use craig’s list to find a more alive homeschool group and help your kids become leaders in the parish (or search for a parish that is more alive).

Trouble making friends is normal. No one will ever be as good as the friends that they were able to confide in and share simple childhood joys…especially as they move into their teen years. However, they will find their way and make good friends…it just takes time.

 

[PeterMuz]

I agree. It sounds like God wants your family to take all the great things they have learned and share them with other. This is how the Church grows. It sounds like an opportunity to me.

Also, I grew up in a homeschool family. We during the time I was in high school there was not Catholic homeschool group for teens. But I did attend evangelical homeschool group. My parents and a few others started a Catholic homeschool group for high schoolers when my sister was in was a freshman.

I am not trying to downplay the homesick feeling. I think it is completely normal. I know its hard. I’ll say a prayer for your family.

Remember this quote from the movie Evan Almighty:
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other? "

This can be a great opportunity for your family to grow and for you and your family to help grow the Church.

 

[dashso40]

Hello smallcat, It’s hard for kids to make new friends, but give them time, they will…As much as you loved your old community, you did what was right for your family and you say your parents are aging, they will need you…I’m curious where you used to live, there is no catholic homeschoolers where I live, I wish there was,b/c I would love to…You don’t have to tell me the exact place, maybe just a region of US…I’m curious…

 

[smallcat]

Really? You mean this is normal? Seriously, it does help to hear you all say that. You’re right, I am homesick!

 

[Zahmir]

The primary educators of your children are you and your husband.

The fact that you are now in a more stable situation can only benefit you in the education of your children. You are now more prepared–emotionally, financially, etc.–to teach your children the faith!

I suppose the fact that your new parish is “lukewarm” may seem to you to be a negative thing or a possible hindrance to the development of your children. Instead, try to see it is an opportunity to really set an example for your children. Get involved and become active and show your children what the faith looks like.

Besides, there are always others who care about their faith. You’ll make friends soon enough.

 

[Rascalking]

Maybe you could have your kids get involved in little league, girl scouts, martial arts, taking up an instrument?

Is there a catholic primary school in the area as well? I know that you home school, but it might be a place to start?

I think it might be too early to tell if you made the right move or not…give it some time.

 

[SMHW]

I know you all, internet strangers, can’t tell me if we’ve made the right decision or not, but is it normal to feel this way shortly after a move? I keep worrying that we are short-changing our kids by not allowing them to grow up in the dynamic Catholic community we used to live in. This is the first time we’ve moved since our eldest was just a baby, and DH keeps reminding me that the Holy Spirit is bigger than a single parish or city, but it’s so hard!

Not only is it normal to feel the way you feel… but I’d go so far as to say it’s HEALTHY to feel the way you feel. What reasonable person wouldn’t be homesick and miss what was good about where they came from? You’d have to be heartless to avoid grieving for what you’ve given up.

But your new parish will also have faith-filled people. They may express their faith in a different way but they will be there. You and your children will make new friends. It will take time and you may have to develop new ways of socializing and new forms of recreation but you can do that. And you will now have more opportunities to be a family.

 

[MarieVeronica]

We left a wonderfully vibrant, orthodox parish for a much smaller community with one… lukewarm parish.

“smallcat” I feel for you and empathize. It sounds like you’re homesick, an emotion I’ve wrestled with for 12 years. :console:

But the above paragraph from your post, jumped out at me.

Do you think, perhaps that you’ve been led to this particular parish to help revitalize it? You say your former parish was vibrant; I’m assuming that you and your husband and family were involved, then… in parish activities.

Perhaps Our Lord has placed you in your new location to help the life of your new parish? Just a thought.

I will keep you in my prayers, as you adjust to your new home. God bless you.