Kids under 7 banned from Wedding Church Ceremony

[Magdalena09]

I can understand that someone would request no young children at a wedding, or other formal function. I would however expect this would be stated in the invitations.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind if this extended to Mass as well. The last 2 times I went to mass, there were kids eating, jumping on the pews, running around, etc. I find if difficult to focus my prayer and meditation with unruly children present.

Distractions only have power over us if we let them. Every time I sit behind a baby in Mass, I completely lose attention and ooo and ahhh over the little bundles of joy. One time I was so overwhelmed by this obviously new set of parents and the way they were raising their baby (yes I could tell just from sitting behind them in Mass) that I actually cried and was reminded to pray for my niece who won’t have a Catholic upbringing or even a very Christian one.

So… I’m all for little ones at Mass.

 

[lada]

There are many topics on CAF regarding this. Just wait until you have kids. The Catholic church is pro life, and embraces families. Just where are the peope with families supposed to go for mass if children are not allowed?

I can understand the difficulty in hearing mass, but try to get past this, and pray about it.

As for the original post - I was in a Catholic wedding this fall (my best friend’s) and she had requested no children at the mass. I thought it was ridiculous, but it didn’t really affect me since my husband and I were excited to leave the children with the grandparents and enjoy an adult weekend! If we had not had another option, it would have really affected my plans and honestly, I probably would have turned down her invitation to be in the wedding. Going to a wedding alone is no fun, after all, which is what would have happened if I’d had to leave my kids with dh.

We get “adult only” wedding invitations quite frequently. Sometimes, we choose to go, but more often we just politely decline. I do think it’s important that it be stated up front, on the invitation. Turning someone away at the door is inexcusable.

 

[lada]

I can understand that someone would request no young children at a wedding, or other formal function. I would however expect this would be stated in the invitations.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind if this extended to Mass as well. The last 2 times I went to mass, there were kids eating, jumping on the pews, running around, etc. I find if difficult to focus my prayer and meditation with unruly children present.

Find a 5:30 am mass somewhere and you should be good to go. Otherwise, deal with it. Families are heart and soul of the faith.

 

[ALLGIRLS]

I can understand that someone would request no young children at a wedding, or other formal function. I would however expect this would be stated in the invitations.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind if this extended to Mass as well. The last 2 times I went to mass, there were kids eating, jumping on the pews, running around, etc. I find if difficult to focus my prayer and meditation with unruly children present.

Not to hijack the thread for this topic BUT:

The Church instructs married couples to be open to life. In fact, couples may only deliberately avoid conceiving a child for “serious reasons”, and we baptize our newborns, making them members of the Church. Ergo, they have as much a right to be there as you do. Should they be loud and unruly? No. Should a parent not take a screaming baby out? No. These situations should be dealt with appropriately (like forbidding any food outside of baby bottles) But children should always be welcome at Mass.

In Christ,

Ellen

 

[Abeille]

Many posters are assuming that the invitation did not mention that children were discouraged from attending.

Does it also not strike anyone as strange that the groom did not inform his sister and brother in law that children were not welcome?

When asked about it later, what did the groom say?

 

[jmcrae]

Wedding crashing is not highly thought of amongst most people



~Liza

It’s only “crashing” if you stay for the reception afterwards. The Mass itself is a public event, and anyone can attend - and in fact, they should, because they can get an Indulgence for witnessing someone receiving a Sacrament.

 

[lizaanne]

It’s only “crashing” if you stay for the reception afterwards. The Mass itself is a public event, and anyone can attend - and in fact, they should, because they can get an Indulgence for witnessing someone receiving a Sacrament.

In all honesty I’ve done this myself before. A parish I used to go to for Confession would have hours on Saturday when weddings would be taking place. It is a HUGE Church, so entirely possible to be there and not interrupt. So I would sit in the back off to the side (it is an octagonal Church) - and participate in the Mass but not receive Holy Communion. And Oooo and Ahhh over the dresses.

~Liza

 

[jwashu]

Children can be disruptive, taking our children into Worship with is was and is sometimes one of the biggest challenges we found after becoming Catholic.

While some Parishes our size have an infant / toddler area, all we have is a cry room. Four sons under 7 is a lot to handle, was even more a year ago

Our previous Church and every protestant church I know of has a Childrens service for the kids the same time as “big Church” for the adults.

This started probably 30 years ago, my parents didn’t like the idea of us getting religious instruction from random people at our large Baptist Church for 4 hours+ (1.5 hours of Sunday School then at LEAST 2.5 hours for worship) every Sunday so we always went to Church with them against the grain.

I do wish our Parish had a toddler / infant area, that would make teaching the older boys about the Mass and how to act much easier… but frankly I like having our kids with us rather than random person, often someone who is not very knowledgeable teaching my children.

At the same time though, I have never been to a Protestant service where they told them they couldn’t come just that a “better” service for the kids was offered. Frankly I think it sounds pretty disgusting that someone would force parents to keep their kids from a service.

Joe

 

[pnewton]

This may be just throwing gasoline on the fire but…

Technically, no one can be kept from attending the actual Church service, at least a Catholic one. They are community celebrations. So while small children might not be “welcome” they are “allowed”.

Gasoline indeed, but you are correct. I hadn’t thought of that.

 

[CountrySinger]

Puce is a gorgeous color!!! —> PUCE

~Liza

It was a gross puce (purple/brown) And it was tafetta. Ew. Why do people want their bridemaids to look hideous?

