Kind of dissapointed with my child's CCD Teacher

[mrs_katekista]

I’m really just venting here - a bit upset that my child seemed to be humiliated in class for trying to explain something. Please kindly share your thoughts if you wish.

My DD is in 6th grade and she attends our parish Rel Ed Program. Last week her class was talking about the Holy Trinity. The teacher asked who knows what it means. My DD said that it’s like how a person has different roles in his/her life (mom/dad to own children, teacher to students, sister/brother to siblings, etc) and yet he/she is still the one and same person. The teacher did not seem to understand her explanation and she was told that she was wrong, in front of the class. I thought that’s humiliating for a child especially her tender age. My DD won’t admit that she’s upset but she’s teary talking about it.

She’s also disappointed because the teacher did not even try to explain the meaning of the Holy Trinity. The teacher just said, we have 1 God in 3 (divine) persons and it’s a mystery. I think my DD expected more…

My children know that we cannot fully understand God’s mystery until we meet Him but they are aware that there are ways we can try to know and understand God better. Only my 3 year old child seem to take concepts at face value but not my 11 and 6 yo kids. They ask a lot of questions.

I told my DD to just forget about it before I found out that she was told she’s wrong in front of her class. But now, I wish my DD can stand up for herself by giving the teacher a written version of her explanation.

So, that’s about it. What do you think?

Peace and all good!

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I think that you need to let it go. Throughout her life your daughter is going to be told that she’s wrong in front of others, even at times when she may not feel like she is, or when she feels like what she said was misunderstood. She is definitely not too young or at too tender of an age to be told that what she said was incorrect.

This is a good chance to teach her about shaking it off, moving on, and not being afraid to speak up in the future, because everyone is wrong sometimes.

This will happen more and more as she gets older. Throughout middle school, high school, college, in company meetings, if she ever has to go to court for any reason (not that she’s a criminal, but if she has to take someone to small claims court or defend against a traffic ticket), etc.

Honestly, teach her the value of letting the little things go and not being afraid to try and give an answer to something next time.

 

[NSFrame]

I would address this with your daughter in terms of how she can handle her feelings when someone acts unfairly towards her. As BlueEyedLady said, this is going to happen in life and this is a good opportunity to teach her about how other people can say things that are insensitive or even wrong and what the appropriate response is. If it’s a teacher, then you don’t correct the teacher. You might have her agree that if something like that happens in a class, that she should go to the teacher’s desk after class and say that she has a question about what was discussed earlier, or if you can raise your hand during discussion and say that you’re confused about the topic. The one thing you don’t want to do talk about it as if she’s a victim even if the teacher is in the wrong.

 

[Allegra]

I’m a teacher and I must have scarred a million children for life by now because I tell students that their answers are incomplete or wrong several times a day. It’s possible that the teacher didn’t understand your daughter’s response or that simply wasn’t the response she was looking for. Perhaps she didn’t say that it was “wrong”, but that it wasn’t the whole answer and she called on another student who probably gave more of the “textbook” answer she was looking for. It’s also possible that your daughter’s explaination to you was more clearly communicated than her explaination to the class.

I would be more concerned as to why your daughter was, as you say, “humiliated” by getting an answer wrong in class. If it happens again, in this class or any other, I would try to get more information. Why did your daughter feel so bad about getting an answer wrong? Was the teacher ridiculing her? (Not likely, but possible) Is there another kid in the class that is giving her a hard time and tries to make her feel bad if she isn’t perfect? Is there someone in the class that she is trying to impress? (ie alpha girl or cute boy) Is too much pressure being put on her to achieve in academics? Is something else frustrating her and this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back? Is she placing too much value on being the “teacher’s pet” or being perfect in the eyes of her peers? These are the questions I would be asking if this continues to be a problem. Having an answer not be accepted by a teacher is fairly ordinary occurance and shouldn’t be a devastating experience for any child. I’d be more concerned about her reaction than the fact that the teacher didn’t understand her answer.

 

[silicasandra]

I agree with the responses above. It’s definitely a hard thing for a child to hear, and based on what you’ve said here the way the teacher responded was not appropriate (in my experience as a former teacher). Still, keep in mind that most catechists are not trained teachers and are parish volunteers who may have very little experience working with children in any capacity.

