Ladies: Is this true?

[Debora123]

Please allow me to clarify. What has me worried is that she is being sketch about this whole thing like she is hiding something. Someone above suggested she may have bisexual feelings and unlike many guys I consider cheating to be cheating no matter who it is with. In my generation the word “curious” implies sexual curiosity. When I (in a non-confrontational way) asked by gf about this she was evasive of my question.

Thanks for clarifying.

I would try to talk to her about it and see exactly what she means by “curious.” Nothing you wrote made me think she’s bisexual, and chances are she’s not. If you’re worried about it though, it is best to try to talk to her about it and see where she’s coming from.

 

[mwncheesehead]

Thank you so much for saying this. There seems to be a sentiment around here on CAF that a guy is going to lust and lose control every time he sees female skin.

I grew up around the beach and I can also say that men do not walk around with erections and constantly drooling over the very attractive women in bikinis all around them.

We all need to give men a little more credit here…

Agreed, Deborah, although I’d say that guys like the OP may be more familiar with seeing women in bikinis and as a result, don’t get as aroused/excited around attractive women as other guys might - or at least control their thoughts and erections. I would agree with Cat that generally speaking, we guys are attracted much more quickly by sight than women are.

 

[RadioKid18]

Thanks for clarifying.

I would try to talk to her about it and see exactly what she means by “curious.” Nothing you wrote made me think she’s bisexual, and chances are she’s not. If you’re worried about it though, it is best to try to talk to her about it and see where she’s coming from.

I have been trying to talk to her about it but she is very evasive and changes the subject. Also, she was the one that brought up this discussion after we were watching an episode of Glee where the girls just stroll on into the boys locker room. If she wasn’t “that kind of curious” then I would imagine she would just flat out say so. It is the evasive / defensive tone that worries me. In the past tho she has asked if I thought certain girls were attractive and gave her opinion too. I thought those questions were awkward but didn’t alarm me so much. Now I don’t know.

Agreed, Deborah, although I’d say that guys like the OP may be more familiar with seeing women in bikinis and as a result, don’t get as aroused/excited around attractive women as other guys might - or at least control their thoughts and erections. I would agree with Cat that generally speaking, we guys are attracted much more quickly by sight than women are.

Think about this. We practically scare every girl out there that every boy “wants only one thing” or is a potential rapist (less than 1% of all men actually are but whose counting). Is it really a shock why girls pause in alarm at the sight of the male body? The male body is associated with pain and suffering. On the guy side of things we often hear about how women want to marry you for your money, divorce you, and have fun on your dime. Is it any shock why guys are hesitant or recoil when a woman mentions marriage?

I think the reason it appears guys are more attracted to sight is that the female body is sexually objectified in a way the male body isn’t. There is also this big taboo about it and the more you deny someone something the more they want it. Women know they are not denied the male body so they don’t jump in excitement over it. Getting at a mans heart however is more complicated / difficult so that is what women go for. It is the opposite for guys when it comes to women. A woman will not hold her heart back without a good reason but will hold her body back.

 

[Debora123]

Agreed, Deborah, although I’d say that guys like the OP may be more familiar with seeing women in bikinis and as a result, don’t get as aroused/excited around attractive women as other guys might - or at least control their thoughts and erections. I would agree with Cat that generally speaking, we guys are attracted much more quickly by sight than women are.

Of course I agree with this too.

I just don’t like the sentiment that some have here at CAF that men are generally incapable of seeing a woman as a human being if she’s wearing a bikini, and walk around all hot and bothered at the site of one.

With that being said, there’s nothing wrong with mere attraction.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I don’t know what’s up with her. That is why I came here lol! I have to say that this weeks “revelations” have really made me go cold on her. I’m confused as anything but I don’t want to be a jerk and cut her loose if I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill here. It’s really odd though that she is being vague and sketch. I feel as though she is holding something back. We used to be open about serious issues but this seems to be a brick wall.

No, I don’t think you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill (which, since we are talking about women’s chests, is rather a rather fitting cliche’, no?? ).

