freesoulhope:
when i first came to know God, i have to confess that it was through fear of him, … , i stay in that relationship mostly because of my fear of him. I have heard that its good to fear god, as this helps one to stop sinning.
This fear is the first step back to God.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Prov 1:7).
freesoulhope:
if i stop sinning, i dont just want it to be because i fear eternal hell, i want it to be because i love God, I dont want to use him.
But it is still a legitimate first step. Use it as leverage to get to the next step, which is to do good in order to get a reward. But even that is not the final step of loving God… still, we must acknowledge our limitations and do what we can with what we have until God grants us more grace. Do you teach a baby to run? Do you teach calculus to a first grader? Can you suddenly make yourself able to do 100 pushups by merely willing it? Even so, be thankful for what you do have so that it can take root in you and grow.
freesoulhope:
… I think its because i love my sin more then i love God, i want to love god with all my heart, but i find it hard to connect. do you have any suggestions?
Perhaps you aren’t really believing that you will be punished. This can happen when we don’t trust our own thinking, which can happen if we often lie to ourselves. After all, the thought about being punished can be bogus just like the other bogus thoughts we let ourselves have, right? It is time to wise up, get serious with the issue of your salvation, and look inside yourself to see what you find there.
Do not discount any thought. Treat every bad thought as if it were a real attack, and make a mental prayer asking God for help to deal with each one as they occur. Persevere in doing this, even hundreds of times throughout each day. It may take awhile, perhaps even years, but if you entrust the request to God then He will eventually do something about it. In the meantime, every grain of sand that you pile up will eventually add up to a heavy sandbag anchoring you with hope. The more you give God a chance to show you what He can do for you, the more you are building up confidence in Him. But it takes time, time we give to Him.
So keep trying to do the right thing, and make sure you fight off your bad thoughts, which is where your bad actions come from in the first place.
hurst