Just want to share some thoughts with my fellow vocationally frustrated singles

[iwillrisenow]

I just wanted to share some thoughts regarding the single life, particularly for those who are unwillingly single and struggle with it, even if it’s only every once in a while. Let’s face it: even the most content of us have our days when we wonder—“why not me?” or “why the long wait?” or “why must I be left out in the cold alone to struggle against temptation when I long so very much to give myself completely in a vocational relationship?” (ok, got a bit personal on that last one ). Sometimes we feel like that wallflower at the fifth grade dance or the last kid to be picked for kickball.

The thought that I want to share with you, especially those of you who are hurting in any way because of (for lack of a better word) vocational frustration, is this: what if, from now on, instead of thinking about what we are lacking, we focus on the positive work that God has done around us? Let me elaborate on that. Here’s a scenario. You’re going about your day, minding your own business, when in pops the mail and…dun dun dun…another one of those dreaded wedding announcements. “Another one bites the dust,” you sigh to yourself…or, maybe you think, “How wonderful! God is good!”…but still feel that dull ache deep down…but what about me, Lord?

Pause. Rewind. Back to the moment when that invitation pops through the mail slot. Now picture yourself feeling truly and completely happy, full of peace and joy when you read it. Maybe you say a prayer of Thanksgiving, and then go on about your day. Seem like a far cry from reality? Read on, my friend…

Perhaps one of the greatest illusions that we have is that it’s man (or woman) who does the picking. The truth that will set us free is that it’s God’s decision all the way. It’s God who reveals the good of one potential spouse to another, and allows them to build that lasting bond. Too often, we singles get caught up in “I’m single because…” We worry about what we’re lacking, what we need to work on, whatever it is that makes us less than perfect, even though we can see that our married counterparts are not perfect either.

The good that’s in you, and me, and every other single person on the planet is no less than the good that is explicitly acknowledged and appreciated between devoted spouses. But through the sacrament of marriage, that good becomes visible, a witness to the world of God’s love for us…all of us. So when another couple gets hitched, a little bit more of God’s good is visible in the world. That being said, we singles are certainly not left out of making God’s love visible to the world—this is something that we can do no matter what state of life we’re living.

So next time you feel that nagging feeling, pause and remind yourself of what it is at the most basic level: just one of the many ways that God’s love for all of us is illuminated and made visible for the whole world to see. It won’t always be easy (I’m right there with you in the struggle), but this quiet truth has the power to drown out the cruel worldly voices that tell us we’re anything less than loved unconditionally, whether we’re single or married.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Hey, thanks for that!! I needed to hear it. I had forgotten lately.

Thanks for the heads up.

 

[Sing4Him]

Thank you!

 

[Elisabeth51]

I just wanted to share some thoughts regarding the single life, particularly for those who are unwillingly single and struggle with it, even if it’s only every once in a while. Let’s face it: even the most content of us have our days when we wonder—“why not me?” or “why the long wait?” or “why must I be left out in the cold alone to struggle against temptation when I long so very much to give myself completely in a vocational relationship?” (ok, got a bit personal on that last one ). Sometimes we feel like that wallflower at the fifth grade dance or the last kid to be picked for kickball.

The thought that I want to share with you, especially those of you who are hurting in any way because of (for lack of a better word) vocational frustration, is this: what if, from now on, instead of thinking about what we are lacking, we focus on the positive work that God has done around us? Let me elaborate on that. Here’s a scenario. You’re going about your day, minding your own business, when in pops the mail and…dun dun dun…another one of those dreaded wedding announcements. “Another one bites the dust,” you sigh to yourself…or, maybe you think, “How wonderful! God is good!”…but still feel that dull ache deep down…but what about me, Lord?

Pause. Rewind. Back to the moment when that invitation pops through the mail slot. Now picture yourself feeling truly and completely happy, full of peace and joy when you read it. Maybe you say a prayer of Thanksgiving, and then go on about your day. Seem like a far cry from reality? Read on, my friend…

Perhaps one of the greatest illusions that we have is that it’s man (or woman) who does the picking. The truth that will set us free is that it’s God’s decision all the way. It’s God who reveals the good of one potential spouse to another, and allows them to build that lasting bond. Too often, we singles get caught up in “I’m single because…” We worry about what we’re lacking, what we need to work on, whatever it is that makes us less than perfect, even though we can see that our married counterparts are not perfect either.

The good that’s in you, and me, and every other single person on the planet is no less than the good that is explicitly acknowledged and appreciated between devoted spouses. But through the sacrament of marriage, that good becomes visible, a witness to the world of God’s love for us…all of us. So when another couple gets hitched, a little bit more of God’s good is visible in the world. That being said, we singles are certainly not left out of making God’s love visible to the world—this is something that we can do no matter what state of life we’re living.

So next time you feel that nagging feeling, pause and remind yourself of what it is at the most basic level: just one of the many ways that God’s love for all of us is illuminated and made visible for the whole world to see. It won’t always be easy (I’m right there with you in the struggle), but this quiet truth has the power to drown out the cruel worldly voices that tell us we’re anything less than loved unconditionally, whether we’re single or married.

