Lack of community loses Souls

[Kay_Cee]

First, let me too express my sympathy on the loss of your mother.

Maybe you need to move to my parish. Last year my daughter had to have major surgery, so I had the parish add her name to the list of sick that we pray for in the petitions.

I was bombarded by well-wishers. Some comments were, “Is there anything I can do to help?” and “I’m praying a rosary for her.”
(All that prayer must have helped; the surgery went exceptionally well.)

Now I admit my parish is fairly small, but a lot of the parishoners are very active there, so we get to know one another well.

Perhaps that’s the key–getting involved. It’s a little hard to express sympathy to someone when you don’t even know who that person is.

 

[the_phoenix]

Dear aurora77, KayCee, and others who claim that getting involved is always the answer,

Been there, done that. When I was active on the Women’s Renewal Team, I hosted the Christmas Party at my apartment for the entire team … how much more can one reach out to other people? But wait, there’s more … there was in fact one woman on the team who seemed friendlier than the others. So I made it a point to cheerfully ask her over for dinner. She refused. I asked again, since she DID seem NICE after all. She refused again. Funny thing. After a year had passed, she saw me in public and made quite a show of telling someone how good a friend she was to me. Now tell me, what sense did that make? If she were a real friend, she would have taken me up on my invitation, or even just called to say hello. I suppose it was because she was married and absorbed with her own family that she was always too busy to get together with me, a single person. Fine. Don’t get together with me. But then, don’t make the false claim of being a friend either.

To Ana: Thank you for answering and understanding!

~~ the phoenix

aurora77:

I think the answer is pretty simple, actually–reach out yourself to other people. It’s very easy for us to sit back and wait for others to come to us, but we really need to do our part to make other people welcome in our parish.

In the last couple of years, too, I’ve tried to reach out to new people. Something as simple as just saying “Hi, how are you?” can start up a nice conversation. If any of ya’ll’s churches are like mine, 20 people at daily Mass is a huge crowd. If there’s someone there who sits by themselves, doesn’t talk much to others, reach out to them. Ask them out for coffee after Mass.

I’m truly sorry for all that you’ve gone through, Michelle, and I hope my message hasn’t sounded blaming, b/c I don’t mean it that way at all. But, we all really need to be taking the first steps towards creating community within our parishes. Maybe what you and others are thinking is God’s way of nudging you towards doing exactly that. If we don’t do it, who will?

 

[Joysong]

Dear Phoenix,

I have personally understood your situation, and we have shared insights privately about it. Sometimes when the doors are closed, we have to move on - people may just not be open or ready yet. I gained this insight from the Lord in prayer about that same time, “Go where My Spirit is.” Yes, I transferred to another parish and the Spirit flourished! I loved being a part of it all. You have taken a good step forward today in registering elsewhere, and I sincerely pray that doors will open for you.

If any others who follow along have insights to share about how their parish has blossomed through social activities, please share! We’re all ears!

Carole

 

[katy]

This is the aspect of Catholicism that baffles me the most, not some doctrinal issue. I have Protestant friends I meet for breakfast every other week. They and I are bringing food to a family from their church who is in major medical crisis.

OTOH, I belonged to one parish for 10 years, volunteering and showing up at women’s functions, offering rides, etc. only to be treated as absolutely invisible. Since I can make friends just about everywhere but a surburban Catholic parish , I don’t think it is mostly about a defect in me.
Now that the kids are grown (and who still snarl about the way they were treated as “those CCD kids” as they now stay away from church), I am going to a small, ethnic parish downtown where a few people actually stop me to shake hands. Go figure. I believe the comment about Catholic culture not transferring well to American suburbia is well taken.

 

[aspawloski4th]

Community is nice! But I was always taught one was at Mass to worship God, and not to get something out of it. I even know a priest that occassionally has a homiliy on that. This priest even goes as far to say when he gives this homliy that to want something out of Mass is utterly selfish. Thank God for that priest and my parents for teching that. For the people who you say , dont do anything, if youd get into each indevidual case you find out why. IE people who work lots of hours, people who have family of their own to take care of, some who dont feel the need for community, they come to church just to worship. To me it seems just annother symptom of Catholics becoming too much American and not enough Catholic anymore. Many of us want to get something out of everything rather than just do what we are supposed to do. I dont know the full solution, but teaching our children what the correct pourpose in going to Mass is would be a good start!

 

[Orionthehunter]

I think this is the biggest weakness in the Church. The institutional Church (Magisterium, Tradition, Teachings, Theology, etc.) is perfect as its creator (Christ) is perfect. The church is imperfect as its members are imperfect (you and I).

We fail to feed His sheep, we fail to protect the helpless, we fail to visit the lonely, we fail in so many ways. But these are not failings that are unique to Catholics.

What does seem to be unique to Catholics is that we come to Mass as a family, worship as a family, and leave as a family. When I attend a Protestant service with a friend, my friend is always physically drawn into a conversation that includes “how are you, glad to see you, and who is your friend”. While they have a lot of other issues that are problems, Protestants within the confines of their service and immediately before/after seem to do very well at “love your neighbor as I have loved you.”

Christ showed us love by physically embracing His disciples and not just giving them “spiritual” or “mystical” food but also communing physically.

When I participate in the Sign of Peace (see the thread going on the Sign of Peace for further insight) I express enthusiastically and joyfully the Peace of Christ and my personal gladness they are with me to worship Christ at the Mass. Furthermore, after the concluding blessing and instruction to go forth to spread the Good News, I try to make a point to personally engage in someone to whom I don’t know well as I depart the church. IMHO, to not share the Graces and Peace I’ve rec’d with others right after the Mass is evidence that I’ve not fully grasped the gift of the Mass. If all of us would physically engage our fellow worshippers, we could change the world as Christ commands us to do.

 

[aurora77]

I’m sorry to hear that Phoenix. Well, Catholic or not, people can be jerks–maybe your former parish is composed of some not very nice people. I hope your new parish is a more welcoming place. I never tried to make the claim that getting involved is the only answer–I was only speaking of my experience and to the OP’s observation that what she was finding troubling about others she was also finding troubling in her self, i.e. she said she doesn’t like the lack of community yet finds herself acting just like everyone else.

 

[Dorothy]

I must be very blessed in my parish, because reading many of these posts about lack of community surprises me.

Daily Mass is a great community, as we notice when someone is missing and one of us finds out and informs the others. We pray for one another and visit at hospitals.

The same thing happens at parish groups I belong to. After meeting together week after week friendships begin. We call someone to see how they are doing when we learn they are sick.

The ladies society runs many functions, and even those who are not regular members cooperate in these: parish picnics, fund raisers, etc.

We have a bereavement committee that cooks and brings food to parishioners homes that we never met before, when the circumstances warrant it.

Something I have learned over the years…when I attend the monthly coffee and donut after Mass event, I introduce myself to someone who is sitting alone, and we start to talk. In the past I waited for others to do that for me, but have since learned differently.