Either your GF is bisexual, she’s trying to find out if that turns you on, or she’s making these comments purely to see what your reaction is. Or, she’s simply confused about who she is/what she wants. In any case, not a good candidate for continued dating, since she’s got some other weirdness going on.

Consider this a blessing, you have found this out before things got even more serious.

 

[PatriceA]

No, I don’t think you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill (which, since we are talking about women’s chests, is rather a rather fitting cliche’, no?? ).

Either your GF is bisexual, she’s trying to find out if that turns you on, or she’s making these comments purely to see what your reaction is. Or, she’s simply confused about who she is/what she wants. In any case, not a good candidate for continued dating, since she’s got some other weirdness going on.

Consider this a blessing, you have found this out before things got even more serious.

This.

Honestly, I’ve never even had a problem changing in the locker room because I’m not even “curious” about other women and if they might have a SSA. I’m there to work out, get changed and go about my day. I think most other women in my locker room have the same agenda. I think if one is “curious” as the OP’s girlfriend is, there is more to the situation than just being aware that we women might possibly be sharing a locker room with a woman that has SSA. She seems to have put quite a bit of thought into the situation and has justified her reasons. Sounds like she thought about this even before conversation with the OP.

 

[FriendlyFace]

It was a movie starring Channing Tatum and his early life as a male stripper. I’m glad to meet a lady that isn’t all sketch about that movie. Seriously, after seeing how my gf and her friends acted towards it I can totally relate to the disgust women get when guys oogle at strippers. It’s like willfully becoming a zombie someone else controls. Rather disturbing and glad I don’t hang around guys that think that way.

Yeah, of all the women I’m acquainted with, I can only think of one who’d be into a movie about male strippers. But she’s nearly sixty and not Catholic!

 

[RadioKid18]

This.

Honestly, I’ve never even had a problem changing in the locker room because I’m not even “curious” about other women and if they might have a SSA. I’m there to work out, get changed and go about my day. I think most other women in my locker room have the same agenda. I think if one is “curious” as the OP’s girlfriend is, there is more to the situation than just being aware that we women might possibly be sharing a locker room with a woman that has SSA. She seems to have put quite a bit of thought into the situation and has justified her reasons. Sounds like she thought about this even before conversation with the OP.

This has been me thinking exactly!!! We are having dinner tomorrow so maybe the truth will surface. Hopefully I’m just worried about nothing here…

Yeah, of all the women I’m acquainted with, I can only think of one who’d be into a movie about male strippers. But she’s nearly sixty and not Catholic!

 

[mwncheesehead]

For me, it’s just fear. I understand that guys are not all “pervs”, but the power dynamic is completely different if the person ogling you is another woman. Women do not have the same kind of power here. I am confident that I can defend myself from other high-school-aged girls.

From what you say, you do seem to think men are generally pervs and all men have is to get a girl into the sack. I disagree with you: if a guy were to see you in the buff, you shouldn’t necessarily assume he’s going to hurt you or force himself on to you…I rather resent that assumption as a guy. There actually are some gentlemen left in the world who wouldn’t ogle you .

I’m just so used to the idea that men judge us by how our breasts look. I try not to stare, but it’s hard not to compare myself to other people

Not necessarily true, but I understand high school boys may think that. Luckily there are plenty of adult men who are gentlemen and realize there’s more to a woman than the size of her breasts.

 

[Debora123]

From what you say, you do seem to think men are generally pervs and all men have is to get a girl into the sack. I disagree with you: if a guy were to see you in the buff, you shouldn’t necessarily assume he’s going to hurt you or force himself on to you…I rather resent that assumption as a guy. There actually are some gentlemen left in the world who wouldn’t ogle you .

Not necessarily true, but I understand high school boys may think that. Luckily there are plenty of adult men who are gentlemen and realize there’s more to a woman than the size of her breasts.

Yep, and there are plenty of YOUNG men (teenagers too) who are gentlemen and realize that women are more than just boobs.

