Keeping your kids from offensive material on the web

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Ed_Montgomery

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Hello everyone, today I am giving a little advice out about the web. Please take all of this serious. This WAS a request, I decided to make a thread out of it instead of a message so many viewers can understand and not just one.
This is mainly for parents

One of the hardest thing for a teen to do is keep is moral life on the web. You see cussing, offensive material - porn -, and can be drawn into terrible lifestyles. You parents can give us youth as many talks as you want, but trust me, it will not always work. There is a fine line with GUIDING your children, and RUNNING their lives. There are programs out there that will make it so you can guide your children without them knowing it; and I will show you how. (NOTE: I am not hired by this site, or anyone, this is free material)

I will first let you look over this site and their features they offer: webwatcherkids.com/features.php
Also note that this does cost money, about $100.
Now, if you have this program or any program like this, I will tell you how to REALLY use it.

First off, don’t tell your child you downloaded this on their computer, it is a dead give away and you will end up in a heated argument. Is it kind of going behind their back? In a way, yes; but really it is for the better. Once you have everything connected and ready, look through the sites they have been visiting. These days it is a LOT harder then you think to catch your child doing sinful acts. Here is the secret how to catch them.

Keywords: IMAGEBOARDS, hosting of random images, usually contain a lot of pornagrafic material. NSFW, this means “Not Safe For Work.” Nsfw material is another word for porn, Nsfw is usually a sub-forum on a regular forum board. Sadly, even a regular “gaming” website will have sections that contain Nsfw. Think of it as this way, your in a Blockbuster and its totally clean (the forum) then you walk into the “backroom” and you see the horrific material(Nsfw).

Also read through their Instant Messages, but don’t listen. Don’t understand? If you read through some of your kid’s messages, you’ll soon learn more about your kid then they will ever tell you. But sorry to break it to you, DON’T DO IT. Only skim through some conversations to make sure they are on safe topics and nothing is obscure. Don’t get into their drama with their friends, let them figure it out as it is their own life. Parents, DON’T GET OBSESSIVE with this, it is only for security. Check out what they have been doing about once a week, if everything is clean, maybe once a month. Ect. Ect. Ect.

Now what if your kid IS viewing unmoral material? Talking with foul language? DON’T FREAK OUT. Do NOT run up to them with what they have been doing on a print off from your WebWatcher showing them all their failings to live up to the way the Lord wanted them to. (Trust me it happened to me, not good) Everyone falls, just talk to them, act like you know almost nothing.

“DD, DS, I know you have been viewing or talking in a certain way, please pray about it and go to confession, actually listen at mass. You need to understand this lifestyle can ruin you, and as a parent I don’t want that to happen to you. I love you, and you need to realize what you are doing to yourself”

If your child continues to act in the same way, bring him/her to a priest, or YGD (Youth Group Director). Now you may think to start blocking all of the bad websites. Let me tell you, it might be hard, but DO NOT do that. Don’t block anything. Do not run their lives, guide them parents, just guide them. Continue to talk to them about it. Keep praying, and they will change, no worries.

“Hey Ed, I can’t afford web watcher! I just do not have the money to buy these kind of things.” Do not be afraid my friend, there is a way I personally made up to keep your child thinking.

Here is the scenario: Call your child to come to the computer with you, have the website WebWatcher pulled up, or any other site you have thought is adequate enough. Tell them “Hey what would you do if we bought this for you?” Once you have done that, expect a “I would be so angry! Don’t do it! You’ll ruin my life!” The moment you hear that respond with this line “Haha okay, well DH and I have been thinking about it so we would just like to show you we might do it.”

In the end your child will be aware he might be caught, but he never will since you never bought the product. It still is though a good way to keep him/her alert.

I hope this little tidbit helped, if anyone has any questions or comments, feel free to post :). Have a wonderful day and God Bless
Ed
 
Listen, I have a comment on this. Children learn their morals from their parents, and this is dishonesty! Coming from a protective family I will say this…I am almost 23 now and I know that my father can see what I write on the web, I know the program he uses. It bothered me a little growing up, but I really RESPECT him for being honest with me! You are setting yourself up to lose your childs trust! ( Who will they go to if they don’t trust you? Scary thought huh?) You are teaching them that lying is okay if you are only not telling them something, not to mention insulting their intelligence. We grew up with the web, and regardless of what parents think, we WILL figure out what you are doing.

If you don’t trust your kid on the internet, sit in the room with them, internet is a privilege, not a right. Overprotectiveness is something that almost all of us went through at one time or another and come to understand, but dishonesty from family is a lot harder to get over.

I only ask that if you use something like this, be honest with your children about doing it. How can you wexpect them to be honest if you aren’t?
 
