just need help.

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rhyli

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so i just got to my dream college 2 weeks ago, and ever sense then its been extremely downhill : (

I’ve been really homesick, and my college has zero oppertunities to meet people unless you resort to knocking on doors. On top of that my 3 roomates are catty and mean to me (high school again)

and Ive been dating this guy who, sense i moved to college, is now an our away. we were planning to get married (after college of course) and now he seems to not be able to handle the distance

my world is crumbling and I might just be an over dramatic teenager but I would love prayer or advice…

thank you
 
rhyli said:
so i just got to my dream college 2 weeks ago, and ever sense then its been extremely downhill : (

I’ve been really homesick, and my college has zero oppertunities to meet people unless you resort to knocking on doors. On top of that my 3 roomates are catty and mean to me (high school again)

and Ive been dating this guy who, sense i moved to college, is now an our away. we were planning to get married (after college of course) and now he seems to not be able to handle the distance

my world is crumbling and I might just be an over dramatic teenager but I would love prayer or advice…

My dear, I will include you in my night prayers. It’ll get better.

Kathy

thank you
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Prayers for you!

Also, it’s a really good sign that you realize you might be over dramatic.

I was over dramatic as a teenager and it gave me soooo much unnessesary anger, hurt, etc. that never helped me work through things.
I wish I had known, that while I might have some legitimate feelings, my own still-maturing brain and hormone balances made things seem SO MUCH BIGGER than they really were.

So while you are homesick, lonely, and a little abondoned, your world isn’t crumbling.
You are hopefully healthy, with a great opportunity for education, you aren’t starving, and you aren’t in fear of physical attack from those near to you. (just for a little perspective 👍 )

Your world isn’t crumbling, it’s just changing and this change is pretty hard. But from my vantange point you are about to go through a spectacular growing stage. You are more than likely going to mature in ways that you never realized you needed to. More than likely 5-6 years from know you will look back and be very proud of yourself for making good decisions during this time.

What good decisions?

-A little introspection during your loneliness.

-A little innovation in finding and making new friends; local clubs (through college or the town), striking up conversations with people before and after class, starting a club, volunteer work, church and church ministries, etc.

-Discovering the fortitude that you can have while going through this difficult time.

-Understanding your frustration, sorrow and unhappiness but not allowing yourself to wallow or be eaten up by it.
[If you find yourself becoming depressed, seek help from the college counselor. Don’t let your opportunity to find help pass you up.]

Hmmm… there are many other good choices to make during this time. I’m sure the other posters can add to this list.

Again, I don’t want you to think I’m belittling your feelings. This is probably a genuinely scary time. But you can take this lemon and make lemon sponge cake!

Oh, I forgot the most important thing!
-Focus on your studies! 😃
 
Hold close to the Lord and know that you’ll soon adjust to your new environment and like it. Whatever you do, don’t give up your beliefs. The Disciple of Christ can handle anything.👍
 
What you are feeling is normal for many kids in first year of college and away from home for the first time. It is especially hard if you are an introvert and not very outgoing. The best thing to do is join something and really get involved. The worst thing to do is sit off somewhere by yourself and sulk (I am not saying that is what you are doing). Homesickness goes away after awhile. My daughters had it their first year but eventually they came to enjoy their college expereince away.
 
Rhyli, please don’t let your roommates see you’re upset or you will create a dynamic where you’re the outsider. You have as much right to be there as they have.

Don’t give up on your boyfriend yet…but if he’s not prepared to maintain the friendship then he doesn’t care for you as much as you deserve.

It’s only been two weeks. Please give yourself time. I didn’t find friends immediately and was shy…but that will change.
Take good care of yourself, and remember to smile.

God bless you, Trishie
 
I am sorry to hear that these past few weeks have been difficult for you. Change never comes easily especially when you are so far from your usual support system. But I have a suggestion…be yourself, talk to the person next to you in class. One per class, so that you can at least get to know the next person, even if it’s over a question about homework. While it may take time, with God’s help (and I do mean pray for it and ask) you will find someone to connect with if you just open your heart and try.

