Knowing who you are

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Do you know who you are? I mean, do you really understand yourself? I don’t know if I’m having my midlife crisis early or something, but I’ve been grappling with this question lately. I know that I want to glorify God, get married, have kids, and have a satisfying career, but beyond that, I’m not too sure. And those are more like goals in life, and I’m still having trouble understanding who I really am.

Even when it comes to relationships, a healthy, mature relationship requires that you know who you are first, in my opinion. It’s rather hard to just be yourself, when you don’t know who you are to begin with, much less knowing what you truly want in a spouse.

OK, I’m probably rambling. For those who know who they are, how did you come to that realization? Thank you.
 
I know who I am. It is not coincidental that I’ve also done alot of talking therapy.

Knowing who you are comes from objective observation. There is the basic inventory list of qualities (funny, brave, quirky, boorish, et. al.) and then the more constructive list of things you do professionally or creatively (doctor, lawyer, writer, priest, et. al.). The hard part comes when you have to accept that you are those things, even if you don’t like some of them (chubby, bad-at-small-talk, depressed, shy, a pizza delivery boy, et. al.).

It’s always good to start by saying your name out lout to yourself: “I am [your name here]” This is essentially a metaphysical statement, meant to embody in one or two words all of the qualities that comprise your “AllSeasons-ness.” Knowing who you are has nothing to do with the future. It is who you are now. There is no other you. This is a deceptively easy conclusion. If you get too wrapped up in who you *want *to be someday, who you think you *should *be or *ought *to be, this can become infuriating.
 
I am a soul currently tied to an accidental body aka Alan, whose current job is to live my life for God and let Him experience His creation through my experiences.

As far as knowing you want to have children, congratulations for making it that far in determining your vocation. That is not a small thing.

Also know that regardless of what anybody may say, one vocation isn’t better than another. For example, people who say, “what do you do,” as if you are expected to work outside the home for money. That’s a decision between you and your spouse, or if you’re not married anybody who’s helping support you.

Alan
 
I know who I am too,

Not perfect or anything, far from it but I know exactly who I am for better 🙂 for worse 🤷
 
Self-knowledge is part of spiritual growth.

In your spiritual journey, eventually you’ll become the person God had in mind when he created you.

Jim
 
JimR-OCDS said:
In your spiritual journey, eventually you’ll become the person God had in mind when he created you.
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But how do you know when you’ve become the person that God wanted you to be? How do you know what God had in mind for you? To me, there are two parts. The first one is discerning God’s will for you, and the second one is having the strength to follow His will. I’m mainly having trouble with the first one at this point.
 
AllSeasons said:
But how do you know when you’ve become the person that God wanted you to be? How do you know what God had in mind for you? To me, there are two parts. The first one is discerning God’s will for you, and the second one is having the strength to follow His will. I’m mainly having trouble with the first one at this point.
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You’ll know when you’re standing before him.

Jim
 
AllSeasons said:
But how do you know when you’ve become the person that God wanted you to be? How do you know what God had in mind for you? To me, there are two parts. The first one is discerning God’s will for you, and the second one is having the strength to follow His will. I’m mainly having trouble with the first one at this point.
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You have been successfully created. You exist. The hard part is over.

God isn’t going to try and trick you. You have the seeds planted in you already. What are you actually interested in?

Is this thread a veiled vocation issue?

When I was a kid, I wanted to play guitar so bad that my folks finally gave in and bought me one. I worked hard for decades and became good at it. I have used that gift for the church on many occasions and will do so in the future. I’m using this as an extended metaphor. The seed was planted (wanting to play guitar) no discernment required by me, but my parents discerned whether or not I was a serious, but then they took the chance and bought me a guitar (they had already bought a violin, flute and clarinet for my older sister which she abandoned, so they had reason to be leary of me). I didn’t let them down, though *I might have *(poor discernment on my part, or a willful abandonment of a gift offered to me by God).

Being a musician is a big part of who I am. Try to be concrete like that. Name your qualities, your talents and your aspirations. If they are “in sync” with God’s Will, when you attempt them, doors may open.
 
AllSeasons said:
Do you know who you are? I mean, do you really understand yourself? I don’t know if I’m having my midlife crisis early or something, but I’ve been grappling with this question lately. I know that I want to glorify God, get married, have kids, and have a satisfying career, but beyond that, I’m not too sure. And those are more like goals in life, and I’m still having trouble understanding who I really am.

