Keeping Hubby excited and involved while trying to conceive

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TarAshly,

You are not even in the Pregnancy stage.

As a man, I don’t see what there is to be so excited about.

From the NFP standpoint it is exciting enough to have more opportunities for relations.

And don’t forget about the anxiety of having prenatal expenses and another mouth to feed.

Beyond that – what’s the big deal ?

Why should he start picking names and gifts before any conception has even taken place ?

It sounds like you need a certain kind of response from him that he isn’t giving.

He may even be a little superstitious and not like to talk about things before they happen. :eek:

Conception may not take place this cycle or the next.

– Is it reasonable to expect him to keep up a high level of “Baby Enthusiasum” for several months before the conception even takes place ?

Just one guy’s thoughts.

In short - relax. The both of you. And let God and nature take it’s course.
👍
tjp
 
Every man is different obviously. I am sorry if some of you perceive this as jumping the gun here but a few things some of you maybe should know before you tell me to relax and calm down. 1. Its a miracle that my husband wants to get pregnant already. Baby was a four letter word for so long and this was all HIS idea in the first place. 2. its GOING to be a miracle if we are able to conceive. DH is a diabetic and and I have PCOS 3. this will be my first attempt and my first pregnancy ever so you will excuse me if I seem too excited or seem to be getting ahead of myself. 😦 trust me my husband has been commenting for days at how happy I am and how I am just glowing and how great that makes him feel. so that is DEFINATELY not the issue. I would think that as my fellow Catholic brothers and sisters that you would get what a great miracle and a great joy this is. Its a very special time in my marriage and in my life and I dont think having a little joy is doing any harm. :mad: Mods please delete thread.
 
Ashley, please don’t let anyone rain on your parade. You have every right to be excited, you and your husband have just made a decision to cooperate with God in bringing a new life into existence. This is an extremely moving time for you.

Put on some quiet music, light a few candles, and enjoy your husband for the courageous move he has made. He may never be at the same stage of expectation as you, but he is experiencing this change in his own way.
 
Just be patient. There may be a time in the near future that you may find the tables have turned.
 
Loren_1of6 said:
Ashley, please don’t let anyone rain on your parade. You have every right to be excited, you and your husband have just made a decision to cooperate with God in bringing a new life into existence. This is an extremely moving time for you.

Put on some quiet music, light a few candles, and enjoy your husband for the courageous move he has made. He may never be at the same stage of expectation as you, but he is experiencing this change in his own way.
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Thanks Loren I appreciate that 🙂
 
TarAshly said:
:confused: 🙂 Ok Jaque you lost me there. 😃
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Not to speak for BJ, but he probably means that sometime during your pregnancy (most likely when you’re puking, unable to sleep and swollen like an over-inflated water balloon), your hubby might be much more enthusiastic about the baby (and pregnancy) then you are. 🙂
 
Tar Ashsley,

I’m sorry that I may have rained on your parade. Please forgive me.

I certainly didn’t want you to think, that I think you shouldn’t be happy and excited.

Please go ahead and be as joyful and excited as you want to be.

I’m happy for you and your DH.

What I was trying to get across is that you can’t pressure you DH to feel the same joy and excitement in the same way and express it the same way that you do.

He may have several reasons and motivations mixing inside him (those that I listed previously among them)

I think it’s great that your emotional state is starting to “rub off” on him.

This is probably the best way to get him joyful. The indirect approach.

He will be happy that you are happy.

God Bless you.

tjp
 
This goes for me, too, TarAshley. I apologize.
What else can I say? We can only respond to what is written in the original post; if there’s more to the story that we don’t know, then we can’t really take that into account when posting, can we? :confused: Sometimes a post can be left at face value, period.

Be joyful, fruitful; multiply!👍

Now we know, so now I zip it. 🙂
 
Thanks everyone and I sure hope I didnt hurt anyones feelings. you ALL have had such great advice for me and I sure do appreciate it. Uncle trust me I understand now, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I certainly apologize for my reaction. Princess :rotfl: I think I got it now! thanks! And Stephanie I absolutely understand, perhaps I should have divuldged a little more into why I am so elated right now. Thanks yall.
 
My husband is similar to yours, I get totally excited and he doesn’t want to talk about babies…maybe a LITTLE bit IF I am pregnant. So my suggestion for you is to just read every book you can get your hands on about pregnancy, birth, & babies.
If you’re wondering what to read, here’s a great list…
lalecheleague.org/bookreviews.html
 
Not to speak for BJ, but he probably means that sometime during your pregnancy (most likely when you’re puking, unable to sleep and swollen like an over-inflated water balloon), your hubby might be much more enthusiastic about the baby (and pregnancy) then you are. 🙂
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Yup. Zactly what I meant.

And if it doesn’t happen then, perhaps when you’re expecting your fourth or fifth, and you can see down the road all the sacrifice this will entail.

We’re expecting twins (this will be our fifth and sixth). I’m the one fired up about it. Wife, well she has enough experience to know what lies ahead. Well actually it isn’t necessarily that, because she also should know the joys that lie ahead too. I think it’s the fact that she’s 11 years older than when she had the first one. The fact that a child is a blessing doesn’t change, the fact that we grow older and more tired colors our view of a prospective pregnancy.
 
