Kissing Infidelity

[RubenZ]

LOL I read this wrong and put YES.

 

[Katie1723]

Wow, sounds like the wife is to blame for infidelity.

Seems like that doesn’t it. “If only she would pay attention to me”…“If only I would matter”…Hardly ever see" If I wasn’t such a jerk" …If I didn’t stomp my feet and blame her".It goes both ways, but a lot of the time the woman gets the bad rap.

Kathy

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I’ve had buddies, aquaintences and few close friends confide in me with their most personal issues over the years because I’ve got twenty-five plus years of marriage behind me and they know that I can keep my mouth shut.

The common thread that seems to run through all of these indiscretions whether they became full blown sexual relationships or just inappropriate emotional attachments to another woman is this: At some point after they got married, every single one of them felt as if they had lost their girlfriend. I always ask them that question. “When you got married, did you lose your girlfriend?” I’ve had buddies break down on me talking about feeling a sense of loss. They all regreted what they did.

I’m not talking about scumbags who hang out in bars and pick up one night stands while their wife is at home taking care of the children. These guys were good men who didn’t know how to confront the real issue. Many of them were afraid to bring it up with their wives. One guy who did bring it up was called “immature & selfish” because he wanted some alone time with her. His wife had school activites and kid’s sports scheduled nearly every single night including weekends.

None of these guys were proud of what they did. Every single one of them were lonely. Often times, a wife is overly involved with kids and their activities, relatives, work, friends whatever. The same thing happens to “sports widows”. The guy that spends too much time with his buddies on the weekend is asking for trouble. The man & wife relationship must come first or infidelity (on some level) is almost a guarantee.

No, you’re not a fool. You are angry and rightly so. But please step back from your anger for a few hours today and think about what I’ve written here.

God Bless you and your husband.

Prayers coming at ya!

What you’ve described is a very legitimate reason for emotional dissatisfaction, and a legitimate reason for a husband to properly use his authority within the family to re-structure time and commitments so that everyone is happy.

It is by no means even the shadow of an excuse to kiss another woman. Perhaps this man’s wife was correct that he was selfish and immature if he feels that his wife’s commitments are an excuseable reason to kiss another woman.

 

[TLM08]

What you’ve described is a very legitimate reason for emotional dissatisfaction, and a legitimate reason for a husband to properly use his authority within the family to re-structure time and commitments so that everyone is happy.

It is by no means even the shadow of an excuse to kiss another woman. Perhaps this man’s wife was correct that he was selfish and immature if he feels that his wife’s commitments are an excuseable reason to kiss another woman.

Emotional abandonment by the other is not an “excuse” for infidelity. But it certainly can be a major cause! That being said, it’s important for one to let the other know that they are feeling lonely in the marriage and do not intend to live the rest of their life this way.

 

[yellowbird]

Emotional abandonment by the other is not an “excuse” for infidelity. But it certainly can be a major cause! That being said, it’s important for one to let the other know that they are feeling lonely in the marriage and do not intend to live the rest of their life this way.

I hear what you’re saying… and I agree with you to a point. I especially enjoyed your previous post of the donut eating woman and the couch digging cheeto eater. Too bad those two don’t end up together… sounds like THEY would be very happy? But that’s often not the way it works. So it is what is… and sometimes being lonely in a marriage, for whatever reason, is our cross that we must bear.

If I were tempted to kiss another man, I’d picture my children’s faces if they caught me. THAT would be enough to knock the wind right out of my sails.

 

[Catholic_Wife]

I have a number of friends - mostly men - who have cheated on their spouses, and the main reason seems to be a lack of emotional intimacy and communication breakdown in their marriage. It’s like TLM mentioned earlier, they’ve lost their “girlfriend” in that they stop trying to make the relationship work and/or, making the effort to treat their spouse in a special way (that darned sin of pride makes us want to be special, right?). The men I’ve known who have cheated did so because their wives became so wrapped up in the kids and their activities, church activities and/or the lives of their friends that men felt “alone”. When communication breaks down and a couple doesn’t spend much time together, they can lose their feelings of “connection” - and that’s when temptation seems to strike most. If they don’t feel connected to their spouse, they might end up finding a “connection” with someone else. Is this an excuse to actually give in to sin? NO! But it happens to us mere humans.

