Kids, bad language

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Last night our 15 y.o. daughter was angry and let fly with a curse.

We were really upset by it. In retrospect, I’m not sure she fully grasped what she had done, or, at least, didn’t comprehend it before she said it.

That makes me wonder if sheltering the kids too much might backfire sometimes. Instead of pretending the words don’t exist, or ignoring them, or glossing over them as “bad,” maybe there should be a recognition of what they are, and, importantly, their severity.

The kids are going to hear the words no matter how hard we try to protect them. I’m not saying we should teach them to our kids, but when the words come up we ought to do more than reprimand them. 🤷
 
I never sheltered my kids. I couldn’t. I live two houses from the elementary (grade K-5) school. The language I hear as the kids walk to and from school is unbelievable. The worst part is the little hooligans know exactly what they’re saying. I’ve asked.
 
If you’ve managed to grow your kid to 15 years without hearing a dirty word out of her, I’d say you’re doing pretty good.
 
on_the_hill said:
Last night our 15 y.o. daughter was angry and let fly with a curse.

We were really upset by it. In retrospect, I’m not sure she fully grasped what she had done, or, at least, didn’t comprehend it before she said it.

That makes me wonder if sheltering the kids too much might backfire sometimes. Instead of pretending the words don’t exist, or ignoring them, or glossing over them as “bad,” maybe there should be a recognition of what they are, and, importantly, their severity.

The kids are going to hear the words no matter how hard we try to protect them. I’m not saying we should teach them to our kids, but when the words come up we ought to do more than reprimand them. 🤷
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When I was young, my parents were careful to teach us about bad words. Most parents watched their children when they played and when someone, young or old, used a bad word, I was simply told not to use that word. I just trusted my parents on this and I saw adults restraining themselves. Cursing in public was looked down upon by most people or whispered among small groups of adults so that the young would not be influenced. We did not overreact or underreact. We just knew that using such words might lead to a spanking along with an explanation. Age appropriate of course.

A person who controls his tongue is praised in the Bible.

biblehub.com/james/3-2.htm

A person who does not is not.

biblehub.com/james/1-26.htm

That gradually changed over a 40 year period, mostly thanks to a media that got ruder and cruder. And adults are not left off the hook once they become adults. If bad words are bad when you’re 10, then they are still bad when you are 40. It’s part of respect. When I was around 12, I was at a house party and some men, including my father, gathered in a corner and began whispering and laughing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but my mother went up to them and said, “Don’t you talk like that around the kids.” They reacted in a way that reminded them - ‘Yes, for my kids and all the other kids here. We need to be mindful of what we say.’

Today, it seems as if “everybody’s doing it.” Just remind your children that to be good people and good Catholics, don’t swear or use bad words.

Peace,
Ed
 
edwest2 said:
When I was young, my parents were careful to teach us about bad words. Most parents watched their children when they played and when someone, young or old, used a bad word, I was simply told not to use that word. I just trusted my parents on this and I saw adults restraining themselves. Cursing in public was looked down upon by most people or whispered among small groups of adults so that the young would not be influenced. We did not overreact or underreact. We just knew that using such words might lead to a spanking along with an explanation. Age appropriate of course.

A person who controls his tongue is praised in the Bible.

biblehub.com/james/3-2.htm

A person who does not is not.

biblehub.com/james/1-26.htm

That gradually changed over a 40 year period, mostly thanks to a media that got ruder and cruder. And adults are not left off the hook once they become adults. If bad words are bad when you’re 10, then they are still bad when you are 40. It’s part of respect. When I was around 12, I was at a house party and some men, including my father, gathered in a corner and began whispering and laughing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but my mother went up to them and said, “Don’t you talk like that around the kids.” They reacted in a way that reminded them - ‘Yes, for my kids and all the other kids here. We need to be mindful of what we say.’

Today, it seems as if “everybody’s doing it.” Just remind your children that to be good people and good Catholics, don’t swear or use bad words.

