Kids I nanny swear up a storm!

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ellam25

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So I nanny two kids every few weekends when hubby is off so he can watch our baby…anyway their ages are 7 and 11. The 11 year old is polite but when playing video games or talking to his friends he swears with every word in the book!! The 7 year old I am particularly concerned about because she says things like “for chr!$s sakes" when shes frustrated and she told ne one time that their dog (who poops in the house quite often) is a little "whre” (these are just a few examples mind you. My guess is that they here this language from dad and the girl is hearing brother AND dad talk that way. It makes me very uncomfortable and when I talked to the mom about it she said she doesn’t make a big deal out of it so that they don’t get encouraged to do it more?? Other than this situation I love the family and kids are actually great. The older boy is very helpful and always asks how my daughter is doing. Any advice/similar stories?
 
With my kids, and the kids I babysat, I say, “I don’t permit that language. If you say it again you will have a time-out.” And I follow through (ignoring any whining, though any blatant disrespect means additional time out.)

I bet they aren’t allowed to talk that way at school and they probably manage just fine.

If the situation gets really unbearable, you can quit, too - I have done that when I had kids who just would not respect me or my rules, and my kids were picking up those habits because they were together.
 
I would not do anything about it. They have a right to freedom of speech. I would not do anything to curtail it. You can encourage them to use better language, but I do not recommend punishing them if they use bad language. That would be similar to fascism. They are not your kids anyway. Only parents should reprimand kids if they use bad language.
 
anon67074017 said:
I would not do anything about it. They have a right to freedom of speech. I would not do anything to curtail it. You can encourage them to use better language, but I do not recommend punishing them if they use bad language. That would be similar to fascism. They are not your kids anyway. Only parents should reprimand kids if they use bad language.
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Seven and 11 year old kids do not have freedom of speech! They are to obey the adults who are in charge. It’s too bad if their parents allow them to speak like this; it does the children a disservice.
 
JimG said:
Seven and 11 year old kids do not have freedom of speech! They are to obey the adults who are in charge. It’s too bad if their parents allow them to speak like this; it does the children a disservice.
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Well, they do, but only in the sense that the government cannot punish them or censor their speech. When it comes to adults in authority, kids have exactly as much freedom of speech as you do with your boss.
 
JimG said:
Seven and 11 year old kids do not have freedom of speech! They are to obey the adults who are in charge. It’s too bad if their parents allow them to speak like this; it does the children a disservice.
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The adults can act like fascists though.
 
anon67074017 said:
I would not do anything about it. They have a right to freedom of speech. I would not do anything to curtail it. You can encourage them to use better language, but I do not recommend punishing them if they use bad language. That would be similar to fascism. They are not your kids anyway. Only parents should reprimand kids if they use bad language.
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:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
 
jilly4ski said:
It is not fascism for adults to set rules about speech and behavior when they are in charge. :rolleyes:
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It depends on if they are the established guardians or if they just want to be authoritarian.
 
anon67074017 said:
Are they trying to instill authoritarian values on the children though?
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That’s kind of a parent’s job; ditto that of those who are put in the parent’s place, like a nanny.

The relationship between a parent (or parent-appointed substitute) and a child is entirely different from that of a government and the governed. The one has the right to dictate what behavior is appropriate, even to more minor degrees than those required by law: parents can justly, for example, require their six-year-old to say “please” and “thank you,” or to pick up his toys before bed. On the other hand, a government which imprisoned a six-year-old for failing to say “please” or “thank you” or to pick up his toys before going to bed would grossly overstep what are considered to be reasonable bounds.
 
ellam25 said:
Any advice/similar stories?
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It has been my experience, there is no point in arguing with a parent who refuses to discipline their child. All you really can do is set your boundary ‘While I am the adult in charge, there is to be no swearing and I expect the parents support in enforcing the rule’.

It has also been my experience that parents who don’t have the energy to discipline their child while they are in charge usually don’t help the nanny discipline the kid. It is time to do some soul searching and decide if you really want to take care of those kids. If you need the extra income, it will be a hard decision to make
 
anon67074017 said:
I would not do anything about it. They have a right to freedom of speech. I would not do anything to curtail it. You can encourage them to use better language, but I do not recommend punishing them if they use bad language. That would be similar to fascism. They are not your kids anyway. Only parents should reprimand kids if they use bad language.
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You seem to think everything is similar to fascism.
 