 

[Kamaduck]

From what you say, you do seem to think men are generally pervs and all men have is to get a girl into the sack. I disagree with you: if a guy were to see you in the buff, you shouldn’t necessarily assume he’s going to hurt you or force himself on to you…I rather resent that assumption as a guy. There actually are some gentlemen left in the world who wouldn’t ogle you .

Not really, but I always try to remember that there is a possibility that any given guy could be a perv. (Actually, that’s kind of a weird word to use, since it’s a power thing and not a sex thing. But whatever.)

I don’t go around being afraid of guys (usually). Being naked in font of someone is totally different that normal interaction, though, and automatically gives the situation a ton of awkwardness and makes me feel vulnerable.

I understand that most guys do not want to hurt women. On the other hand, if I somehow end up with one who does, my chances of escaping are rather low. Thus, it seems wise to take precautions. (Plus I just read an article that claims 6% of college-age males in the US are rapists, but I have to fact-check it still. And I do know that something like one in four female college students has experienced rape or attempted rape. I refuse to be blindly trusting with those kinds of numbers.)

Please keep in mind that I’m nervous about being naked in the first place; if it’s an option, I change in a stall.

Not necessarily true, but I understand high school boys may think that. Luckily there are plenty of adult men who are gentlemen and realize there’s more to a woman than the size of her breasts.

Yes. High school. Soon… Soon I shall be free…

They’re not all bad, of course, and MANY are very nice, kind human beings. It’s mostly a media thing; it gets ingrained even if you don’t believe it when you stop and think about it.

 

[Cat]

I want to make it clear that men who start to get an erection when they see a woman are not “pervs.”

This is a normal physiological reaction. God gave men their physiology.

It is not “sinful” for a man to react normally to seeing a woman. It only becomes sinful if the man allows himself to lust after the woman.

And it’s not “perverted” for a man to lust after a woman. Perversion is when a man or woman lusts after and/or pursues and/or commits an act that is not within the bounds of what the majority of people consider"normal." E.g., when a adult is aroused by a child.

I think the OP should be careful about using the word “perv.” A pervert is abnormal… It is not perverted to experience sexual arousal to an arousing situation. I repeat, a man who experiences an erection when he sees a woman (or a picture of a woman, or thinks about a woman is not a perv, he is normal.

 

[Kamaduck]

It just occurred to me what the real difference is between being in a school locker room with a male student and with a lesbian.

The male student is not supposed to be there. He’s not allowed to be there. Thus, the fact that he is there is inappropriate and uncomfortable, and maybe even scary if you don’t know why he’s there. He’s where he’s not supposed to be, so it’s naturally going to be suspicious, if nothing else.

The lesbian, by contrast, is exactly where she is supposed to be. It’s therefore not suspicious or inappropriate- it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that she just wants to change like everyone else. There is no alternate space for her to change, so I’m fine with her using the locker room.

Now, if we structured locker rooms based on who was attracted to who, it would be a different story. But since we only organize them based on gender, it’s a given that lesbian women will use the same locker rooms as straight women. There’s nothing really weird about it.

 

[Debora123]

I want to make it clear that men who start to get an erection when they see a woman are not “pervs.”

This is a normal physiological reaction. God gave men their physiology.

It is not “sinful” for a man to react normally to seeing a woman. It only becomes sinful if the man allows himself to lust after the woman.

And it’s not “perverted” for a man to lust after a woman. Perversion is when a man or woman lusts after and/or pursues and/or commits an act that is not within the bounds of what the majority of people consider"normal." E.g., when a adult is aroused by a child.

I think the OP should be careful about using the word “perv.” A pervert is abnormal… It is not perverted to experience sexual arousal to an arousing situation. I repeat, a man who experiences an erection when he sees a woman (or a picture of a woman, or thinks about a woman is not a perv, he is normal.

Oh I totally know it’s normal and not wrong. Far too many people around here seem to think it is wrong.

Though I know it is normal and not sinful to have an involuntary erection at the site of a female, I was simply clearing up that it isn’t even something that keeps happening to all men every time they’re at the beach or the pool. Some people (who probably didn’t grow up around warm weather) seem to think it is.