The teacher may have panicked because your daughter gave an answer that didn’t correspond directly to the teaching materials. It is difficult for inexperienced teachers to “roll with” unexpected answers and tie them back to the curriculum, especially when the teacher really, really wants to appear like an expert (which is something I think a lot of new/untrained teachers want to do.)

Hopefully this is a one-time thing. If it continues to happen as the year goes on, to your daughter or to other students in the class, you may want to bring it up with the teacher or the religious ed director. For now, I think BlueEyedLady has pointed out that there is a really great learning opportunity for your daughter in this.

 

[Lucky7]

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say there’s probably more to the story. If this is the first instance, then I would let it go. If this seems to continue, then I think I would have a word with her if possible. Always give her the benefit of the doubt until you’ve had a chance to speak with her (and if you do follow up, speak with HER first before the religious ed director/pastor, etc). I don’t know you’re daughter, but she is an adolescent and she may have perceived it differently given how sensitive one can be at that age (wrt embarrassment, etc.).

However, I am a bit concerned if she actually told her she was wrong because I have heard your daughter’s explanation before and it is not wrong. It’s one way to help us better understand the mystery of the Trinity…similar to St Patrick’s Shamrock explanation.

 

[Delaine75]

Sounds like perhaps the teacher didn’t understand your DD’s explanation. I think I get what your daughter was saying, but maybe that wasn’t how the teacher wanted to explain it to the class, you know?

At any rate, as a parent, we need to allow our children once in a while to be told that their answer is incorrect and then encourage them to try and understand the teacher’s reasoning/explanation. Being told an answer is incorrect really is a part of life. Heck, in my adult RCIA class last year, people were told they were wrong all the time by the priest and other instructors, LOL. I hope it wasn’t the teacher’s intention to humiliate your daughter (perhaps humiliate is too strong a word?) but if you sincerely think it was, maybe you should speak with her privately about the matter. Otherwise, probably shouldn’t make a mountain out of a mole hill, and just let it go and encourage your DD to continue speaking up in class because just because her answer may not have been correct this time doesn’t mean she won’t be able to contribute something valuable next time!

 

[woodman1]

Explaining the Blessed Trinity can be a tall order for anyone. Your daughter, by providing an answer, shows that she is interested and involved; both to be commended. The teacher may not have been aware of how she reacted to the answer given. What is of great importance is what you teach your child on this occasion. Pray and look in your heart for an answer that is best for her today and tommorow.

GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU (TEACHER INCLUDED)

 

[woodman1]

Explaining the Blessed Trinity can be a tall order for anyone. Your daughter, by providing an answer, shows that she is interested and involved; both, to be commended. The teacher may not have been aware of how she reacted to the answer given. What is of great importance is what you teach your child on this occasion. Pray and look in your heart, for an answer that is best for her, today and tommorow.

GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU (TEACHER INCLUDED)

 

[IronMIke]

Not good. Recently in our CCD a child was asked to summarize Adam and Eve. The young girl did not know it well enough to explain. The Nun teaching the class scolded and humiliated her by saying she must never go to church because they always discuss it at Mass. My child said I always go to Mass and have difficultly telling the story too in trying to stick up for her. Anyway the girl who was scolded cried in embarrassment and shame.

 

[mrs_katekista]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts! I know I will eventually let this go - and quick - that’s why I came here to hear it from others. My DD is fine, she just wants to forget about it. Evidently, it’s mom who is more bothered.

I will try to respond to some of the posts to clarify why this is a sticky issue for me.

 

[mrs_katekista]

I think that you need to let it go. Throughout her life your daughter is going to be told that she’s wrong in front of others, even at times when she may not feel like she is, … Honestly, teach her the value of letting the little things go and not being afraid to try and give an answer to something next time.

Thank you BlueEyedLady. I agree with you. I remind her about that all the time. She’s very good at letting things go even though she’s been hurt. This is not a big issue obviously but to attend a weekly RE she does not really need to attend because she learns more from home and only does it for mom (for the sake of being a part of the parish community) - it makes me feel sad …

My DD says that she always raises her hand and rarely gets called despite the fact that only a few students are willing to participate. She told me that sometimes she doesn’t feel like raising her hand anymore. But I keep encouraging her to just keep trying and then this happens.

