Keeping close to Jesus

[iawoveuooo]

I posted this thread in the prayer request section too, I thought I would ask also here if you have any suggestions or advice.

Generally, mostly I just would like to talk about anything, how I could feel closer to Jesus, any suggestions you can give. I need him very much in my life, when I have Him close to me, I don’t feel the loneliness but then it’s usually only me who fights for this close connection with Him and I get tired of being alone in the fight and feel farther from Him. I would like to get back my first love for Him, when He was everything I wanted in the centre of my life. There is no proper community in the place I live to attend. At my workplace there is one believer I can talk with, only sometimes for shorter time, which is not enough for me, and she’s not Catholic. My best friend is very ill and cannot any attention to me. In my family nobody is pushing me towards the faith, rather I must do it with them, and I would need encouragement too sometimes, which I don’t know where to get from. I’m blamed always for things by many people, even those who are close to me, they won’t accept me as I am and I have no idea how to make it better and why I’m so much unacceptable. Also, they expect me to be perfect, in any sense, I’m not, I cannot be, and it causes a lot of tension in me. Everybody loves me for who they think I should be, who they imagine me to be, they always give advice what I should do and how I should change, and not for who I really am. It’s difficult to accept.
I always decide to live life cheerfully and I’m so happy about life, every small wonder of it, I enjoy it very much but I’m too much sensitive and I cannot change it. Maybe I don’t even want to change it.
That’s all and I hope I can also help some of you and hope to talk about our relationship with Jesus.
God bless you all.

 

[ellzeena]

Simple answer, I’m sure there are many others who will give profound theological advice.

When you feel “different”, when your family doesn’t validate your personhood, when you feel misunderstood and not at all perceived as the person you know yourself to be: you are now in a psychological place that redirects to your relationship with God. “If my parents and loved ones reject me, if they misunderstand me, if they refuse me or seem not to love me, than how can Jesus love me”? This is an interior question, usually unspoken and not even acknowledged. It is the question of the young, under fire from life, who have yet found themselves (if they do it right), who are in a struggle to discover their true “self” and validate it. It is a common, albeit sorrowful, experience.

He never backs away from you. You back away from Him, and not knowingly. You back away by believing yourself unworthy, or questioning why He should love and embrace you (since those in your life who “should” have, did not and do not). He is constant. I have become aware that my profound feeling of unworthiness and failure is a great sorrow to Jesus and, actually, an INSULT (although certainly not intended). He would have gone to the cross for you, alone. I suggest Catholic psychotherapy and a good spiritual counselor (priest you know well, trust as a true man of God, and can talk to openly). Don’t expect the “world” to encourage you. Jesus, Himself, warned us about the world and also assured us that He had defeated it.

 

[iawoveuooo]

Simple answer, I’m sure there are many others who will give profound theological advice.

When you feel “different”, when your family doesn’t validate your personhood, when you feel misunderstood and not at all perceived as the person you know yourself to be: you are now in a psychological place that redirects to your relationship with God. “If my parents and loved ones reject me, if they misunderstand me, if they refuse me or seem not to love me, than how can Jesus love me”? This is an interior question, usually unspoken and not even acknowledged. It is the question of the young, under fire from life, who have yet found themselves (if they do it right), who are in a struggle to discover their true “self” and validate it. It is a common, albeit sorrowful, experience.

He never backs away from you. You back away from Him, and not knowingly. You back away by believing yourself unworthy, or questioning why He should love and embrace you (since those in your life who “should” have, did not and do not). He is constant. I have become aware that my profound feeling of unworthiness and failure is a great sorrow to Jesus and, actually, an INSULT (although certainly not intended). He would have gone to the cross for you, alone. I suggest Catholic psychotherapy and a good spiritual counselor (priest you know well, trust as a true man of God, and can talk to openly). Don’t expect the “world” to encourage you. Jesus, Himself, warned us about the world and also assured us that He had defeated it.

I don’t think anyone else wants to give advice, so your advice and answer is very important and I appreciate it.
Yes, I agree with you perfectly that He never goes away from me. Sometimes I wish so much to talk to Him and care more about Him, and I promise this to Him and I can’t. I don’t even know why this happens, when I have a lot of problems and I feel nervous, mostly at those times, I am just alone, inside me and very difficult to go inside there for anybody. I know that He loves me but when things don’t happen my way, then I tend to ask questions and doubt His love. Not mostly because of my pain, but because of pains of people around me. Unfortunately people’s reactions or comments on my personality affect me many times and make me feel unworthy. Actually, since my father left me in my childhood, I have a strong fear of everybody else leaving and they do actually. I cannot get rid of the fear as there is no safety for me which I could trust so much that I could get rid of this fear. It’s sad and actually I don’t know why so I start always just blaming myself, I guess that is the easy way. Yes, I think I haven’t realised it, so thank you for telling me that this feeling of unworthiness must be painful to Jesus as He created me, He blesses me every day and it seems very much ungrateful.

‘He would have gone to the cross for you, alone.’ - this sentence was very nice and helps a lot. I thought many times that He was thinking of me too when dying on the Cross, but I didn’t think if it was only me, and nobody else, He would have died even in that case.

The problem with counsellor is that there is only one old priest I trust, and he has a lot to do, I guess he won’t have time for me, and secondly, there are issues in my life which not even a priest would understand. I insist on a very long distance relationship,I have been in it for years, and I don’t expect anybody to understand it. He would say as anybody else, to give it up, and I couldn’t do it so far, I still hope. Maybe I don’t go to ask a counsellor or psychotherapy because I don’t want to hear it over again.
Anyway unfortunately I live in Hungary, so there is no Catholic psychotherapy here.
Yes, it’s wonderful to know that Jesus defeated the world and once we can have peace together with Him, as He also promised us that nothing can take us away from Him if we believe and that we can stay with Him forever. This is a wonderful hope. Thank you and God bless you.

 

[E_7]

You remind me of this song: First Love by Avalon.

Start by having a spiritual director. I always recommend Opus Dei Spiritual Director (priest), because, well, I have no words to describe it. Once a week you go to Spiritual Direction + confession and there is 30-45 minutes of meditation where the priest, in the presence of the blessed sacrament, talks about a particular subject and you listen and meditate and apply it to your daily life. Opus Dei spirituality will make you see life differently, and you will get serious on trying to be holy. Trust me.