B
BoyGenius
Guest
I am always under the impression God has a human sense and trait of character. Afterall, we are made in His image, and after His likeness.
In my past and troubled youth, through abuse and turmoil, I’m often presented on the way how to see things God related to them. Seeing Him through those scenarios in life.
When I pray before the Blessed Sacrament, it’s just me and my efforts before the Tabernacle. But when I cease praying, I feel the engagement ended. In truth, I feel in every circumstance where I do something right, just, and good - like staying out of trouble and trying to love God more. It seems to go okay for awhile until I fall. It seems God allows readily my sins to take place than His mercy in healing me. Then that builds my impression about Him. He just looks at me, kind wanting me to stop bothering Him. Just kind of looks at me with half a grin of attention as though I was some disturbed person He just wants to be left alone. A human personality and character.
So thus begins my impression of Him building more around/relating to other personalities of people around me. I see Him as just kind of not interested. And, because of the way I was born, the sins I had fallen into, and now the horrid look at myself, my face and body. He doesn’t want me in Heaven, but Hell. As though I am to suite and satisfy in making something incarnate of something He hates.
Other perceptions arise. When I hear a reading at Mass: The Lazy Servant, the Branches not attached to the vine, Judas Iscariot not being able to escape satan, some people not being healed, the not properly dressed guest to the wedding party, etc. I am always left feeling that’s me. I even feel God has certain people He endears to Himself, i am not one of them. I am always fearful my Salvation will lose, and in my weakness or no control, I am just helpless to ending up being in Hell. I will never make it to Heaven, because I can’t. It seems Heaven, for me, is harder. And much more difficult. That I am ultimately so prone to failure, what’s the use of trying? Why bother? Am I just supposed to live for a time and awhile, then that’s it? Off to hell I go? This stuff bothers me a lot.
In my past and troubled youth, through abuse and turmoil, I’m often presented on the way how to see things God related to them. Seeing Him through those scenarios in life.
When I pray before the Blessed Sacrament, it’s just me and my efforts before the Tabernacle. But when I cease praying, I feel the engagement ended. In truth, I feel in every circumstance where I do something right, just, and good - like staying out of trouble and trying to love God more. It seems to go okay for awhile until I fall. It seems God allows readily my sins to take place than His mercy in healing me. Then that builds my impression about Him. He just looks at me, kind wanting me to stop bothering Him. Just kind of looks at me with half a grin of attention as though I was some disturbed person He just wants to be left alone. A human personality and character.
So thus begins my impression of Him building more around/relating to other personalities of people around me. I see Him as just kind of not interested. And, because of the way I was born, the sins I had fallen into, and now the horrid look at myself, my face and body. He doesn’t want me in Heaven, but Hell. As though I am to suite and satisfy in making something incarnate of something He hates.
Other perceptions arise. When I hear a reading at Mass: The Lazy Servant, the Branches not attached to the vine, Judas Iscariot not being able to escape satan, some people not being healed, the not properly dressed guest to the wedding party, etc. I am always left feeling that’s me. I even feel God has certain people He endears to Himself, i am not one of them. I am always fearful my Salvation will lose, and in my weakness or no control, I am just helpless to ending up being in Hell. I will never make it to Heaven, because I can’t. It seems Heaven, for me, is harder. And much more difficult. That I am ultimately so prone to failure, what’s the use of trying? Why bother? Am I just supposed to live for a time and awhile, then that’s it? Off to hell I go? This stuff bothers me a lot.