Shyness is something that takes work to overcome, but you are valued in God’s sight. As far as the boyfriend, if God has meant it to be, it will be. You can’t force these things, relationships need work, but they have to be mutual. Keep praying and be open to let God lead you.
I will keep you in my prayers. Thankfully, you still have all of us in the forums…and your computer is working even if your roommates are not pleasant. 👍
 
Going away to college is a big change, and it definitely takes time to adjust. Some people seem to have no problem getting used to everything new, for others it takes a little longer. I know two weeks feels like an eternity when you’re lonely and going through what you’ve described, but stick with it – it will get better. If your roommate problems are that bad, speak with your RA about maybe getting a new room or something – I had to do that my freshman year. (After that things got so much better and I started loving college and made friends I’m still in touch with today!)

Praying for you now. :crossrc: :hug1:
 
I started college in 2002 at a school that was almost 1,000 miles away from my parents. I had always been very independent, and I was convinced I would never get homesick.

I was fine the first week or so. I had made some great friends during the freshmen orientation and on the cross country team. After that things got tough. My roommate and I didn’t get along; my boyfriend at the time was at Penn State - a 7 hour drive from my college; my mom got really sick; I hated two of my classes; I got hurt and had to sit on the sidelines for the rest of the cross country season.

My entire first semester was an emotional rollercoaster. I didn’t want to have to admit that I wasn’t enjoying myself as much as I thought I should be. I just spent a lot of time praying, hanging out with a few friends, and of course, doing school work. Eventually, my high school boyfriend and I broke up, because I couldn’t deal with his attempts to be controlling from a distance…or the stress of worrying “what he would think” everytime I did something.

When second semester started, my school had sorority rush [we did Spring not Fall semester]. I decided I would sign up and go through the houses. I fell in love with a certain sorority, and I was selected to be a new member! It was an absolutely amazing experience.

I really think to this day that if I had not joined that sorority I would have left my college after my first year. I’m glad I never did! I have some of the best sorority sisters in the world [my entire pledge class of 15 girls came to my wedding!], a wonderful husband I met at college, and amazing memories!

Maybe you aren’t interested in a sorority [and I am for sure not trying to push it on you], but there must be some club in which you would feel comfortable! The newspaper, a political group, YoungLife, a wine tasting group, etc.

Just don’t give up quite yet! You may find that God has something in store for you just around the corner.
 
You sound exactly like me. I went to school in Texas after growing up in Wisconsin. It was so hard. And I was dating the guy I thought I would marry. I’m sorry to say that he dumped me a week after we got to school. (Not that sorry, because I’m married to an amazing man now.)

What you’re going through is VERY very common. It’s super hard, I know!

Some things that helped were getting involved in Christian groups. The Catholic Center was a good place to meet people, although there was (shockingly) lots of immorality going on there (binge drinking & sex), so you have to be wise.

It sometimes helps to remember that all college freshmen are in the same boat. Some just mask their sadness better than others. Be confident and trust in the Lord. I wish I could do college over (maybe that’s why I keep going back for degrees…:o )

Prayers for you.
 
thank you so much for all the help. Im trying to get involved in things but its hard because im at a tiny art college, and I feel like im way different than all the other kids here.

Ill keep trying though

thanks again
 
rhyli said:
thank you so much for all the help. Im trying to get involved in things but its hard because im at a tiny art college, and I feel like im way different than all the other kids here.

Ill keep trying though

thanks again
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Hi!

This latest post puts a little different spin on things, as you may have a harder time doing the usual “college stuff” at a “tiny arts college.” (Do you mean “liberal arts” or is it strictly an “art” school?)

I think I would recommend that you keep your long-range goals in mind. You must have felt strongly that this school would be the best one to prepare you for what you want to do, if it’s your “dream college.” Plus, you are only an hour away from home, apparently (if that’s where your boyfriend is.) That really is not very far in the scheme of things; actually, it seems an ideal distance - far enough to establish a little independence, but plenty close to get home for weekends, etc.

If you can find just one group where you feel comfortable, it will make all the difference, whether it is a Catholic student center (my older daughter met her husband at her university’s Catholic center!) or a club with other kids who share the same interest.

Please give it a chance. Two weeks is a very short time. If the roommate thing is causing too much stress, perhaps you could move to a different room/suite - that happens all the time.

