Lack of vibrancy at youth group meetings

[VeritasLuxMea]

Fun is not a dirty word, nor is it the antonym of words like service, learning, etc. I really wish we would cut it out with that false dichotomy. My advice is to get your youth group engaged. Make them a part of the decision making. When you play a part in a decision, you’re more likely to enjoy that activity and remain committed to it. So frame a decision for them: give them some options and let them decide, and don’t be afraid to have a little fun. It won’t kill anyone.
Hoosier Daddy:

1. Do not fall into the idea of an exciting vibrant youth group every week. Faith based on a high or emotion is bound to fail.

Likewise faith without feeling, without emotion, without humanity. It has its proper place.

 

[pianistclare]

I find that kids these days are less inclined to be bribed with pizza.
They’ll eat it if they have not had dinner, but for the most part, it’s hard to get a variety that pacifies everyone. We only have a “snack” and only fro special occasions…like the last class before Christmas, or something big fro Valentine’s day, last Sunday before Lent, or something like that, and even then, it’s themed, and they get kick out of the funny cookies or whatnot.
Also, you budget can go wonky if you give parents the notion that you will feed their kids at church. You just can’t, and it adds to the tear down and cleanup.
When the kids have a special even, like a Cardboard campout, I find that the parents worry so much, they will donate anything you need.
OM me if you want to know about Cardboard campout. It’s a project to illustrate the plight of the homeless to the entire parish. Our kids love/hate it, but they sign up every time we offer it.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I find that kids these days are less inclined to be bribed with pizza.
They’ll eat it if they have not had dinner, but for the most part, it’s hard to get a variety that pacifies everyone. We only have a “snack” and only fro special occasions…like the last class before Christmas, or something big fro Valentine’s day, last Sunday before Lent, or something like that, and even then, it’s themed, and they get kick out of the funny cookies or whatnot.
Also, you budget can go wonky if you give parents the notion that you will feed their kids at church. You just can’t, and it adds to the tear down and cleanup.
When the kids have a special even, like a Cardboard campout, I find that the parents worry so much, they will donate anything you need.
OM me if you want to know about Cardboard campout. It’s a project to illustrate the plight of the homeless to the entire parish. Our kids love/hate it, but they sign up every time we offer it.

It can depend on the “when” of the youth group. I think WAY too much time, energy and funds go to the “food and games” aspect as it is but I remember one year when we cut out food except just snacks. It was horrible. With the teen Mass at 6 and youth group going until 9 on Sunday nights you basically HAD to feed them because they would decimate the snacks as a dinner anyway. It was also not optimal that they had their own Mass and then were separated from their families every Sunday night. Of course that whole topic is a different thread I just think that during the teen years especially time with family is hard to come by as it is.

Another year we had parents sign up to cook or provide meals each week. It ended up that about the same 3 families ended up getting food for the youth program so we stopped that. Eventually Father just added it into the budget for the youth program, and, it was a large part of the budget. Sometimes, I just did it out of pocket.

 

[pianistclare]

It can depend on the “when” of the youth group. I think WAY too much time, energy and funds go to the “food and games” aspect as it is but I remember one year when we cut out food except just snacks. It was horrible. With the teen Mass at 6 and youth group going until 9 on Sunday nights you basically HAD to feed them because they would decimate the snacks as a dinner anyway. It was also not optimal that they had their own Mass and then were separated from their families every Sunday night. Of course that whole topic is a different thread I just think that during the teen years especially time with family is hard to come by as it is.

Another year we had parents sign up to cook or provide meals each week. It ended up that about the same 3 families ended up getting food for the youth program so we stopped that. Eventually Father just added it into the budget for the youth program, and, it was a large part of the budget. Sometimes, I just did it out of pocket.

Agree about that…one year the previous youth minister piggy backed the Confirmation classes with the LifeTeen sessions, and they HAD to feed the kids. Was a disaster. Too much for the kids to cope with. That’s the whole point of teaching in short bursts. We don’t have a “teen Mass” just regular old Mass. Our group meets on Sunday nights, when a lot of conflicting events both secular and family, are mostly over, with a few exceptions of course.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Fun is not a dirty word, nor is it the antonym of words like service, learning, etc. I really wish we would cut it out with that false dichotomy. My advice is to get your youth group engaged. Make them a part of the decision making. When you play a part in a decision, you’re more likely to enjoy that activity and remain committed to it. So frame a decision for them: give them some options and let them decide, and don’t be afraid to have a little fun. It won’t kill anyone.

Likewise faith without feeling, without emotion, without humanity. It has its proper place.

