Keeping my faith a secret

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DobryKatarzyna

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Hi, everyone. This is my first thread here. I hope I am posting in the appropriate spot!

Anyway, I’m 22 and a brand new catechumen. My parents are agnostics/atheists (depends on what mood they’re in, lol) so I’m pretty much going through this alone. I belong to a wonderful parish community but when I leave Mass/RCIA I’m very alone.

I’m currently keeping my faith a secret from my family. They know I go to church sometimes, but they don’t know anything else about me. I don’t want them to. I don’t think they will physically harm me, but I worry that they will not support me or that they might abuse me in some other way or try to prevent me from pursuing this path. It just hurts to be going through this journey, with all the pains and the joys.

I actually had a mental health professional that was raised Catholic, has left, and now she is very, very prejudiced against the faith. She has repeatedly disrespected my beliefs and tried to convince me that I didn’t want this and that I just didn’t know what I was getting into. Needless to say, I’m not with that person anymore.😉

My friends and acquaintances are all okay with my choice, but they either aren’t Catholic or are lapsed, so it doesn’t help much. There are lots of practicing Catholics in my community, but we’re such an intimate community that everyone knows everyone else’s business and that’s exactly what I don’t want. It’s awkward to go through this process when people know who you “used” to be and they know other people in your life and go blabbing to them. I guess I’m just private in that respect.

I’m thinking of “coming out” to my father. I think he will still loving me, but he is very mentally ill (psychotic, bipolar, etc.) and I don’t know how he will react. My mother? Forget it. She will sabotage it. My sister? Same thing, not to mention the abuse. Yeah, I know the best solution is to move out and I’m working on it, believe me. I’m trying to set boundaries, like “I’m going to church to see my friends. I’m entitled to see my friends, I’m an adult,” etc.

Honestly, I’m not totally sure what I’m saying. I guess what I want to know is: Is there anyone here raised by atheists, agnostics or other people hostile to the faith? Were you still dependent on them? Were you abused or rejected? How did you “come out” or start to set boundaries?

I feel like I’m living a double life and it gets lonely when I want to talk about prayers, feelings, homilies, or something else near and dear to me and there’s no one I can safely talk to. Thanks in advance for any advice/reassurance.🙂
 
I don’t have any advice but i am pretty much on the same boat as you. My step mom is an agnostic/atheist and my dad as well as his siblings who were cradle catholic has abandoned Catholicism. I only have ONE cousin that is Catholic and another is a protestant but they don’t really make it known they are Christians. Whenever there is a family gathering i have not seen once where either of my cousins do a silent prayer before meals. It’s almost like they are ashamed of being known they are Christians too.

None of my family knew i was attending RCIA class and to be confirmed until very recently. I finally invited my dad and step mom to the Easter vigil, both were surprised.

My step mom has thrown little subtle jabs about Christianity.

It’ll be interesting what the others have to say. One thing for sure, when you start becoming a Christian you feel isolated and the odd one out.
 
You have a unique perspective on martyrdom!!

God Bless you for your courage.
 
You are both amazing persons. I praise God for you both!
May God continue to bless and guide you both and to give you the courage, wisdom, and support that you both need in your particular circumstances.
 
DobryKatarzyna said:
Hi, everyone. This is my first thread here. I hope I am posting in the appropriate spot!

Anyway, I’m 22 and a brand new catechumen. My parents are agnostics/atheists (depends on what mood they’re in, lol) so I’m pretty much going through this alone. I belong to a wonderful parish community but when I leave Mass/RCIA I’m very alone.

I’m currently keeping my faith a secret from my family. They know I go to church sometimes, but they don’t know anything else about me. I don’t want them to. I don’t think they will physically harm me, but I worry that they will not support me or that they might abuse me in some other way or try to prevent me from pursuing this path. It just hurts to be going through this journey, with all the pains and the joys.

I actually had a mental health professional that was raised Catholic, has left, and now she is very, very prejudiced against the faith. She has repeatedly disrespected my beliefs and tried to convince me that I didn’t want this and that I just didn’t know what I was getting into. Needless to say, I’m not with that person anymore.😉

My friends and acquaintances are all okay with my choice, but they either aren’t Catholic or are lapsed, so it doesn’t help much. There are lots of practicing Catholics in my community, but we’re such an intimate community that everyone knows everyone else’s business and that’s exactly what I don’t want. It’s awkward to go through this process when people know who you “used” to be and they know other people in your life and go blabbing to them. I guess I’m just private in that respect.

