JWs trying to control DH again!

[yessisan]

Since DH had an accident at work he cannot drive and is completely dependant on me to take him places (his sisters help out sometimes), this includes doctor’s appointments, trips to the store, his meetings, etc…

Well, he was DF’d last year right before he married me (a Catholic). Lately there have been “talks” about reinstating DH, but never do it. 3-4 months ago he was told it’d take 2 more weeks and he’d be reinstated. Well, 4 months later here we are and he’s still DF’d.

Well, because he cannot drive, I have to take him to his meetings (they have 3 a week; a total of 5 hours! ). We moved to a city 20 miles from his KH and is expecting me to come back from work, (I work 30 miles from home), pick him up, drive back 20 miles, drop him off, and pick him up again 3 times a week!!!

There is a KH close to our new house, but because an elder told him if he switched KH’s it’d probably take another year to be reinstated, so he said it’d be quicker if he stays there. He told DH to hold on for a while because they have been talking about his case and they are sure he’ll be reinstated soon.

I am sick and tired of their manipulative ways!! They are just raising his hopes (and killing mine I was hoping he’d start looking onto the CC). DH has been missing many meetings but is using his accident as the excuse (even though he has been missing meetings since December and his accident was a week and a half ago). And now, the elders believe he has been away because of this.

I told DH it was going to be hard to take him to all the 3 meetings and to the special day of assembly and their commemoration, but he got angry and threated to drive himself when he was specifically told by the surgeon and his doctor he cannot drive (he cannot use his left hand at all right now, if he does, he’ll lose use of part of his hand).

So now I’m the evil, unsupportive wife . I don’t know what to do, DH cannot work, so I’m the only one with an income at the moment, he cannot ask for disability nor worker’s comp since he was doing a side job. The cost of gas would be an extra expense (aside from the fact that we have to pay $3K deductible for his hospital stay, surgery, etc). We just bought a house, so all the pressure is on me. I’m expected to be the taxi driver, the one to bring the money home, the nice wife who cooks dinner and picks up after him, who cleans the house, who walks the dog, etc…

Am I crazy or he is asking for too much? How am I to handle all of this?

 

[heathernoel]

I know you already are, but I will start praying for his conversion.

Meanwhile, seriously ask the elders to reimburse your expenses… Hit em in the pocketbook. If they really care about their members, then they will do something to make sure he can get there.

 

[catsrus]

Why can’t one of the “loving brothers or sisters” taxi him around?
He’s asking entirely too much of you. You’ve got enough on your shoulders right now and he’s being inconsiderate.
Just say “no”.
Call that kh an tell them if they want him to come and get him.

 

[b_justb]

I think asking for help from the local KH might take a strain off too. Maybe the local KH, the one close to you might be able to facilitate travel to the one farther away. Since he is DF’d the transporter most likely will have to be an Elder or Ministerial Servant, the people in leadership will have to actually help not just some schlub. Or maybe the local close one can do 2 of the 3 or 1 of the 3 and ease the load a bit. If the JW’s are serious about caring for their members then they can and should show it. One that is attempting to be reinstated should receive grace.

I think it’s very hard for you but you are doing the right thing in trying to help your DH in his journey back to the JW’s. I think you being as much of a servant to him as possible is the right answer, even if I think the JW’s are far from the right answer. Make sense?

You can also keep inviting him to mass; you can drive him there no problem

 

[kell0618]

If my husband were involved with the JWs, I would absolutely not assist him in his studies with them. Driving my husband to a place so that he could sin against God would be like assisting him in bank robbery. If he absolutely thought he needed to be there, it would be completely up to him to get himself there. You need as a wife to be patient and kind to your husband while seeing to his medical needs, but not be guilty of aiding and abetting.

Just my two cents.

Kelly

 

[b_justb]

If my husband were involved with the JWs, I would absolutely not assist him in his studies with them. Driving my husband to a place so that he could sin against God would be like assisting him in bank robbery. If he absolutely thought he needed to be there, it would be completely up to him to get himself there. You need as a wife to be patient and kind to your husband while seeing to his medical needs, but not be guilty of aiding and abetting.

Just my two cents.

Kelly

I see this completely too. I admit I have a hard time with this whole thing. But is the man of the house the head of the house only when the wife wants him to be, or is he the head all the time? Should a wife only obey her husband when she wants to or when it is convenient, or all the time? Being in a sacramental marriage is hard, it requires much. But since it is; it also imparts many graces.

As a side note, assisting a JW in his studies is EXACTLY what every Catholic should do. There is nothing like a side by side comparison of beliefs with the earliest Christians to show any serious searcher The Truth.

 

[yessisan]

I know you already are, but I will start praying for his conversion.

Meanwhile, seriously ask the elders to reimburse your expenses… Hit em in the pocketbook. If they really care about their members, then they will do something to make sure he can get there.

