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Xantippe
Guest
Right off, he needs to stop blaming other people (particularly the mothers of his children), randomly accusing CAFers of mortal sin, and to take care of his children.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
No, we are supposed to assess what a fellow human NEEDS. This man already confessed. I don’t know why everyone is harping on it. Its not the issue. Its a diversion what he pulled out and lashed out with, and everyone is falling for it. (And if he is a troll… feeding it.) We are supposed to turn the other cheek… with prudence, if you know he is lashing out with anger (and even if he is a troll, he is still doing that in one way or the other) then you don’t stoop to that level.
I don’t diss you for "judging’ him… We are to know what is sin and to uphold it and judge a matter, but judge it with PRUDENCE. I call you out on not doing as the Lord calls us to do. And I’m supposed to do that as Christian. No high horse. No irony. If he taunts, be the bigger person and not to taunt back, pick back. I’m saying, this was not handled correctly at all. I can see that from afar. I have read the posts. It never had to get to the extreme it did.
You ask “what should the OP do?” Its not for me to tell the OP what to do, just answer his question or fulfill his* real *need, with love and guidance from the Lord. I don’t control him. He is free to do what he chooses. I don’t tell him what to do. he doesn’t need more pressure. He’s obviously under a ton of pressure, and hurting for it. Do you enjoy seeing a man caught in Satan’s lies? I DON’T!!! Jesus wept over Jerusalem.
Reading this thread reminded me of reading about Job’s friends when he was met with such misfortune. Sure the Op sinned and Job did not, but it doesn’t matter. We are not supposed to go about it in that manner, guilty or not.
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on_the_hill
Guest
I’m hoping polluted doesn’t get banned, because he’s entertaining.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
No, you don’t get what I am saying… We don’t need to tell him what is wrong with him. He already knows. He doesn’t NEED any more of that. He’s doing enough of that on his own, destroying any semblance of hope for his soul by doing that… and people are encouraging it by adding their assessment of him. Stop doing that. Please.
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It will not help
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
If his posts are real and true, that is more mocking, calling his problems ‘entertaining’.
separate issue if its a troll.
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Xantippe
Guest
I don’t see a lot of accepting responsibility for his actions.
Everything (including his repeated fornication) is other people’s fault. As another poster mentioned, naked women apparently just come out of nowhere and fornicate with him.
Part of the way forward (if he’s for real) is understanding the role that his choices play in how his life turns out. To hear him tell it, stuff just happens out of the blue.
So far, there’s been virtually no attempt to grapple with the following questions:
–How can I make my life, my fiancee’s life, and my children’s life better?
–How can I avoid near occasions of sin?
–How can I learn to be a good husband and father?
–How can I start taking responsibility for my actions?
If the OP has any problems with addiction (and I strongly suspect that may be the case), a 12-step program might be helpful, especially with the last item (taking responsibility).
I was just googling “addicts denial of responsibility” and I found the following page with a denial checklist.
tgorski.com/clin_mod/dmc/denial_checklist.htm
The following sounded familiar:
“I’ll talk about anything but my real problems!”
“If I Can Find Good Enough Reasons For My Problems, I Won’t Have To Deal With Them!”
“If I Can Prove That My Problems Are not My Fault, I Won’t Have To Deal With Them!”
"Showing That Others Are Worse Than Me Proves That I Don’t Have Serious Problems!”
“Since Nothing Works, I Don’t Have To Try!”
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
I agree some of the posts have been a bit harsh and I do not care for the wording. But I do think some people have been helpful. The OP already has gone to confession. He is right with God. His sin is forgiven so we absolutely do not have to keep throwing it in his face. But I think there have been a lot of “hints” about being a little more mature and growing up a bit. He is about to be a father for the second time. The rants about saints smiling on him and questioning “Can you say the same about you?” and so forth does not strike me as something a mature full grown man would say. But he needs to be a full grown mature man because he is about to be married and have his second child.
We are all hurting in some way. But when you are a man you man up and do what you gotta do and put childish thinking away.
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EasterJoy
Guest
We told him to talk to his pastor about how to be a father. That is the best advice we can offer.
What if he were on here talking about how he is now going to prison because he robbed a bank because he was poor and didn’t murder someone to cover his tracks? I think we’d tell him to get some face-to-face pastoral guidance. We wouldn’t take the bait of validating his contention that he was better than other bank robbers because he didn’t kill anybody. That is not a point worth quibbling about, not considering that he has real moral choices in front of him that far outweigh the ones behind him.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Are you aware of how combative you are coming across? Or the sheer irony of your posts?