I must say that the lack of compassion in this thread really saddens me. I understand that when we sin, we fail to love God, ourselves and/or others; but it’s nice to know that some find it so easy to judge others and accuse them of not having God much in their lives when they give into this temptation to sin (break out those red "A"s). I wonder if this same judgemental attitude carries over to all sins others commit, like eating too much at a holiday dinner for example (a form a gluttony that I’m sure most of us are guilty of).

 

[DavidChrist]

It’s a safe bet to say that the majority of married people in these forums have not had intercourse outside of their marriage, but what about kissing? How many of us are guilty?

I am not talking about the typical innocent peck on the cheek at the employer’s Christmas party, I’m talking about one or more regrettable occurrences of deep kissing that DID NOT lead to sexual relations… thank God!

If you are guilty, why did you do it? Did it effect your marriage?

Have you ever THOUGHT about kissing someone else while engaging in sexual intercourse with your spouse?

hmm… sounds like a good poll question.

 

[my4kidz]

I have a number of friends - mostly men - who have cheated on their spouses, and the main reason seems to be a lack of emotional intimacy and communication breakdown in their marriage. It’s like TLM mentioned earlier, they’ve lost their “girlfriend” in that they stop trying to make the relationship work and/or, making the effort to treat their spouse in a special way (that darned sin of pride makes us want to be special, right?). The men I’ve known who have cheated did so because their wives became so wrapped up in the kids and their activities, church activities and/or the lives of their friends that men felt “alone”. When communication breaks down and a couple doesn’t spend much time together, they can lose their feelings of “connection” - and that’s when temptation seems to strike most. If they don’t feel connected to their spouse, they might end up finding a “connection” with someone else. Is this an excuse to actually give in to sin? NO! But it happens to us mere humans.

I must say that the lack of compassion in this thread really saddens me. I understand that when we sin, we fail to love God, ourselves and/or others; but it’s nice to know that some find it so easy to judge others and accuse them of not having God much in their lives when they give into this temptation to sin (break out those red "A"s). I wonder if this same judgemental attitude carries over to all sins others commit, like eating too much at a holiday dinner for example (a form a gluttony that I’m sure most of us are guilty of).

This is my first post and specific to this subject because this recently happened to me. I happen to agree with you. I am in no way stating that it is the woman’s fault that a man strays and commits adultery or vice versa, but in retrospect, I could see how he wasn’t happy and neither was I. I truly believe that with the grace of God, we will overcome this betrayal. BTW, he kissed someone else that happened to be a relative. I completely agree with Island and TLM. I am living it and recovering.

 

[OLHope]

Kissing infidelity, just like an affair, if a married person approaches, or is approached, they have a decision to make. Any married person knows they shouldn’t stray, they know how to keep to their own spouse. If he does it or allows it, he is doing it deliberately, whatever reason s/he purposefully does this to the other. It never teaches the hurt person a lesson, it teaches them that all trust is gone, I could never trust anyone after that, could you? An evil woman I know has been propositioning all her past males acquaintance by way of internet social sites, to purposefully hurt her husband, tell him, and embarrass him, I have no clue if he does this to her, but what a twisted marriage! To continuously do this to him or each other, how pathetic can you be?