Dear Lesteidel,
First off thank you for commenting, even if you disagree :).
Also, I am only 15, I do not have any kids, and my parents are the EXACT same as yours it seems. My parents told me they had this program and everything. To me, I felt like I was in a bubble, heck I was in a bubble. It made me want to rebel, I wanted to get out and feel free. I felt like my freedom was gone and it was all restrictions. So I did rebel, I’d sneak on their computer and look up offensive things just because I could. Now I might not of made myself clear, if “your” children did do something offensive, then you do tell them you have a program to see what they do. If they say “You never trust me!” Well look, you had that trust and you did look up bad things, so lets fix it. I’m also not saying you have to have the program forever, just maybe for a year, or less? and if your kids are clean, like i said. Once a week…to a month…to every three…to every 6…then well you don’t even need it. That is my outlook on it. You might choose the path to tell your kids you have the program. Go ahead 🙂
 
Honestly, I would just tell your kids that you are going to be filtering inappropriate material on the computer.
www1.k9webprotection.com/
The link above is to an absolutely excellent FREE filter. It works well in blocking any and all adult content (text and images).
I am technically savvy, and I will tell you that there is absolutely no way to get around this filter as long as you secure it with a strong password (use a combination of numbers, lowercase, and capital letters that your child could never possibly guess).
(The only way to get around this filter is to boot your computer into an operating system that does not have the program installed – If you don’t know what that means, then you don’t need to worry because you don’t have a secondary operating system on your computer.)

Hope this helps a few parents out there. 👍

Please keep in mind that the average first age of exposure to porn is 11 – it’s never too early to install something like this! (I know I wish that I wasn’t part of that stat, because it still affects me to this day. :o)

Useful links:
FAQ for the filter I posted: www1.k9webprotection.com/support/faq.php#
articles with stats:
itwire.com/content/view/9241/53/
kids.yahoo.com/parents/online-safety/1701/4–Kids%27+Exposure+to+Porn:+New+Findings
 
Musicality: It does seem the popular idea would be to tell your kids, and I seem that is totally fair, but I still stick with my intial idea :). Anyway that K9 seems pretty legit! I’ve never heard about it but it would seem like it would work. Let’s just hope that your kid isn’t going into Knoppix every time he/she starts up their computers :frighten:. (Knoppix is def my favorite)
 
My sons are young but already use the Internet and play MMORPGs with me (EQ2 to be specific). My 6 year old and 4 year old are to the point they surf and find what they want, download, install etc…

As many engineers I know use it as well we have K9 on our systems. I told them about it and if something is blocked we discuss why. Yea they are young but I would rather let them know now that we protect ourselves in many ways and a Firewall is just one of them.

So far they are good with it, they like the barking dog if something pops up. Honestly it’s only happened a few times though. Safe search on google helps, lol and they only go to our guild site with me so we just ignore the NWS section 👍

As a former Youth Director and Youth Counselor, I’m a big proponent of honesty and being upfront.

Joe
 
I just think its important to keep their trust and not set an example of lying by omission. I was not allowed on the computer in a room by myself until I bought the computer with money I earned with a legit job. I was taught the difference between privileges and rights and I did rebel, and it was when I was older I really began to respect my parents for their efforts, but the point I am making is I NEVER once had any reason to doubt their honesty
 
I guess I’m just a bit hard nosed… I have 3 great children (B-17, B-11, G-5) and they do not… repeat… do not have TV’s in their rooms… cell phones… of the use of a computer whenever they want. If they want to use the computer… they have to ask and they get a time limit. I am always asking what they are looking for and helping with key word searching or something, but I guess the point is that we must be our children’s parents andbeinvolved with them, know what they are doing, what they are watching, who they are with, and they need limits. They know that I watch what they do. They also know that if I see or catch or find out that they have done anything inappropriate (computer or TV or saying something) I call them on it and explain why these things are wrong and I am always looking for a good chance to reinforce Catholic teachings on morality and Faith and what sin is and how to avoid it if we can (which we all should, but even the strongest fall inevitably)
I’ll get off the soap box now… but if we just do our job of raising our kids to know right from wrong and to reinforce Catholic teachings and just be our kids parents… they should do fine.

Paul
 
I second the recommendation of K9 Web Protection - fabulous software.

Definitely be honest about the filters - no better way to destroy trust/encourage sneakiness than to secretly monitor everything.

I grew up being able to sneak around the internet without my parents knowing (thanks to my computer skills) and to be honest, I wish they had installed such programs/been stricter. I saw things/got into some habits that I regret and wish I never had seen. I lived a lie for quite a while and I still feel guilty when I think about how I lied to their face about it. 😦
 
jwashu said:
6 year old and 4 year old
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Holy fiddlesticks on thin ice in a blizzard on Tuesday in the middle of May! At that age, kids shouldn’t even be on a computer. They should be doing other activities, like crafts and art. How dose a 4 year old even know how to use a computer, by the way? I’m just curious.
 
I third the recommendation for K9webprotection.com. It was developed by Blue Coat that does a lot of corporate filters. I have it installed on my computer at home and think highly of it.
 
Eucharisted said:
Holy fiddlesticks on thin ice in a blizzard on Tuesday in the middle of May! At that age, kids shouldn’t even be on a computer. They should be doing other activities, like crafts and art. How dose a 4 year old even know how to use a computer, by the way? I’m just curious.
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Kids are smart. My 4 year old could use a computer. Computers aren’t evil, they are just another tool. And unfortunately, they are the future of our society.

