Lack of Fathers in Church

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farallon

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I would like to discuss a problem that I have noticed in Christianity in general, but which seems especially pronounced in Catholicism today. That problem is the lack of fathers attending church with their families. I was raised in a protestant church and, as I got older began to notice that a lot of married women were there without their husbands. Still, most families were there together (father, mother and kids). When I married my wife, who is Catholic, I started attending church with her, first at her parent’s church, then at one near our new home. In both cases, there were very few fathers in church with their families. We have since moved to a different part of the city and are attending church at another parrish where the problem is less pronounced, thankfully. Have other people observed this phenomenon and, if so how can we encourage our brothers in Christ to attend church?
 
I’m from the rural midwest, and while I don’t know about Catholic churches what you described is exactly what I witnessed growing up in a Protestant church (and in the larger community, which was also heavily Protestant.)

My grandparents were like that. My grandma went to church, my grandpa stayed home and worked. He wasn’t going to give up a morning tending to the farm to go to church, especially not on a Sunday when the neighbors would be around if he needed help with something (or if they needed him to help them with something.) My mom went to church with my grandma when she was growing up, my uncles worked at home with grandpa. When my brother and I came along he stayed home with grandpa, I went to church. Although grandpa had long since retired from farming it was so ingrained in him that church was for women. And if the gender makeup of the congregation was any indication a lot of men felt that way.

Don’t get me wrong, he believed in god, prayed every day, and probably rolled over in his grave the first time I admitted to being an atheist. But that gender divide is just the way it was.
 
When I was dating my non-Catholic (non-believing, actually) husband, I mentioned to him that I felt sorry for all the women coming to mass without their husbands. When we became engaged, he started attending mass with me every Sunday, and has been doing so ever since. Never once have I had to prod him to go. He’s usually waiting for me by the front door on Sunday morning.

So if my non-believing husband attends, even if it’s just to please me, why don’t the supposedly Catholic men attend? My guess is that they simply don’t believe. If someone REALLY believed what the Church teaches, specifically about the mortal sin of skipping Sunday mass, nothing could keep them away. Without that belief, there’s really no reason to go.
 
It is a real problem and not just in Catholic churches. Men who are fathers should be ashamed at the bad example that they are setting for their children. I was at a Fathers Day dinner after church (at a Protestant Church) last Fathers Day and everyone was shocked at how few fathers were there. Dozens of kids but less than five Dads showed.
 
It’s a problem in many denominations.

Being my sister is liberal catholic, Dad conservative Catholic, brother Christian, other sister Dali Lama , Mother Lutheran …I see patterns in all such as you mention.
 
I, on the other hand, find the post somewhat irritating. I am at church at least as much as my wife.

However, to address the very real point of male absence, I personally put the blame on not only those males that do not attend but also on Hugh Hefner, Football and all the other televised sports, and the general loss of sense of keeping the Sunday as a day of rest and for God.

Also methinks there is a lack of the ‘Joy of the Lord’ in todays homilies. Too much is guilt, guilt and yet even *more *guilt.:rolleyes:

A little girl bubbles with excitement over telling her friend about her new kitten. We have something more than a kitten, methinks. This is what should be communicated from the pulpit.

If one thinks about it, if only in a logical manner, there is indeed cause for great celebration. If one has meditated much in a contemplative way, the joy just comes and the light shines in the eyes.

How many ‘dead eyed Christians’ do you know?🤷
 
I would think that possibly a lot of people work weekends. I do sometimes.

Jala
 
Honestly, the way things are done at church these days is unappealing to men. Lots of sentimentality and emotionalism, low amounts of serious preaching, bad music, pared down ritual, priests who talk to the congregation like it’s full of school children, and sometimes an anti-intellectual attitude. Also, they seem to prefer emotionally open extroverted people, so some types of men are going to stay away from it all because they’ll feel shamed and manipulated. I still go because I care enough about God to put up with it, but churchiness is disgusting to a lot of men.
 
