Just Sharing: Confession problems

[totallylost]

I always find it’s hard to make it to confessions.
Last time whenever I was to make to a confession, it will be like one month struggling to try to make it. Usually it’s going to mass with my friends, my friend often make it like reach the mass on time that I have no time to go to confession. Or whenever I reach early, there’s no priest inside confession room at all. So I try different parish every week. Or sometimes the line will be long that the mass start before I could do my confession.

And then because I wasn’t brought up in Catholic family and no one ever told me the correct way to do confession, recently I just found out I had been making “bad confession” all the while. I wanted to confess ‘every mortal sin’ together with the ‘frequency’ from past years, for I never did so, I just tell what sin I commit but never tell the frequency of it. I also have done a proper full examination of conscience found on website recently and found out a lot of sins that forgot to confess, even some that I couldn’t remember it was committed before or after my Baptism so I just write down 2-3 pages of each of them (I know that’s a lot). 1 week ago when I was finally being able to make appointment with a priest, he never even bother to listen to everything that I have to say, from the latest confession until that time, he told me that don’t need to tell every sins in detail and gave me absolution.

At that time, I didn’t feel any ‘immediate relief’ like I would always feel during my previous confession even though it was ‘bad confession’ because I had no idea it was ‘bad confession’. For now, I have suddenly remembered every single mortal sin from the past and just manage to catch a priest off day (when he has not next mass to rush for or any other important matter), but the priest told me they were already forgiven so I don’t need to repeat them again. I told the priest that I never confess in details - I guess he misunderstood me and said “you don’t even need to confess what you were doing at that time, just confess your sins” - but I read from website that we should at least confess the number of time or at least how often we did each sin. He gave me absolution twice to assure me that my sins was forgiven.

There were still many mortal sins which I have not confessed yet, old and new. So is my sins really already forgiven or not? I have a urge to go to confession again to reconfess all my sins with the ‘frequency’ this time. Then I went to confession last Sunday, reached 45 minutes earlier before the Mass but apparently the priest was already doing blessing to a lot of people that he look tired and exhausted and sweating (I saw it with my eyes) maybe because the room was hot, and there goes my confession chance - he can’t take it anymore and need rest, so I didn’t call him.

Another thing is, my sins are very long now that I if I confess it in the confession room, people behind me will be waiting but outside the “official confession time”, the priests will just sit at the corner of the church, which I am extremely not comfortable with it because I would think maybe someone will overheard me.

Please tell me if I have a wrong understanding of what confession should be.

 

[acadian]

Trust what the priest says - Your sins are forgiven. If you did not deliberately hold back your sins when you were confessing, they are forgiven.

It is not necessary to give lots of details. Just the sin, not the story.

When I returned to confession after being gone for several years, I only confessed sins - not frequency. Like you, I didn’t know I needed to. If the priest needed to know, I trust he would have asked. Surely he wouldn’t have left me with a bad confession for one that important!

 

[DOShea]

Think about who is doing the forgiving here. God knows your heart and your willingness to reject your sins, including those on your list and off your list (that you may have forgotten at the time). God already knows each sin you committed when you did them, so there is no need to produce a scrupulous laundry list. If your heart is right, you will be no less sorry for lying 49 times than you would be if it was 50 times.

The priest gave you the absolution, and that means you are forgiven. God gives him the power to stand in his stead, and is perfectly capable of making him speak up if there was something wrong in your confession. There wasn’t, and you were forgiven.

There is such a thing as evil in the world, and it would like nothing better than for you to walk around wondering if Sacraments are valid or not. Talk to your priest (outside of confession) and let him know you have thoughts of doubt, etc. He can help you get past those.

 

[totallylost]

I tried doing research but to no avail. can someone please give me some “examples” of confession. I searched websites, and yeah, i know, every single website say we have to examine conscious, be truly sorry for our sins, say act of contrition, not deliberately missed mortal sin, etc etc.

Now I really need some example to know better.

I am always a self studying Catholic, and I have decided that one day I would ask a priest about anything, but right now I just though I might get an answer from CAF.