Even when it comes to relationships, a healthy, mature relationship requires that you know who you are first, in my opinion. It’s rather hard to just be yourself, when you don’t know who you are to begin with, much less knowing what you truly want in a spouse.

OK, I’m probably rambling. For those who know who they are, how did you come to that realization? Thank you.
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What’s most important is not who you are, but what you ought to be, namely, a reflection of God,
knowing ourselves means knowing our faults and weaknesses, knowing what we are inordinately attached to, knowing what sins we are enslaved by or attached to…things like that,
the purpose of knowing ourselves is to help us overcome ourselves, so that we have control of our own free will, and so that we can be the creatures God intended us to be,
knowing yourself for the sake of knowing yourself doesn’t amount to much, when you ask “who am i?” perhaps it’s a longing for purpose…because without a purpose in life everything seems pointless…but there is a purpose in life which we all share, which is to know, love, and serve God in this life, so that we may be happy with Him in the next…but even along with that we each have our own individual purpose in life…of course no one can tell you what that is, but the one sure way to find out, or to achieve it, is simply by loving God, which we do by keeping His commandments(as He said), by keeping the commandments and following Christ and His church, you can’t go wrong…

so…it’s not so much important that we know *who *we are, but *what *we are, and what our sins and weaknesses are…we should strive for holiness so that when God looks down on us, He doesn’t see us, but Christ in us…as many of the saints have said.

well…sorry if that’s not the kind of answer you were looking for, but i hope it helps anyways, take care.
 
I don’t know much, but know the Lord picked me out for certain things. Just like everyone else. The hard part is not finding the opportunity a second too late.lol. Each one is still a lesson though.
 
I don’t know who I am, but at least I understand why I don’t know who I am.

I know, however, what I am not.

I am not worthless. I am not useless. I am not defined by what I do for a living, who my family is, whether people see me as “nice” or “extroverted” or “impulsive,” how much money I make (or don’t make), how many times I’ve screwed up or triumphed, or what I have managed or failed to accomplish so far with my life.

I am a mystery to myself, with the dignity inherent in every single human life. And that will have to do for today.
 
If you want insight into the question, I’d recommend Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton. He doesn’t answer the question but it was one of the books that got me thinking about myself as more than just the surface, conscious part.

For an answer I’d say that when you start to become as mysterious as God, than you are getting close (inspired by something by Karl Rahner that I can’t remember).
 
AllSeasons said:
Do you know who you are? I mean, do you really understand yourself? I don’t know if I’m having my midlife crisis early or something, but I’ve been grappling with this question lately. I know that I want to glorify God, get married, have kids, and have a satisfying career, but beyond that, I’m not too sure. And those are more like goals in life, and I’m still having trouble understanding who I really am.

Even when it comes to relationships, a healthy, mature relationship requires that you know who you are first, in my opinion. It’s rather hard to just be yourself, when you don’t know who you are to begin with, much less knowing what you truly want in a spouse.

OK, I’m probably rambling. For those who know who they are, how did you come to that realization? Thank you.
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No, I am not sure who I am, apart from the roles I hold in life, such as Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister, etc. I know a few things, such as some of the things I like/don’t like, my personality characteristics, both bad and good and neutral, what I have done, what I have failed to do…oh, wait…🙂

But I have shaped myself around my family for 21 years now, and put a lot of my own desires and interests aside in favor of my sons’ lives. So I am not sure who I am now. A time of self-reflection and prayer, for sure. Thankfully, one thing I am is introspective, so that makes things a little easier.

I hope God would be pleased with what I’ve done so far. I think my sons are pretty good young men, overall. I haven’t got a career though. So if God is going to judge by titles, I’ll just have to go with “Mom,” I think. I know that is my vocation. The problem is, the active part of it only lasts for what seems the blink of an eye, and then it’s over. Now what, Lord? Send me where you want me!
 
I am really not sure if I know who I am or not. I do know that I want to live a single life for the rest of my life but I also don’t want to be lonely.
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Self-knowledge is part of spiritual growth.

In your spiritual journey, eventually you’ll become the person God had in mind when he created you.