If none of this works and you are truly miserable, then reassess at the end of the semester or the year; students do it frequently. My daughter did, and realized that she just wasn’t ready to be away yet. She finished up at a university nearer home, was infinitely happier, and now she and her new husband are setting out on an adventure - a year working for AmeriCorps in a location about 1200 miles away, as she realizes that it’s time to do something a little out of her comfort zone before they start grad school.

You are starting on a new chapter of your life, and that is always a bit nerve-wracking. Give it some time, check out all the social possibilities, and then see how you feel.

I’ll pray for you, too.

Best of luck, and hang in there!
 
Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. Some thoughts for you (some already covered by others):
  1. Boyfriend an hour away - That’s not long, really! If that is going to put a crux in the relationship, then I’d think twice about the relationship. On the positive side, you are probably both adjusting, so give that time. Honestly, I used to just commute to work 1.5 hours each way. What’s an hour to see someone with whom you want to share your future?
  2. Roommates - Sounds like you got started off on the wrong foot. Do make efforts to bond and hopefully they will respond positively. You don’t want a two-on-one thing. You don’t want it to get worse. On the other hand, when you begin to make more friends, things will get easier. Heck… sometimes you’ll make a friend in a hallway or the lobby. Go bang on some doors and say hi 🙂
  3. Making friends - Don’t wait for someone to notice you! Get out there and make friends. My nephew started a new school. On the first day he didn’t meet anyone. I asked him if HE said hi to anyone and he said NO. I explained that HE has to make an effort to say “hi” just as much as he wants someone to do the same. I can’t speak for what you are or aren’t doing, but now that you are in college, take control of your situation, your life, etc… and MAKE it the way you want it. Say hi to anyone sitting around you in classes, start conversations, etc… It’s hard when you’re new, but worth it!
  4. Dream college - If it really is your dream college, don’t give up!!!
Hang in there! The transition period is so hard. I teach college and make sure I spend WAY too much time (according to some) in the beginning making sure the students meet and talk with each other. They hate it at first, but then they really get to make some friends in a scary, new place.
 
Introduce yourself to some people after Mass, remember, you have a Catholic family that is all over the world!
 
thanks again for all the help, and it is a specific art college. does anyone know any prayers i could pray? ive done the rosary and some others I know from church but I was wondering if there were any that anyone knew of that might help
 
A Student’s Prayer

Loving Father,
I stand before you in the midst of confusion and complexities of life.
My future sometimes seems distant and unknown.

Give me, O Lord, the vision to see the path you set before me.
Grant me the courage to follow your way,
that through the gifts and talents you have given me,
I may bring your life and your love to others.
I ask this through Jesus, your Son and my Brother. Amen

Add the Memorare prayer to your list as well.
If you don’t know it, you can easily find it on a web search…just type in Memorare prayer to our Blessed Mother.
I am thinking of you today, a new week…and new promise of good things yet to come:thumbsup:
 
my heart breaks hearing how hard this period of change is on you. So much good advice so far. Realize that you are loved and have a huge catholic family surrounding you. I am willing to bet everyone here who have posted are praying for you. Just remember in times of trouble that Christ is with us through the situations of our life. He is loving you and holding you close. In terms of prayer, pray from your heart. Tell Him how you are feeling and how you desire to Follow Him. Pray for strength and courage. Hold on to your rosary as dear as you can.

may the Blessed Mother pray for us all
 
thanks, I added those to my sketch book, which is now half a prayer book.
 
Hi Rhyli

Hope things are getting better for you and you are beginning to enjoy some aspects of college.

Agree with the posters who have talked about going to college as a huge change - one of the largest you will ever make.

I can remember some years ago being surprised how many “good” events had high points on the stress scale. As well as going to college, there was getting married, getting a new job and the birth of a child. No wonder some people wonder why they feel stressed when what is happening to them is “good” and something they have longed to do.

And yes, some of the changes, are harder for those of us who are not outgoing and those who are can get frustrated with us and up their outgoingness and make us feel worse. So being a more outgoing can help. And it’s probably easiest at the beginning of a new college year when people don’t yet know each other to ask things like “where are you from?” and "what is your major?

Regards

Salonika
 
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