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peacefuldancing
Guest
I agree no kissing before marridge i know of 6 married cuoples who did not kiss until thier Wedding Day for Them it was well worth it they say.
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I agree no kissing before marridge i know of 6 married cuoples who did not kiss until thier Wedding Day for Them it was well worth it they say.
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1cor1313
Guest
Thank you both for your very sweet and encouraging responses. It means so much to me, especially from a male perspective.
God bless!
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lerapt78
Guest
Of course I’m not going to deny that kissing can lead to full-out passion.
But it seems to me that as with other pleasures we can enjoy without abusing them, kissing is not necessarily dangerous territory unless the people engaging in it find it difficult to restrain themselves from doing more.Some people have more self-discipline than others. I would say that for those who are afraid they wouldn’t be able to stop at a kiss, refraining would probably be a good idea. For those who *are *able to disengage (no pun intended) without too much difficulty, kissing can be a enjoyable and (still) chaste way to show affection. Speaking for myself, I am a fairly indulgent person and I sometimes have trouble with self-control. But I’ve known when it’s appropriate to put the brakes on, at least in this area.
To each his own, I guess.
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grasscutter
Guest
I don’t know… I’m headed off to shop at the “perspective store”, anyone care to join me?
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
Is there ever a point at which we’ve taken it too far? Ever?
How about:
-Don’t touch your future spouse (e.g., no hand holding, no pat on the back, etc.)
-Don’t look at your future spouse.
-Don’t be alone with your future spouse.
-Try to avoid all conversations with your future spouse.
-It’s best not to meet your future spouse before you marry them.
At some point, isn’t it fair to say it’s gone too far?
And if it gets to the point where we’re avoiding all closeness, intimacy, touch, everything with our future spouse, how does that not carry over into marriage?
How can you fight so hard against even the slightest bit of intimacy without the negative effects carrying over into marriage?
During marriage, will it be hard to train your conscience to suddenly, overnight accept marital intimacy when you have been telling yourself that even these very minor acts are shameful?
How about:
-Don’t touch your future spouse (e.g., no hand holding, no pat on the back, etc.)
-Don’t look at your future spouse.
-Don’t be alone with your future spouse.
-Try to avoid all conversations with your future spouse.
-It’s best not to meet your future spouse before you marry them.
At some point, isn’t it fair to say it’s gone too far?
And if it gets to the point where we’re avoiding all closeness, intimacy, touch, everything with our future spouse, how does that not carry over into marriage?
How can you fight so hard against even the slightest bit of intimacy without the negative effects carrying over into marriage?
During marriage, will it be hard to train your conscience to suddenly, overnight accept marital intimacy when you have been telling yourself that even these very minor acts are shameful?
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Covenant5
Guest
Dear 1cor1313,
Firstly, I think the fact that you have taken the time to reflect on this and even post a question is incredible and amazing, especially in this day and age where the conversations tend to be on “how far is too far?”
My thoughts on the issue are that you should save your kiss for your husband because that is indeed a beautiful gift to give him. I wish I myself had thought of this many years ago but sadly I didn’t and I now very much regret it. The other thing is that you don’t want to live with regret. While you may be uncertain of the reasons as to why you are doing it, let’s put it this way - if you do it, you MAY or MAY NOT regret it. But if you don’t, you definitely WILL NOT regret even if this guy becomes your husband, because he would receive that gift one day anyway. If he doesn’t become your husband, then you will be relieved.
Also, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I will teach my future children one day, should God ever bless me with children. It would have been nice to be able to share a story as beautiful as yours with them and truly be a living example of that. So my advice is, whatever you decide, think far beyond you to the people who will be in your life one day. I only wish I could be in your position but I will have to share with my children my mistakes instead. Now all this might seem extreme words just for kissing. But if it brought you so far as to ponder this much, then in your mind it is worth contemplating the extremes.
Finally, whatever it is that you choose, and for whatever reasons you choose to do them, pray and grow your relationship with god. Ask him to bless you and help your reasons be the right ones if in his eyes they are not. Even if you falter and come to regret it, or even if you don’t, growing your relationship with god is the best gift you can give this guy and yourself, beyond any other kind of affection, physical or verbal.
Best wishes and many blessings to you!
Firstly, I think the fact that you have taken the time to reflect on this and even post a question is incredible and amazing, especially in this day and age where the conversations tend to be on “how far is too far?”