Peace and all good!

 

[mrs_katekista]

I would address this with your daughter in terms of how she can handle her feelings when someone acts unfairly towards her. As BlueEyedLady said, this is going to happen in life and this is a good opportunity to teach her about how other people can say things that are insensitive or even wrong and what the appropriate response is. If it’s a teacher, then you don’t correct the teacher. You might have her agree that if something like that happens in a class, that she should go to the teacher’s desk after class and say that she has a question about what was discussed earlier, or if you can raise your hand during discussion and say that you’re confused about the topic. The one thing you don’t want to do talk about it as if she’s a victim even if the teacher is in the wrong.

Thanks a lot NSFrame. I think she handled it well in class. I was very careful with my words because I do not want her to feel that way, too.

 

[mrs_katekista]

… Perhaps she didn’t say that it was “wrong”, but that it wasn’t the whole answer and she called on another student who probably gave more of the “textbook” answer she was looking for. It’s also possible that your daughter’s explaination to you was more clearly communicated than her explaination to the class.

I specifically asked her if the teacher said the word wrong. She did. My DD tried to further explain but the teacher went on to act out something.

I agree, the teacher was looking for a different answer, or probably not. The teacher did not make any effort to explain the concept because “It’s a mystery.”

It’s also possible that she explained it more clearly to me than in class. She wanted to explain her idea but the teacher cut her off short.

I would be more concerned as to why your daughter was, as you say, “humiliated” by getting an answer wrong in class. If it happens again, in this class or any other, I would try to get more information. Why did your daughter feel so bad about getting an answer wrong? Was the teacher ridiculing her? (Not likely, but possible) Is there another kid in the class that is giving her a hard time and tries to make her feel bad if she isn’t perfect? Is there someone in the class that she is trying to impress? (ie alpha girl or cute boy) Is too much pressure being put on her to achieve in academics? Is something else frustrating her and this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back? Is she placing too much value on being the “teacher’s pet” or being perfect in the eyes of her peers? These are the questions I would be asking if this continues to be a problem. Having an answer not be accepted by a teacher is fairly ordinary occurance and shouldn’t be a devastating experience for any child. I’d be more concerned about her reaction than the fact that the teacher didn’t understand her answer.

After the teacher said my DD was wrong, she went to demonstrate something like this: “No, it’s not like, I’m Mrs. Teacher here (then steps to another spot), I’m Mrs. Teacher here(takes another step), I’m Mrs. Teacher here.” I am not describing her facial expression since I didn’t see it for myself. Clearly, she misunderstood the child. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that some form of ridicule? I’m sincerely asking…

I doubt that she’s trying to be a teacher’s pet or impressing someone, etc. I don’t think she was devastated; she’s confused with the teacher’s reaction/response. She does not have a problem accepting she’s wrong if you can tell/show her why; Not because of pride but because she needs to understand. Furthermore, it is one of the ways we talked about the Holy Trinity at home.

Again, thank you for the thought-provoking questions!

Peace and all good.

 

[mrs_katekista]

I agree with the responses above. It’s definitely a hard thing for a child to hear, and based on what you’ve said here the way the teacher responded was not appropriate (in my experience as a former teacher). Still, keep in mind that most catechists are not trained teachers and are parish volunteers who may have very little experience working with children in any capacity.

You know what bugs me? The teacher is a long-time certified Catholic Elementary School Teacher.

The teacher may have panicked because your daughter gave an answer that didn’t correspond directly to the teaching materials. It is difficult for inexperienced teachers to “roll with” unexpected answers and tie them back to the curriculum, especially when the teacher really, really wants to appear like an expert (which is something I think a lot of new/untrained teachers want to do.)

Hopefully this is a one-time thing. If it continues to happen as the year goes on, to your daughter or to other students in the class, you may want to bring it up with the teacher or the religious ed director. For now, I think BlueEyedLady has pointed out that there is a really great learning opportunity for your daughter in this.

I also think she did not expect anybody from her class to confidently answer her question. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Peace and all good.