Thank you I have always trusted God to show me my future husband when the time comes, I am always amazed at people who want to pray for intention xyz and then look at me like I’m nuts for leaving the choice of my spouse to God. Now if God would just tell Mr. Right

Thank you for posting this… a much needed reminder.

 

[eva77]

I just wanted to share some thoughts regarding the single life, particularly for those who are unwillingly single and struggle with it, even if it’s only every once in a while. Let’s face it: even the most content of us have our days when we wonder—“why not me?” or “why the long wait?” or “why must I be left out in the cold alone to struggle against temptation when I long so very much to give myself completely in a vocational relationship?” (ok, got a bit personal on that last one ). Sometimes we feel like that wallflower at the fifth grade dance or the last kid to be picked for kickball.

The thought that I want to share with you, especially those of you who are hurting in any way because of (for lack of a better word) vocational frustration, is this: what if, from now on, instead of thinking about what we are lacking, we focus on the positive work that God has done around us? Let me elaborate on that. Here’s a scenario. You’re going about your day, minding your own business, when in pops the mail and…dun dun dun…another one of those dreaded wedding announcements. “Another one bites the dust,” you sigh to yourself…or, maybe you think, “How wonderful! God is good!”…but still feel that dull ache deep down…but what about me, Lord?

Pause. Rewind. Back to the moment when that invitation pops through the mail slot. Now picture yourself feeling truly and completely happy, full of peace and joy when you read it. Maybe you say a prayer of Thanksgiving, and then go on about your day. Seem like a far cry from reality? Read on, my friend…

Perhaps one of the greatest illusions that we have is that it’s man (or woman) who does the picking. The truth that will set us free is that it’s God’s decision all the way. It’s God who reveals the good of one potential spouse to another, and allows them to build that lasting bond. Too often, we singles get caught up in “I’m single because…” We worry about what we’re lacking, what we need to work on, whatever it is that makes us less than perfect, even though we can see that our married counterparts are not perfect either.

The good that’s in you, and me, and every other single person on the planet is no less than the good that is explicitly acknowledged and appreciated between devoted spouses. But through the sacrament of marriage, that good becomes visible, a witness to the world of God’s love for us…all of us. So when another couple gets hitched, a little bit more of God’s good is visible in the world. That being said, we singles are certainly not left out of making God’s love visible to the world—this is something that we can do no matter what state of life we’re living.

So next time you feel that nagging feeling, pause and remind yourself of what it is at the most basic level: just one of the many ways that God’s love for all of us is illuminated and made visible for the whole world to see. It won’t always be easy (I’m right there with you in the struggle), but this quiet truth has the power to drown out the cruel worldly voices that tell us we’re anything less than loved unconditionally, whether we’re single or married.

Thanks for this…!!! While i pray that God gives me my ‘‘own specification’’ (am allowed to ask for my own specs right?!!) of Mr right.

 

[Lochias]

Groovy. Thanks for sharing.

 

[JSAD]

As a fellow ‘frustrated single’…thankyou for posting this!! Its always great to hear this truth…especially from someone who is walking in your own shoes. You captured a lot of what i am feeling/going through.

Waiting and trusting God for my future bride. For the most part i am fine and happy…but sometimes when ‘reality’ hits and i don’t have anyone to spend time with during a weekday evening or the weekend it gets to me.

But i continue to pray…saying a rosary every day…shooting for two a day…certaily want to keep Monther Mary and Jesus ‘engaged’ in finding a partner for me(lest they forget lol!!)

 

[Allamanda]

Thank you so much for this post! It sometimes feels like you’re the only one in that position and no one else seems to get it.

I’m praying for God to let me accept His will for me, whether it’s marriage, or something else.

Patience is hard though.

P.S. I read this post yesterday, and then scrolled through four or five pages of conversations to find this today and say thanks.

 

[Lochias]

I think the hardest part sometimes is realizing that God really, truly does have things in hand, even if we can’t see it. I think it’s one of the reasons that I like stormchasing so much, for example: I look at thunderstorms like drifting towers, sunsets against a backdrop of lightning and raw clouds, and sometimes I can just feel God saying: “I have made all of this, and yet I love you more than these; how can you doubt My plans for you, My son?”

 

[chazk728]

Thanks for such encouraging and true words. Reminds me of the Imitation of Christ: Remember, after winter comes the summer, after night comes the morning, and after the storm comes the great calm. God has a plan for all of us my friend, even when it seems like we can’t wait any longer.

 

[martinah]

I liked your post. Truly kind words but you are still young, for some ( like me) it seems that opportunities for that life never really came and never will and now it’s too late. Childbearing is nearly out of site and after that I don’t see much hope or point in marriage. I deal with it by not thinking about it. I do a lot of “stuff” to avoid thinking about what I am not really doing, which is living what was my only real dream: to have a family of my own. I don’t know why we are given dreams/ideas/hopes to do something good and not the opportunities to do them. It makes me angry at times and sad the rest.