Oh, your friends lost their girlfriends, awww, too bad, well…, suck it up! This is a classic, “I don’t want to grow up,” line. It will never be the same when you add shared finances, responsibilities, kids, mood changes, body changes, obligations, mannerisms, traditions, sagging skins, wrinkles, liver spots, age progressions, graying hair, and oh yeah, did I see a thread on woman’s long hair in these forums? Oh well ladies, you are more undesirable because you took away more of what made you originally more physically loveable/attractive to your husband, uh-huh, that’s how a relative relayed his wife’s decision to easier groom herself, at a family function, he was practically crying…, about her haircut! These, aside from hundreds of other things that go wrong in a marriage are inevitable. Are you mature enough to deal with it and stick through it? Do not support the OP with, aw yeah, I have heard the, “I lost my girlfriend one before,” OH MY GOODNESS! Come on! I feel no sympathy for men who pout about this, or women, on this same matter!

 

[OLHope]

I gave advice on here once to a man who seemed genuine about his dating a girl who he felt was physically unattractive. He seemed to be struggling with it. I advised him to not date her and string her along, because, see, this is a battle that most men have within themselves. If he settled for her because he needs to just find someone, anyone, there could never be a good loving relationship that will evolve from it. You know yourself best, would you or this person ever feel stronger about them? Seemed like he needed to have a relationship because maybe the people around him all have someone, and he needs to keep up with the Joneses. Not a good reason! The OP keeps talking about imagining heavy/ugly people having sex and it is just not coming together in his mind. OK, do not give us all your moral sin confessions, YOU shouldn’t be thinking about that, period! End of discussion. Is that what you do? See any woman, or couple, and configure in your mind, how they get it on, how she might put out in bed, how they could possibly get it on, or how they could have someone, and you don’t? Impure thoughts are just as bad as those of homosexual thoughts, they both envision sexual acts that are impure and unnecessary, they are moral sins, because given the opportunity, some idiots will go and act on them, and then they are forever marred by it. Do not lose sight of what the conjugal act between a man and his wife should be. You don’t have to envision it, it happens, nicely, on the wedding night, God’s surprise direction.

If what you want and what you require of a marriage-eligible woman is that she keep up appearances, and she should never change or alter her attractiveness, then you can never consummate the marriage, she will get pregnant, she MUST eat and gain weight, and you must accept that it may not all come off or that none of it will. Remember, in sickness and in health. She has to gain the weight, the baby has to be healthy, I do not think many people want to hear about the cases I have dealt with, with women deciding to keep their pregnancies even with lifelong anorexia problems, leaving these pregnancies to severe health problems for mother and child, all done because some jerk said they looked like a cow at 95 pounds.

Seriously guys, you have to stop your BS, a great example is the case of Terry Schiavo, we all know what happened with that, but if you got to listen to news excepts from her battle with weight, and losing it, and she looked amazing, she married, but her friends revealed how when she gained back weight, her husband made rude/snide remarks that threw her self esteem down the drain again! She was never good enough. She became anorexic, then a vegetable, how physically attractive was she in her deathbed? Would you have stood by her or force a DNR, even if you were the emotional cause for the anorexia? Did you know that most husbands resort to snide, rude, mean, and sarcastic comments about their wives bodies, not because they want to, but to solely to bring them down, and most wives or gf’s are reluctant to ever mention it again for fear of pride? You can beat a woman senseless and those bruises will heal, but removing a direct word from their memory may never happen. I am surprised how demanding some of these types of guys are (like the way the OP speaks or the men who agree with him), when they themselves may be quite heavy, and/or are not much to look at. Oh well, that’s hypocrisy for you!

 

[OLHope]

I am thrilled that the OP mentioned sex as being hard or difficult to deal with as a marriage grows. This is a comment I expect from a guy like this, I will also go one further, when he says, well she must be a physical certain way for the sex act to take place. Really? How do you know? What have you been watching on the tube? What is the standard in the Catholic horizontal collide? Are you even married? If your Catholic, then you believe in chastity until marriage, right? So you are wholesome, and somehow experienced in the marriage sex act? Physical and vocal changes being problems are only problems because this is your own selfish problem. You are trying to plan out your life with the perfect look. Someone on this forum has a ticker that says, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” How some men think to lock themselves into marriage for the benefit of unlimited sex is unfathomable to me, especially if they claim to be catholic and should know better. Uh, to the married ladies and gentlemen, is that all marriage is? If that’s what the OP and men like him think marriage is, then I say, marriage might not be for you!