 

[R1ch4rd]

Oh I totally know it’s normal and not wrong. Far too many people around here seem to think it is wrong.

Though I know it is normal and not sinful to have an involuntary erection at the site of a female, I was simply clearing up that it isn’t even something that keeps happening to all men every time they’re at the beach or the pool. Some people (who probably didn’t grow up around warm weather) seem to think it is.

Totally true. MANY times, men don’t even realize they are erect. Google Postage Stamp Test
Debora123 has been pretty much spot on and while I’m from a state much farther north than her, we have quite a few lakes. In our colder water, things are reversed for it’s the women who seem to have a larger problem with involuntary erection…if ya know what I mean. Too many women believe that an erection equals desire and while that CAN be true, it’s not usually the case, sometimes stuff happens for no apparent reason.

Not really, but I always try to remember that there is a possibility that any given guy could be a perv. (Actually, that’s kind of a weird word to use, since it’s a power thing and not a sex thing. But whatever.)

I don’t go around being afraid of guys (usually). Being naked in font of someone is totally different that normal interaction, though, and automatically gives the situation a ton of awkwardness and makes me feel vulnerable.

I understand that most guys do not want to hurt women. On the other hand, if I somehow end up with one who does, my chances of escaping are rather low. Thus, it seems wise to take precautions. (Plus I just read an article that claims 6% of college-age males in the US are rapists, but I have to fact-check it still. And I do know that something like one in four female college students has experienced rape or attempted rape. I refuse to be blindly trusting with those kinds of numbers.)

Yes. High school.** Soon… Soon I shall be free…**

You sound eager to be free of a relatively safe high school environment and enter the less safe one you described above. Ones Family of Origin has a lot to do with his/her attitude towards nudity. A healthy Christian attitude towards nudity doesn’t mean that when a guy see’s a naked woman he wants to “hurt” her or do anything with her for that matter.

One last thought. When I go to my monthly K of C card game, half the time I don’t shave and usually my wife has to tell me to put some decent looking clothes on. When she goes to her monthly ladies choir card club, she usually spends at least 45 minutes making herself look “presentable” for her lady friends. Generally, women are more self conscious about their looks and this holds true in the locker room too.

Interesting thread. Reminds me of one in which someone asked what was thought of the sportswear worn in the last Summer Olympics. Most answered “nothing…till ya brought it up”.

 

[The_Bucket]

Interesting thread. Reminds me of one in which someone asked what was thought of the sportswear worn in the last Summer Olympics. Most answered “nothing…till ya brought it up”.

Indeed. Racing swimwear is form-fitting, albeit not revealing. It’s not meant to be provocative and so… well… it’s not provocative to me. Compare that to some nightwear that’s sold that shows the exact same amount of skin but has a different intent. That’s going to get a different reaction.

I think it is difficult for men to say, look at an attractive naked woman and not have some kind of physiological response or psychological response. But it’s definitely possible. It’s probably social conditioning more than anything. Plenty of male doctors out there who are doing breast exams and gyno exams and are totally professional about it. Plenty of women who go topless at the beach in Europe or are mostly naked in Africa and don’t have every man ogling them.

And as has been pointed out a bunch of times, pure physiological response is not the same as the psychological response.

 

[504Katrin]

Hi all,
So this question is for the ladies out there. I am a HS senior at a Catholic HS and dating what I thought was a really nice faithful girl. She is a mass goer and doesn’t have a problem with most Catholic teaching. The other night the subject of sexuality came up and she kind of shocked me. The conversation was kind of stupid but we were talking about how comfortable we would be in a locker room with a person with same sex attraction (SSA). Our HS has a pool so it is possible to be naked in a locker room if one showers. I said I use a towel to cover up and mastered the art of changing without exposing. Duh! I’m a guy. My gf on the other hand had a VERY different opinion. She said she had no problem walking around naked because girls don’t mind being naked around each other and only guys have a pervy eye (I got really annoyed with that comment). She said girls aren’t homophobic (she is against gay marriage tho) and its not uncommon for them to be “curious” about each other. Supposedly she claims it has something to do with the feminine quality of nurturing. I don’t know what that means and I didn’t ask but the “curious” part kind of concerns me. As far as the SSA goes, she said she didn’t care if a lesbian saw her and would take it as a compliment if she was eyed up by one. She wouldn’t feel violated but if a guy was in the locker room she would. I don’t get it! What is the difference? To me anyone looking at you with sexual intentions and you allowing them to do so is crossing a line. Gender doesn’t matter in that case.