The problem is that in a group of 60 or so teens, “fun” is almost never agreed upon. It is either too “lame” boring or even the opposite to physical and active. Either way you will alienate a group of people. I find that putting the faith out there as the priority is the only real way to do it. Does that mean our youth groups were as boring as an insurance convention? No. They are teens and we had fun. But some nights are not fun. Pro life nights are not fun. Some youth group topics are more serious in nature. Our response and participation skyrocketed when we added adoration and quiet reflection time. Some of the teens surveyed even said that youth group prayer time and adoration was the calmest best time of their week. Offering this plugged in generation silence is one of the greatest gifts we can give.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Agree about that…one year the previous youth minister piggy backed the Confirmation classes with the LifeTeen sessions, and they HAD to feed the kids. Was a disaster. Too much for the kids to cope with. That’s the whole point of teaching in short bursts. We don’t have a “teen Mass” just regular old Mass. Our group meets on Sunday nights, when a lot of conflicting events both secular and family, are mostly over, with a few exceptions of course.

It is so different now in our parish. I was part of a wealthy large parish that had a very very active youth program, and now, our parish is very very family oriented. It is the poorest parish in our town but has the most “families” many of them quite large. We are lucky enough to have wonderful priests who have shunned the idea of being an administrator and embraced being a “Father” So, father now runs the youth group. It is small as many families either home school or just do things together as a family. They go to adoration together. But Father does lead a bible study/ youth group. And the parish down the block a ways has a lifeteen group that some of our teens attend.

I will say this. Our current parish has more close knit families than my old one. ANd for that reason the need for a big ole youth group production is not really there.

We had Father over for dinner the other night and we talked about starting a program. He was not interested. And I agree with him, it is working just fine right now and our parish grows A LOT of priests with this system. We have 3 priests and they are all homegrown. From our parish.

 

[Xantippe]

A few thoughts:

1. Our old parish (which is in a poor neighborhood) did a simple dinner in the parish hall for whoever showed up just before CCD and adult education on Wednesday nights.
2. Conflicting with dinner is often a problem with events that start around 6. That is the issue I think about when signing up kids for extracurriculars. That and conflicting with homework.
3. I kinda love the “God is love!” and “Catholic means universal!” kids.
4. I like the idea of including a service component. I’ve never run a youth group, but I remember feeling discontented as a 6th grader in “Missionettes” (my old Protestant denomination’s girls’ group) by the fact that it was all verse memorization and stupid crafts (we were doing one forever where you’d wrap yarn around a wire clothes hanger–why???). That was the end of that. Then, in college, I was in InterVarsity (a Protestant parachurch organization) that had a much stronger focus on application and service (and at the same time a very strong focus on worship and scripture), and it was much, much better. Make sure the kids have some choice in their service project, though.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

1. I kinda love the “God is love!” and “Catholic means universal!” kids.
   .

I don’t like it at all. Perhaps I did not make clear who I was talking about. These are the kids, face buried in the phone or not paying attention who when called on or when it is thier turn to say something just regurgitate an answer like “God is love”

Nothing is more frustrating than putting in a weeks worth of effort on a youth night and spending 30 minutes on St Therese and then asking Johnny what he can learn from the saint
Johnny looks up from the phone he thinks is hid in his pocket and says Uh… God is love:shrug: Followed by some sort of giggling from the girls and Beavis laughs from the boys.

Which brings me to a point I forgot to add that is Soooooo important.

No. Cell. Phones. Don’t just say it, enforce it.

 

[pianistclare]

I don’t like it at all. Perhaps I did not make clear who I was talking about. These are the kids, face buried in the phone or not paying attention who when called on or when it is thier turn to say something just regurgitate an answer like “God is love”

Nothing is more frustrating than putting in a weeks worth of effort on a youth night and spending 30 minutes on St Therese and then asking Johnny what he can learn from the saint
Johnny looks up from the phone he thinks is hid in his pocket and says Uh… God is love:shrug: Followed by some sort of giggling from the girls and Beavis laughs from the boys.

Which brings me to a point I forgot to add that is Soooooo important.

No. Cell. Phones. Don’t just say it, enforce it.

Our kids turn in their cell phones when they pick up their nametag, and get them back as the leave.
And we teach our lessons in three or four, 10-15 minute increments.

 

[Xantippe]

Our kids turn in their cell phones when they pick up their nametag, and get them back as the leave.
And we teach our lessons in three or four, 10-15 minute increments.

Yep. Hoosier Daddy spent 30 minutes on St. Therese–the kids did not.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Yep. Hoosier Daddy spent 30 minutes on St. Therese–the kids did not.

Why is it that we expect them to learn world history, algebra, english, read the classics, advanced biology, geology, in roughly 50 minute increments a day but when it comes to a story about a saint, Or thier basic salvation, we treat them like simpletons?

We tell them how powerful and amazing teens can be and that they can change the world and out of the other side of our mouth we fall all over ourselves trying to Jazz it up and dumb it down for them? Ask them about what happened in Game of thrones, or the walking dead and they quote lines. But about something like the little way, and they all of the sudden can’t stomach it?

