Even if you had reacted differently no one has any business judging you. Remember that when you went to Mass, you weren’t asking for this mess. I still think you ought to talk to a priest about it just for their information and to help you sort it out.
Amazing i am saving this thread to my favorites:thumbsup:Beautiful, Elizabeth. Very well done. Thank you.If I did feel (I probably wouldn’t, but I can “step in your shoes”) that I wanted to make a point with her (rather than a scene with her, which is what almost happened, it seems), I would take that after-Mass opportunity or some other church social opportunity to take her aside – such as at a church pot-luck? (we have these sometimes). I would bring her a dessert plate as an excuse to start a pleasant conversation with her, introduce yourself, tell her how delighted you are that she is one of the many who come early to pray the rosary with others. After “killing her with kindness,” I would gently mention that you understand she “really likes that seat in that pew.” That will probably get her to respond. She’ll either reinforce that (maybe vehemently), or ignore it. She might even deny it, out of embarrassment. In any case, a gentle remark might help her to see that her behavior has a strong effect on others. People don’t always respond interiorly in the same way that their public face reveals. The incident was public. She had a public “face” to protect. Perhaps the best way to be a non-enabler is to do so after-the-fact in some way like this. Making her aware, plus praying for her, will probably be more effectual in the long run than “standing your ground.”
People with bad manners or a heavy personal agenda usually have some misery in their lives that needs healing. Your example of gentleness may be more of a graphic contrast (a “teaching moment”) than a lecture in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.
This is not said with the slightest bit of superiority. I fully admit to having a tendency to territoriality, but at least being good-humored about it.
We make jokes after Mass about each person having his or her “assigned seat.” I’ve seen that in adult classrooms as well. (I agree with the amused priest that another poster referred to.) I have a “thing” about not being crowded. More than “assignment,” I need space. (Hey, Jesus went “apart from the crowd” to pray.
), I move quietly, without incident, to another pew, with a little more room.
Bottom line: I agree with the apparent consensus here: let go and let God, as they say. If you feel you need to make a point with her about the offense she caused you, I would do so not in church, and not in any publicly embarrassing setting, and preferably non-confrontationally, because confrontation didn’t work the first time. Perhaps joking about it (without viciousness) would do more. Humor can be a powerful vehicle, when used well.
Thank you! Good postIf I did feel (I probably wouldn’t, but I can “step in your shoes”) that I wanted to make a point with her (rather than a scene with her, which is what almost happened, it seems), I would take that after-Mass opportunity or some other church social opportunity to take her aside – such as at a church pot-luck? (we have these sometimes). I would bring her a dessert plate as an excuse to start a pleasant conversation with her, introduce yourself, tell her how delighted you are that she is one of the many who come early to pray the rosary with others. After “killing her with kindness,” I would gently mention that you understand she “really likes that seat in that pew.” That will probably get her to respond. She’ll either reinforce that (maybe vehemently), or ignore it. She might even deny it, out of embarrassment. In any case, a gentle remark might help her to see that her behavior has a strong effect on others. People don’t always respond interiorly in the same way that their public face reveals. The incident was public. She had a public “face” to protect. Perhaps the best way to be a non-enabler is to do so after-the-fact in some way like this. Making her aware, plus praying for her, will probably be more effectual in the long run than “standing your ground.”
People with bad manners or a heavy personal agenda usually have some misery in their lives that needs healing. Your example of gentleness may be more of a graphic contrast (a “teaching moment”) than a lecture in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.
This is not said with the slightest bit of superiority. I fully admit to having a tendency to territoriality
Bottom line: I agree with the apparent consensus here: let go and let God, as they say. If you feel you need to make a point with her about the offense she caused you, I would do so not in church, and not in any publicly embarrassing setting, and preferably non-confrontationally, because confrontation didn’t work the first time. Perhaps joking about it (without viciousness) would do more. Humor can be a powerful vehicle, when used well.
Ahhh - you think she didn’t know where you were sitting?
Oh goodie.Thank you! Good post
I know. First use of cojones on CA? I think so.
Ok - I have read and digested your opinion. So, your last post I guess. Thank you for posting.
You’re quite welcome.
Hey, Popcorn Man …
So what did the OP did that was so bad?
Yours was a warm and wonderful post, and this whole thread is part entertainment and part blessing.Thank you for the kind words from both catharina and the OP.
Maybe this will help address the vein of sarcasm and the need to “speak out.”
You’re quite welcome, elizabeth.Thank you for the kind words from both catharina and the OP.
Actually, Catharina, I think that you’ve missed the point Miz was making. She’s saying that such behavior has got to be stopped SOMEWHERE, and since she’s been a mom she’s grown comfortable stopping such behavior. Of course, you’re right that is would be wonderful if everyone were at peace with each other, however, when someone disturbs that peace we definitely need some folks to assume the role of leader, or “Mom” and advise the offender that her behavior won’t be tolerated. Otherwise, as Miz pointed out
The place of “parents” has already been taken by the priests.
I don’t know about this post, Catarina, it almost sounds prideful and dictatorial. Kind of like telling the other poster that he’s a sinner and he should be more saintly like you.
I agree–doubly rude in church–as another poster said, if that particular spot was so important to her, she should have gotten there in time to secure it.Being older is no excuse for bad manners. I have to side with Canadianguy on this one. I’d have told Granny that if she could physically eject me from that spot, it was all hers.
Miz