Kidney transplant. Is this wrong?

[deb1]

My sons get training in welding through a local Baptist church. The two men who run the class are very good people, a father and son. They often ask my children on volunteer activities, which is great.

The son-who has a child, by the way- was diagnosed as needing a transplant. I think that he needs a kidney. He refuses to let his family be tested to see if they can be donors. His reasoning is that he would rather have a strangers kidney and doesn’t want to put his family members through the operation. So, he has put himself on the transplant wait list.

Maybe I am wrong, but there are so many people on the list, people who do not always have compatible family members or friends willing to donate the organ for them.

This young man has had his entire church ask if they could volunteer. If he gets a stranger’s kidney isn’t that taking away from someone else?

 

[Malcolm_McLean]

My sons get training in welding through a local Baptist church. The two men who run the class are very good people, a father and son. They often ask my children on volunteer activities, which is great.

The son-who has a child, by the way- was diagnosed as needing a transplant. I think that he needs a kidney. He refuses to let his family be tested to see if they can be donors. His reasoning is that he would rather have a strangers kidney and doesn’t want to put his family members through the operation. So, he has put himself on the transplant wait list.

Maybe I am wrong, but there are so many people on the list, people who do not always have compatible family members or friends willing to donate the organ for them.

This young man has had his entire church ask if they could volunteer. If he gets a stranger’s kidney isn’t that taking away from someone else?

You’ve misunderstood the situation.
The family would be live donors. You can live with only one kidney, but removing it is a desperate measure.
The strangers would only donate a kidney if they died, which is far less morally problematic.

 

[deb1]

You’ve misunderstood the situation.
The family would be live donors. You can live with only one kidney, but removing it is a desperate measure.
The strangers would only donate a kidney if they died, which is far less morally problematic.

Okay. I hadn’t thought of that. Yes, it makes sense that the surgery would be dangerous and I can see why this would bother the young man. I never asked if he was against a live donor or just a family donating a kidney. That would make a difference.

I am not judging the young man. He is a wonderful person in a bad situation. I just keep thinking that others, with less wonderful family and friends, need kidneys also.

Anyway, we can all keep him in our prayers. Its difficult to know how anyone would respond in a similar situation.

 

[jman507]

That reasoning seems a bit odd to me, but when it comes to these things people’s thinking can through you for a loop. It is important for one to be psychologically in a good place, before really going for the transplant. With family dynamics, it might be better to seek else where – you don’t want to feel someone always has that on top of your head. “Well I gave you my kidney.” It might be easier to have a stranger give it. I on the other hand, would rather not have a stranger, but have family give it.

I’d also say, that it’s not really dangerous for the donor. Meaning by danger you have a high risk of death. It’s not a minor surgery, so there is some risk. Your not in the hospital too long – that always carries a risk of an infection due to being in the hospital. They’ll screen out donors who aren’t healthy. Plus the surgeons really want successful transplants, they don’t want their funding to dry up, besides the normal care for their patients. Their incision is also smaller than the one getting the transplant, it easier to take stuff out than put it in. On the other hand taking stuff out is harder to get your systems back to normal, plus they’ll have to move around the bowels. That tends to shut them down for a bit. That part is harder on the donor.

 

[gmarie21]

I have two family members who have had kidney transplants. My step-dad recieved a kidney from his son (who was more than willing to give). My sil received one from a living donor. The young man in question is CRAZY for not having family and friends tested to see if they are a match. He obviously hasn’t been on dialysis for more than a few weeks. My step-dad was on dialysis for close to a year and in that year I saw a Tony Soprano-type man go to a very weak, always cold, and grey face who could only eat rice and a few other things. Being on dialysis is TERRIBLE. My sil just had her transplant right before Christmas. B/c she’s half African/half Panimanian it was much more difficult for a donor to be found for her (ethnicity does play a small factor in being a match). She was on dialysis for 4.5 years and I’ve only known her as being weak and grey looking in the face (not to mention, she never could share a meal with any of us b/c the diet is so rigid when on dialysis). Her daughter had to go 4.5 year of not being with her mother 3 nights per week (in addition to the days when her mom worked and when she was in school). Now that her mom has a new kidney, we don’t see them very much b/c they are trying to play catch up on all of those years when she was weak because of dialysis. I have only known my sil while she was on dialysis, let me tell you, within two days after the transplant she looked like I imagine she did before I met her (before dialysis). This man is crazy to put himself and his family through dialysis if it isn’t necessary.

 

[gmarie21]

That reasoning seems a bit odd to me, but when it comes to these things people’s thinking can through you for a loop. It is important for one to be psychologically in a good place, before really going for the transplant. With family dynamics, it might be better to seek else where – you don’t want to feel someone always has that on top of your head. “Well I gave you my kidney.” It might be easier to have a stranger give it. I on the other hand, would rather not have a stranger, but have family give it.

