Kids, career, Catholicism

[Jennifer_J]

This is a much stronger section on the support of working mothers (thanks for the link!). See, I’m not all negative. If you can make it work without neglecting God and family and you are truly called (seeking outside Spiritual Guidance would help you discern this) then by all means work. I just think much prayer and discernment need to be made, though,before and during the process.

vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_let_29061995_women_en.html
<<4. And what shall we say of the obstacles which in so many parts of the world still keep women from being fully integrated into social, political and economic life? We need only think of how the gift of motherhood is often penalized rather than rewarded, even though humanity owes its very survival to this gift. Certainly, much remains to be done to prevent discrimination against those who have chosen to be wives and mothers. As far as personal rights are concerned, there is an urgent need to achieve real equality in every area: equal pay for equal work, protection for working mothers, fairness in career advancements, equality of spouses with regard to family rights and the recognition of everything that is part of the rights and duties of citizens in a democratic State.

This is a matter of justice but also of necessity. Women will increasingly play a part in the solution of the serious problems of the future: leisure time, the quality of life, migration, social services, euthanasia, drugs, health care, the ecology, etc. In all these areas a greater presence of women in society will prove most valuable, for it will help to manifest the contradictions present when society is organized solely according to the criteria of efficiency and productivity, and it will force systems to be redesigned in a way which favours the pro- cesses of humanization which mark the “civilization of love”.>>

Jennifer

 

[apricot_yogurt]

St Gianna Molla was a working mother-she was a paediatrician and a general practitioner. She also desired a large family - she died after the birth of her fourth.
Her husband wrote that she was beautiful…".in her affection, in her energy, in attentiveness to the children and to me, in simplicity of manner, in care for herself, in knowing how to balance duty and joy for life, religious practice and time for concerts, theater, skiing:to sum up, in her typically feminine ability to know how to fulfill herself completely and harmoniously. So, in our workaday life Gianna introduced the elements of beauty and festivity."

 

[Em_in_FL]

St Gianna Molla was a working mother-she was a paediatrician and a general practitioner. She also desired a large family - she died after the birth of her fourth.
Her husband wrote that she was beautiful…".in her affection, in her energy, in attentiveness to the children and to me, in simplicity of manner, in care for herself, in knowing how to balance duty and joy for life, religious practice and time for concerts, theater, skiing:to sum up, in her typically feminine ability to know how to fulfill herself completely and harmoniously. So, in our workaday life Gianna introduced the elements of beauty and festivity."

I think you just found a perfect patron for Trying2!

 

[YinYangMom]

From the last post, I guess I got my question answered. As a woman, it’s pretty much impossible to have a life outside of your family. That, to me, is very discouraging. Especially raising three daughters, I don’t want them to feel that they have to choose between having a career and having a family.

As I said in my previous post: Marriage is a vocation. When a woman says ‘Yes’ to an engagement she is choosing her career.

You cannot give your yes to your husband and your children and then an outside ‘career’. Each demands and is entitled to a good 90% of your attention. The time to your career takes away from your family, the time from your family takes away from your career. That has nothing to do with church teaching but life. Period.

We women are capable of so much that is why God chose us to be mothers. He gave us the personal gifts we have - not for our own personal gain - but to take care of His most precious gifts of all - new life.

Being a mom, you aleady know mothering well takes a lot of time, energy and attention. That you choose to add to that a personal career is your own doing. That you are feeling stressed is because you are beginning to resent one over the other and feel guilty about even considering resenting your family, but that was the choice you made.

Yes you can have a career - after the kids have grown. Yes you can hold a job while the kids are growing - but that job has to be 2nd in your priorities because you’ve already said children would be 1st in your priorities the day you and your husband decided to let them into your life. When the job is 2nd there is no resentment because your priorities are straight.

What reward does a career outside the home really offer in the long run? It is challenging intellectually. There is a lot of politics. It pays well but the higher the pay the more hours the work demands. You accumulate retirement funds but what if you don’t live long enough to access them or what if they get zapped by a financial scandal like the Enron people experienced? The rewards of an outside ‘career’ are ‘of this earth and for this earth’. They do not get you into heaven. You don’t get to take them with you. Why then, does it matter so much to have that right now at this point in time?

 

[YinYangMom]

I don’t believe we can ‘have it all.’ But I also don’t believe that being a mother requires you to do nothing but housework and childcare for 18 years.

Thanks for sharing that.
Notice that the reason you have been able to ‘have it all’ is because each step of the way you compromised what that outside career would be. What you do now is not what you set out to do originally, but because you kept your role as mother front and center, God presented these alternative options which enabled you to be fulfilled personally from your outside job without resenting motherhood.

I feel I have been blessed to have it all, too, but it did require my changing what that ‘career’ picture would look like. It was hard to do at first, but after that first ‘compromise’ life was so much easier the future ones seemed to just fall before my feet and there was no resistence on my part to take a different path.

I have worked all but 2 years of my children’s lives - they are 16 and 18, and I have volunteered on various PTAs, church committees, educational boards, taught RE, etc. However, I did not pursue a masters after my bachelors and I’m not working in the field of my bachelors. I am using all the skills I developed in my university education so that’s rewarding. I’m certainly not earning the wages my degree could garner if I were truly on my ‘career’ path, but the wages I do earn are more than adequate to help pay the bills, provide for all those extracurricular school activities for the kids, and allow me to eat out with girlfriends once a month. So I’m blessed and am happy with the way things turned out.