If you want a woman to keep up her appearances, realize that sometimes she cant, because the food she cooked was only enough for her family so she stood in the corner and waited on them, but their were no crumbs left to feed herself, so she had less/no nutrition to keep up her appearances. Realize that she does not smell April Fresh and has greasy hair, because she has to forego her showers to keep up with her family obligations first, so she will not always be clean to keep up appearances. Realize that she didn’t want to get into a car accident that severed her legs, and despite her ever effort at being a great mother and lawyer, she did not have the confidence or limbs to keep up her appearances. Realize that the Scleroderma skin disease she has recently been diagnosed with is VERY painful, and will alter her face to skeletal dimensions and lead to death, so she will not have beauty or life to keep up her appearances. I am getting really off the beaten track, I will say however, I can make a great effort to look like a knockout, but not for these kind of men. Why bother? I get called the Proverbs 31 chick all the time, then I want that equivalent of that in a man, anyone have a reading for that? Plainly, understand that things will go wrong and people will change, no one I have met have great happy marriages that are constant, no one. I have to fix those relationships. Why should I support your body changing when you can’t support mine? Doesn’t anyone want to strive to make it to his or her 50th anniversary? Doesn’t anyone want to take a brisk walk in their old age holding their spouses hand around the neighborhood they made a home for themselves, for the family they made together, and the area they fulfilled their vocational accomplishment to God? Is all this in vain?

 

[OLHope]

I can’t believe, I can’t understand the gall of mentioning some of the stuff in such a joking manner. Have all the Catholics in here gone mad? Are we still losing a grip of what really matters in life? Is popular culture still shaping and rearing our visuals? Our thoughts? Hasn’t the church done a good job of keeping you focused? Weren’t we supposed to be kinder, gentler, holier, and compassionate people? I have to resort to responding to someone who still seems to be living it up in a frat house?

Why do you put up a poll, and then tell people they are liars? Do you have evidence to the lying on these particular polls? I am not listening to who you think lies based on your opinion.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I understand the importance of being compassionate. Sometimes, things happen. However, not judging means simply that we can’t decide if they will end up in Heaven or Hell. We can be compassionate, but still, there is NO excuse, ABSOLUTELY NONE for betraying your spouse. That’s WHY you need to keep communication open.

I understand the importance of keeping yourself healthy. I understand the importance of doing what makes you feel pretty or going the extra mile for your spouse. However, “losing your girlfriend?” Well, yeah, you lose a girlfriend but gain a wife! You don’t get a woman to willingly have sex with you by telling her she’s fat or by kissing another lady. You do it out of love for your spouse. YOU have to be the one to start dying to yourself and giving yourself up out of love, NOT conform to pop culture and their unrealistic expectations of love and sex.

One of my more protective male friends recently said to me, “If someone ever tried to shoot you, I’d take the bullet myself,” (in response to a comment of me being so stressed out and saying, “Someone shoot me!”). I cried, not only because I knew he meant it, but that’s because that’s what love is (and that’s when you realize how much your friends love you). You have to love till it hurts, in the words of Mother Teresa. You have to lay your life or, in this case, your desires down for the love of your life.

Anyone see Fireproof? Bad acting, but he didn’t win his wife back by doing that. He won her back by laying everything down for her. So beautiful. THAT’S what love is. Not Hollywood, beautiful people having sex every single hour (on a secret mission? Let’s have sex! Being chased by big, scary monster? Let’s have sex!). It’s the decision to give yourself up every day, even when it’s hard. That means, don’t do it in the first place and if you did, own up to it and make no excuses.

 

[OLHope]

I understand the importance of being compassionate. Sometimes, things happen. However, not judging means simply that we can’t decide if they will end up in Heaven or Hell. We can be compassionate, but still, there is NO excuse, ABSOLUTELY NONE for betraying your spouse. That’s WHY you need to keep communication open.