We do a disservice by setting the bar low at the same time telling them how awesome and great young people are and about how influential they can be.

 

[Xantippe]

Why is it that we expect them to learn world history, algebra, english, read the classics, advanced biology, geology, in roughly 50 minute increments a day but when it comes to a story about a saint, Or thier basic salvation, we treat them like simpletons?

Well, I’d assume that some of the kids are very similar in school to what you see and that some of the more conscientious kids are embarrassed and keep their mouths shut.

We tell them how powerful and amazing teens can be and that they can change the world and out of the other side of our mouth we fall all over ourselves trying to Jazz it up and dumb it down for them?

**Who is saying that about how powerful and amazing teens can be? Not me.

I think they probably can be amazing individually or when doing service projects, but the group setting is a challenge, particularly when a lot of the kids don’t want to be there.
**

 

[pianistclare]

I don’t dumb down my teaching.
It’s a fact that their attention span is pretty short when not actively engaged.
We’re talking lectures here. Not actively participating people. None of my Core team or I talk to them for 30 minute intervals. We spend hours preparing, dividing up portions of the teaching for fresh perspectives and different teaching styles. We find that our teens react better and retain what we teach if we shift gears frequently in the 2 hour session.
You like your program. Great, Mine works differently, that’s all. We have a successful program with lots of kids who don’t quit after Confirmation. We’re doing something right, even if it’s not exactly the same as what you do. If we were “dumbing it down” as you say, we would have no kids coming.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

1. Adoration. Actually this should be 1,2 and 3.
2. A mandatory overnight retreat. With letters from the parents and confession available.
3. Do not fall into the idea of an exciting vibrant youth group every week. Faith based on a high or emotion is bound to fail.
4. I Have done the mark heart bible study for a youth program. Scrap it. Scrap all video based programs.
5. Break up the cliques. Take notice of what the cliques are and separate them into different small groups. Hold fast to the assignments. (you will be surprised at the methods employed to try to switch up the groups.)
6. make the youth group more than an indoor study hall. Actively take them out for service projects. One of my favorites is a scavenger hunt for the local food bank. Give them items, get some parents to drive (don’t let the teens drive) and go to neighborhoods collecting the items needed. Award points for items and the kids will love it.
7. I don’t know how your parish is, but sometimes you need to branch off and have your own group. Not lifeteen, not DTS or anything, but just tailor it to your parish’s personality. This will depend on the program the priest or the DRE want. But smaller parishes tend not to have these problems.
8. And I think this is the most important besides adoration. Youth group’s main focus should be Catechism, the kids sit for hours learning more complex subjects than you or I would know in school. They play sports or other activities with their friends, they go to Mass with their families, youth group should be about faith, learning and getting a message across. Vibrancy need not really be a stick with which we measure a youth program.

Lots of great ideas, but a mandatory overnight retreat = my kids quit the youth group. I wouldn’t make anything mandatory for a youth group anyway, but I would never require an overnight. Overnight retreats can be wrought with difficulties and temptations and in some cases may harm rather than help kids, but even a really well controlled one should never be mandatory.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Lots of great ideas, but a mandatory overnight retreat = my kids quit the youth group. I wouldn’t make anything mandatory for a youth group anyway, but I would never require an overnight. Overnight retreats can be wrought with difficulties and temptations and in some cases may harm rather than help kids, but even a really well controlled one should never be mandatory.

I will tell you this.

1. IF not mandatory, retreats will just have the same three kids at them, not the ones who need to be more engaged in the youth program.
2. There is a HUGE difference in the teens and the whole program after a retreat, they are closer, and more energized.
3. Mandatory is not that scary of a word most of the time. As a homeschooling parent I generally feel as you do about such things so “mandatory” is really quite flexible. Any parent who honestly advocated for their child not to go would be accommodated. BUT your child will be missing out on a giant part of the whole youth group.
4. A well run retreat is not filled with difficulties or temptations if done correctly. Locking boys and girls in the same room would be a disaster, but we have used hotels in the past with separate actual HOTELS, and a local security company. We have also done spa retreats for the girls and camping retreats for the boys.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I will tell you this.

1. IF not mandatory, retreats will just have the same three kids at them, not the ones who need to be more engaged in the youth program.
2. There is a HUGE difference in the teens and the whole program after a retreat, they are closer, and more energized.
3. Mandatory is not that scary of a word most of the time. As a homeschooling parent I generally feel as you do about such things so “mandatory” is really quite flexible. Any parent who honestly advocated for their child not to go would be accommodated.
4. A well run retreat is not filled with difficulties or temptations if done correctly. Locking boys and girls in the same room would be a disaster, but we have used hotels in the past with separate actual HOTELS, and a local security company. We have also done spa retreats for the girls and camping retreats for the boys.