My kids also do crafts and art. Crafts and art are not exclusive of computer use. But we don’t watch much TV at all.
 
Holy fiddlesticks on thin ice in a blizzard on Tuesday in the middle of May! At that age, kids shouldn’t even be on a computer. They should be doing other activities, like crafts and art. How dose a 4 year old even know how to use a computer, by the way? I’m just curious.
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Good grief! Arts and crafts and computers aren’t mutually exclusive activities! My two year old can play simple games on the PBS website and my 4 yo loves an online alphabet matching game. Manipulating a mouse isn’t really all that hard, and that’s most of what the preschool-type games involve-- there isn’t any typing. I don’t let them play on the computer unsupervised, of course, and our computer is in a common room, but I see nothing wrong with allowing a young child to use age-appropriate programs. :twocents:
 
I’d just like to mention that many children have their first encounter with adult material accidentally. I was one of those kids… (one of the stations–adult ppv-- on my cable television wasn’t blacked out properly). Curiosity got the best of me, and soon enough I looked to the internet for answers because* I had no idea what I was viewing.* I ended up introducing my best friend to this material (something I still regret doing at age 18).
We had access to whatever we wanted online. A simple filter could have saved me from the struggles I still face today–or at least delayed what some consider inevitable as upwards of 90% of teens have viewed pornography multiple times.

Even more important is an explanation from an adult as to why this sort of thing is wrong because I truly didn’t have a full understanding of the implications of porn until very recently. So please, don’t put this filter on your computer and think that everything will be ok–you need to have a dialogue with your children too!
 
Thank you everyone 🙂
I’m glad we are getting positive reviews and helpful comments now!
 
Here’s a quick alternate to filters, proxies, and net nannies.

I have 3 daughters, 2 of whom are teens. We keep the computer for family use in a public place. We talk to the kids about what is appropriate and what isn’t to surf to, what isn’t. We expect them to earn the priveledge of computer time by self policing. Not just porn, but anything not age-apropriate. Its not a perfect science, and I do check history and cookies… more often then I think they know.

If there is a site in question, we talk about why we like -or don’t like - the site. The idea is to let the kids foster a sense of right v. wrong and responsibility. TV works the same for us. Keeping the computer public is also key… I can and do walk in often.

We have kids with good heads. For the most part, it works well. I’ve heard “hey… not a good site” often enough to be proud. I realize its not a system for everyone. But it works for us.
 
While your ideas may be good for someone with toddlers or young children who’s schools moniter their computer time I don’t forsee this working for anyone over 12.
  1. Friends. Sorry, but with iphones, ebooks, blackberries all in the hands of pre-teens there’s not much you can control, even if you’re in a sheltered group, like homeschoolers…beucase someone will always know someone. Furtermore, many school districts are implementing one laptop per child programs. Within the next 15 years most kids will have their own pc or pc-type device. And don’t say OH NO! beucase in the 60’s they laughed when people said kids would have handheld calculators…by the 90’s everyone had one in their backpack.
  2. Library. Once the kid is out of the children’s room they can browse whatever they want. Infact, in most children’s room they have a legal right to browse porn if they wanted to. Infact, in some places there are one user per computer rules that would make it so a child could ask the parent not to watch and the library would oblige.
  3. Windows is ******. There are 10,000 ways to get around windows and any windows program once they know its there, and believe me, they’re looking. You can simply corrupt a root file of different programs and take them down. I’ve taken down norton (and they claim its impossible) and McAfee, both of which offer net restrictions.
  4. Language. Teens figured out a long time ago that parents don’t know what their saying if they talk in leet or another code language. Don’t say “my kid would never” My best friend and I were fluent in our made up language by the time we were 9. We would belittle and berate our parents and brothers in front of their faces…and they thought we were talking about my little pony or something innocent. They can and they will.
  5. Tech geeks. Linux makes live boot CD’s that you can get in the back of a $19.99 book. A live boot CD will act like an entirely new computer, and as long as they don’t install you’d never know its being used. Proxy servers as discussed above.
  6. Computer’s are full of holes. Mac, Windows, linux…whatever. And if your kid is in school the teachers will tell them how to find them and get around them. Remember the world we’re living in…its hugely anti-parent. The mindset is that If a parent has a gall to forbid the child anything they deserve to be disregarded. From the simple stuff like wiping history and clearing cashe to the more complicated like messing with root files.
At best you can hope to prevent accidental viewing of material. If they want it they can get it.
 
Purplesunshine I don’t like where you are heading to. Please don’t tell people how to get around these programs. First off kids can NOT watch porn legally! You have to be 18 or older. The library can’t just let anyone watch porn. Also it would end up “disturbing the peace.” So even if you are 18; I doubt you’ll be watching porn. Another note; Windows is an operating system; it is the programs that Windows runs that are primarily easy to get around. Basically if your that computer savvy to run another operating system then your way past any parent or other authority figure. I run Kx (Knoppix) from time to time; basically it is your “own computer.” If I actually want to run programs though; I can’t use Kx. All in all if you just use Kx or any other OS just for porn; you seriously need help.
 
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