I think husbands can just be lazy on Sunday. I’m glad my hubby won’t let me go to church alone if he’s home. Sometimes I do have to say I’m going to church on Sunday with dd regardless if you come. of course if there is a nascar race he wants to see or a soccer game…he will say that he has to be home for that. haha he knows mass doesn’t take that long and we go early enough but he still has to say it.
 
Men leave, in general. The more conservative the parish, the more men who will show up in my experience.
“Honestly, the way things are done at church these days is unappealing to men. Lots of sentimentality and emotionalism, low amounts of serious preaching, bad music, pared down ritual, priests who talk to the congregation like it’s full of school children, and sometimes an anti-intellectual attitude. Also, they seem to prefer emotionally open extroverted people, so some types of men are going to stay away from it all because they’ll feel shamed and manipulated. I still go because I care enough about God to put up with it, but churchiness is disgusting to a lot of men.”
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This is really true. It’s also what makes marrying inside the Church really difficult (for women, at least). And ironically enough, the few men who stay behind get overlooked by the Catholic women who marry the “bad boy” non-Catholic/believer.

Then we get to read about it on CAF.
 
WoundedIcon said:
Honestly, the way things are done at church these days is unappealing to men. Lots of sentimentality and emotionalism, low amounts of serious preaching, bad music, pared down ritual, priests who talk to the congregation like it’s full of school children, and sometimes an anti-intellectual attitude. Also, they seem to prefer emotionally open extroverted people, so some types of men are going to stay away from it all because they’ll feel shamed and manipulated. I still go because I care enough about God to put up with it, but churchiness is disgusting to a lot of men.
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Here’s an interesting book:
“The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity”, by Leon J. Podles (I haven’t read it).

And another interesting research “Basically, if fathers go to church, their children will when they grow up. If fathers don’t, even if the mothers do, the children won’t.”:
geneveith.com/2010/12/15/raising-children-so-they-will-go-to-church-as-adults/
 
Why not poll the church. Find out the reasons given. Rather than assume the missing men are lazy, and non believers. Perhaps the dad goes to Mass at a different time. Maybe, maybe not. I know a few families who split their Mass times. I assume that it works for them.

My husband who is not Catholic, nor a “bad boy”, let alone a “boy”… gross… Has a type of career that has him working through the weekend often. He attends when he’s off. Doesn’t when he’s not.

I see many men in my church with their children without wives, and vice verse. I imagine some women are “GASP”… divorced.

I’m curious about these girly masses. How strange. Short of the changes last year, our Mass seems the same as it has been since childhood. Although there are alter girls now a days. Our priest is fantastic. Such a good speaker, relating the issues of today to the gospel of the day. I’ve witnessed bad speakers. That is definitely frustrating.

Perhaps these “girly” masses are held by priests that should be questioned for stirring away from what they are supposed to do? No idea.

I also find it interesting that some perceive that only men would be annoyed with bad music, pared down rituals, a priest talking as if to children. How strange to think women would not be annoyed. IF men are not there for that reason, then I suggest these men can’t get inside the church as their heads won’t fit through the door.
 
faithfully said:
Why not poll the church. Find out the reasons given. Rather than assume the missing men are lazy, and non believers. Perhaps the dad goes to Mass at a different time. Maybe, maybe not. I know a few families who split their Mass times. I assume that it works for them.
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Too optimistic here. Truth is, like the Protestant church here in the US, the men that attend are very often, visibly emasculate. What’s to say about those that aren’t visibly so? Sure, there are some exceptions – myself being a prime example.
I see many men in my church with their children without wives, and vice verse. I imagine some women are “GASP”… divorced.
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Divorced is only one part of the equation. The other is a significant foreshadower, and perhaps even more damaging than divorce itself and is present in a 90% abundance in my generation among Catholics, 80% among Protestants while 95% in society in general.
I also find it interesting that some perceive that only men would be annoyed with bad music, pared down rituals, a priest talking as if to children. How strange to think women would not be annoyed. IF men are not there for that reason, then I suggest these men can’t get inside the church as their heads won’t fit through the door.
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Typically I perceive church women as effeminate (though there are courageous, well-buttressed women; i.e. ladies) – the direct counterpart to the visibly emasculate men aforementioned.

