Just want to give up

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timeraveler

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It was warm enough to get out and go to mass. I have been trying for weeks now to overcome my anxiety and get out the door to go to church. I REALLY need to go to mass. I am struggling with depression, anxiety, and overcoming a spirit relationship born from occult practices.

All set this morning. Except the kids (ages 4 and 5) were difficult to get out of bed and were very unruly and difficult. And I discovered that we haven’t enough money to cover gas to get to church or make an offering. The kids only got worse as the morning went on and Iin the end I gave up. Another week missed. I am so discouraged. I am so sick of trying to have a spiritual life and functioning as a single parent for weeks on end while my husband is on the road (he’s a truckdriver). I am tired from having no family or friends to help. I sat in the floor and just cried. It’s too hard. I don’t know why I even bother. I cannot receive communion because my marriage isn’t valid according to the church. It’s all just…too much. Why does it have to be about suffering? What is the point of all that?
 
timeraveler said:

“All set this morning. Except the kids (ages 4 and 5) were difficult to get out of bed and were very unruly and difficult. And I discovered that we haven’t enough money to cover gas to get to church or make an offering.”

You don’t need to make an offering if you don’t have money.

“The kids only got worse as the morning went on and Iin the end I gave up. Another week missed. I am so discouraged. I am so sick of trying to have a spiritual life and functioning as a single parent for weeks on end while my husband is on the road (he’s a truckdriver). I am tired from having no family or friends to help. I sat in the floor and just cried. It’s too hard. I don’t know why I even bother. I cannot receive communion because my marriage isn’t valid according to the church. It’s all just…too much. Why does it have to be about suffering? What is the point of all that?”

You’re trying. That’s good.

I wouldn’t be afraid of a little “motivation” for your kids once you have gas money. Say something like, “if we can make it to church this morning, we’ll go to the nice playground afterwards.” A little fresh air will do you good. If you have more money, you can add in something like, “If we can make it to church this morning, we’ll buy a box of donuts afterwards and take it to the nice playground for a picnic.” If it’s cold, maybe take a thermos of hot chocolate? If I were a four or five-year-old, that would totally work on me. Maybe try this once your financial situation is a little better?

Definitely talk to your pastor and think about what you can do to improve your social life. Would a move help at all? If your husband is a long-distance trucker, he isn’t tied down so much to a particular location, so maybe a move should be a long-term plan if you have more support elsewhere?

I would suggest eventually taking a personal finance class, ideally with your husband (it can be done jointly on line–military couples do that). Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University is the one I’m familiar with, but there should be other good options.

Are you working with a doctor and/or therapist?

Best wishes!
 
timeraveler said:
It was warm enough to get out and go to mass. I have been trying for weeks now to overcome my anxiety and get out the door to go to church. I REALLY need to go to mass. I am struggling with depression, anxiety, and overcoming a spirit relationship born from occult practices.

All set this morning. Except the kids (ages 4 and 5) were difficult to get out of bed and were very unruly and difficult. And I discovered that we haven’t enough money to cover gas to get to church or make an offering. The kids only got worse as the morning went on and Iin the end I gave up. Another week missed. I am so discouraged. I am so sick of trying to have a spiritual life and functioning as a single parent for weeks on end while my husband is on the road (he’s a truckdriver). I am tired from having no family or friends to help. I sat in the floor and just cried. It’s too hard. I don’t know why I even bother. I cannot receive communion because my marriage isn’t valid according to the church. It’s all just…too much. Why does it have to be about suffering? What is the point of all that?
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Praying for you.
 
If you have the time, pray the rosary everyday:thumbsup:
 
As to transportation, is there any way you can get someone at church who might be willing to give you a ride out of the goodness of their heart till you can get on your feet?

The offering isn’t mandatory. One gives when one can, can’t otherwise. That’s how it goes. I’ve had times I’ve had it where I gave, times I haven’t, I didn’t.

With regards to the anxiety, is it being treated? Are you in counseling and/or taking some medication for it?

As to your marriage, would you like to come into the communion with the Church, again? What would that entail? Can you get it convalidated?

As to suffering, some saints prayed for it and were disappointed if they didn’t receive it saying God didn’t consider them worthy!

Offer up your suffering to God in reparation for sins, for the conversion of sinners, for the souls in purgatory, and for your own intentions. You could probably help liberate numerous souls with all you are going through, and that way, your suffering would not be in vain.

