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Polluted
Guest
Once again…never said “wife”. Spouse can be a noun or verb and is synonymous with “mate” “partner” or similar worda.
NEVER said i was actually “married”. But thats not the purpose of this thread
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NEVER said i was actually “married”. But thats not the purpose of this thread
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Polluted
Guest
that was a mistake. I meant my “spouse”
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Xantippe
Guest
I don’t think that everybody engaged in premarital sex has serious mental illness, but your erratic history of behavior and erratic posting history does remind me a lot of my bipolar friend.
Anytime somebody behaves erratically and seems not to have much control over their behavior, mental illness does come to mind as a possible explanation.
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Lou2U
Guest
Have you told him how you feel you’re struggling with your faith? I know you haven’t directly said it, but from your posts I think you could do with some support in that area.
Focus on your relationship with your fiancee, and make sure you’re on the same page. Does your son know your fiancee? It may be a good idea to spend time together as a three, before the baby comes, so your son is used to her.
Does your ex know you’re engaged to someone else? I know you don’t have a good relationship with her, but she should know that your son will be seeing her at your home.
Lou
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jmjZelie
Guest
No the purpose here appears to be a game of gotcha with your fellow Catholics. Trying to prove us all hypocrites will not justify yourself.
Check the other quote of yours I pasted in earlier. You said “a wife” and “mine”.
Furthermore, spouse is a term reserved for those who are actually married.
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jmjZelie
Guest
I believe the term you are searching for is girlfriend.
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Xantippe
Guest
I think you need to stop blurring your language.
You definitely have a girlfriend. If she has agreed to marry you, you have a fiancee. If you do get married, you’ll have a wife/spouse.
Those three categories are quite different.
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Polluted
Guest
Glad we worked that out. Now…back to where we were.
Seems that you all believe condoms are the answer correct and that anyone who is “impulsive” when a naked girl throws themself at a person MUST be mentally ill correct?
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Lou2U
Guest
Who has said condoms are the answer?
If a “naked girl throws themself at a person”, the person should do what is right by their personal convictions.
So, you didn’t stick to your personal convictions, but you’ve been forgiven. Now, you need to make sure you have the self control to stick with them.
Lou
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jmjZelie
Guest
With regards to your original post, polluted, I do not judge you. You do need, however, pastoral his and on how to navigate this difficult situation, especially since you have a child already and you are not married to his mother.
Were you previously married to the mother of your child?
Have you sought an annulment?
Would a marriage with the woman with whom you have conceived and who is now pregnant with your second child be a valid one?
These are the real questions. We cannot help you answer them. Not questions about condoms for fornication. You need serious Christian counsel by a devout Catholic man and you really need pastoral guidance with regard to the validity of a new marriage.
The only piece of advice I will give you is this: do not lie or abuse language to mislead others.
Were you previously married to the mother of your child?
Have you sought an annulment?
Would a marriage with the woman with whom you have conceived and who is now pregnant with your second child be a valid one?
These are the real questions. We cannot help you answer them. Not questions about condoms for fornication. You need serious Christian counsel by a devout Catholic man and you really need pastoral guidance with regard to the validity of a new marriage.
The only piece of advice I will give you is this: do not lie or abuse language to mislead others.
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Javan
Guest
So this is really all her fault, is it?
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Bill_Martin
Guest
Stop playing dumb. That isn’t what she said and you know it. At this point, I’m convinced you have some sort of persecution complex and are desperately trying to play the victim of hypocrisy and judgement so you can launch an attack against others to feel better about yourself. You either need serious help, or you need to grow up.
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Xantippe
Guest
I can’t speak for all of the posters on this thread, but I personally haven’t ever had a lot of trouble with naked people randomly throwing themselves at me or even just with finding myself unexpectedly with naked people.
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LongingSoul
Guest
I seriously doubt that your intent was to be ‘open to life’ while you committed the sin of fornication. That would demonstrate some seriously dissociative behaviour. Most probably you didn’t deliberately choose to contracept being that as you describe it… a slip up in a normally chaste life. All those factors will no doubt affect your culpability in Gods eyes.
Rate my righteousness by CAF standards on a scale from 1-10
On the one hand I engaged in premarital sex (I know im a weak man)
BUT on the other hand no birth control was used and now a beautiful child is forming
Ive already confessed my sin and am set to marry this girl (I hope), she desires to postpone the wedding for a year so that it can be a great multi thousand dollar event with the classic 9 yards (despite me being unable to afford such a wedding).
I dont know what to make of this. It brings up a great question, when I turn on the radio to Catholic Radio but and they constantly rant about abortion or the evils of birth control. Heres a sinful man like myself who obviously (while slipped once or twice). Has been open to life, and have a beautiful young man who I love with all my heart, and another child on the way.
Is there a “Correct” way to sin by Catholic standards? Maybe not a correct way but a way of sinning that doesn’t add insult to injury.
Do you all judge me? Or do you all look at me with with an amazement at my openness to life and desire to follow Church teaching about birth control?Even thou i suffer greatly because of this openness to life.