 

[kkollwitz]

Re married life, I was single until 30. One reason I did get married is that at age 29, I changed my “posture” from waiting for the right woman to* finding *the right woman. I made meeting potential mates a priority. I asked friends and family to fix me up, or make recommendations. I spoke to women in my daily life I’d’ve not spoken to before. I did a whole lot of dating. Oddly enough I married a woman I’d known socially for 12 years. That would seem to discount my approach, but it was that change in mindset that let me see her as a potential wife instead of just a friend.

And she is indeed my rib, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh: the one God made for me.

 

[Paddy1989]

“God help’s those who help themselves” Yes it’s not biblical but there is some truth to it, self pity doesn’t work so be happy, work out what you want and go for it

 

[martinah]

“God help’s those who help themselves” Yes it’s not biblical but there is some truth to it, self pity doesn’t work so be happy, work out what you want and go for it

You’re right that’s not biblical and snap judgements about people based on a few lines that reflect a moment of thought on an internet forum isn’t either.

 

[kkollwitz]

Both Testaments are full of examples of people who both prayed and acted. You might say they acted in faith.

 

[Paddy1989]

You’re right that’s not biblical and snap judgements about people based on a few lines that reflect a moment of thought on an internet forum isn’t either.

There was nothing judgmental about it, it was simply aimed at invoking some initiative

 

[Gabriel_Serafin]

God’s will for us is that we may allow Him to weave holiness out of our wretchedness and inspires us to become saintly within our state in life by serving those whom we live, work or meet everyday. If you feel you are called to be married, *then start looking for a spouse *and get married. If a man feels the call to become a priest, then he needs to take the next step, which is to investigate and discern the vocation at a seminary. If you feel called to the married state, then you need to begin knocking, seeking, asking, and finding a spouse. Start going out on dates and begin to weed out those who are not the right fit.

Become more active in your service to those in need, volunteer here, take a class there, and you’ll see, you will begin to meet all kinds of people you would otherwise have never met and you will start making new friends. You can always investigate Catholic dating sites that makes it easy to meet other Catholics looking for the right date/spouse.

I think the key is to work on your holiness in life, start stripping away all the bad and start planting all the good; the more you die to yourself and allow God’s goodness, truth and love to shine through you, the more everyone around you will be attracted to your goodness and humility. And obviously, pray that you may meet the right people in your life. But come to think of it, there seem to be many of you on this board sharing the same desires; so why not… “m i n g l e”… if you know what I mean

 

[KC2844]

I just wanted to share some thoughts regarding the single life, particularly for those who are unwillingly single and struggle with it, even if it’s only every once in a while. Let’s face it: even the most content of us have our days when we wonder—“why not me?” or “why the long wait?” or “why must I be left out in the cold alone to struggle against temptation when I long so very much to give myself completely in a vocational relationship?” (ok, got a bit personal on that last one ). Sometimes we feel like that wallflower at the fifth grade dance or the last kid to be picked for kickball.

The thought that I want to share with you, especially those of you who are hurting in any way because of (for lack of a better word) vocational frustration, is this: what if, from now on, instead of thinking about what we are lacking, we focus on the positive work that God has done around us? Let me elaborate on that. Here’s a scenario. You’re going about your day, minding your own business, when in pops the mail and…dun dun dun…another one of those dreaded wedding announcements. “Another one bites the dust,” you sigh to yourself…or, maybe you think, “How wonderful! God is good!”…but still feel that dull ache deep down…but what about me, Lord?

Pause. Rewind. Back to the moment when that invitation pops through the mail slot. Now picture yourself feeling truly and completely happy, full of peace and joy when you read it. Maybe you say a prayer of Thanksgiving, and then go on about your day. Seem like a far cry from reality? Read on, my friend…

Perhaps one of the greatest illusions that we have is that it’s man (or woman) who does the picking. The truth that will set us free is that it’s God’s decision all the way. It’s God who reveals the good of one potential spouse to another, and allows them to build that lasting bond. Too often, we singles get caught up in “I’m single because…” We worry about what we’re lacking, what we need to work on, whatever it is that makes us less than perfect, even though we can see that our married counterparts are not perfect either.

The good that’s in you, and me, and every other single person on the planet is no less than the good that is explicitly acknowledged and appreciated between devoted spouses. But through the sacrament of marriage, that good becomes visible, a witness to the world of God’s love for us…all of us. So when another couple gets hitched, a little bit more of God’s good is visible in the world. That being said, we singles are certainly not left out of making God’s love visible to the world—this is something that we can do no matter what state of life we’re living.

So next time you feel that nagging feeling, pause and remind yourself of what it is at the most basic level: just one of the many ways that God’s love for all of us is illuminated and made visible for the whole world to see. It won’t always be easy (I’m right there with you in the struggle), but this quiet truth has the power to drown out the cruel worldly voices that tell us we’re anything less than loved unconditionally, whether we’re single or married.

 

[martinah]

I was thinking about this very thing (singleness), while on my way into the room were my computer is, and I find this at the top of my 'New Emails" list!