I’d also say, that it’s not really dangerous for the donor. Meaning by danger you have a high risk of death. It’s not a minor surgery, so there is some risk. Your not in the hospital too long – that always carries a risk of an infection due to being in the hospital. They’ll screen out donors who aren’t healthy. Plus the surgeons really want successful transplants, they don’t want their funding to dry up, besides the normal care for their patients. Their incision is also smaller than the one getting the transplant, it easier to take stuff out than put it in. On the other hand taking stuff out is harder to get your systems back to normal, plus they’ll have to move around the bowels. That tends to shut them down for a bit. That part is harder on the donor.

Both the recipient and the donor have to pass a psychological exam before proceeding with the donation.

As for if it is or isn’t dangerous for the donor, it really isn’t, however the recovery time is longer and more painful for the donor than the reciever. However, most family are more than willing to make that sacrifice for a family member.

 

[gmarie21]

Also, the medication that is given during the dialysis process does cause bowel movements where one doesn’t realize that it happened until after the fact. There were many nights my mom had to clean up the bed for my step-dad and I know it was the same for my sil. Again, this man may not realize all that he will face when on dialysis. If he doesn’t take care of himself and follow all the rules to a “T” then, even if he is on a transplant list they will not give him a kidney from an outside donor because he hasn’t proven that he will care for himself properly and treat the kidney properly. There are many who decide to do what they want and be on dialysis until they die rather than changing their lives and doing things the way that will help them to live a healthy life.

 

[rayne89]

Very bizarre thinking. My personal opinion -it’s selfish. His family could possibly help him and he won’t let them, and I agree with the limited amount of donated organs he could possibly be extending the suffering of someone else who doesn’t have a match in their family.

 

[jman507]

Both the recipient and the donor have to pass a psychological exam before proceeding with the donation.

As for if it is or isn’t dangerous for the donor, it really isn’t, however the recovery time is longer and more painful for the donor than the reciever. However, most family are more than willing to make that sacrifice for a family member.

If he says he doesn’t want the kidney from a family member, it’s not going to pass the psychology exam. The one thing I’d say, I don’t know what that family dynamic is like. If he doesn’t feel comfortable with it, he’s probably going to tell it to other to save face for them, or to actually tell the family members, “look I don’t want it from you, cause I think you’ll act like a jerk about it.” Once again if they are going to do that, it’s not going to pass the psychology exam.

As far as the danger again, it’s main significance is that which goes with any other surgery that’s a bit more invasive than minor surgery. I don’t want to present it as if there are no risks, cause there are.

As far as dialysis, I was on it for a year, and did well. When I wasn’t spiking down into anemia, I was still able to go out and run. Everyone is different, and every situation is different. I only had the organ failure due the IgA causing damage to the filters.

 

[surfinpure]

This sounds like selfishness to me. Unless a living donor gives him a kidney, he will be receiving one that could have saved another life. Actually, the more I think about it, the more it sounds like stealing, because he will be denying somebody a kidney if he refuses to accept one his family offers him. And it’s not like the average transplant patient has an endless supply of extra kidneys from which to choose. The person who would be behind him in line may well have no other option, period, and could die while waiting. This boy’s misguided behavior could ultimately cost someone a life.

 

[gmarie21]

If he says he doesn’t want the kidney from a family member, it’s not going to pass the psychology exam. The one thing I’d say, I don’t know what that family dynamic is like. If he doesn’t feel comfortable with it, he’s probably going to tell it to other to save face for them, or to actually tell the family members, “look I don’t want it from you, cause I think you’ll act like a jerk about it.” Once again if they are going to do that, it’s not going to pass the psychology exam.

As far as the danger again, it’s main significance is that which goes with any other surgery that’s a bit more invasive than minor surgery. I don’t want to present it as if there are no risks, cause there are.

As far as dialysis, I was on it for a year, and did well. When I wasn’t spiking down into anemia, I was still able to go out and run. Everyone is different, and every situation is different. I only had the organ failure due the IgA causing damage to the filters.

Wow, at least from the two people I know, you are a rare breed in how your reaction was to dialysis. That is awesome. Do you feel different with the new kidney?

 

[puzzleannie]

quite frankly one’s choice of medical treatment options is a personal matter, and I don’t think the young man is obligated to explain or defend his decisions to anyone.

 

[deb1]

quite frankly one’s choice of medical treatment options is a personal matter, and I don’t think the young man is obligated to explain or defend his decisions to anyone.

I don’t like calling him selfish because I don’t believe that he is. I do think that he is unknowingly making a bad decision for others, though. He seems very close to his father so I am uncertain why his dad doesn’t discuss this issue with him.

I would agree with you, puzzleannie, if this young man’s choice didn’t impact the availability of a kidney for other people.

One of the reasons that I am asking this on the forum is because my boys have asked me questions. They worry about this man and his child.These forums are annoymous so I don’t have to worry about hurting this family.

Please pray for this person.

 

[jman507]

I don’t like calling him selfish because I don’t believe that he is. I do think that he is unknowingly making a bad decision for others, though. He seems very close to his father so I am uncertain why his dad doesn’t discuss this issue with him.