 

[mrs_katekista]

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say there’s probably more to the story. If this is the first instance, then I would let it go. If this seems to continue, then I think I would have a word with her if possible. Always give her the benefit of the doubt until you’ve had a chance to speak with her (and if you do follow up, speak with HER first before the religious ed director/pastor, etc). I don’t know you’re daughter, but she is an adolescent and she may have perceived it differently given how sensitive one can be at that age (wrt embarrassment, etc.).

That’s a possibility. My daughter got confused why the teacher said she was wrong and did not give her a chance to explain her thoughts.

However, I am a bit concerned if she actually told her she was wrong because I have heard your daughter’s explanation before and it is not wrong. It’s one way to help us better understand the mystery of the Trinity…similar to St Patrick’s Shamrock explanation.

The teacher actually said that she was wrong and proceeded to act out how she (teacher) thought my daughter said it. As I think more about it, I suspect that the teacher misunderstood her because she hasn’t heard of that explanation. However, she did not give another explanation, either.

“It’s a mystery” has become a pretty popular phrase in our Parish RE this school year. I think it gives the children an impression that there’s nothing we can do to try to understand God’s mystery; so just take it as it is. That’s not how it works when we do faith formation at home. They are encouraged to ask questions.

Thanks for sharing thoughts!

Peace and all good.

 

[1ke]

Well, actually, what your daughter described is Modalism which is in fact an incorrect understanding of God.

I would certainly not have handled it the way your daughter’s teacher did (but then again, we don’t really know what happened exactly).

Sixth grade is difficult, some students have begun developing abstract reasoning skills while others are still very concrete. So, this is a difficult transitional time in the way these things can be explained.

 

[mrs_katekista]

Sounds like perhaps the teacher didn’t understand your DD’s explanation. I think I get what your daughter was saying, but maybe that wasn’t how the teacher wanted to explain it to the class, you know?

I totally agree. But was there a need to act out how she thought the child answered it? When in fact, that was not what the child was saying? (That was just a rhetorical question )

At any rate, as a parent, we need to allow our children once in a while to be told that their answer is incorrect and then encourage them to try and understand the teacher’s reasoning/explanation. Being told an answer is incorrect really is a part of life.

Problem is, the child do not understand why the teacher thought she was wrong. The teacher did not even provide her own explanation of the Blessed Trinity.

Heck, in my adult RCIA class last year, people were told they were wrong all the time by the priest and other instructors, LOL. I hope it wasn’t the teacher’s intention to humiliate your daughter (perhaps humiliate is too strong a word?) but if you sincerely think it was, maybe you should speak with her privately about the matter. Otherwise, probably shouldn’t make a mountain out of a mole hill, and just let it go and encourage your DD to continue speaking up in class because just because her answer may not have been correct this time doesn’t mean she won’t be able to contribute something valuable next time!

Oh yeah, I know what you’re talking about, regarding RCIA. I honestly don’t think the teacher intended to hurt her feelings. You’re right, humiliate might be too strong of a word for this situation. I have stopped talking with her about it. Since I can’t take it off my mind, I came here to vent.

I will definitely keep encouraging her to speak up in class. Thanks for the kind words!

Peace and all good.

 

[mrs_katekista]

Explaining the Blessed Trinity can be a tall order for anyone. Your daughter, by providing an answer, shows that she is interested and involved; both, to be commended. The teacher may not have been aware of how she reacted to the answer given. What is of great importance is what you teach your child on this occasion. Pray and look in your heart, for an answer that is best for her, today and tommorow.

GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU (TEACHER INCLUDED)

Thank you for the kind words, Woodman1! I am blessed to have children who show much interest in learning and understanding their faith.

I am glad that I decided to answer the posts individually because as I respond to more posts, the more I feel better about the situation.

Peace and all good.

 

[mrs_katekista]

Not good. Recently in our CCD a child was asked to summarize Adam and Eve. The young girl did not know it well enough to explain. The Nun teaching the class scolded and humiliated her by saying she must never go to church because they always discuss it at Mass. My child said I always go to Mass and have difficultly telling the story too in trying to stick up for her. Anyway the girl who was scolded cried in embarrassment and shame.

Oh, IronMIke! I feel so bad for this child! I hope she’ll use that experience to motivate her more to keep learning about her faith! Thanks for sharing!

Peace and all good.