Kiss of peace

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Little_Boy_Lost

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Hi yall,

This may be a stupid question, but are you supposed to kiss the person’s cheek? I feel this is how the gesture started, but I kissed someone on the cheek once and they got a surprised look. So I stopped doing such. Everyone at the two parishes I attended for paschal services does the gesture without ever touching their lips on your cheek. What is the proper etiquette for the gesture? Thanks!
 
We don’t share the kiss of peace, we share a sign of peace. We shake hands. The only people I’ve ever seen kiss are married couples, and parents kissing their children.
 
Little_Boy_Lost said:
Hi yall,

This may be a stupid question, but are you supposed to kiss the person’s cheek? I feel this is how the gesture started, but I kissed someone on the cheek once and they got a surprised look. So I stopped doing such. Everyone at the two parishes I attended for paschal services does the gesture without ever touching their lips on your cheek. What is the proper etiquette for the gesture? Thanks!
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depends on your culture certainly not in mine but down here the hug is part of the culture. I certainly would not try it with strangers. the gesture is actually “the sign of peace” it was called the holy kiss in Paul and early Church fathers, but that was their culture, and did not have the overtones our oversexed culture gives it.

what is the culture where you live? ask somebody there in your own church. (OP is an Eastern Rite Catholic so is asking about their custom)
 
I think it all depends on the culture of the parish you belong to. At the church I go to now, we kiss the air besides the cheek although some people at my last parish would actually kiss your cheek but no one seemed to mind. And also we kiss three times instead of two. I think it’s the churches with the Slavic backgrounds that kiss twice but I could be wrong.
 
Little_Boy_Lost said:
Hi yall,

This may be a stupid question, but are you supposed to kiss the person’s cheek? I feel this is how the gesture started, but I kissed someone on the cheek once and they got a surprised look. So I stopped doing such. Everyone at the two parishes I attended for paschal services does the gesture without ever touching their lips on your cheek. What is the proper etiquette for the gesture? Thanks!
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I imagine that you’re confusing the “air kiss” described by searn77 with an actual kiss on the cheek. In Europe (e.g., Spain, where my wife is from), it is a very typical for two people (two women or a man and a woman) to greet each other with two kisses. The cheeks are brought together and a “kiss” is made to the air, then the other cheeks are brought together, and a “kiss” is again made in the air. Just because the cheeks are being brought together doesn’t mean that the lips actually contact the cheeks.

Regardless of the origins of the gesture (of which I am completely ignorant), it is entirely unbecoming to kiss the cheek of anyone with whom you do not have a pre-existing relationship (e.g., parent-child, husband-wife).

AJ
 
In my Germanic and Scottish heritages the “kiss of peace” properly consists of making a slight smile and a slight bowing of the head. And a “sign of peace” would be a respectful making of stern eye contact and an even smaller head nod.

On Sunday mornings, I sit as isolated as possible from others. I dread the approach of a Southern European or a real Eastern European, because I am expected to follow their cultural norms, while they violate my sense of personal space.

A display of “peace/friendship/unity” should NOT violate either parties cultural code of conduct.
 
I’m speaking about a byzantine practice that I’ve seen in both a melkite and a Russian church during pascha. As CTG said, most people do the cheek to cheek thing. But is this the proper form?
 
German_Melkite said:
In my Germanic and Scottish heritages the “kiss of peace” properly consists of making a slight smile and a slight bowing of the head. And a “sign of peace” would be a respectful making of stern eye contact and an even smaller head nod.

On Sunday mornings, I sit as isolated as possible from others. I dread the approach of a Southern European or a real Eastern European, because I am expected to follow their cultural norms, while they violate my sense of personal space.

A display of “peace/friendship/unity” should NOT violate either parties cultural code of conduct.
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I was raised in a German Lutheran tradition in the United States, and I can certainly appreciate your feelings! I was very uncomfortable when I first started attending Orthodox services and people with greet me at the kiss of peace with a kiss on the cheek three times. The Greek Orthodox priest also greets me that way when I attend services at his parish outside of the liturgy. The most extreme case is when we do “Forgiveness Vepers”, and each member of the parish lines up and forgives each other, then kisses each other on the cheek three times. It’s so uncomfortable for me that I’ve only attended the service twice in my six years of being Orthodox.
 
Little_Boy_Lost said:
I’m speaking about a byzantine practice that I’ve seen in both a melkite and a Russian church during pascha. As CTG said, most people do the cheek to cheek thing. But is this the proper form?
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It’s certainly the most appropriate form. I’ve seen priests do it that way at Melkite liturgies and EVERYONE do it at Forgiveness Vespers at a shared Melkite/Ruthenian service. Again, I think that it would be inappropriate to do a “real” cheek kiss (lip-to-cheek contact) with someone with whom you have no pre-existing relationship. As noted above, the whole point is to help people feel welcome, not uncomfortable.

AJ
 
Little_Boy_Lost said:
I’m speaking about a byzantine practice that I’ve seen in both a melkite and a Russian church during pascha. As CTG said, most people do the cheek to cheek thing. But is this the proper form?
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I believe at the very least its the Slavic way. Even when I serve at the altar the priests would give me the kiss of peace that way. Although not the Bishop (though the Bishop would do the kiss of peace with the priests. Not sure if this is rubrics).
 
ConstantineTG said:
I believe at the very least its the Slavic way. Even when I serve at the altar the priests would give me the kiss of peace that way. Although not the Bishop (though the Bishop would do the kiss of peace with the priests. Not sure if this is rubrics).
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The rubrics say you give the kiss of peace to those of the same order as yourself…deacons to deacons, priests to priests (including the bishop), laymen to laymen, the priest should NOT give the kiss of peace to a layman serving in the altar according to the Byzantine rubrics.
 
ciero said:
The rubrics say you give the kiss of peace to those of the same order as yourself…deacons to deacons, priests to priests (including the bishop), laymen to laymen, the priest should NOT give the kiss of peace to a layman serving in the altar according to the Byzantine rubrics.
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Why do the priest give me the kiss of peace then? 🤷
 
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