My thoughts on the issue are that you should save your kiss for your husband because that is indeed a beautiful gift to give him. I wish I myself had thought of this many years ago but sadly I didn’t and I now very much regret it. The other thing is that you don’t want to live with regret. While you may be uncertain of the reasons as to why you are doing it, let’s put it this way - if you do it, you MAY or MAY NOT regret it. But if you don’t, you definitely WILL NOT regret even if this guy becomes your husband, because he would receive that gift one day anyway. If he doesn’t become your husband, then you will be relieved.
Also, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I will teach my future children one day, should God ever bless me with children. It would have been nice to be able to share a story as beautiful as yours with them and truly be a living example of that. So my advice is, whatever you decide, think far beyond you to the people who will be in your life one day. I only wish I could be in your position but I will have to share with my children my mistakes instead. Now all this might seem extreme words just for kissing. But if it brought you so far as to ponder this much, then in your mind it is worth contemplating the extremes.
Finally, whatever it is that you choose, and for whatever reasons you choose to do them, pray and grow your relationship with god. Ask him to bless you and help your reasons be the right ones if in his eyes they are not. Even if you falter and come to regret it, or even if you don’t, growing your relationship with god is the best gift you can give this guy and yourself, beyond any other kind of affection, physical or verbal.
Best wishes and many blessings to you!
M
MariaGoretti88
Guest
I am so glad you posted this and that someone was thinking like a Catholic in this thread so far besides for the OP sigh of relief and Deo gratias!!!
The only chemistry that ABSOLUTELY needs to be there is that the man and woman both be Catholics (hopefully) and are not impotent and that they plan on living as Catholic husband and wife; sex doesn’t have to be good to be reproductive or holy or sacramental… If it’s good, great. If it’s not, you can still fully receive the Sacramental Grace of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.
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Daim3
Guest
Well, I admit I had to think about it a bit when I first saw your post. The post from TheRealJuliane added really good perspective for me. In relationships, rushing into things brings regret much more readily than waiting ever does. If you had a guy who was willing to do the no kissing thing with you, I would assume he probably thought you were pretty special. The same might be true about him. Here’s wishing it all works out for the best for you. You seem very sweet. I’ll have you in my prayers tonight.
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triumphguy
Guest
I dunno - the way this thread is going we’re going to be recommending marriages arranged by the parents.
Of course you can love without romance, sizzle, and the flame of passion, but God put eros into our lives. Don’t avoid it out of some fear of being polluted! Eros helps us make leaps of faith and of great courage. It helps us see the divine in the desired. It takes us out of ourselves, and gives us a taste of the ecstacy we will feel when we are finally in the arms of Christ after death.
Read some of the writings of St. Clare! “O kiss me with the happiest kiss of your mouth!” Read the Song of Songs. Without experiencing erotic desire for a beloved how could these writers have translated this desire into desire for intimate union with THE Beloved.
There are many ways to love, and erotic love is important in marriage.
Before marriage however, your beloved needs to know she is desired.
Caveat: None of what I have said NEEDS to be interpreted as being against chaste relationships!
Of course you can love without romance, sizzle, and the flame of passion, but God put eros into our lives. Don’t avoid it out of some fear of being polluted! Eros helps us make leaps of faith and of great courage. It helps us see the divine in the desired. It takes us out of ourselves, and gives us a taste of the ecstacy we will feel when we are finally in the arms of Christ after death.
Read some of the writings of St. Clare! “O kiss me with the happiest kiss of your mouth!” Read the Song of Songs. Without experiencing erotic desire for a beloved how could these writers have translated this desire into desire for intimate union with THE Beloved.
There are many ways to love, and erotic love is important in marriage.
Before marriage however, your beloved needs to know she is desired.
Caveat: None of what I have said NEEDS to be interpreted as being against chaste relationships!
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MariaGoretti88
Guest
Amen!I love it that you want to save your kisses for your husband!
What a precious gift it will be to know that your lips have been chaste along with the rest of your body! (OK, so you slipped once, but that’s not like you had a make-out session!)
I am glad that your generation sees purity and chastity as desirable goals!
That’s beautiful! The concept of “dating” is not really necessary anyways I don’t think
God’s Grace is sufficient! (Second Epistle of St. Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians XXII, 9) If they’re nourished by the Sacraments and prayer, these things will be easy to overcome. Also, people can get over it the same way converts to traditional Catholicism get over their former Protestantism or Orthodoxy or Judaism or what have you. It may not be immediate, but it can happen.
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MariaGoretti88
Guest
This thread just confirms even more why I believe marriages should be arranged.
