Kissing question?

[Lexee15]

I’m not sure how to even ask this, but what are the rules on kissing? I was thinking about it the other day after I heard Father Larry Richards talking on Relevant Radio. He was referring to a young man who had hickies on this neck, it wasn’t a big deal it just got me thinking.

For me kissing has always been a big deal, it doesn’t matter right now…but God willing, maybe down the road He’ll put a good man in my life.

Anyway, say that’s the case, I find a good man, we’re both free (in the eyes of the church and civil authorities) and we decide to get to know each other and date. At what point can the relationship become a bit more physical? By that I just mean kissing, I do think that having that physical connection is important in a relationship. I don’t see relationships as I did 4 years ago, what was important then is not so now, but that is one thing that is still important for me.

If I ever marry again I want to like kissing him, I want to look forward to kissing him…is this a weird question? If it is I’m sorry, the worst part here is that I’m no where near kissing any guy at this point in my life, but I figured why not get the answer to this question now. Thanks for any help!!!

 

[gallo]

Can’t really say when kissing is appropriate (before marriage).
However, my wife and I decided that we were going to “fast” kissing when we were engaged. It seemed that the kiss (more than just a peck) tempted us a little further than we should go so we committed it to prayer and decided that we shouldn’t kiss until we were married. We went about a year and a half like this. We would just be content with holding hands and spending time together. In fact, on our wedding day, we had to try to remember how to do it.

When it comes down to it, when we kiss now, the fast helped to form an appreciation of who we are to each other and that makes it all the sweeter. I I were to make a suggestion, I would recommend just getting to know who the other is deep inside and finding what one would love about that person during the dating/engagement. Treat the kiss as sacred (like sex). It’s not something to just be casually given away or sought after solely for the pleasure, but to foster a commitment to each other and to life.

So anyway, that’s just my story if it interests you.

Peace in Christ

 

[JimG]

However, my wife and I decided that we were going to “fast” kissing when we were engaged. It seemed that the kiss (more than just a peck) tempted us a little further than we should go so we committed it to prayer and decided that we shouldn’t kiss until we were married. We went about a year and a half like this. We would just be content with holding hands and spending time together. In fact, on our wedding day, we had to try to remember how to do it.

Interesting that you should mention this.

On EWTN radio today I happened to hear an interview with the Christian singer Janelle. She and her future husband made this same no-kiss vow while they were going together. They first kissed on their wedding day. She said that it relieved a lot of pressure on them during dating, since they had already decided they wouldn’t go down that road until marriage.

I’m sure it’s unusual, but I am struck both by your story and hers.

 

[hasikelee]

Excepting when a kiss becomes a temptation or uncomfortable for one or both people involved, I think kissing is more cultural than anything else.

Culturally, it can be offensive for me not to kiss family members and extended member or family friends, or those in authority who demand respect such as elders or teachers.

It is also considered normal to kiss guys and I grew up thinking that as well.

For me personally, I didn’t kiss for many months into my relationship.

Some people think kissing is on par with the marital embrace. I know some people who think kissing is disgusting. (Not adolescents).

 

[StratusRose]

If you are going to kiss, keep it short and sweet. I am sure you know that deep, open mouthed kisses leads stirs up strong feelings of desire.

My fiance and I don’t do anything beyond a peck. We do it when we see each other and part ways…and a few in between. We used to do heavier kissing when we first started dating but found out that it was leading us into serious temptation.

 

[Transformer]

Some Christopher West I think:

Physical manifestations of affection, no matter where they fall on the scale–from holding hands and kissing to sexual intercourse–are meant to be outward signs that express genuine inward realities. When outward signs do express genuine inward realities, there’s a coresponding physical and emotional satisfaction, from the tender comfort of holding hands to the explosive intensity of orgasm in intercourse.

There joys are God-given. They’re some of the joys promised by Christ when he calls us to love as he loves, so that his joy might be in us and our joy might be complete (see Jn15:11). Thus, those who love as Christ loves, and express that love in a manifestation appropriate to the state of their relationship, should recieve the joy that folws from that expression as a gift from God.

We cross the line in the heart, however, when we seek that physical and emotional satisfaction as an end in itself–when we treat another person not as a person created for his or her own sake, but as a means to our own selfish ends. This can happen all too easily, even if we don’t cross the line on the scale of physical behaviors.

For example, a married couple isn’t “crossing the line” when they have intercourse. It’s appropriate to their relationship. But if a married couple is having intercourse merely because “it feels good” and not because each wants to say what intercourse means (“I am yours freely, totally, faithfully, and, yes, I am open to children”), they’ve crossed the line in the heart. Similarly, a dating couple is not crossing the line of physical behaviors by holding hands or even kissing. But if a dating couple is holding hands or kissing merely because “it feels good” and not because they want to say what those expressions mean, they’ve crossed the line in the heart.

