Ladies Only: Top 10 Most Important Qualities In Choosing a Husband

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Xantippe said:
I’d say the same.

For the record, “bad kisser” tends to mean sloppy, too much tongue or not sensitive to cues. For example:

dearwendy.com/my-fiance-is-a-terrible-kisser/

“The problem is that when he gets really into the moment, he starts practically mauling my face off, which is not sexy at all, and, is painful when he has stubble, which is most of the time. I’ve usually been able to solve the problem by situating myself so that I’m above him when we’re kissing so that I can take control, but I felt compelled to write in when, the last time we were intimate, he just kept gnawing away at my face no matter what I tried, which was really frustrating. He hasn’t picked up on any of the nonverbal cues that I’ve tried to give, and I’m afraid that it’s gotten to the point where I’ll just start rushing through foreplay to avoid his terrible kissing.”

Another example:

dearwendy.com/topic/bad-kisser/

“The thing is, he’s a bad kisser. For any of you that have seen the episode of Sex in the City where Charlotte dates a bad kisser, while it’s not to that extent, it’s certainly not far off. He uses way too much tongue and keeps his mouth open very wide like he’s about to have dental surgery. I said something about it to him on the second date and tried to give him pointers, but I don’t know if he was just caught up in the moment or didn’t want to listen because he kept on kissing in his own way.”

Even more complaints about bad kissing:

glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/06/the-3-things-i-think-totally-r

Bad kissing is apparently an epidemic.
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I’m reminded of a great greeting card for Valentines Day. It read:

Before I met you, I was ashamed of my cowlick. (picture of dorky boy with crazy hair)
Open card:
But now I’ve learned to kiss like everyone else! 😃
 
The MOST interesting thing I’ve learned from this thread is what regular posters are actually WOMEN!
WOW!
Some of you I could have sworn were men!
Funny.
Thanks Jamal, you’ve opened my eyes!
 
Gertabelle said:
I don’t think I have ten brain cells left after the intensity of this day (5th graders are insane this time of year :eek:), but I’ll do my best…

Except for #1, these are not in any particular order.
  1. A man of God, who places his relationship with God above all.
  2. A mature man who demonstrates integrity with word and deed.
  3. A man who understands that love is a choice of actions, rather than a feeling.
  4. A man who is easy to talk with.
  5. A man who isn’t so attached to his ideas, plans, opinions that he is inflexible (well, such a man wouldn’t be attracted to me anyway :D)
  6. A humble man who acknowledges God’s amazing gifts in his talents, his intelligence, his strengths.
  7. A humble man who seeks God in his weaknesses, his losses, his failures.
  8. A man who knows that marriage is about helping his wife and children attain heaven.
  9. A man who loves and accepts me as I am, but encourages me to keep growing.
  10. A man of God who can be the step-father to my son that God is calling him to be – that’s the one that has kept me from dating in the past. Don’t know if I have a vocation to marriage, but I already have the vocation of being a mom.
Gertie
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I like this list, I didn’t have a child at the time so 10 was not applicable, but if I did, I would have agreed with it. This list matches my thoughts.

ETA: I am surprised at the comments that sound so certain that the apologists (and every good priest I have met pre-marriage) are wrong regarding passionate/French kissing.

ETA II: Cute Giraffe photo 🙂
 
12345678 said:
ETA: I am surprised at the comments that sound so certain that the apologists (and every good priest I have met pre-marriage) are wrong regarding passionate/French kissing.
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I’m a little puzzled by the terminology, because if one is passionate, kissing will be passionate.

???

I asked my in-house Catholic ethicist about French kissing (I happen to have married one for the convenience of getting quick answers), and he says that the distinction here is between showing affection versus attempting to cause oneself or the other arousal. I’d also throw in that with time and experience and prudence, one can figure out the margin of safety needed for any particular person. If any activity causes unbearable temptation, stop doing it, even if the activity itself is licit. (This experience continues to be helpful to married people, as we all know.)