Further, suffering teaches us, makes us stronger. It’s in our weakness, we are strong, with God.

Have you ever read the Book of Job in the Bible? It’s short, might be under 10 pages. It talks a lot about suffering. When one is suffering a lot, it’s good to revisit it.

Further, my mother told me when I was really having a hard time to turn my problems over to God.

Can you reach out to your local Catholic Church and try to make a few friends there?
Also, there is the St. Vincent de Paul which sometimes helps out with a few items here and there and also Catholic Social Services since money is obviously tight, now.

There are probably a bunch of community resources you may qualify for, if you’d like to try.

Oh, as to friends, I also don’t have many locally, myself. My friends are mainly outside this country, at the moment, but they help me. Feel free to PM me anytime!

I’ll say a prayer for you.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :angel1:
 
There’s not much I can do or say to help you, but I can pray :console:

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of,grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.
 
You are in a very though situation timetraveler and it is normal to feel overwhelmed or straight out desperate. Remember the serenity prayer which asks for the COURAGE to change the things you can.

God does NOT want you to be miserable and suffering, any more than you would want to see your own child that way. Please be CONVINCED of that. God DOES have a better plan for all of you but it may require certain things to change. Now, I don’t know your personal and family situation beyond what you posted here but the variables that can be changed, from what you wrote are 1. Your husband’s occupation (so that you don’t have to be a single mother) . I know switching jobs is never easy but sometimes you need to take some drastic risks to save the family. A family doesn’t live off income alone , we had to learn this the hard way ourselves…
  1. Making friends/ moving near family. Perhaps it would save your marriage and your sanity to move near family, to make friends, to seek support in a parish etc. I know it’s not easy to make friends , especially with so much on your plate. But I found that one efficient way of making friends is by lending a hand. I know, I know, you just told us how buried you feel by life and I am suggesting you reach out/extend yourself to others, sounds absurd! But reality proves just that, that looking beyond our needs to those of others, somehow we end up resolving both. I noticed that in my very tough times with the little ones, it was generally mommies of littles ones, who already had their hands full who would offer to help. Those who had time or the possibility, on the other hand, didnt even seem to notice. But the help always ended up being mutual. You may not realize it, but the loneliness may be the bigger problem here. I’ve seen what it’s like to go through hard times by myself and through very hard times with company, I prefer the very hard times…
Closing ourselves in and focusing on out troubles/sufferings/trials usually exacerbates the problems and can cause grave mental and moral damage. It’s very hard to rise above all of this and move forward with faith and hope, but that is, as far as I can see, the only way out. I will pray that the lord send you His comfort and especially, Host strength and courage to change whatever can be changed to improve your situation.
 
One of the precepts for being a Catholic is to support the Church:

The faithful also have the duty of providing for the material needs of the Church, each according to his abilities.87 (vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_P75.HTM)

It seems to me that you are unable at this time to offer financial support. Therefore I think there is no harm in not giving! But how generous of you to put the needs of Holy Mother Church above your own.

In solidarity, I will add a little extra money next week on your behalf. I will pray for you too.

Perhaps you can see if your local St Vincent de Paul conference could assist with a gas card? If you are falling behind on any specific bills, you may also want to check out modestneeds.org . My only connection to Modest Needs is as a monthly donor.
 
Time,

You do have it rough and I will pray for you. You can try to start off slow: I know of one elderly man that at times could not make it to mass. What he did was watch the Sunday mass on TV, I am sure that there is a PBS station or if you have cable EWTN also shows masses. You can watch in your home – reconnect – and when your husband is home from his trip maybe all go as a family. Even if you cannot get communion you all can still receive a blessing. 🙂

The main thing for you to remember is you have no reason to feel depressed or have anxiety, etc for your past; Jesus forgave you the moment you accepted Him as your savior and brought Him into your life. As for family and friends – you will have many once you are able to go to Church, and you have us here on the forums :). You do not need to have a problem to post – you can post just to say Hi to everyone, to vent, or to say how blessed your life is – having a husband that loves you, having 2 beautiful children. And know that God loves you and always will. He will always help you carry your cross, no matter how heavy it may seem.

May God bless and grant you strength. And know that you are not and never will be alone.

Winter
 
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