I understand the importance of keeping yourself healthy. I understand the importance of doing what makes you feel pretty or going the extra mile for your spouse. However, “losing your girlfriend?” Well, yeah, you lose a girlfriend but gain a wife! You don’t get a woman to willingly have sex with you by telling her she’s fat or by kissing another lady. You do it out of love for your spouse. YOU have to be the one to start dying to yourself and giving yourself up out of love, NOT conform to pop culture and their unrealistic expectations of love and sex.

One of my more protective male friends recently said to me, “If someone ever tried to shoot you, I’d take the bullet myself,” (in response to a comment of me being so stressed out and saying, “Someone shoot me!”). I cried, not only because I knew he meant it, but that’s because that’s what love is (and that’s when you realize how much your friends love you). You have to love till it hurts, in the words of Mother Teresa. You have to lay your life or, in this case, your desires down for the love of your life.

Anyone see Fireproof? Bad acting, but he didn’t win his wife back by doing that. He won her back by laying everything down for her. So beautiful. THAT’S what love is. Not Hollywood, beautiful people having sex every single hour (on a secret mission? Let’s have sex! Being chased by big, scary monster? Let’s have sex!). It’s the decision to give yourself up every day, even when it’s hard. That means, don’t do it in the first place and if you did, own up to it and make no excuses.

I think you totally get it, sancta. Glad you brought up Fireproof. I am not trying to be judgmental as much as I am trying to explain many of these approaches some married people do to each other. The movie explained his need for porn was because he was filling a void in his life his wife was obligated to fill? Is that correct to assume? I only saw the trailer. I know that could snowball into a various amount of other problems, but a good example would be mrpathetic’s thread in this forum, where only now he is getting at least some communication and answers to over a dozen years of no intimacy with his spouse. I am sure that the movie is nice, but sometimes there is the self-recognition to their own behavior that needs to be addressed, I do not think, you, me, or any other person who might consider marriage in the future want someone who will see this movie or talk to people like the OP and have them always say to you, “Well, you drove me to it or feel like I lost my high school sweetheart.” Common sense says if you veered of the path, it can be a longer road home.

I would expect this from Fireproof, it has a lot of the Protestant ideals I have heard of in some of their split religions, sexual gratification to the other spouse is important, their needs need to be met. I also read in these forums that the movie lacked to resolve many of the issues in the end, the audience is left hanging. How do we learn to fix it? Is it purposefully unresolved because sometimes in life, issues truly do not get fixed?

Let me use NFP as an example, NFP works because couples restrain themselves by using self control. It doesn’t mean that romance is not allowed, it is encouraged. Yes, as much as tension and silent treatments happen in a marriage, this can be very dangerous and hurtful to both sides. I agree that lines of communication must always remain open. In our faith, sex is only allowable in marriage vocation, how do you think the people who take on the single or religious vocation deal with being chaste? I am sure it is a struggle, but a lot of it is self determination and control. Maybe you know what you were in for, just like some people who decipher the obligations of the marriage vocation ahead of time.

Glad you have a protective friend. Its exhilirating to be thought of that way, isn’t it? I have the same friends.

 

[whatevergirl]

I can’t believe, I can’t understand the gall of mentioning some of the stuff in such a joking manner. Have all the Catholics in here gone mad? Are we still losing a grip of what really matters in life? Is popular culture still shaping and rearing our visuals? Our thoughts? Hasn’t the church done a good job of keeping you focused? Weren’t we supposed to be kinder, gentler, holier, and compassionate people? I have to resort to responding to someone who still seems to be living it up in a frat house?

Why do you put up a poll, and then tell people they are liars? Do you have evidence to the lying on these particular polls? I am not listening to who you think lies based on your opinion.