Peace,
Ed
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There are consequences for adults as well. I know my step-father lost at least two construction jobs because he and his co-carpenters couldn’t watch their mouths and offended the customers or employees of the place they were working on. Not long ago, the woman who for years played the part of the Sugar Plum Fairy at our community Christmas festival was fired after going on on someone in a public restroom. I personally witnessed a woman being cited and escorted from the premesis by our school’s security officer after she called our secretary the B word in front of several children. Turns out, though rarely enforced, there are laws against using profanity in front of children on the books in our jurisdiction. That amongst the millions of people who might have been promoted to a better job, or been offered the contract, or gotten a second date, or been invited to the party, if only they hadn’t made a bad impression with their filthy language.
 
I am sure she knew what she was saying. At 15, to not know, would mean she has lived a severely sheltered life. We were never sheltered. My parents simply taught us what was appropriate and what was not. We knew better than to cuss lest we get a spanking.( I am a bit older so spankings were not unheard of or treated as a form of abuse.)

If we did not know the meaning of a cuss word or some slang we were told to look it up in the dictionary, it was discussed and we were told why it was wrong to use. Not that we didn’t grow up and use words we should not have, but it was seldom done and we knew to apologize. The first time I swore I was at my job in a nursing home. I was 26 years old and everyone was so shocked they actually stuck their heads out of rooms and offices to see if it was really me. And the word was not “that bad.” (Rhymes with ship and ends in t.)

I guess I don’t believe in over sheltering kids. Some sheltering is needed, but at some point the harder facts of life need to be dealt with honestly. I think therefore, teaching what cuss words are and why not to use them is the best approach.
 
edwest2 said:
When I was young, my parents were careful to teach us about bad words. Most parents watched their children when they played and when someone, young or old, used a bad word, I was simply told not to use that word. I just trusted my parents on this and I saw adults restraining themselves. Cursing in public was looked down upon by most people or whispered among small groups of adults so that the young would not be influenced. We did not overreact or underreact. We just knew that using such words might lead to a spanking along with an explanation. Age appropriate of course.

A person who controls his tongue is praised in the Bible.

biblehub.com/james/3-2.htm

A person who does not is not.

biblehub.com/james/1-26.htm

That gradually changed over a 40 year period, mostly thanks to a media that got ruder and cruder. And adults are not left off the hook once they become adults. If bad words are bad when you’re 10, then they are still bad when you are 40. It’s part of respect. When I was around 12, I was at a house party and some men, including my father, gathered in a corner and began whispering and laughing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but my mother went up to them and said, “Don’t you talk like that around the kids.” They reacted in a way that reminded them - ‘Yes, for my kids and all the other kids here. We need to be mindful of what we say.’

**Today, it seems as if “everybody’s doing it.” **Just remind your children that to be good people and good Catholics, don’t swear or use bad words.

Peace,
Ed
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👍

Yes, if it just happened now, I’d say “good job.”

(I am especially dismayed when the N word is used so flippantly)
 
cheezey said:
👍

Yes, if it just happened now, I’d say “good job.”

(I am especially dismayed when the N word is used so flippantly)
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Yes, even black people use the N word when referring to each other.

Friends. Standards have dropped. In the media, and in public in general. We don’t need to fret - too much, but we must try to restrain ourselves even if others don’t. And teach our children. In the past, some people thought things were too strict. Now that we are “on the other side,” this is better? People using obscene words while talking on their cell phone in a public place?

And rap (not) music from the car next to you at the traffic light? Better? No.

May God have mercy,
Ed
 
on_the_hill said:
Last night our 15 y.o. daughter was angry and let fly with a curse.

We were really upset by it. In retrospect, I’m not sure she fully grasped what she had done, or, at least, didn’t comprehend it before she said it.

That makes me wonder if sheltering the kids too much might backfire sometimes. Instead of pretending the words don’t exist, or ignoring them, or glossing over them as “bad,” maybe there should be a recognition of what they are, and, importantly, their severity.