Admittedly, the meaning of holding hands or a kiss is not as universal or God-given as sexual intercourse. At a minimum, however, these behaviors mean (or should mean), “I respect you deeply as a person, I have tender affection for you, and I want to speak to you of your goodness.” They should never be the expression of a desire to “get something” from the other for one’s own ends. They should instead be exppressions of a disinterested desire to affirm the other person for his or her own sake.

Such genuineness in expressing affection–from holding hands to sexual intercourse in marriage–is only possible as we surrender our whole selves as sexual beings, as men and women, to the transforming love of Christ. Without such surrender, we’ll inevitably be stuck to one degree or another in a habit of using others, and for lack of knowledge of anything else, we’ll make the tragic mistake of calling it “love.”

I always loved that exerpt; I hope it helps a bit. God bless!

 

[puzzleannie]

I’m not sure how to even ask this, but what are the rules on kissing? !!

well it’s been a while but if I remember correctly, the rules include (but may not be limited to)
take your gum out first
if you wear braces (and even if you don’t) be scrupulous about dental hygiene
if you are afraid of navigational issues, take your glasses off
keep all clothing on and properly arranged, and all buttons and zippers in place.
don’t even start if you are doing this in a location banned by your parents, church law, or common sense
keep your mouth closed at least until you are engaged, preferably until your wedding night

only babies may be kissed on the belly or feet, and only if they and their parents don’t object.

 

[Rand_Al_Thor]

well it’s been a while but if I remember correctly, the rules include (but may not be limited to)
take your gum out first
if you wear braces (and even if you don’t) be scrupulous about dental hygiene
if you are afraid of navigational issues, take your glasses off
keep all clothing on and properly arranged, and all buttons and zippers in place.
don’t even start if you are doing this in a location banned by your parents, church law, or common sense
keep your mouth closed at least until you are engaged, preferably until your wedding night

only babies may be kissed on the belly or feet, and only if they and their parents don’t object.

 

[BlestOne]

well it’s been a while but if I remember correctly, the rules include (but may not be limited to)
take your gum out first
if you wear braces (and even if you don’t) be scrupulous about dental hygiene
if you are afraid of navigational issues, take your glasses off
keep all clothing on and properly arranged, and all buttons and zippers in place.
don’t even start if you are doing this in a location banned by your parents, church law, or common sense
keep your mouth closed at least until you are engaged, preferably until your wedding night

only babies may be kissed on the belly or feet, and only if they and their parents don’t object.

OMGosh!!! That is toooo funny!!!

 

[Jay2]

PuzzleAnnie that is perfect!

A kiss is an expression of affection… Depending on the context of the situation.

It can be the obligatory “cheek peck” to a relative (you don’t really want to kiss in the 1st place)…
Or the responsorial “smootch/smootch” to a touchy/feelie friend/relative (who you don’t really want to kiss in the 1st place)…
Or…
a genuine display of affection towards another. The 1st real step in showing yourself to another person.

(a re-post of a reply on another thread)…
Indulge me in a story:

A not so good guy, and a devout Catholic woman.

The not so good guy meets the woman in a retail environment, he the customer, she the salesclerk. The guy is buying a cassette deck. Not too long into the “pitch” some sparks are flying…Flirting…

The not-so-good guy forgets about the cassette deck and asks the girl out for a date, she agrees on the place & time, and he writes his phone number on a scrap of paper…

They meet for the “date”. Separate cars. Have dinner, some drinks, and talk. Eventually it gets late and the not-so-good guy walks the gal to her car. That incredibly uncomfortable 1st date moment comes when either person doesn’t know what to do. She is standing with her car door between herself and the not-so-good guy. Well, the guy leans over the door and kisses the girl.

With her dumbfounded look the not-so-good guy leans over and kisses her again…(I didn’t get slugged, so why not go for “twozies”…) If you’ve not figured it out by now I’m the not-so-good guy…
(I dunno, I don’t flirt… I’ll just kiss the girl. If I don’t get punched or maced I guess it was OK…)

She married me 20 months later, and we had our 18th last September.

(Not too long into our dating she confessed that "The only reason I showed up for that 1st date is I lost the paper with your number, and I couldn’t bring myself to “stand you up”…)

I don’t see anything wrong with an affectionate “Thank you for the nice evening” kiss or embrace (Not a tonsil-hockey session or grope). A nice kiss and a hug with someone you’re interested in. You’re not making “invitations”, doesn’t violate your chastity, you’re just acknowledging the fact you like this person and enjoy their company (and hope they feel the same).