***Here here.

We’re responsible for our own sins, not our spouses. Can a spouse neglect the other? Yes, he/she can. But, someone who cheats, will ALWAYS find an excuse. Always. "My wife isn’t hot anymore, my wife doesn’t shower me with attention anymore, my wife is so bad she doesn’t understand me…’ sniffle sob

Crrrryyyy me a riiiiveeeeerrr…

If you have difficulty telling your spouse, *hey something is wrong here, we need to fix this, ****and you resort to cheating…it is your fault, not your spouse’s. We are responsible for our own failings…when you go to confession, do you blame others while you’re confessing, to somehow exonerate you from full guilt? Well, Father, she/he made me do it.

There are actually more situations where someone who cheats does so who has a very attentive and loving spouse…yes, that is true. Yes, sometimes men/women can drive their spouses into the arms of another, by neglect, abuse…but while that might load the gun, the cheater pulls the trigger.

I believe in trying to remain attractive, attentive, etc for our mates, absolutely! But, unless you know the facts, don’t blame the wife. We are responsible for our own actions. Blaming others will never help us to grow. It will actually cause history to repeat itself, most likely. God didn’t say…“Thou shalt not commit adultery, well…except for the following reasons…” No, we are not to do it…and if we do, we are to ask for forgiveness. If a situation with a spouse is so horrible and that person treats you so horribly, it would be better to get out of the marriage, than cheat. But to cheat especially because your spouse doesn’t act like he/she did when you were dating? Lame. Immature.

And–very un-Christlike to think like this…sorry.

Just my two cents.

 

[traillius]

CHeating is wrong, and only the fault of those who cheat, but it still somehow happens. I have been on several sides of this issue. I have been near the line, possibly over it, depending on where the line lies. My dad went across the line, and way past it, causing my parents’ divorce. My wife is disabled. Its hard sometimes to see my wife inside the patient whose caregiver I am. And I admit its lonely and I am tempted alot. Specific situations aggrevate it further. Any move towards the line is in effect crossing the line. Intent alone is often what makes it wrong. Should I even talk to the neighbor lady about my wife’s problems ( see my other post ) Not a good idea, even if stops there( only a temporary stop mind you. ) eventually roads go somewhere. Not getting or staying on that particular road is the only way to solve the problem.

 

[OLHope]

***Here here.

We’re responsible for our own sins, not our spouses. Can a spouse neglect the other? Yes, he/she can. But, someone who cheats, will ALWAYS find an excuse. Always. "My wife isn’t hot anymore, my wife doesn’t shower me with attention anymore, my wife is so bad she doesn’t understand me…’ sniffle sob

Crrrryyyy me a riiiiveeeeerrr…

If you have difficulty telling your spouse, *hey something is wrong here, we need to fix this, ****and you resort to cheating…it is your fault, not your spouse’s. We are responsible for our own failings…when you go to confession, do you blame others while you’re confessing, to somehow exonerate you from full guilt? Well, Father, she/he made me do it.

There are actually more situations where someone who cheats does so who has a very attentive and loving spouse…yes, that is true. Yes, sometimes men/women can drive their spouses into the arms of another, by neglect, abuse…but while that might load the gun, the cheater pulls the trigger.

I believe in trying to remain attractive, attentive, etc for our mates, absolutely! But, unless you know the facts, don’t blame the wife. We are responsible for our own actions. Blaming others will never help us to grow. It will actually cause history to repeat itself, most likely. God didn’t say…“Thou shalt not commit adultery, well…except for the following reasons…” No, we are not to do it…and if we do, we are to ask for forgiveness. If a situation with a spouse is so horrible and that person treats you so horribly, it would be better to get out of the marriage, than cheat. But to cheat especially because your spouse doesn’t act like he/she did when you were dating? Lame. Immature.

And–very un-Christlike to think like this…sorry.

Just my two cents.

Exactly! There is nothing wrong with keeping up appearances because it feels right/good for you or your marriage. What is great about this, is that the couples who do this seem to have really nice relationships, it is done not as a requirement, but because they really do harbor great affection toward them. The appearances seem to be kept, just naturally, because they want to, not they were pressured or requested to.