The kids are going to hear the words no matter how hard we try to protect them. I’m not saying we should teach them to our kids, but when the words come up we ought to do more than reprimand them. 🤷
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😊😊😊 Don’t let her visit Australia. 😊😊😊

My view of a person is always tarnished when I hear them swear. It’s just not classy. I’d say to my kids if you want to make animal noises, go find a paddock to live in. At least in the US you have some media laws to control it. In Aus. nothing too much is ever beeped out.
 
I’m just wondering how said 15 year old didn’t hear curses in school or from her friends. Sheltering a child too much is bad. Just try to stop them saying them. Don’t be too harsh on them for cursing though, as I read somewhere that doing that could cause them to curse more when they’re feeling angry and rebellious.

And why were you upset about one curse? She’s 15. You can expect her to curse sometimes. Just try to discourage the behaviour.
 
I was in my early teens when my youngest sister was born. Since both my parents worked my other siblings and I were often drafted (against our will) for baby sitting duty. My older brother especially resented this. One day, at the time in her life when Little Precious was just learning to talk, I came home to find her sitting in a high chair intently listening to my brother as he taught her to cuss. We all thought this was extremely funny, but then thought nothing more about it…until Little Precious dropped the F-bomb at the dinner table a couple weeks later. My parents were NOT amused.
 
Every second word out of my dad’s mouth was profanity. Which is probably why I don’t see it as bad as I should. I would explain to the 15 year old that not only is it a sin, a lot of people who aren’t religious can get offended because it shows a lack of general respect. I would also tell her, it is a hard habit to break and if the word comes out in front of the wrong person (such as a teacher or later on a boss), the consequences could be horrid.

I would tell her, that it really is a poor choice and the next time she does it, I would simply give her that look that makes her realize an apology is needed.

Then I would leave it at that. If the problem does not self correct, I would enforce greater consequences.
 
randomusername said:
I’m just wondering how said 15 year old didn’t hear curses in school or from her friends. Sheltering a child too much is bad. Just try to stop them saying them. Don’t be too harsh on them for cursing though, as I read somewhere that doing that could cause them to curse more when they’re feeling angry and rebellious.

And why were you upset about one curse? She’s 15. You can expect her to curse sometimes. Just try to discourage the behaviour.
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Certainly she hears much worse. No doubt about it.

As for what she said, it wasn’t one of the seven words you can’t say on TV. But it was the way it was delivered. She was upset and said to her mother, ‘Are you happy now, d**m you.’ 🤷
 
on_the_hill said:
Certainly she hears much worse. No doubt about it.

As for what she said, it wasn’t one of the seven words you can’t say on TV. But it was the way it was delivered. She was upset and said to her mother, ‘Are you happy now, d**m you.’ 🤷
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My immediate reaction is not so much she used bad language - it is around us all the time and mistakes happen. Obviously if this is her first time in front of you then she knows it’s not acceptable. However - that comment falls under not respecting a parent - aka backtalk - and THAT is a severe offense in our house, meriting immediate grounding to room, followed by an apology, and a restitution chore. If sincerity in apology is not forth-coming, the grounding is prolonged to allow time for proper reflection and the non-offended parent mediates the issue.

As far as bad language goes, our kids from early ages on are taught that there are three kinds of “bad words”:

Impolite words: not to be used around parents, in school, church, etc but that can be okay around friends, particularly around the middle school age (these usually refer to a body part or function).

Bad words: curse words that some people may use regularly but intelligent, christian people should not use anywhere. We explain the meaning and also show how a person using them is usually perceived in a very negative manner.

Foul words: the extreme curse words and bigoted words that are not acceptable ever. These are the words that should be stood up against. I can and have politely asked perfect strangers to refrain from using them because of my children being present, and confronted friends about their use letting them know (nicely) that I don’t (and won’t) listen to such. Thankfully, I have yet to have a single person object to my objection of these and in fact, most apologize. Don’t get me wrong - I’m definitely not the word police and these confrontations are rare but I feel it’s important to still try to draw a line somewhere.
 
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