“Mandatory” is not the word that I detest - “overnight” is. It is my belief that many overnight activities for kids, and especially coed ones, are built around fuzzying normal boundaries between non-related people. Even non co-ed overnights are not problem free, and especially when you are mixing some very innocent teens with other not so innocent “required to be there” teens. I think the fascination with the intensity of overnight things is misguided.

BUT your child will be missing out on a giant part of the whole youth group.

And that’s the problem with the program. If simply having a standard of not doing overnights makes you miss out on that much, then the focus is way too much on the overnight stuff, and it doesn’t respect the very natural and normal boundaries of families who prefer not to do those activities, but instead relegates them to the corner of people who can’t get much out of the group.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

“Mandatory” is not the word that I detest - “overnight” is. It is my belief that many overnight activities for kids, and especially coed ones, are built around fuzzying normal boundaries between non-related people. Even non co-ed overnights are not problem free, and especially when you are mixing some very innocent teens with other not so innocent “required to be there” teens. I think the fascination with the intensity of overnight things is misguided.

And that’s the problem with the program. If simply having a standard of not doing overnights makes you miss out on that much, then the focus is way too much on the overnight stuff, and it doesn’t respect the very natural and normal boundaries of families who prefer not to do those activities, but instead relegates them to the corner of people who can’t get much out of the group.

And your wish would be respected. But I wish to remind you that College is right around the corner for a parent who has chosen to see these activities as unholy.

Like I said, my children are homeschooled, by me. AND I have had issues with Religious ed for my kids. AND at their ages right now, I would never put them on an overnight retreat. (The oldest is 9) But (and this is a big but) it really depends on the youth program. If it is something I am involved in as a parent, if I trust the youth minister and program and if there is a religious benefit to it then I can see a confirmation retreat a great idea.

I will tell you this, with all the rules and regulations in Safe Environment I almost side with you on this because there is sometimes less spiritual formation BECAUSE of the rules that are sadly necessary. But I can tell you the days of kids sneaking out of the room to try to catch a glimpse of where the girls are staying are long gone. Most youth groups get shut down by parents if they dare teach Church doctrine of homosexual “marriage” or Artificial Birth Control. Some of these retreats and youth nights have been reduced to glorified chaperoned game nights. And I would be right there with you keeping my kid out of a retreat that was that stymied from the faith.

 

[Maz1000]

Just out of interest,do the youth groups you are involved in have a strong relationship to the local Catholic high schools?

 

[pianistclare]

Just out of interest,do the youth groups you are involved in have a strong relationship to the local Catholic high schools?

For us? We would LOVE that. Unfortunately the tuition at these High schools is so high, that parents feel strongly that it’s one stop shopping. The classes are rigorous, and parents believe that coming to youth group is an “extra” and “unnecessary” distraction from academics. The Catholic High school kids are a great influence and add so much to the group when they come, but they tend to only come when it’s mandatory…like Confirmation prep. Or they need service hours and we’re doing service somewhere, they’ll jump in for a day. We miss them. They don’t really “need” us so much, apparently. They have their own retreats, their own liturgies at school, their own theology classes.
We have 2 families that are super involved in many ministries and outreach groups from the parish. Their two kids come sporadically because the parents are volunteering for us. These families and students identify to a great degree with the school, and only minimally with the parish. It’s a regional school, not a parish school, and is some distance from the parish as well. We’re not affiliated with each other except we operate under the same auspices.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Why is it that we expect them to learn world history, algebra, english, read the classics, advanced biology, geology, in roughly 50 minute increments a day but when it comes to a story about a saint, Or thier basic salvation, we treat them like simpletons?

We tell them how powerful and amazing teens can be and that they can change the world and out of the other side of our mouth we fall all over ourselves trying to Jazz it up and dumb it down for them? Ask them about what happened in Game of thrones, or the walking dead and they quote lines. But about something like the little way, and they all of the sudden can’t stomach it?

We do a disservice by setting the bar low at the same time telling them how awesome and great young people are and about how influential they can be.

I don’t know a thing about youth groups and was never part of one myself, but I agree that you can’t dumb things down or you will totally lose the attention and respect of the teens. I went to a religious retreat once in high school and thought it was laughable. We were in late high school, and they expected us to sing songs for three hours and act like five-year-olds. I got nothing from it, and my friends and I went back to the hotel and got online and called other friends who stayed home. You have to make things age appropriate or kids will just make fun of it and roll their eyes. I genuinely wanted to talk about the philosophical aspects of religion and things like that, but the focus was on singing and doing little projects. A lot of people got in trouble at the hotel for trying to party. I just went to sleep early so that I could get up, go home, and eat something that I actually wanted to eat.