Kissing/holding each other on date question

  • Thread starter Thread starter catholicwx
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

catholicwx

Guest
Hi all,
Is it a sin to kiss my girlfriend on the lips, cheek and/or forehead (not talented to do all 3)? I am asking as many views on here range from its okay to its an occasion of sin to its a sin outright. I’m asking as I’ve got a date and we did it on the last date but definitely not for arousal. In addition, we put our arms around each other while sitting and held each other? Is this a big no no as well?
 
Last edited:
Chaste kisses, hand holding, putting arms around each other or hugs are all fine. If any of that causes arousal, you will know where your limits are and avoid it in the future. Some people find things more arousing than others. Be aware of yourself and master your passions.
 
catholicwx said:
Is it a sin to kiss my girlfriend on the lips, cheek and/or forehead (not talented to do all 3)? I am asking as many views on here range from its okay to its an occasion of sin to its a sin outright. I’m asking as I’ve got a date and we did it on the last date but definitely not for arousal. In addition, we put our arms around each other while sitting and held each other? Is this a big no no as well?
Click to expand...
A brief, gentle kiss, of any of the three you described, as a respectful show of affection, is no sin whatsoever. Any arousal you might experience would probably be very slight, if it existed at all, and should just be quietly and calmly ignored. As long as it is not deliberately sought or delighted in, that, too, is no sin whatsoever.

Holding one another for prolonged periods, especially if arousal starts to take place and does not subside, might be something better left alone. As I noted above, any affections such as this should be brief — it is not necessary for you to “hold each other” for several minutes, to demonstrate the affection you have for each other. Hand-holding might be a better idea.

I hope this is helpful. If you continue to wonder about things such as this, and to be in situations where such questions arise, it would be better for you to ask a priest, rather than posting to a forum.
 
Understand that there are at least two potential sources of sin from this behavior that you should watch out for.

The first is advanced arousal, as others have mentioned. It’s not a sin if it is accidental but is if it is deliberate, whether because you pursue it or because you continue to let it advance when it starts.

The second is if you are unintentionally lying to your girlfriend through your actions. Consider carefully if kissing and holding are legitimate representations of your feelings for her. For instance, if you don’t love her yet kissing might be telling her something you don’t mean.
 
Fr. Ripperger addresses the question of showing affection in here.

 
I’ve seen that one and I agree that it is good as general advice but specific couples are going to vary. For anyone asking the “How far can we go without sinning?” question it is a very good starting point. Couples who take “How can we express our love honestly and without tempting each other?” (to pull an example from personal experience) may find different options and limitations.

That’s fairly standard by the way. When you seek to not sin, your path is going to tend towards the legalistic. When you seek to do good, it will often be less so.

Please note: None of the above is meant to give carte blanche to throw caution to the wind. The question of how to love honestly is a very serious one.
 
Last edited:
When you are not married, do not do/touch/kiss in any way that you would not do/touch/kiss in public, in front of your parents, in front of your priest.
 
I recommend talking to your Priest and letting him guide you, not well-meaning folk on the internet. That being said, @TheLittleLady’s advice is the best to stick to if you’re really unsure.
 
Ask yourself what is your motivation for kissing. Is it to feel good? Or is it show your love and affection for your girlfriend?

One of these tends closer to near occasion of sin whereas the other is love. Also, don’t get paranoid and scrupulous about it. Don’t nit pick every action, love should be expressed in a pure yet affectionate way, not some robotic mannerism
 
Inquiry said:
That’s fairly standard by the way. When you seek to not sin, your path is going to tend towards the legalistic. When you seek to do good, it will often be less so.
Click to expand...
That’s a good way of putting it. What I found extremely thought provoking about Fr. Ripperger’s take talk though was that he wasn’t even addressing just arousal and actual sin associated with that. He was also addressing the question of disordered displays of affection. Displays of affection can be good, when they are honest expressions of the love you mentioned. They can also be disordered if they are ordered more towards just getting the warm feelings when the underlying relationship doesn’t necessarily exist. Displays of affection are a means of communicating something. If what they are communicating is false then they are disordered. For example, in the very early stages of dating (ie: you’ve just met), displays of affection make little sense - they are expressing a relationship which cannot really exist since you know very little about the other person yet. This doesn’t meet you can’t interact in a warm manner as you get to know each other.
 
Socrates92 said:
in the very early stages of dating (ie: you’ve just met), displays of affection make little sense - they are expressing a relationship which cannot really exist since you know very little about the other person yet.
Click to expand...
It depends on the “display” & circumstances though doesn’t it. A goodnight / thank you peck on the cheek after an enjoyable evening need not be “false”. Also, often, the first date may follow knowing the other person in a social context for some time.
 
Perhaps true. Individual differences as well as cultural habits will come into play too.
 
My opinion is that it’s OK to hold hands, hug and kiss. When it comes to kisses, I would say that it’s OK to do as long as it’s not a passionate kiss with tongue and groping involved. A little peck on the lips is harmless, in my view. However, if kissing is causing you to have lustful thoughts, then you definitely shouldn’t kiss until you’re married.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top