For example, I lied. I understand we don’t need to tell what he lied. But to we need to say “to whom”?

e.g.
I lied.
I lied to my parents.
l lied to my friends.

Does it make difference?

Then if we don’t tell what he lied, the priest won’t know how serious is the matter.
e,g (this aren’t real example. It’s just a made out example)
I ‘lied’ to my friends that I’m not going to concert not because I don’t want him to know that I will go to concert, but I was ‘lazy’ to talk when he asked “are you going to stay at home” so I just answer ‘yes’, instead of “no, i’m going to the concert later”- shortest answer without thinking. And then I realised what I’m doing, and corrected myself by telling him “ah, i mean no, i’m going to the concert later”.
In this situation, is that even considered ‘lie’? If it is, then I’m sure the gravity of it is less then when you are lying to gain something, e.g, u don’t want your friend to go to the concert and u know he will not go without u so u made him believe you are not going.

Another type of lying, say I wanted to talk to my friend on phone but I scare he will refuse as he might have something more important. So I called my friends and say “Just 15 minutes” when I knew the conversation will take more than 15 minutes". Then later I apologize saying “sorry, I said 15 minutes but I exited the time”. This lie is less serious than when you wanted to gain something too.

So do we just confess “I lied?” or is it save to consider those sins are “non-grave matter”?

Another thing is erm…this is a hard one.

Sins of lust. We are told that “we only need to confess the sins, no need to confess details”. What if there’s no specific name to the sins?
Correct me if I have wrong understanding on this.
Fortification is more serious than masturbation.
Cybersex is less serious than real fortification.
There are some sins which do not even fall on the categary of ‘fornification’ or ‘masturbation’ or ‘cybersex’. say I found myself staring at someone’s chest, without “undressing her in my mind, or the urge to touch it”. Or I found myself starring at some private stuff at laundry without imagine someone wearing it.
Or I found myself pausing the video looking for the possible upskirt in the video, found myself already pausing the video “in the act” but after that I quickly close the video before I found anything (The video might not contain any upskirt, it’s just me wishing that it contains it). This sin how do we confess this sin? What are the name for it, if there’s any? “Lust” is just too wide.

Or the “frequency” of the sins. E.g
Or sometimes erm, well our relationship with parents are okay. But only because sometimes things go the way we didn’t expect it, we started to quarrel. Sometimes things goes wrong, say this week, things goes wrong more than 10 times. We quarreled 10 times in a week, and then peace for the next 2 weeks, and then quarel 1 time for 4th week, peace for 2 months, having serious quarrel for 5 times in two days after that, you get the point, the frequency is very very inconsistent. And then as time passed by, You started to forget exactly when and how many times u quarreled. U didn’t count or record it, u forgot exactly when u quarreled. All u remember is you had quarreled, but can’t even remember what was the issue about and only remember certain ones.
From here, how do u determine the number/frequency? I know if this is venial sins, it doesn’t matter. But what if it’s like mortal sin, like how many times u watched pornography. at one time u are over addicted, at one time u manage to suppress the temptation by yourself for 2-3 weeks, at one time u gave in one time in 2 months, and when time passed, you forgot exactly when and how many times and how long is the “addicted period”. How do you determine the ‘frequency’ for this one?

Many thanks.

 

[puzzleannie]

I always find it’s hard to make it to confessions.
Last time whenever I was to make to a confession, it will be like one month struggling to try to make it. Usually it’s going to mass with my friends, my friend often make it like reach the mass on time that I have no time to go to confession. Or whenever I reach early, there’s no priest inside confession room at all. So I try different parish every week. Or sometimes the line will be long that the mass start before I could do my confession.
be.

you describe several difficulties. Start with this one, which is a matter of forming a habit. If one approach does not work, keep trying until you find what works. Once you find a good priest at a good time and place for you, keep with that habit on a regular basis - once every month or two, at the beginning of each new Church season, and go to the same priest. You can take advantage of seasonal penance services, retreats, shrine pilgrimages etc. to confess when it is offered, but form the habit. If the Mass time is not working, change it, or confess at another time. If you have to arrange your own transportation, do that. Call first when going to a new parish and get the times etc.