Keep in mind thats 2 children when I make less than 20 grand each year. Hopefully thats going to change soon with my new Job offer, but my point is I drive a carr thats 17 years old, doesnt have air conditioning, I just lived in a tent for a solid year so that I could save up money to visit my son who lives with his evil mother (who I still honor every way I can despite her venomous behavior and words)
Still with me? Are we inspired or sickened by me? By secular standard im a monster. A irresponsible man who should be using birth control since I dont have 50k in the bank and a 60k a year salary with 35 years of age under my belt an a suburban house.
But what about you guys? What about my Catholic brethren?
What’s more you are living with the consequences of your sins in a fairly honourable fashion by the sounds of it. So yes, while you didn’t consciously choose to be ‘open to life’ when you slipped up, you did not choose to contracept either. The act remained closer to the nuptial purpose of sex than contraception, warranting the graces of God and nature upon your situation.
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Lady_Tanzanite
Guest
I believe he is a troll. Best not bother with him.
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pianistclare
Guest
Polluted…
you really hate Catholics and Catholicism don’t you?
Good luck in your future endeavors.
Waiting for the thread to close. :compcoff:
you really hate Catholics and Catholicism don’t you?
Good luck in your future endeavors.
Waiting for the thread to close. :compcoff:
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Millie123
Guest
I have an older brother who has 4 kids with 4 different women. He’s also had numerous affairs, and has lived with multiple women.
To answer your question yes I believe that for many people, like my brother for example, who serially uses and disposes of women (and their children, because many of these women also have children from prior relationships) in this manner very likely have a serious self esteem issues and probable serious mental health issues…and no I don’t believe that throwing condoms at the issue will solve the problem.
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Corki
Guest
Birth control is NOT evil and is often the answer. Birth Control simply means responsible parenthood. Birth control often means abstinence.
Contraception is always wrong (evil, I think may not be the right word to apply). It is never the answer. It has nothing to do with being “righteous” but in desiring that all of God’s children make good choices. But no one is perfect an no one makes good choices 100% of the time.
Remember the Church’s teaching about contraception is always within the context of marriage. That doesn’t mean that it’s ok to use contraception outside of marriage but the “why” of the wrongness of contraception is because it is an offense against marriage. Pre-marital sex is also an offense against marriage. It is not “good” to have premarital sex and forgo contraception. It doesn’t somehow mitigate the graveness of the act. It is not “good” to have premarital sex. Full stop.
“Openness to life” is also something that is expected of** married couples.** No one is going to say that having pre-marital sex without contraception is being open to life.
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1ke
Guest
The only one saying that seems to be you. Another poster suggested that based on your own statement that you did not use condoms, you should be tested for an STD. That is not an endorsement of condoms, it was a statement of fact.
No one said that either, certainly not that anyone engaging in sexual relations has a mental illness.
A person with multiple, serious issues such as described in this thread might consider counseling.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
When you get to hold your newborn son or daughter for the first time, you might feel very differently. And if not then, years from now when you see your offspring enjoying life, going through things you went through… etc. You don’t know your child yet. That will make all the difference when you do.There are lots of people like me
-Young
-Poor
-No family support (quite the opposite actually)
-Tons of debt
-Lacking a stable job
-prior convictions
and yet many of them are going to engage in premarital sex TONIGHT
What do you all suggest to these people who have condoms right on the nightstand.
Keep in mind this is GOING to happen sadly, and now they are faced with a choice. Premarital sex without condoms, or with condoms. The sin will occur but what do they do? Obviously you all can say (just keep it in your pants), but sometimes its not that simple. Sometimes people fall, and slide into sin, its horrible but its reality.
Is everyone here on board with Church teaching? Are you guys going to tell these young folks like myself to avoid the condoms at all cost? Where does your loyalty fall? :yukonjoe: Are you going to tell them to use birth control contrary to whats written in all our catechisms? Or are you going to tell them to pull a polluted. At the very least keep the sexual act unprotected and open to the gift of life?
Right now, it appears you are dealing with your shame and grief for having sinned and are taken aback and held in fear by the new responsibility that is going to be yours. All very normal feelings. I wouldn’t dare judge you because I know that “there but for the grace of God go I”… all of us could easily be in the same boat, no matter how much we say we ‘love God’… it CAN happen… Look at David in the Old Testament- and even Scripture says he had his heart like God’s.
I’m sorry for your difficulty. Know that Jesus is still there to help you through this. There is a saying that goes “Oh happy fault”… God can take a sin and turn it around for good but you have to look to Him to lead you there. I think you are just upset over what occurred, which is normal. Again, I’m so sorry that you are going through it. Its tough, but you will get through. Everything we go through is for our benefit… easier said that done, I know. Just look for that silver lining. Forget the arguments. Forget who is at fault… Forgive! The devil looks for those he can devour and he will often use two or more people who are suffering a weak moment. We all suffer weak moments. We don’t even have to look far off this message board to see that! So, just don’t allow the devil to take it farther into hurt. If you take a look at where that all swirls down to, its a very scary awful place. Lift your eyes toward the Lord instead. Forget all the others… no one here or elsewhere on earth will be ultimately judging you but The Lord. (though people will judge… their weakness, just as you have yours)
You are hurting. I am sorry for that.
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