I find it odd your condemnation and self righteousness is being directed to certain posters. Almost some sort of anger. When some one posts like the op it is pubic and the op is saying offensive things and offending women and men alike. As a man, a father and a husband I think the op is acting I an inexcusable manner. But please, continue the coddling, defending and finger pointing to assuage a man who is now the father of two children who are being harmed by his actions…
I’ll live with the consequences…
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on_the_hill
Guest
I’m laying money that he is a troll.
But I do personally know of a real life guy who has 10 or 11 children by three or four different women. I lost count. He’s white, the mothers are black. He’s also messed up in the head–often depressed and very, very violent.
He’s the brother of a female friend of mine and he’s showing no signs of stopping. He, the birth mothers, and the kids all live in inner city poverty. His mother (my friend’s mom) adopted one of the boys a few years ago. He’s is now 8 years old and is doing well.
The trick, see, is to convince the mothers to not put the father’s name on the birth certificate.
That way the father gets away without providing any sort of child support.This is a guy who needs to have something done to prevent him from continuing to do what he’s doing.
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on_the_hill
Guest
OP comes across as angry. He’s raging at himself and is taunting us to rage at him as well.
Whether or not it’s all true or heavily embellished–
– but there’s a strong current of his frustration and anger that’s pouring into his keyboard.
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Xantippe
Guest
Yeah.
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Lou2U
Guest
He’s very bitter for sure.OP comes across as angry. He’s raging at himself and is taunting us to rage at him as well.
Whether or not it’s all true or heavily embellished–
I’m surprised this thread hasn’t been closed yet, to be honest. Most of the posters have tried to advise and help the OP, but it’s hard to do when facing anger and a refusal to see from another’s perspective.
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CompSciGuy
Guest
I’m just curious about your reasoning.
You do realize that in the moment you engage in premarital sex, you are acting contrary to Church teaching, right? So basically your reasoning is, I would never use a condom because that is against Church teaching and not open to life, but I will engage in premarital sex, which is against Church teaching and a sin against the body and the sacrament of marriage. I just wonder why you think that you are better off for following just one Church teaching but not another. To be honest, it sounds like you are worse off all around. Do you really think that your premarital sex is “less bad” because it is open to life?
If you have trouble with chastity to the point where you can’t control yourself around women, then you should not be dating. And you shouldn’t go anywhere where you would be likely to hook up. If your finances and work life are stressing you out, you shouldn’t be turning to sex as an outlet. There are other ways of dealing with stress. And no offense, but the woman you are about to get married to does not sound a responsible person. You shouldn’t get married if this is a shotgun wedding.
You do realize that in the moment you engage in premarital sex, you are acting contrary to Church teaching, right? So basically your reasoning is, I would never use a condom because that is against Church teaching and not open to life, but I will engage in premarital sex, which is against Church teaching and a sin against the body and the sacrament of marriage. I just wonder why you think that you are better off for following just one Church teaching but not another. To be honest, it sounds like you are worse off all around. Do you really think that your premarital sex is “less bad” because it is open to life?
If you have trouble with chastity to the point where you can’t control yourself around women, then you should not be dating. And you shouldn’t go anywhere where you would be likely to hook up. If your finances and work life are stressing you out, you shouldn’t be turning to sex as an outlet. There are other ways of dealing with stress. And no offense, but the woman you are about to get married to does not sound a responsible person. You shouldn’t get married if this is a shotgun wedding.
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Graceful_Lamb
Guest
This!
The OP can get involved in his parish’s ministries, go to Eucharistic Adoration. I have been to EA myself and I really love it. It brings me closer to Jesus. Perhaps going to church more often, etc.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Perhaps we’d better stick to theoretical advice applicable to a theoretical problem, and refrain from mind-reading over the internet. There is a pit down that road of temptation, too, no matter how well-meaning we are.
As the Gospel says, if we have some pearls to offer that are trampled underfoot, the best thing to do is to get over the fence and out of the pen before anything worse happens. What others do with our advice, after all, is their choice. Once we give an insight away, it is probably best to just let go.
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GreyWings
Guest
Lol. Polluted, I think you’re pretty awesome.
Rate my righteousness by CAF standards on a scale from 1-10
So, you sinned. Now a baby is coming. And you plan to marry her. What’s the problem again?
Go to confession, marry the girl, don’t worry so much about money. There’s a LOT of support through Catholic charities for women who choose life over abortion, such a baby supplies. Look to your Catholicism and God to help you through this time.
I think it’s honorable you’re marrying the girl. Seriously.
Chin up. God is blessing you with a baby.
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clem456
Guest
Good to hear you are making plans for marriage.
Fatherhood is wonderful. I had my daughter out of wedlock 27 years ago and she is now a beautiful young woman who is serving others in her work.
Sometimes out of the most difficult circumstances God’s glory shines the brightest.
Forget about the past. Your children and wife will need to you live in the now, with them. If you insist on worrying about judgment for things past, you cannot be present for them.
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