I’m thinking of “coming out” to my father. I think he will still loving me, but he is very mentally ill (psychotic, bipolar, etc.) and I don’t know how he will react. My mother? Forget it. She will sabotage it. My sister? Same thing, not to mention the abuse. Yeah, I know the best solution is to move out and I’m working on it, believe me. I’m trying to set boundaries, like “I’m going to church to see my friends. I’m entitled to see my friends, I’m an adult,” etc.

Honestly, I’m not totally sure what I’m saying. I guess what I want to know is: Is there anyone here raised by atheists, agnostics or other people hostile to the faith? Were you still dependent on them? Were you abused or rejected? How did you “come out” or start to set boundaries?

I feel like I’m living a double life and it gets lonely when I want to talk about prayers, feelings, homilies, or something else near and dear to me and there’s no one I can safely talk to. Thanks in advance for any advice/reassurance.🙂
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I am glad you joined CAF! You can talk to US about all of these Catholic experiences! We’re happy to welcome you “Home!” (We say that new Catholics are coming Home to the Church.)

I think people who dare to become Christians under these circumstances are like saints. You know that you won’t have support, yet you hear the Holy Spirit calling you to become a Catholic…And so you do. Brave, brave soul!

We’ve got other members who are living at home and not able to be open about their desire to become Catholic. Some are too young to leave their parents’ home, and we tell them not to disobey their parents, but to do the best they can to learn about the faith in whatever way they can. I am glad that you are in RCIA. Think of and pray about the day when you can fully live out your faith with joy and pride. It will come.

God bless you. You will definitely be in my prayers.
 
Well it is heroic that you are carrying the torch through your patch of darkness. Well done!

I wish you could just be frank and say - “I believe in God - Deal with it!”,
but it is subtle because they are your family. Pray that the Holy Spirit guides you.
 
Dobry

Welcome to the faith, try to remember that this is your choice not anyone else’s. My situation is close to yours but not as bad: my father’s side of the family is Catholic but my mother’s side is Jewish. Growing up we practiced neither of them. I became Catholic when I was 25, I also got the attitude from some friends and family. The thing to remember is that this is YOUR choice, regardless of what anyone tells you what you should believe. We all make choices, you will never make everyone – even family – happy with the choices you make in life.

Just remember that you are not alone, I am sure that there are young adult groups at your church. Maybe try getting involved in activities in the church – that is a great way to meet people that have faith and can help give you support. Do not let anyone influence your choices, not family or that health professional. Some people refuse to believe or are just angry and just like the saying that misery loves company so do those that do not have faith.

When I “came out” to my family about my faith, I was living on my own but I went to visit them with wearing a Cross. I also made sure that it was visible to them and when they asked about it I told them that I was Catholic. Yes there was some “shock” and I still get a bit of an attitude about it but again MY choice.

I have been blessed so many times over in my life, and even with the troubled times I have gone though it is with the faith and trust in God that has and will always get me past those trials. As you go through life you will also face trials and have to make decisions that some may not like and try to tell you to take the easy path and reject that which is right and often a harder path to walk. Hold true to your faith and always love and follow God.

Again check out the young adult groups at your church, the more positive support you receive the easier things will be for you, regardless of what family members tell you. Who knows you may inspire them to rethink their views. Even if they do not you should never be afraid to show your faith.

Will pray for you and may God bless and keep you always.

Winter
 
I feel you. My family/friends are chiefly evangelical Protestant (and can be pretty anti-Roman Catholic) or Pagan, Atheist, Wiccan, etc. My husband’s family (with whom I’m very close) are lapsed (“recovering”) Catholic, as is my husband. My in-laws are always saying, “Why would you want to join that church???”

I’ve come to a point now that this is what I’m doing and this is how I’m raising my children. I’m unapologetic but incredibly loving and sweet about it. (I also keep copies of Rediscovering Catholicism around just in case! 😉 )

It will get easier. God bless you and keep us posted!! :hug1:
 
Lily0fthevalley said:
One thing for sure, when you start becoming a Christian you feel isolated and the odd one out.
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I think that is the way it is supposed to be…

‘In the world, not of the world’, right?

Sometimes it’s not easy even for those who have ‘religious’ families, so don’t think *all *the grass on the other side of the fence is green…
 
Thank you SO much everyone. I told my (lapsed Catholic) aunt about being Catholic, and she was totally supportive. So I have that going for me. It has never been hard for me to go against the grain and be myself, but I want someone to do it with, ya know? I’m so glad to have found this place and have been addicted to it for the past few hours, lol.

St. Edith Stein and St. Augustine are my inspiration when I have troubles like this. It helps to know that people have endured worse than this. I also love St. Theresa of Avila.

Oh well. I hear God treats all His good friends this way.🙂
 
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