Jim
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If God really had me in mind when he created me, this is proof that God does have a sense of humor. 😃

I know who I am, but feel guilty sometimes because there are some things about me that just straight up contradict Catholicism (behavior, personality, way of thinking about things, etc). I pretty much chalk it up to being human and therefore flawed. There are many things I’m not proud of, many things God would kick my *** for, but I’m not too proud to let him. Sometimes it’s hard to admit who you are, knowing that God wouldn’t approve of the same sins you keep committing over and over because you’re you, but then again, God loves you because you’re you. Not that sinning is ever okay, but maybe God created you to sin a lot in this area, but not so much in that area, which can be an incredible strength you’re not using. You know the phrase “play to your strengths,” right? Let your strengths lead you but don’t reject your weaknesses or let them hinder your development.

OP - I think identity relies heavily on goals - not only what you want in life, but why you want those things. If you keep looking for new opportunities, you’ll find them. 😉
 
In_Training said:
Not that sinning is ever okay, but maybe God created you to sin a lot in this area, but not so much in that area, which can be an incredible strength you’re not using. You know the phrase “play to your strengths,” right? Let your strengths lead you but don’t reject your weaknesses or let them hinder your development.
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I think this is quite excellent. This is how God makes “all things” work for those who believe, not only the “good things.” And how could the Spirit lead us into doing something wrong? Well He wouldn’t, but even Abraham submitted to the Spirit to do what he would have considered wrong, which to me was like a calibration point that synchronized Abraham with the Spirit of God. If the Spirit hadn’t given him the idea, killing his son would have been outrageous.

In my Dark Night, I’ve even concluded that the Spirit actually needed me to experience certain kinds of sins. Sins I did once then never wanted to repeat, but it totally helps me empathize with others who do those sins and gives me ideas about how to minister to them and help them.

If you read Rom 7, it talks about how the law itself produced every kind of sinfulness in St. Paul.

Alan
 
EmeraldWings said:
What’s most important is not who you are, but what you ought to be, namely, a reflection of God,
knowing ourselves means knowing our faults and weaknesses, knowing what we are inordinately attached to, knowing what sins we are enslaved by or attached to…things like that,
the purpose of knowing ourselves is to help us overcome ourselves, so that we have control of our own free will, and so that we can be the creatures God intended us to be,
knowing yourself for the sake of knowing yourself doesn’t amount to much, when you ask “who am i?” perhaps it’s a longing for purpose…because without a purpose in life everything seems pointless…but there is a purpose in life which we all share, which is to know, love, and serve God in this life, so that we may be happy with Him in the next…but even along with that we each have our own individual purpose in life…of course no one can tell you what that is, but the one sure way to find out, or to achieve it, is simply by loving God, which we do by keeping His commandments(as He said), by keeping the commandments and following Christ and His church, you can’t go wrong…

so…it’s not so much important that we know *who *we are, but *what *we are, and what our sins and weaknesses are…we should strive for holiness so that when God looks down on us, He doesn’t see us, but Christ in us…as many of the saints have said.

well…sorry if that’s not the kind of answer you were looking for, but i hope it helps anyways, take care.
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I agree with this:thumbsup:
 
AlanFromWichita said:
In my Dark Night, I’ve even concluded that the Spirit actually needed me to experience certain kinds of sins. Sins I did once then never wanted to repeat, but it totally helps me empathize with others who do those sins and gives me ideas about how to minister to them and help them.

Alan
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An “illumination of conscience” during a dark night…scary.
 
AllSeasons said:
But how do you know when you’ve become the person that God wanted you to be? How do you know what God had in mind for you? To me, there are two parts. The first one is discerning God’s will for you, and the second one is having the strength to follow His will. I’m mainly having trouble with the first one at this point.
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I encourage you to look into Fr. Santan Pinto’s Plan of Life formation. It is amazing.

disciplesofjesusandmary.org/
 
Samson01 said:
An “illumination of conscience” during a dark night…scary.
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“Scary” hardly scratches the surface. It was the most exciting ride I’ve been on. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster. Finally I had to release my fearful grip on the safety bar and eventually threw my hands in the air and said, “Woo Hoo! Take me where you will!”

And the rest is becoming history… 😛

Seriously, though, there is one night I distinctly remember what I did, but I cannot find the house anywhere where it took place. I was led there by a homeless guy who was sitting on a bench at 2 am, whom I called out and asked if he needed a ride. When I was manic I used to leave the house and family during the night sometimes and go places… anyway I had the house number and I’m an expert on numbers – numbers have gotten me grounded at times I wasn’t sure if I was hallucinating. But this does not compute. I’ve driven all up and down every block even near where it happened, and I cannot find the house. Maybe in God’s mercy it has been erased from my world somehow.

Alan
 
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