Poor heart.
Agree with X_V … you need professionals in this mix. You can be sure the ex has them.
Start with this excellent book
Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak. It’s depressing that a book this good is on such a sad subject. It too will urge you to hire a pro, while also showing what you can do.
Blessings.
EDIT: I hope that didn’t sound like an
oh, there’s a book for that. It can sound too much like
oh, there’s a pill for that. Both times less-than-helpful.
I mentioned it because I’ve seen marriages and divorces and I agree with the authors that there are patterns which you can predict and challenge. The authors note that some people dismiss divorce poison by claiming that children cannot be influenced into turning against a truly good parent. Well, clearly the advertising industry believes that children can be influenced; otherwise, why would anyone spend so much money attempting to persuade children to desire their merchandise? They do it because it works.
The authors also give some examples of questions that responsible parents (both of them) would ask themselves:
_How does it help the child to have this information that I am thinking of telling them? _
How would the child be harmed if I withhold the information?
If the ex-spouse and I were still together and still happy, how would I speak and behave to protect and nurture the child’s relationship with the other parent?
Such questions and responses are designed to help both parents realize whether their words and deeds are really in the child’s best interests or are motivated by divorce poison.
I really do recommend the book.
Having said that, not everyone comes to the forums to have a problem solved in one minute. Sometimes they just need to be heard. While a counselor would help with many issues, know also that your family is in a lot of people’s prayers.