If they actually would reimburse me I’d give that money to my parish! so they could use it to feed the poor or to help with the renovation of it…

Why can’t one of the “loving brothers or sisters” taxi him around?
He’s asking entirely too much of you. You’ve got enough on your shoulders right now and he’s being inconsiderate.
Just say “no”.
Call that kh an tell them if they want him to come and get him.

that’s what I asked him yesterday. I told him it’s going to be very stressful and tiring for me to drive him there 3 times I week. Sundays are ok because I go to that same city to teach catechism and go to Mass right after, but during the week is really hard… I just don’t know if he’s willing to have someone else drive him there.

I think asking for help from the local KH might take a strain off too. Maybe the local KH, the one close to you might be able to facilitate travel to the one farther away. Since he is DF’d the transporter most likely will have to be an Elder or Ministerial Servant, the people in leadership will have to actually help not just some schlub. Or maybe the local close one can do 2 of the 3 or 1 of the 3 and ease the load a bit. If the JW’s are serious about caring for their members then they can and should show it. One that is attempting to be reinstated should receive grace.

I think it’s very hard for you but you are doing the right thing in trying to help your DH in his journey back to the JW’s. I think you being as much of a servant to him as possible is the right answer, even if I think the JW’s are far from the right answer. Make sense?

You can also keep inviting him to mass; you can drive him there no problem

You are right… asking the KH would be the best way, but still since he is DF’d I don’t know if they will. Dh might just tell me he’ll have his sister do it (something I don’t want because she’s trying to get him against me for being Catholic).

If my husband were involved with the JWs, I would absolutely not assist him in his studies with them. Driving my husband to a place so that he could sin against God would be like assisting him in bank robbery. If he absolutely thought he needed to be there, it would be completely up to him to get himself there. You need as a wife to be patient and kind to your husband while seeing to his medical needs, but not be guilty of aiding and abetting.

Just my two cents.

Kelly

I completely agree with you, I hate doing this, but I don’t want him to be against me teaching catechism or attending Mass. I hate it that he’s doing that, but remember they believe we are the ones in the wrong path. What else can I do? I’d want him to drive me to my catechism class, my catechist class, and Mass if I couldn’t drive (but at least my things are Sat once a month and Sun during the school yr not Tues, Fri, & Sun yr round).

I see this completely too. I admit I have a hard time with this whole thing. But is the man of the house the head of the house only when the wife wants him to be, or is he the head all the time? Should a wife only obey her husband when she wants to or when it is convenient, or all the time? Being in a sacramental marriage is hard, it requires much. But since it is; it also imparts many graces.

As a side note, assisting a JW in his studies is EXACTLY what every Catholic should do. There is nothing like a side by side comparison of beliefs with the earliest Christians to show any serious searcher The Truth.

I just hate the fact that he’s going to be reinstated. That’s going to drive him even more apart from me. I just wish he came back home to the CC. You know, he is Catholic by birth, baptism, first Eucharist and Confirmation…

 

[b_justb]

yessisan:

I just hate the fact that he’s going to be reinstated. That’s going to drive him even more apart from me. I just wish he came back home to the CC. You know, he is Catholic by birth, baptism, first Eucharist and Confirmation…

This is such a trying situation. I am sure you already have but just in case; have you talked to your local parish priest to get some spiritual direction on this whole thing? Would our DH be willing to study what ever points he wishes with a Catholic Apologist? Maybe your parish’s religious director can help with that?

Our prayers are with you and for you and your family.

Saints Augustine and Jerome pray for us.

 

[Eileen_T]

Ask him to pray a Rosary with you while you are driving, or at least be silent while you do so, use a tape. Play some Catholic apologetics tapes in the car. If he objects, stop the car.

After all, if you are doing something for him, why can’t he do something for you?

Find a priest who will work with you on this, and have Masses said for his conversion. One for every time you have to drive him to a meeting.

 

[jschwehm]

Hi Yessian:

Perhaps you can speak with the elders at the Kingdom Hall further away and ask them to work with the elders at the Kingdom Hall closer by. Work it out so that he can make the meetings at during the week at the closer Hall and the Sunday meeting at the Hall that is further away.

Keep praying about it. Perhaps if the elders are somewhat unreasonable and difficult then that might get your husband to start thinking…

Jeff S.
www.catholicxjw.com

 

[yessisan]

Ask him to pray a Rosary with you while you are driving, or at least be silent while you do so, use a tape. Play some Catholic apologetics tapes in the car. If he objects, stop the car.

After all, if you are doing something for him, why can’t he do something for you?

Find a priest who will work with you on this, and have Masses said for his conversion. One for every time you have to drive him to a meeting.

Do you know of any place that sells rosary cds or tapes? I looked online and I can download mp3s but only in English. I need one in Spanish. I have been thinking of getting one for a while so that I can pray it myself on my way to work or on my way back home…