Just need a little clarification here

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coolduude

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Hey guys,

I just need some clarification here.

Say a person is in a relationship. How bad would it be to compliment someone other than your boyfriend/girlfriend on their looks?

Say a guy tells another girl she is pretty. Or a girl tells another guy he is handsome.

Now how bad is it?

Obviously you don’t want to be mentally cheating on your significant other, but would a compliment like that really be terrible?

I’m slightly confused.

Any clarification here would help 🙂

Thank you in advance,
coolduude.
 
Intent and appropriateness are everything. Would your boyfriend/girlfriend be offended at such a comment if you said it in their presence? What is the intent of your remark? Are you flirting?
 
Question 1) I don’t know. Sorry. 2) the intent was just a compliment. Nothing more. 3) No. No flirting.
 
For me personally, I don’t know that it’s appropriate. Would the person receiving the compliment take it the wrong way? Meaning, would they think that you mean more than just a compliment?

As a girl, if I found out my boyfriend told another woman that she was pretty I would be offended. I guess I don’t know if that’s really right of me, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to be complimenting others on their looks.

I would never tell another man that he’s handsome. I think it’s just inviting wrong thoughts on what my intent was for the compliment.

Just my opinion though, I don’t know if it’s right or not though :o
 
It would have to be an unusual situation to compliment someone on their looks. What would prompt it?
 
i really depends on your girlfriend. lets say she is the jealous type (ie…low self esteem) and you go on a double date and you say to the other woman “Hey, you look nice tonight” she might get hysterical. as for me i would think my husband was a sweet guy for saying something to my friend, that is as long as he made a point to say it to me too!! if he didnt tell me i looked nice and went out of his way to say it to someone else i would think that was weird and hurtful.

i think things are different on the flip side though. when we go places with others, or even at church if i see a friends husband all dressed up i’ll say, “well dont you look hansome!” but i am just outgoing and my husband wouldnt care at all. Also i’ll visit my friends and see their farming husbands all dirty in overalls and its almost out of shock to see them clean and dressed up at church. i cant help but say something!! maybe woman can get away with that a little easier. but i bet there are jealous men (once again low self esteem) out there and it would not fly for their girlfriend/wife to compliment another man.

i also think it matters how well you know whoever it is you are complimenting. if you are all good friends, practically brothers and sisters, are around eachother a lot it wouldnt be the same as if you say it to someone you just met.

Details?
 
coolduude said:
Hey guys,

I just need some clarification here.

Say a person is in a relationship. How bad would it be to compliment someone other than your boyfriend/girlfriend on their looks?

Say a guy tells another girl she is pretty. Or a girl tells another guy he is handsome.

Now how bad is it?

Obviously you don’t want to be mentally cheating on your significant other, but would a compliment like that really be terrible?

I’m slightly confused.

Any clarification here would help 🙂

Thank you in advance,
coolduude.
Click to expand...
It depends on the person and the situation.

It would be wrong if you’re saying “you’re attractive” but really meaning “I’m attracted to you”. What would be the point of saying this?

If you’re attracted to someone other than you’re exclusively with, probably a good idea to keep it to yourself.

But if you’re just making an offhand comment about someone’s appearance, then it’s not a big deal
 
I would say go with some rules general rules about how such compliments are phrased.

“You are a pretty women” NO
“You look nice today” Yes

“That haircut is sexy” NO
“Did you get your haircut, it looks nice” Yes

“That dress shows off your great body” NO
“That color looks nice on you” Yes

I wouldn’t get upset if I felt dh was just passing a comment on how someone looked that day. I would not be happy if he was telling her how hot she was in general.
 
mommamia said:
I would say go with some rules general rules about how such compliments are phrased.

“You are a pretty women” NO
“You look nice today” Yes

“That haircut is sexy” NO
“Did you get your haircut, it looks nice” Yes

“That dress shows off your great body” NO
“That color looks nice on you” Yes

I wouldn’t get upset if I felt dh was just passing a comment on how someone looked that day. I would not be happy if he was telling her how hot she was in general.
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I agree with this to a certain extent. I think that even these compliments between sexes are tricky, unless you have know the person for many years and both of you know that the other is happily married.

One compliment that is always welcome is “Have you lost weight? You look good.”

This compliment will make my whole day better and I don’t care WHO says it!

Even if you don’t think the person has lost weight, that’s a good way to tell them that something about their appearance looks good. It will lead into a response like, “Oh, thank you. I haven’t lost any weight, but I got a new haircut.”

And then you can say, “Oh, well, it looks good.”

And both of you feel like the day is happier!
 
mommamia said:
I would say go with some rules general rules about how such compliments are phrased.

“You are a pretty women” NO
“You look nice today” Yes

“That haircut is sexy” NO
“Did you get your haircut, it looks nice” Yes

“That dress shows off your great body” NO
“That color looks nice on you” Yes

I wouldn’t get upset if I felt dh was just passing a comment on how someone looked that day. I would not be happy if he was telling her how hot she was in general.
Click to expand...
Exactly!

One gives praise where praise is due.

You look nice today - that says that the effort that went into grooming has paid off.

You are pretty - that is something that is based on genetics and not what the person has done, actually one could complement her parents or praise God for giving the lady a pretty face.

Lastly, a girlfriend/boyfriend who gets mad about common courtesy is not mature enought to be in a relationship.
 
I agree with what’s been said here, I don’t know that I expressed what I was thinking very well. I think that a compliment on someone’s dress appearance is totally acceptable. But telling a women or man that you think they are attractive isn’t maybe the best idea as it can invite the wrong thoughts.

So for me, it really depends on how the compliment was phrased…
 
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