My feeling is that your priests were under the influence of the fact that they undobutedly hear a lot of confessions or confidences along the lines, “Father we were just kissing and one thing led to another and blah blah blah.” Which, by the way, doesn’t happen to sober adults in their right minds. Nobody just kisses (however passionately) and then just finds themselves having sex. But your priests may be taking those confessions at face value. I wouldn’t.
 
Part of it may be too that some people use the terminology “making out” to mean what basically amounts to “sex with your clothes on,” while others mean, “kissing for several uninterrupted minutes.”

It’s like when my MIL asked my husband when he was going to go “hook up” with a friend. I figured out what she meant pretty quickly, but at first I was all, “Whaaaaaa?!?!?! :mad:”
 
pianistclare said:
I’m reminded of a great greeting card for Valentines Day. It read:

Before I met you, I was ashamed of my cowlick. (picture of dorky boy with crazy hair)
Open card:
But now I’ve learned to kiss like everyone else! 😃
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Funny!
 
pensmama87 said:
Part of it may be too that some people use the terminology “making out” to mean what basically amounts to “sex with your clothes on,” while others mean, “kissing for several uninterrupted minutes.”
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Yeah.
 
pensmama87 said:
Part of it may be too that some people use the terminology “making out” to mean what basically amounts to “sex with your clothes on,” while others mean, “kissing for several uninterrupted minutes.”

It’s like when my MIL asked my husband when he was going to go “hook up” with a friend. I figured out what she meant pretty quickly, but at first I was all, “Whaaaaaa?!?!?! :mad:”
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Yeah, I agree.

Of course kissing can lead to sex. There was a huge difference in kissing that led to sex and passionate kissing that didn’t. I’m sure every married woman on this thread knows exactly what I mean and not only that there is a difference…but what that difference is and when it occurs.

When my husband kisses me goodnight, goodbye, good morning and “hey, just wanted to kiss you…” it involves French kissing and does not lead to the bedroom.

We did the same thing when we were dating/engaged. So, I fail to see how this kind of kiss is in anyway scandalous or an indication that a couple is not chaste or has issues of chastity.

It was up to us…much like discerning whether or not we could have sex during a fertile period…to stop when prudent.
 
PolarGuy said:
Being a Catholic man need not equal being a milquetoasty no-chinned weakling who’s afraid to give a woman a red blooded kiss for fear of sinning.

And for the record I will ignore any “theology” which tells me I can’t kiss passionately before marriage. We sure did, and today’s our wedding anniversary!

Women like a man who has some red blood to him.

So there!
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Congratulations! May you be blessed with many more years together friend!

Clare
 
Kelfa28 said:
Yeah, I agree.

Of course kissing can lead to sex. There was a huge difference in kissing that led to sex and passionate kissing that didn’t. I’m sure every married woman on this thread knows exactly what I mean and not only that there is a difference…but what that difference is and when it occurs.

When my husband kisses me goodnight, goodbye, good morning and “hey, just wanted to kiss you…” it involves French kissing and does not lead to the bedroom.

We did the same thing when we were dating/engaged. So, I fail to see how this kind of kiss is in anyway scandalous or an indication that a couple is not chaste or has issues of chastity.

It was up to us…much like discerning whether or not we could have sex during a fertile period…to stop when prudent.
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Yeah.

I suspect there are major individual differences that are confusing the issue (as we saw on a previous thread where it seems that a number of married CAFers use separate bedrooms during the fertile period when waiting to conceive).

I personally can also kiss a whole bunch without getting carried away. Others can’t. Everybody needs to figure out how their particular machinery works in order to operate it safely.

Again, I suspect that more strict priests may be misled by the fact that they hear so many stories of failure that begin with kissing, whereas they’re not going to hear stories that go, “My fiancee and I were kissing on the sofa for 20 minutes and then I went home and called my mom.”
 
Wow! This thread has been busy in it’s first 24 hours. I’m a bit overwhelmed…still have to read through all the posts.

I did ask for the top 10, but sometimes I wonder about the “little things” being important, too. -Height, for example. Seems like 5’10" or taller is ideal for what ladies prefer…maybe that’s false. But I doubt you gals would consider someone shorter than you. just curious… The idea just popped into my head…shallow, I know. But still…

If I had to pick one common denominator in all I’ve heard so far, it would be a man of virtue.