 

[Malia_Belen]

Someone mentioned that the mass itself is a public event so no one can be banned. Does that mean that Catholic weddings are generally held during mass? Just curious

 

[lizaanne]

It was a gross puce (purple/brown) And it was tafetta. Ew. Why do people want their bridemaids to look hideous?

Ew - prune taffeta. That is truly penance for something.

~Liza

 

[lizaanne]

Someone mentioned that the mass itself is a public event so no one can be banned. Does that mean that Catholic weddings are generally held during mass? Just curious

Not really. Mass is only when there is consecration of the Eucharist and Holy Communion. There is a Nuptial Mass which has the Rite of Marriage as part of the Mass. Then there is just the Ceremony which is only the Rite of Marriage and leaves out the section of the Mass where consecration of the Eucharist and Holy Communion occur - it is much shorter service and is recommended when one of the couple is not Catholic, or if for some other reason the couple wishes to not include Holy Communion as part of their wedding.

A Nuptial Mass is not the same as the Sunday or daily Mass - the readings are (typically) different, and it has the Rite of Marriage which a Sunday or daily Mass does not have.

Also - just as a point of teaching - the word “Mass” when used to refer to the Catholic worship service is always spelled with a capital “M”. It is a proper noun and should always be capitalized.

~Liza

 

[bpbasilphx]

\The brides says it is because kids are too noisy and will “ruin their day”.\

**And of course, it’s ONLY about the bride, isn’t it?

The groom is merely an unwelcome necessity to make the wedding possible.

Ideally, the bride should be able to get married all by herself, right?**

 

[CountrySinger]

Ew - prune taffeta. That is truly penance for something.

~Liza

With all the ugly dresses I’ve worn as a bridesmaid/maid of honor, I should go straight to Heaven. Just kidding!

 

[Malia_Belen]

Not really. Mass is only when there is consecration of the Eucharist and Holy Communion. There is a Nuptial Mass which has the Rite of Marriage as part of the Mass. Then there is just the Ceremony which is only the Rite of Marriage and leaves out the section of the Mass where consecration of the Eucharist and Holy Communion occur - it is much shorter service and is recommended when one of the couple is not Catholic, or if for some other reason the couple wishes to not include Holy Communion as part of their wedding.

A Nuptial Mass is not the same as the Sunday or daily Mass - the readings are (typically) different, and it has the Rite of Marriage which a Sunday or daily Mass does not have.

Also - just as a point of teaching - the word “Mass” when used to refer to the Catholic worship service is always spelled with a capital “M”. It is a proper noun and should always be capitalized.

~Liza

Thanks Liza… can two Catholics choose not to have Communion for any reason? or is it a must for two Catholics getting married…also does a wedding have to be in a Catholic church for it to be valid…for instance if the couple wanted a beach wedding or something.

 

[graceandglory]

I would not assume that this is just a “protestant” thing. I have received at least two invitations to Catholic weddings that politely said that it was a formal occasion and no children please.
.

Sort of makes one wonder about the “being open to children” part…

 

[lizaanne]

Thanks Liza… can two Catholics choose not to have Communion for any reason? or is it a must for two Catholics getting married…also does a wedding have to be in a Catholic church for it to be valid…for instance if the couple wanted a beach wedding or something.

The couple is not required to have Holy Communion as part of their wedding, even if they are both Catholic.

A Catholic wedding must take place inside a Catholic Church. Destination weddings, weddings in a home, or other place, are not allowed. It is not befitting of the sacrament to be married outside a Church which is consecrated holy space.

~Liza

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Thanks Liza… can two Catholics choose not to have Communion for any reason? or is it a must for two Catholics getting married…also does a wedding have to be in a Catholic church for it to be valid…for instance if the couple wanted a beach wedding or something.

Yes, you can be married in Church but not have the nuptial Mass. Yes, you can have a nuptial Mass with communion but not receive. And finally, yes, for Catholics it must be in a Church (the priest or in some cases even the bishop must dispense if, for example, the bride or groom’s father is a Protestant pastor and the couple wish him to marry them in that Protestant Church instead of the in Catholic Church building, but even there it has to be in a church. No beach weddings. However, the beach can be the reception area. If it would even be wanted.

It SOUNDS mighty romantic and ‘spiritual’ to have a beach wedding but like all outdoor events everybody pictures the temperature at a perfect 70 degrees, not a breath of wind, not a cloud, mosquito, bug, or ‘critter’ around, absolutely no ‘accidents’ such as the bride tripping into the surf in full wedding dress, no children running into the water, no sudden waves soaking the party before the wedding even begins, nobody getting ill from too much sun, no sunburns, no food-bourne illness from the food being out in the heat, no NOISE, etc. etc. The reality of most outdoor weddings is so very different! Give me a nice, quiet, clean, ‘unbuggy’, Church where the bathrooms are right downstairs if needed, nobody is going to get soaked, sunburned, or ‘dive bombed’ by seagulls, etc . .

 

[flyingfish]

Sort of makes one wonder about the “being open to children” part…

I don’t think that’s a fair comment. Not wanting other people’s children to wail during the wedding says nothing at all about whether they want children of their own.

My patience for other people’s children is very low, and I’d be all for banning children from all public places (Joking of course, but after listening to the screaming I absolutely hate children.

I was in a movie theater one time too, and there was a lady with a screaming child in the theater. Thankfully the movie hadn’t started. I just stared at her with loathing in my eyes for about 5 minutes, and was ready to go over there and make it very uncomfortable for her to remain in the theater. But thankfully she had the sense to leave. I wouldn’t be surprised if other people felt this way.)