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MariaGoretti88
Guest
First, I would like to say thank you for sharing that beautiful story. You have the right intentions and I urge you to stay with what you originally felt because the Lord wants you to save yourself for your spouse if He, in His perfect knowledge and will, decides for you to have one.
Pray and receive Holy Communion for strength to fight the temptation to kiss and keep telling yourself that you’re doing the right thing. Offer up those “urges” to kiss and praise God that He has given you a desire to cherish your marriage by kissing only after you’ve offered and received the Sacrament.
This is actually a very inspiring story and I’m glad to see others my age that are concerned about this
God bless and I’ll be praying for you and him!
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triumphguy
Guest
I know that if I had a young daughter who’s idea of ideal manhood was Justin Beiber I would want to pick her husband for her.
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MariaGoretti88
Guest
Since you’re from Canada and I like Canada, I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that…I know that if I had a young daughter who’s idea of ideal manhood was Justin Beiber I would want to pick her husband for her.
And parents should choose their childrens’ spouses; it would take out half the stress of marriage and there wouldn’t be the problem of dating and kissing.
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underacloud
Guest
You’ll need to make sure your boyfriend (if/when he becomes that) understands too. Since you say yourself that it’s not necessarily sinful, it may prove difficult for a boyfriend to understand your position. And it would be a shame if confusion and frustration over this issue were to become a problem, although equally you might say that he should respect your choice regardless and either deal with it or move on.
I think there are two sides to this issue. Firstly, I think attraction and chemistry can be important, and it may be good to establish this before moving on towards marriage (but for some couples it is less or not important). Conversely, kissing multiple boyfriends/girlfriends before you find the person you marry is less than ideal and can (usually does) create jealousy. Also, kissing can often lead onto other things…things that are certainly not licit for dating couples.
Having said that, I can’t imagine not having kissed my wife before she became my wife. And I’ll note that of the girls I dated/kissed, there were a couple where there was definite attraction but as it turned out no chemistry…I’m very glad I didn’t marry one of them.
Whatever you decide, keep in mind that communication is crucial. If you decide not to kiss, help him to understand your reasons. If you decide to kiss, discuss things so that you are both guarded against things progressing towards sin. I wish you all the best.
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triumphguy
Guest
I’m going to try it with my kids:thumbsup:
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
What??? Are you two being serious?
Honestly, that’s not even funny… it’s just disturbing. Talk about being a control freak!
I’m going to dig up some resources but I’m pretty sure the Church does not condone this kind of thing.
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triumphguy
Guest
Whaddya think? That on a whim, after a brief discussion on a forum I’‘d suddenly decide to choose my childrens’ future mates?
However, now you’ve put me into a postion where I “have” to defend this position:
(Comes from doing a law degree - you can argue any side!)
I bet there are some saints whose fathers’ chose their husbands. I bet ten minutes on google and I could find 3! - except I’m knackered and I’m going to bed.
Night CAFters!
That on a whim, after a brief discussion on a forum I’‘d suddenly decide to choose my childrens’ future mates?However, now you’ve put me into a postion where I “have” to defend this position:
(Comes from doing a law degree - you can argue any side!)
I bet there are some saints whose fathers’ chose their husbands. I bet ten minutes on google and I could find 3! - except I’m knackered and I’m going to bed.
Night CAFters!
V
VeritasLuxMea
Guest
One can make the vows without knowing if there’s any physical chemistry. One can even keep the vows without there being any physical chemistry.
However, it would be nice to have some indication about a couple’s chemistry, wouldn’t it?
Well, all of that may be true, but the chemistry between spouses aids the unitive purpose and increases the frequency of the reproductive purpose.
Let’s try it a different way: what are the pro’s and con’s here? Pro seems to be that you avoid a very slight chance of lust, but that benefit sounds negligible: how much of a chance of lust are you going to avoid by refusing to kiss on the lips and is that chance even comparable to the chance of lust created by the mere knowledge that “one day, I will probably be having sex with this person”? I personally don’t think so.
Are there any more pro’s?
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
I’m taking this to mean that you didn’t believe that before, so you likely don’t believe it now.Whaddya think?
Deo Gratias.
I bet there are also some saints whose fathers were alcoholics, sexual predators or murderers. Correlation =/ causation, as you know.
Though, even if there was some causation there (e.g., saw my father kill a man in cold blood, disturbed my conscience so great that I dedicated my life to helping man find redemption), then it would not mean that the murder itself was a wise course of action.
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