I would personally give the Hitler salute to someone who is trying to discipline me for casual profanity. I respect the right of parents to stop their kids from using profanity though.
 
They’re 7 and 11? I’d say, “I’m not your parents, I won’t tell you what you can never do. I will tell you that I know you aren’t allowed to talk like that at school. I know this, too: you aren’t allowed to talk like that around me. I know you can control your own mouth if you decide to do it, and it is good practice. You will never meet an adult who uses words like that who won’t tell you it is important to be the master of your own mouth and be able to avoid using that kind of language when you need to.”

If the parents forbid even that much discipline, they can find another nanny. I won’t be treated as if I have no right to my own boundaries…not by a 7 year old, not by an 11 year old, and not by their parents, either. If I’m to have no authority, I won’t take the job. It is not as if parents who want a nanny who’ll enforce such minimal standards are that hard to find.
 
anon67074017 said:
I would personally give the Hitler salute to someone who is trying to discipline me for casual profanity. I respect the right of parents to stop their kids from using profanity though.
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You’d personally see lower blood sugar and more exercise, which will also do you good. As the nanny, you see, I have to feed you, but I don’t have to feed you things that you like. For children who can control their mouths, however, I have been known to make homemade bread, that lasagna that you adore, and some fairly marvelous cookies.

If you think that is fascist, well, all I can say is that if you get all the control when you’re 11, you’ll never have a reason to grow up and run your own life. Being an adult is a lot of work; it needs to have some perks. (…not that I will avoid giving you the evil eye in 20 years when you’re 31 and I’m 61 and you still can’t control your mouth…now, get out the flour, and let’s make some bread, shall we?)
 
Dacinom said:
I have a feeling this arrangement won’t last long, you won’t be able to discipline where the parents won’t there will ultimately be a conflict here. I would try and find another family but you could try that in the meantime.
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I disagree with this part. As a teacher I have a higher standard of appropriate language than most households. Most/all my students manage to remember that they can’t say certain words around me that their parents allow.
 
EasterJoy said:
You’d personally see lower blood sugar and more exercise, which will also do you good. As the nanny, you see, I have to feed you, but I don’t have to feed you things that you like. For children who can control their mouths, however, I have been known to make homemade bread, that lasagna that you adore, and some fairly marvelous cookies.

If you think that is fascist, well, all I can say is that if you get all the control when you’re 11, you’ll never have a reason to grow up and run your own life. Being an adult is a lot of work; it needs to have some perks. (…not that I will avoid giving you the evil eye in 20 years when you’re 31 and I’m 61 and you still can’t control your mouth…now, get out the flour, and let’s make some bread, shall we?)
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It is better to agree to disagree. I am not being uncharitable. My libertarianism is just showing.
 
Dacinom said:
I agree that you shouldn’t have to hear this language. I would feel very uncomfortable listening to it. However the parents are paying you, so in fairness, BEFORE you begin saying anything to the children you need to say something to the parents. You have to flat out tell them that this kind of language makes you uncomfortable and if the children use it you will tell them to stop it and give a consequence. You have to do this politely and tell the parents you respect they are their children and have the right to raise them however they want, it’s just that the language makes you feel uncomfortable.

I have a feeling this arrangement won’t last long, you won’t be able to discipline where the parents won’t there will ultimately be a conflict here. I would try and find another family but you could try that in the meantime.
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The schools do not bother to tell parents that the teachers won’t tolerate swearing. The OP is only talking about the sorts of standards that every school has. If the kids won’t accept that, they can complain to the parents. I will bet that they don’t. What parent is really going to go to bat for their children’s right to talk as if no one ever taught them any manners? Some, but not many, and the ones who would aren’t parents I’d want to nanny for. The truth is, many parents who “can’t get” their children to behave at home are quite pleased to have someone else come in and be the bad guy.

Teachers do not usually go nuts with the “consequences,” either. Children figure out what the prevailing rules are, and they usually keep a lid on it fairly well. Maybe things slip out, but they say “oops” and at least make an effort. There is no reason to make this a bigger deal than it needs to be unless the children get defiant about it. I kind of doubt that they will, not unless the nanny makes it into a power struggle instead of a coaching situation.
 
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