Kids say the darndest things: Mass version!

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You just made my day. God bless you and yours
 
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Jews have children, too!
I have 21 first cousins on my dads side. At the Passover Seder held in my Aunts house…the only one who had room to seat us all at four tables, there is a song sung that ends…El bneh, el bneh, bneh beitcha bekarov. one of my cousins around age four, ended the song…el bneh, el bneh, pass the matzoh down this way! It fits perfectly with the rhythm of the song and we were in tears!

And yes, we gave him some matzoh!
 
This goes way back to the time when churches had a pew collection. My father loved to tell the story of how he was at mass and a little boy was with his father. His dad gave his son three coins. By the time the little boy had already put in his second coin and the third collection came by, he cried out, " Daddy, they are taking all my money!"
 
When I was little my neighbors, whom I loved dearly,asked my Mom and Dad if they could take me to their synagogue service. I came home that eve bubbling with joy. I just loved it. And best of all, after the service , o my gosh, what a great spread of food and desserts there were.
The hospitality of the congregation was so warm and kind. Shalom.
 
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When he was little, my son thought, “Thanks be to God,” at the end of Mass was “Thank speedy God!”
 
My two year old entered the church and pew loudly saying “tiptoe, tiptoe tiptoe” while hunching over and stomping. A woman sitting on the far side of the church told me how cute he sounded.
 
I took my four-year old niece to Mass for the first time. During the offertory, when the gifts were brought down, she said, “Oh…we’re having snacks!!!”
 
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LisaB said:
When my son was 3, we were at Mass, and a man behind us must have been talking to someone next to him. My son turned around and said in a loud whisper, “shhhh! Jesus is coming!”
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There are no words for this!!! God bless your sweet child!!!
 
We the grandparents are from Ohio and live in Texas. My grand treasure came to visit at Christmas time. After mass she sang Glory to God in Ohio! Her mom correct her saying Glory to God in the Highest! NO MOM it is Glory to God in Ohio!
 
Happened to an old friend during a Protestant service he was presiding, and where there was apparently one family which taught their children to say grace at meals :

Minister : “… in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
Kid (shouting) : “And enjoy your meal !”
 
I remember one particular homily that was rather long, ambling and difficult to follow because the (visiting) priest seemed to be trying to cover too many unconnected topics at once and every time you felt he was approaching a meaningful conclusion he would change the topic and ramble on about something else. It was almost as if he was trying to condense his entire wisdom into one homily. At some point the priest said “and this is what Jesus meant when he said …”. A little girl blurted out “that’s what Jesus said”. Half the congregation burst into giggles.
 
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On my wedding day, when they rang the bells for the consecration for the first time, you hear a little boy say “Hello?” like he was picking up a telephone. Every time I hear the consecration bells at a mass, I think back to that day and it brings a smile to my face.
 
I know a young kid who thought that people were saying “Thanks Speedy God” instead of “Thanks Be To God” at the end of the readings and the Mass.
 
My first word was Jesus I was 2 and we were driving past a church with a statue of the sacred heart and I pointed at it and said GG
 
My father would drop me off at my grandfathers house on the weekends during the day they weren’t Christian and did not speak English but 4 year old me would bring my grandfather all over the city to go to Sunday mass and he would call the churches GG houses. The man has probably been to more masses than some Catholics have been too.
 
About 62 or 63 years ago, the culmination of a 40-Hours Devotion in our very old Gothic church was about to begin. Pin-drop silence prevailed and only exit lights and minimal candles lent a theater-like visibility. Enough visiting priests to fill both Communion rails silently congregated at the back of the pews to solemnly process to the altar.

A little 3- or 4-year-old boy, number eight in a family that would become twelve children, stood on a kneeler about eight rows from the altar, leaning out into the aisle and looking back toward the priests. Suddenly, all the enormous chandeliers lit the Church so brightly that we had to blink rapidly. The little boy glanced up at all the lights with a horrified look, hugged his arms around himself, and warned in a very loud voice that everyone could hear, “Boy! Somebody better turn out all the damned lights!”

At first, there was a small titter of amusement, but you know how spontaneous laughter becomes snorts when restrained, then helpless laughter? By the time the priests had reached the altar, their shoulders were shaking, and stifled laughter could be heard in their chanting. That did it! Suppressed laughter erupted from the faithful in the pews. People were still smiling broadly as we exited. After all these years, people who were there still laugh about it.

That little boy is probably 66 or 67, now. Although he operates a large farm, he rarely misses daily Mass and Adoration.
 
Another time a kid said something funny during mass was when the congregation said “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed,” and the kid whispered to his dad, “Dad! What’s the word?”
 
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When my kiddo was about three, he took it into his head to ask, loudly, about the anatomical differences between boys and girls.

Cue snerks from everybody around us.

At least he used the correct medical terminology.
 
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