 

[Trying2]

Thanks YinYang,
You make some very valid points. Just for clarification, a bit about how I got here:
After the birth of my first child, I realized that I was going to have to work full-time no matter what. It killed me, as I was always searching for a way to make part-time work. Also, I figured that since I was going to “have” to work full-time than I was going to pursue a job that would allow me to be more flexible. I worked full-time and studied part-time to get to where I am now. And in that time, I too gave back to my community, teaching religious ed, coaching youth athletics and serving on a local school board. I feel that I am doing my part.

However, I feel that by pursuing medicine I will be able to have a larger impact, as well as have more flexibility to be with my family. Perhaps, I am naive, or looking at it through rose-colored glasses, but I do believe that this is what’s going to be best for my family. Whether it’s going to be fulfilling to me or not.

I’m curious, you say you have two children: 16 and 18. Were you able to achieve this size family through NFP? Creighton model? Etc. I am trying to hear people’s stories about how this can work.

Thanks again.

 

[YinYangMom]

However,** I feel** that by pursuing medicine I will be able to have a larger impact, as well as have more flexibility to be with my family. Perhaps, I am naive, or looking at it through rose-colored glasses, but I do believe that this is what’s going to be best for my family. Whether it’s going to be fulfilling to me or not.

God works many miracles through the little things we do, say in this lifetime. Look at scripture and see how many people were led to God by the simple words or actions of the least likely person. They weren’t noblemen, they weren’t scholars, they weren’t the elite. They were the outcasts, the solitary, the meek, by all accounts the most unqualified people.

I think you’re probably on the right track. The only question which arises in your statement is the bolded part. Have you checked through reflection, and as an earlier poster suggested, with a spiritual advisor, that this feeling you have comes from God and not yourself?

On whom do you seek to have a greater impact? Why?

The greatest impact you have is on those children you are raising. They are the future of this world. They are the soldiers who will defend Catholicism as everything around us moves toward secular values. The pendulum is swinging but we Catholics have to be adequately catechised and prepared to live out God’s message of truth and love in everything we do - especially the little things.

If you aren’t focusing your time and attentions to raising your children to understand and defend the faith who is? I know that you are doing so, but who’s taking your place when you are in school and studying and working, anyone, or is it not being addressed?

There is no greater impact you can have on this earth than the one you have on your children. You have but a short window of time - in the grand scheme of things - to get the message of God’s love and His call for them across to them so that they can carry out His mission through them.

I liked your last statement - whether it fulfills you or not. That’s very open and honest. It shows you really do feel a call in this direction. That’s good.

That you are struggling to achieve the goal right now suggests one of two things:

a) the motivation for entering the field is self-derived rather than a response to God’s call (probably not)

b) the timing of your response to the call is off (more likely)

Again, look to scripture. Whether or not His prophets were ‘ready’ He sent them out to do His will. Where they did not have the skills, He provided them. Where they did not have the means, He provided them. If it’s God will that you become the doctor you feel you are called to be he will open all the doors for you along the way for you. Not that there won’t be struggles, but the struggles would not be leaving you feeling resentful toward the Church and considering leaving it - that’s probably the biggest red flag I saw in your posts.

I’m curious, you say you have two children: 16 and 18. Were you able to achieve this size family through NFP? Creighton model? Etc. I am trying to hear people’s stories about how this can work.

I’ll PM you about that as for me, it is too personal to post on a public board.

 

[DiannaK]

So, I have been reading a lot of post here at CAF, however, am new to posting. I am wondering if there are any woman out there that have found a way to balance it all. I guess the bottom line question is can you have your cake and eat it too?

Are there any families out there that are willing to share their NFP stories while going to school/work, have a high-stress job, still have a decent marriage are making work and Catholicism and parenting, etc. work? Can anyone shed some light on how this can work?

Thank in advance.

I just wanted to post that I’m on the same side of the street as you. I’m a working mother, one 12 and one 10 months, and up until my youngest daughter was born, never saw myself as a mother who would EVER stay home. However, seeing this wee one made me re-think my priorities a bit.

Can you have it all? I like to think so, with the right amount of support. Your DH MUST be on board, since it will take the 2 of you working together to prevent you from feeling overwhelmed. I’m a nurse, for a large cardiololgy practice, so I think I can claim the high stress job status. I’m also planning on going back to school this summer as well.

I’m going to take the NFP journey this year, for the first time in my life. It’s a little scary, but I look forward to learning more about my body, and improving my marriage as well. My DH is in RCIA classes at the moment, so we will tackle NFP after Easter.

I don’t blame you for feeling overwhelmed, etc. Lord only knows I do as well. I’ve mentioned it to my DH in passing, to let him know that I CANT do it all, and this is a team effort.

I agree with one of the PPs that a solid prayer life is key … I listen to my rosary CD on the way to work, or on the way home. I will also listen to Relevant Radio archives while at work in the EARLY am hours — it keeps me grounded, and I’ve learned a tremendous amount.

Being a working mother gives a different perspective on some things – I think I appreciate my time with my daughters more, and I hope that I am teaching them the value of hard work and sacrifice.

Best of luck to you, and know that you’re not alone in this.

Dianna