Lack of faith is growing

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alice24

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Not quite sure what I expect here, maybe people with life experience on this topic.
I was baptizes as adult not long ago, after a rather short time of living christian (the prep year, almost). I grew up in a mixed ethnic and religious household where not much pressure laid upon me regarding my spiritual way, sometimes I regret this, sometimes I´m thankful for this. I discovered various religions over the last years, finally studying some semesters theology (christian and islamic) beside my main study, checking out pagan and rather philosophic concepts meanwhile.
I didn´t settled in any tradition for long, but eventually got close with the christian faith in a phase of my life where I searched stability and practice very much. The sacraments kept me patient and gave me some hold in difficulties.
I´ll never lose the feel that I can´t compensate the “given” faith a child learns as an adult now, and while I accepted various beliefs and moral concepts for myself I later found in the church (this lead me there), I can´t wholeheartly say I have any deep belief in the heart of the christian faith - the trinity itself.
There´s no cultural bound that strong to keep me content in my new tradition 100%, rather the opposite, my baptism pushed me out of my own culture pretty much, which I miss.
I fear I regret my baptism sometimes, and honestly, I fear I feel this way because am pretty happy right now (never wanted to be a “in hard times only believer”).
I do understand faith is a decision, but it´s exactly my ratio that don´t help me here with compensating a lack of feels.
 
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Surrounding yourself with like-minded friends is helpful in this situation. Not only will they provide you with affirmation in your beliefs, they can help deepen your understanding of the faith in order to address the “holes” in your spirituality (like that disconnect with the Trinity that you mentioned). And the sense of community having such a group of friends provides can give you the stability you seek and thus lessen the feelings of loss of what you left behind when you became a Christian.

Also, forging relationships with a few members of the clergy is often beneficial. The priests and religious in my life have been essential in my staying the course. It’s nice to have people to bounce things off of when I don’t know, don’t understand, or can’t accept something about the faith.

Praying for you! 🙏
 
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Thank you for your prayer.

Like minded friends is sadly the least I have here. Christian communities are in general rather small here and ethnically closed (no matter if german, russian, etc).
Whenever I enter a persian supermarket, I feel at home. I am naturally seen as ordinary persian muslim women. Not as super religious one, but as “part of the culture”. I get in touch in 5 minutes with other women there, to feel separated again soon after. In the christian social sphere, it´s almost the same vice versa. I can´t force myself to feel this deep feel of connection other people have from their first day of life.
 
I feel for you not having a culture that supports your faith, I don’t either for different reasons and it’s hard to go it alone.
 
Hello! Do you live in a western or middle eastern country? I am pretty much where you are as faith is concerned, not sure what to attribute it too. I dabble in this and that and never getting around to make a solid commitment. Being a loner /outsider don’t have an affinity with any group or ethnicity and could care less about ancestry. However, being a second generation American am pretty locked into individuality and freedom.
 
I live in germany. I think I actively separated myself from my country during my process of becoming christian, as it hurted really much to feel the disconnection. Now as I´m becoming a mother, I realize how important this is all to me, and I feel like a stranger.
 
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I’m having a hard time pulling together all the pieces here.

You live in Germany, but you feel isolated from other Christians? Doesn’t Getmany have a very large Christian population and a Catholic population of good size as well? Where do the Persian markets fit in?
 
I do live in germany, I´m baptized christian orthodox. The christian population in general is mostly in name only. As I live in eastern germany, parishes are generally small and mainly evangelical-protestant. I mentioned the markets as a place where I feel more “fitting” in my culture, I often buy my food there when I am in one of the bigger cities here with more immigrants.

Sorry for writing in a rather confusing style!
 
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I see. Well, being Catholic is a pretty isolating experience for me for similar (but different) reasons. Most members of my culture are some form of Protestant and highly suspicious of Catholics.

The thing is that Christianity is a religion meant to be lived in community. So, I’m busy trying to make friends and find a place to fit in. It is difficult at times, but I do feel like I’m making some progress. I think without some sense of community I’ll never be able to remain Catholic.
 
mrsdizzyd said:
he thing is that Christianity is a religion meant to be lived in community.
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This is what troubles me as well.
I sometimes feel I´d lived a better life in my community “on my place” with the trust in God´s grace than actually being unable to give me and my family the comfort of a upheld tradition.
 
alice24 said:
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mrsdizzyd:
he thing is that Christianity is a religion meant to be lived in community.
Click to expand...
This is what troubles me as well.
I sometimes feel I´d lived a better life in my community “on my place” with the trust in God´s grace than actually being unable to give me and my family the comfort of a upheld tradition.
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I’m not sure I fully understand what you have written here, but if you prefer to spend time on your own as opposed to in community with other Christians you certainly can do that, but you’d still need to gather together to celebrate liturgy, etc. You’d likely still need people to discuss matters of faith with, to pray for you, etc.
 