Is that word still part of our vocabulary in 2015? I wonder how many parents actively teach virtue to their sons? Anyways, that’s a digression.
 
Plenty of parents do. Their sons never get any press though.
We have teen classes FULL of wonderful young men of virtue.

I’m short.
Short is good. And by “short” I mean less than 5’9" 😉
Too tall is awkward, for me.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Wow! This thread has been busy in it’s first 24 hours. I’m a bit overwhelmed…still have to read through all the posts.

I did ask for the top 10, but sometimes I wonder about the “little things” being important, too. -Height, for example. Seems like 5’10" or taller is ideal for what ladies prefer…maybe that’s false. But I doubt you gals would consider someone shorter than you. just curious… The idea just popped into my head…shallow, I know. But still…
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For the record, every guy is 5’10" or taller. You may see short guys walking around, but that’s an optical illusion. They’re all actually a minimum of 5’10." Just ask them.

More seriously, 5’10" is the US average.

I don’t find height that important. As as a college student, I was rather smitten with a guy that was roughly my height (I’m not quite 5’3"). My husband is 5’11/6’ish. That’s fine, but if he were any taller it might be weird.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Wow! This thread has been busy in it’s first 24 hours. I’m a bit overwhelmed…still have to read through all the posts.

I did ask for the top 10, but sometimes I wonder about the “little things” being important, too. -Height, for example. Seems like 5’10" or taller is ideal for what ladies prefer…maybe that’s false. But I doubt you gals would consider someone shorter than you. just curious… The idea just popped into my head…shallow, I know. But still…

If I had to pick one common denominator in all I’ve heard so far, it would be a man of virtue.

Is that word still part of our vocabulary in 2015? I wonder how many parents actively teach virtue to their sons? Anyways, that’s a digression.
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If you were to ask me what kind of men I’ve always been physically attracted to…from a young age until now…I would say tall and skinny.
Every man I’ve dated seriously has been tall and skinny. My husband is 5’11 and weighed about 150 when I met him.

The thing is…physical attraction varies widely with women. It’s all over the map when because women are attracted to different features.

My sister has had two serious boyfriends in her life. Neither of whom break the 5’7 mark. Her husband is only a little bit taller then I am. If I were in heels…I’d be taller.
She’s on the short side at 5’2.

What should be interesting for you is that reading these lists…they all have similarities in terms of qualities within a man…but I would bet you anything that asking about physical attraction would be widely different between all of these women.

You can’t change how you look and, the truth is, one woman might find you really attractive and another wouldn’t find you attractive at all.

What you can change is your maturity level, your ability to handle finances, your relationship with God, your ability to be trustworthy and loving, your ability to be a good provider.

These are universal qualities that all women want.
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
How did you get that picture of my husband kissing me for the first time? Lol
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I enlisted the services of a world renown private investigator who just happens to have one of the few functioning time machines not far from Camelopardilis. She is a master of disguise, and it’s unlikely you could pick her out amongst a crowd…

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
Kelfa28 said:
If you were to ask me what kind of men I’ve always been physically attracted to…from a young age until now…I would say tall and skinny.
Every man I’ve dated seriously has been tall and skinny. My husband is 5’11 and weighed about 150 when I met him.

The thing is…physical attraction varies widely with women. It’s all over the map when because women are attracted to different features.

My sister has had two serious boyfriends in her life. Neither of whom break the 5’7 mark. Her husband is only a little bit taller then I am. If I were in heels…I’d be taller.
She’s on the short side at 5’2.

What should be interesting for you is that reading these lists…they all have similarities in terms of qualities within a man…but I would bet you anything that asking about physical attraction would be widely different between all of these women.

You can’t change how you look and, the truth is, one woman might find you really attractive and another wouldn’t find you attractive at all.

What you can change is your maturity level, your ability to handle finances, your relationship with God, your ability to be trustworthy and loving, your ability to be a good provider.

These are universal qualities that all women want.
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Good points. I shall keep that in mind.
 
Bruised_Reed said:
:rolleyes:