RK18

Up until our QB got pregnant I played American Football. Some girls of our o-line were at least bisexual if not even more than that. You bet I didn’t shower with them.

 

[Luvz2travel]

It never really bothered me changing in the lockerrooms at school or the gym. Now every so often a lady will lounge around and gossip with others totally naked…I don’t really care for that but it’s not like I’m sitting there starring either. Women tend if anything to be a bit more judgemental over body imperfections…usually their own. Most women the in the lockerroom give others their privacy it’s in highschool I think girls would be more caty but in adult womens lockerrooms we tend to look up and think eh another lady on to the business at hand. We don’t have the need to compare assets so much as guys do.

 

[Kamaduck]

You sound eager to be free of a relatively safe high school environment and enter the less safe one you described above. Ones Family of Origin has a lot to do with his/her attitude towards nudity. A healthy Christian attitude towards nudity doesn’t mean that when a guy see’s a naked woman he wants to “hurt” her or do anything with her for that matter.

One last thought. When I go to my monthly K of C card game, half the time I don’t shave and usually my wife has to tell me to put some decent looking clothes on. When she goes to her monthly ladies choir card club, she usually spends at least 45 minutes making herself look “presentable” for her lady friends. Generally, women are more self conscious about their looks and this holds true in the locker room too.

Interesting thread. Reminds me of one in which someone asked what was thought of the sportswear worn in the last Summer Olympics. Most answered “nothing…till ya brought it up”.

I’m not really eager to do anything, that’s just kind of how life goes. The “soon I shall be free” was a joke- most days, I like high school. I’m fine now, and I’ll hopefully be fine in college. Hopefully. But if I’m not, well… I’m not going to stay away because I was afraid of being violated. I’m also not going to take stupid risks like going to big parties and hanging out in a locker room with boys. I’m just going to keep living in the same somewhat-rotten world that I live in right now, and hope and pray for the best.

I obviously wasn’t talking about people with “a healthy Christian attitude towards nudity”. It’s really a non-issue in the end, because female and male locker rooms are separate, and I don’t think there’s any particularly good reason to change that.

I really don’t think it’s weird that I don’t want to change in front of young men, and I can’t think of any reasonable situation that would necessitate it.

 

[RadioKid18]

It just occurred to me what the real difference is between being in a school locker room with a male student and with a lesbian.

The male student is not supposed to be there. He’s not allowed to be there. Thus, the fact that he is there is inappropriate and uncomfortable, and maybe even scary if you don’t know why he’s there. He’s where he’s not supposed to be, so it’s naturally going to be suspicious, if nothing else.

The lesbian, by contrast, is exactly where she is supposed to be. It’s therefore not suspicious or inappropriate- it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that she just wants to change like everyone else. There is no alternate space for her to change, so I’m fine with her using the locker room.

Now, if we structured locker rooms based on who was attracted to who, it would be a different story. But since we only organize them based on gender, it’s a given that lesbian women will use the same locker rooms as straight women. There’s nothing really weird about it.

I wasn’t specifically saying a girl and boy should be in the same locker room. I was speaking in general terms about why its ok for a lesbian / bisexual to see you in the buff anywhere versus a guy.

Regardless I got the whole truth now. Apparently my gf and one of her looser friends (female) wanted to know what an orgasm felt like and how to get one. Her friend gave her the BS line that girls need to know how to do it so they can instruct the guy properly. They didn’t think it was wrong since there was no “spilling of seed” and helped each other out. She apologized, cried like a baby, and said she was confused. Yeah…she isn’t the only one. Pardon me while I go barf.