I wanted to say that I´m unsure if I made a bad decision - being a christian, but lonely because I had to give up parts of my culture and don´t have people to share my life and faith - in comparison to live as non christian believer in God (and the hope in God to have mercy with me when I die without being a christian) with the richness of a community full of traditions for me and my family.
 
alice24 said:
I can´t wholeheartly say I have any deep belief in the heart of the christian faith - the trinity itself.
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Here is a link to “Theology for Beginners” on Kindle for $ 0.99. It has a very good explanation of The Trinity which sheds light on this mystery of who God is. As the catechism says, this mystery sheds light on all of God’s works. The more we delve into this mystery the more we understand His works of creation, redemption, etc. Pray everyday for a great increase in faith, strengthening of hope, and perfecting of love.

God bless.

https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Beg...669278&sr=8-1&keywords=theology+for+beginners

CCC 236 The Fathers ofthe Church distinguish
between theology (theologia) and economy
(oikonom.ia). “Theology” refers to the mystery of
God’s inmost life within the Blessed Trinity and
“economy” to all the works by which God reveals
himself and communicates his life. Through the
oikonomia the theologia is revealed to us; but
conversely, the theologia illuminates the whole
oikonomia. God’s works reveal who he is in
himself; the mystery of his inmost being
enlightens our understanding of all his works. So
it is, analogously, among human persons. A
person discloses himself in his actions, and the
better we know a person, the better we
linderstand his actions.
 
Than you for this resource!
It´s not that I have a problem understanding trinity - it´s more that I have problems feeling and believing that it´s more than a logical meaningful construct. I spent much time with studying theology, but it the foundations seems lifeless from time to time to me.
 
alice24 said:
I wanted to say that I´m unsure if I made a bad decision - being a christian, but lonely because I had to give up parts of my culture and don´t have people to share my life and faith - in comparison to live as non christian believer in God (and the hope in God to have mercy with me when I die without being a christian) with the richness of a community full of traditions for me and my family.
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Oh ok!

Well, I’ll tell you what I’m doing because I’m building from scratch and I am the only person in my family who is wanting to establish traditions for my kids to grow up with.

It is a creative process. You have to create community for yourself which means actively seeking out friends and companions. Seeking out people you can share your life and faith with. It’s a slow process, and it requires me to put my self “out there” in a way that is very uncomfortable for me, but it is necessary.

You also have to seek out those traditions that you feel will be beneficial for you and your family and implement them as best you can. I am discovering these things through research and asking question on CAF and asking the couple of people in my parish that I have a growing relationship with.

There is a lot of upfront work involved, but eventually, the traditions will be set and we will live them out with relative ease.

I think this also goes to your questions of faith and whether or not you made the right choice. I am finding that the more I just go “all in” and live the faith the stronger my faith becomes. I think being a Catholic Christian (and imagine this is also true for EO) requires a complete world view shift, and when we shift our world view the more things seem to come together.
 
Theology is a wonderful thing I’m sure.

I was taught the basics of Christianity at school, as were all my generation and those before too and so I knew some of the theory behind Christianity. When I had need of God I prayed to Him, I’m not sure I ever felt anything in return but I have never stopped believing in God all my life. I didn’t carry the idea with me daily because I was busy working but sometim s duting the day I’d think about God and perhaps say a little prayer to ask for help.

Eventually I became a Christian and a Catholic and things started to change. I read a lot about the saints and mystics of the Church and I began to feel my relationship with God grow. The more I prayed the more I believed and the more I felt my relationship grow. I also started to pray the rosary, one decade at first for a year or so and then all ten decades. I developed a relationship with Our Lady too. I have felt a connection and particularly after asking to be able to feel love more.

So perhaps reading more about the lives of the saints would help because by nature the saints were different to most, they were isolated in a way by that difference and they felt a relationship with God in a way which is not possible simply by studying theology imo. Having felt and grown a relationship, or even simultaneously reading theology could be of great benefit revealing as it does deeper aspects of our faith.

Some great Catholics have been virtually illiterate and some very challenged by the academic side of our religion. I always like to simplify whenever I can, because I’m possibly simple myself I expect.

🙂
 
I don’t quite understand why being Christian means you have to cut yourself off from your Persian culture. Would other ethnically Persian people in Germany react badly if they found out you weren’t Muslim?

As I understand it, there are plenty of Christians in Iran itself. It’s not like it’s a totally wacky thing they’ve never encountered.
 
Didn’t you write once that you’re half Iranian? So am I. I totally understand what you’re going through. Just remember that truth outweighs everything

Bokbok
 
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