Your other difficulties have more to do with your understanding of the sacrament. Basically if you sincerly intend to confess all your sins and make your best effort to do so, and the priest has absolved you, you are both forgiven and absolved. If you intentionally withheld a sin, simply go back to confession and tell it. Just state the name of the sin and estimate the number of times, or the frequency. (I stole one truck 5 years ago. I habitually steal cars at least once a week). Use nouns and verbs. If the priest needs adjectives and adverbs he will ask. Most of all, believe in the power of the sacrament and in the authority of the priest to say “I absolve you”.

Like every other spiritual practice, it takes practice. But confession should bring you peace, not more worry, so ask the priest to help you. God bless you for taking this sacrament seriously.

 

[totallylost]

ust state the name of the sin and estimate the number of times, or the frequency. (I stole one truck 5 years ago. I habitually steal cars at least once a week). Use nouns and verbs.

From part of my 2nd post: (will appreciate if you read my whole 2nd post because i also need answer for it)

Another thing is erm…this is a hard one.

Sins of lust. We are told that “we only need to confess the sins, no need to confess details”. What if there’s no specific name to the sins?
Correct me if I have wrong understanding on this.
Fortification is more serious than masturbation.
Cybersex is less serious than real fortification.
There are some sins which do not even fall on the categary of ‘fornification’ or ‘masturbation’ or ‘cybersex’. say I found myself staring at someone’s chest, without “undressing her in my mind, or the urge to touch it”. Or I found myself starring at some private stuff at laundry without imagine someone wearing it.
Or I found myself pausing the video looking for the possible upskirt in the video, found myself already pausing the video “in the act” but after that I quickly close the video before I found anything (The video might not contain any upskirt, it’s just me wishing that it contains it). This sin how do we confess this sin? What are the name for it, if there’s any? “Lust” is just too wide.

Or the “frequency” of the sins. E.g
Or sometimes erm, well our relationship with parents are okay. But only because sometimes things go the way we didn’t expect it, we started to quarrel. Sometimes things goes wrong, say this week, things goes wrong more than 10 times. We quarreled 10 times in a week, and then peace for the next 2 weeks, and then quarel 1 time for 4th week, peace for 2 months, having serious quarrel for 5 times in two days after that, you get the point, the frequency is very very inconsistent. And then as time passed by, You started to forget exactly when and how many times u quarreled. U didn’t count or record it, u forgot exactly when u quarreled. All u remember is you had quarreled, but can’t even remember what was the issue about and only remember certain ones.
From here, how do u determine the number/frequency? I know if this is venial sins, it doesn’t matter. But what if it’s like mortal sin, like how many times u watched pornography. at one time u are over addicted, at one time u manage to suppress the temptation by yourself for 2-3 weeks, at one time u gave in one time in 2 months, and when time passed, you forgot exactly when and how many times and how long is the “addicted period”. How do you determine the ‘frequency’ for this one?

Many thanks.

 

[puzzleannie]

yes I did read that extended detail which really does not belong in a public forum the confessional is the place for it, which is why I used a rather silly example. My statement used 5 or 6 words, yours used several paragraphs, which is not necessary. Stick to “the priest told me in confession” and leave off worrying about “I read it in a book or on a Catholic website” when you are speaking of your own confession. Find a priest you can trust and stick with him and do not ask for 3rd party advice. If he absolved you, then you have been absolved, unless you deliberately withheld a mortal sin. Don’t make excuses–the line was long, the priest looked tired. That is not your worry. Take steps to find a time, place, and priest that works, and stick with it. You can do this.

 

[totallylost]

yes I did read that extended detail which really does not belong in a public forum the confessional is the place for it, which is why I used a rather silly example. My statement used 5 or 6 words, yours used several paragraphs, which is not necessary. Stick to “the priest told me in confession” and leave off worrying about “I read it in a book or on a Catholic website” when you are speaking of your own confession. Find a priest you can trust and stick with him and do not ask for 3rd party advice. If he absolved you, then you have been absolved, unless you deliberately withheld a mortal sin. Don’t make excuses–the line was long, the priest looked tired. That is not your worry. Take steps to find a time, place, and priest that works, and stick with it. You can do this.

ah okay.