I would agree with you, puzzleannie, if this young man’s choice didn’t impact the availability of a kidney for other people.

One of the reasons that I am asking this on the forum is because my boys have asked me questions. They worry about this man and his child.These forums are annoymous so I don’t have to worry about hurting this family.

Please pray for this person.

I would say that the whole precess of going through the process to get a transplant is rather thorough. I assume chances are that the son has discreetly and one on one has talk to someone on the transplant team where this has been brought up, and any misconceptions cleared up. For many reasons the transplant team would probably prefer a living donor. Most hinge on the reason is that the general trend is one increases the life of the transplanted organ with the less time the organ is out of a functioning body.

If someone in the family wanted to be test, and the son wanted to accept the kidney it probably would all ready be done. I assume that there may be a reason he doesn’t want to accept a donation, or why the family doesn’t want to donate, but they would rather keep private. People can get awefully odd when it actually comes to donating a kidney. At least in my family the idea that one would not donate to a family member never seemed to cross anyone’s mind as a possiblility.

I have a friend, whose in-laws wanted him to donate a kidney to someone in the family, and he gets freaked out about it. Having a donated kidney, his reasons seem to be able to be countered, but his reasons are geniune. To me it seems like trying to accept being a Catholic, it’s hard to explain to someone who is not why they ought to be. Undue force isn’t good like using guilt. The whole process to donate takes a lot of work, so you really need someone who wants to do it, and is willing to go through what you have to.

Another possible reason why he’d want to pass, though doesn’t have to be the case, is that the family dynamics would make it bad. All you have to do, is go over to the family forum and look at all the in-family tension that goes on. You can probably especially find this now as Thanksgiving and Christmas has just happened when family gets together. You really don’t want someone laying a guilt trip on you, because you needed and got their kidney. It’s one thing to think a person selfish in theory, it’s another when you have to live the application of someone using you needing a kidney from the person against you.

 

[jman507]

Wow, at least from the two people I know, you are a rare breed in how your reaction was to dialysis. That is awesome. Do you feel different with the new kidney?

It sure helps when the kidney disease is the only problem your dealing with, and you didn’t indirectly cause it from something else you did. It’s mainly a genetic condition with the immune proteins. It also helps when you in your mid-twenties when your body systems are operating at their peak. So in that case the other bodily systems could compensate more efficiently.

I was on peritoneal dialysis, which is not quite as hard on the body and the electrolytes are not affected as much allowing one more flexibility in one’s diet. Also with PD your constantly doing it so the waste products don’t accumulate as much. The draw backs are that the infection risks increase, especially with the solution going inside your body, and you have to do a handful of exchanges during the day. It’s hard when your sick to come up with the energy or caring about the detail needed to do the steps to set it up to deceases your chance of infection. It also helps I enjoyed the whole process.

Because your balancing many things, there are many things that can increase the feeling of “sickness.” You need to keep all your electrolytes in balance, important plasma proteins, and your red blood cells. Typically the doctor would always call me his healthiest patient of the day, so I will say I’m probably on the good side of the spectrum. Just from the couple of weeks I was on hemodialysis I’ll say there certainly is a spectrum of wellness. People can live a long time on dialysis, and some people don’t live too long. A lot of it depends on the underlying conditions.

 

[deb1]

I would say that the whole precess of going through the process to get a transplant is rather thorough. I assume chances are that the son has discreetly and one on one has talk to someone on the transplant team where this has been brought up, and any misconceptions cleared up. For many reasons the transplant team would probably prefer a living donor. Most hinge on the reason is that the general trend is one increases the life of the transplanted organ with the less time the organ is out of a functioning body.

If someone in the family wanted to be test, and the son wanted to accept the kidney it probably would all ready be done. I assume that there may be a reason he doesn’t want to accept a donation, or why the family doesn’t want to donate, but they would rather keep private. People can get awefully odd when it actually comes to donating a kidney. At least in my family the idea that one would not donate to a family member never seemed to cross anyone’s mind as a possiblility.

I have a friend, whose in-laws wanted him to donate a kidney to someone in the family, and he gets freaked out about it. Having a donated kidney, his reasons seem to be able to be countered, but his reasons are geniune. To me it seems like trying to accept being a Catholic, it’s hard to explain to someone who is not why they ought to be. Undue force isn’t good like using guilt. The whole process to donate takes a lot of work, so you really need someone who wants to do it, and is willing to go through what you have to.

Another possible reason why he’d want to pass, though doesn’t have to be the case, is that the family dynamics would make it bad. All you have to do, is go over to the family forum and look at all the in-family tension that goes on. You can probably especially find this now as Thanksgiving and Christmas has just happened when family gets together. You really don’t want someone laying a guilt trip on you, because you needed and got their kidney. It’s one thing to think a person selfish in theory, it’s another when you have to live the application of someone using you needing a kidney from the person against you.

I had not thought about family dynamics but it is very possible that something more is going on here then is apparent from my outsider status.