I saw a man lose a lot of weight because he had a nice relationship. I saw a girl glow with sweetness because she didn’t really smile a lot before finding her husband. People make the difference, and actions speak louder than words. They were just genuinely good to each other.

 

[OLHope]

CHeating is wrong, and only the fault of those who cheat, but it still somehow happens. I have been on several sides of this issue. I have been near the line, possibly over it, depending on where the line lies. My dad went across the line, and way past it, causing my parents’ divorce. My wife is disabled. Its hard sometimes to see my wife inside the patient whose caregiver I am. And I admit its lonely and I am tempted alot. Specific situations aggrevate it further. Any move towards the line is in effect crossing the line. Intent alone is often what makes it wrong. Should I even talk to the neighbor lady about my wife’s problems ( see my other post ) Not a good idea, even if stops there( only a temporary stop mind you. ) eventually roads go somewhere. Not getting or staying on that particular road is the only way to solve the problem.

I admire this, what stength!

 

[whatevergirl]

***There are many temptations in life…we have all been there, if we’re honest with ourselves. There will always be excuses or reasons for cheating…for you, traillus it could be that you feel lonely, and tempted…but you made a vow to your wife. You are her husband and believe me…if she could change her situation to be ‘there’ for you, she would!

I have seen the devestating effects of cheating in my family…and with friends. It is gut wrenching.

Again, we are responsible for our actions. We will have to live with the choices we ourselves make. God gave us free will, and at times, there are things in this life that can test our faith…test our patience…our strength…our marriages…etc…

But, at the end of the day…an affair is not reality…and it never will be. People sin because they look at the sin as being somehow beneficial…well, I’m not happy in this marriage, maybe I’ll be happIER over here. Nope. The devil is not stupid, that’s for sure. He makes sin so appealing, that we think we are entitled to it…but, of course it’s not viewed as a sin when we are mulling it over. But it is.

Prayers for you and your wife, traillus…hang in there, keep the faith. On Judgement Day, you’ll be glad you did, my brother in Christ. :console:***

 

[whatevergirl]

Exactly! There is nothing wrong with keeping up appearances because it feels right/good for you or your marriage. What is great about this, is that the couples who do this seem to have really nice relationships, it is done not as a requirement, but because they really do harbor great affection toward them. The appearances seem to be kept, just naturally, because they want to, not they were pressured or requested to.

I saw a man lose a lot of weight because he had a nice relationship. I saw a girl glow with sweetness because she didn’t really smile a lot before finding her husband. People make the difference, and actions speak louder than words. They were just genuinely good to each other.

***Exactly–thanks for posting this!

Truth is, we all have or will have temptations in life…Sometimes, people place themselves into tempting situations.

But, we seem to think that when we see a little old couple who have been married for 50+ years, that they never experienced temptations? Temptations to call it quits, temptations to cheat…temptations to think about cheating…etc etc…

We are human…but that’s not the end of the story. Jesus died so we could have life, and abundantly. His grace is sufficient for us, if we but take part of it. If we don’t close the door on it.

Look at Christopher Reeves’ wife…she didn’t cheat…I imagine she was devestated…her once vibrant, and active husband…confined to a wheel chair…and not able to enjoy the life they once knew. She stuck by him. I admire her so much, and anyone who does that. THAT is true love. Not how many times you can have sex…monkeys have sex. That is not a sign of true love…that you are hot for each other…that is a good thing to keep alive in a marriage no doubt, but it is not what denotes true and lasting love, how many times I’m sleeping with my husband…or how often he tells me I’m sexy. That will help the marriage to be exciting, but my husband shows his love for me, by not leaving me during difficult times…by sticking out things, and being there in body, mind and spirit.

Love is a choice. When we are tempted…we need to fight harder. We need to pray harder.

Cheating is an easy way out…***