SeekerJen said:
One thing I learned quickly while we were still naively trying to conceive: don’t follow him around, waving your basal thermometer at him, and saying “we have to DO IT tonight! I’m fertile!” There’s not much that killed the mood faster and sent him into the computer room to hide than that. The pressure and performance anxiety were too much. Finally he told me to just come after him, but not to tell him any of the details. 😃
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I can second or third that! I found that any talk of temps, cervical fluid etc… had him very much less than excited. What is hard about that is that women are lead to believe that men are always ready to it can be hard to deal your husband being less than excited.

We have been trying so long we both got into a slump. I finally realized that I needed to get back to the “honeymoon basics”. SET the MOOD;) Remember the romance…candles, pretty nighties and the usual buildup rather than jumping to the hopeful end result.

It helps for you and it will help for him. If heaven forbid you end up having to try as long as we have, you can actually end up having a loving and wonderful time.🙂
 
Hi TarAshly,

Let me share my experience as a husband. My experience was slightly different. We were only in the 4th month into marriage when my wife’s regular GP confirmed a pregnancy. A lot of things flashed across my mind. The joy was so overwhelming while “FRIGHTENING” at the same time that I was dumb-founded for a moment. My beloved better half thought I was not excited about the pregnancy and my heart almost crushed to pieces when I saw her excitement turned into concern when she asked me if I wasn’t excited about the news. It was beyond doubt that I was very happy but at the same time when I thought of the long journey, the loss of freedom, the huge responsibilities and the hardships of fatherhood looming ahead of me, which is a lifetime commitment, I think I must have gone pale and “seemed” unexcited. While I really was thrilled to have a baby on the way, I was also terrified about the changes looming and the end of sleep. I would liken that experience to that of the Agony of Christ in the Garden when He thought of the passion and death that was looming in the hours ahead. However, I got over the “agony” pretty fast and was soon overtaken by the joys and thrill of being blessed with the most precious nuptial gift from God. I had come to learn that pregnancy is when God gives me one more person to love. He made me look outside myself and become selfless as I dream about what baby would be like.

I don’t think your husband is less excited. Give him a bit of time for reality to sink in. When he sees a 4 cm baby (through the ultrasound scan) so full of life, he will be excited! Do get him to accompany you to the obs/gyn for all your appointments.

The irony of it was eventually when baby was actually born, it was I who was so full of excitement and so passionate about our little girl. My wife almost freaked out! You may have read somewhere else that we have a high-need baby! To my wife, having a baby is all joy, fun, excitement and pride! I guess she really did not think of the hardships and loss freedom, while I had long gotten over all that and was ready to face reality head-on.

atelim
 
atelim said:
Hi TarAshly,

Let me share my experience as a husband. My experience was slightly different. We were only in the 4th month into marriage when my wife’s regular GP confirmed a pregnancy. A lot of things flashed across my mind. The joy was so overwhelming while “FRIGHTENING” at the same time that I was dumb-founded for a moment. My beloved better half thought I was not excited about the pregnancy and my heart almost crushed to pieces when I saw her excitement turned into concern when she asked me if I wasn’t excited about the news. It was beyond doubt that I was very happy but at the same time when I thought of the long journey, the loss of freedom, the huge responsibilities and the hardships of fatherhood looming ahead of me, which is a lifetime commitment, I think I must have gone pale and “seemed” unexcited. While I really was thrilled to have a baby on the way, I was also terrified about the changes looming and the end of sleep. I would liken that experience to that of the Agony of Christ in the Garden when He thought of the passion and death that was looming in the hours ahead. However, I got over the “agony” pretty fast and was soon overtaken by the joys and thrill of being blessed with the most precious nuptial gift from God. I had come to learn that pregnancy is when God gives me one more person to love. He made me look outside myself and become selfless as I dream about what baby would be like.

I don’t think your husband is less excited. Give him a bit of time for reality to sink in. When he sees a 4 cm baby (through the ultrasound scan) so full of life, he will be excited! Do get him to accompany you to the obs/gyn for all your appointments.

The irony of it was eventually when baby was actually born, it was I who was so full of excitement and so passionate about our little girl. My wife almost freaked out! You may have read somewhere else that we have a high-need baby! To my wife, having a baby is all joy, fun, excitement and pride! I guess she really did not think of the hardships and loss freedom, while I had long gotten over all that and was ready to face reality head-on.

atelim
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Thanks for that, I really appreciate it. Its nice to hear it from a daddy whos been there. He seems to be really excited now, hes really hoping we got pregnant this month, I guess another couple of weeks will tell. Thanks everyone for all the replies. I appreciate the advice!
 
like others have said…men don’t react the same as women do. i’m nearing the end of my first trimester and my DH is definately excited, but he’s not excited in the same way I am. My eyes get watery when I even THINK about the baby…lol…i love hormones…DH’s eyes tend to get real huge…he frequently remarks “OH MY GOSH…what am I going to do??? With a baby??” Most guys don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to babies, and it freaks them out a little. I was discussing the type of changing table I thought would be best, and he just shook his head and said, “Wow. Thank GOD you’re here…I could never do this by myself.” 🙂 About something as seemingly simple as a changing table. So, be excited, but recognize that he’s got a lot of other things on his mind. And since you all have health issues, he may also be concerned with those things as well.
 
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