They settle and they accept and disturbingly, follow dogma that either makes no sense or one they don’t understand.

These people live on their knees unfortunately. The rest of the active church, again the remnant that is not effeminate or emasculate, is involved in the countries’ culture I speculate (i.e. not solely spiritual/church matters).
 
This reminds me of the Football Season on February (Superbowl? I don’t really follow it), and the Church was basically empty on a Sunday Mass… That is just wrong. I think it is like the parable of the seeds. The Thorns are strong in keeping us from growing closer to God.
 
faithfully said:
I also find it interesting that some perceive that only men would be annoyed with bad music, pared down rituals, a priest talking as if to children. How strange to think women would not be annoyed. IF men are not there for that reason, then I suggest these men can’t get inside the church as their heads won’t fit through the door.
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Hear, hear.

Thankfully my parish is not like this, but I am familiar with the concept. I think it is the modern version of what BlueEyedLady spoke of - the men think that whatever it is that they are doing instead is worth giving up church for. Used to be it was farm chores, now it is sports, morning talk shows, or just puttering.

The average homily from the average parish priest is no better or worse now than it was in 1922, 32, 42, 52, 62, 72, 82, 92, etc.
 
I think it’s because many men simply don’t believe. We cannot assume that because more women go to Church they hold Church teaching any stronger than these men. I know some women who don’t believe but simply go to mass because they have been brought up going, it seem’s they attend for traditional reason’s and therefore bring their child up in this tradition.

As for the Church being feminine, the like’s of Youth 2000 where it seem’s very much like a evangelical hand’s up in the air sort of event is VERY off putting to men, the whole point in it is to invoke a sort of buzz you get at child summer camps for example. The church appear’s silly and weak to men, they have no knowledge of the past of the great masculine saint’s and scholar’s, of the Great Catholic king’s and military leader’s etc. If you are a man looking into the Church today the only social event’s for Catholic’s are prayer group’s and youth 2000 so you can see why many are put off by the Church today and even if they do hold many of it’s teaching’s strongly, the secular world they will then have embraced because of these thing’s will erode much of that and therefore their character

These of course is no fault of women, they are just working much harder in the Church today
 
Fr. Z had an article up, which I agree with, it was a first experience of a couple people, and the men all said they would go if it was the EF. The problem with proddie churches and OF is they are less masculine to many men, I know it seemed like that for me, but the EF was completely right for me. There is a lack of masculinity now in our religion, and we need to bring it back.
 
farallon said:
Have other people observed this phenomenon and, if so how can we encourage our brothers in Christ to attend church?
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I never really gave this much though and to be honest, I can’t think of many woman who bring their kids to church without their dad. The only one that comes to mind is a family where the dad works shifts and can’t always be there.

That being said, if I was a man, I would be a bit offended at this post. We are not to judge others and singling out a particular group is not very nice. The best thing we can do is to pray for the conversion of sinners.

Also, since you are a man, my first quesion is why don’t you ask other men why they don’t go to church?
 
cmscms said:
I never really gave this much though and to be honest, I can’t think of many woman who bring their kids to church without their dad. The only one that comes to mind is a family where the dad works shifts and can’t always be there.

That being said, if I was a man, I would be a bit offended at this post. We are not to judge others and singling out a particular group is not very nice. The best thing we can do is to pray for the conversion of sinners.

Also, since you are a man, my first quesion is why don’t you ask other men why they don’t go to church?
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I guess I’m a bit surprised that this is an issue in Catholic churches just like it is in Protestant ones. Protestants don’t believe that missing church is a sin, much less a mortal one. (They don’t have mortal vs. venial sins.) But for Catholics missing mass would be the same grave sin for both genders.

And I’ll admit I haven’t been very close to a lot of Catholic families, but the three or so that I have all of the men have gone to church with the rest of their family. This is especially true in my fiance’s family where the men are all KofC members and lead family prayers daily, and organize carpooling to daily mass amongst the relatives and elderly people, etc.
 
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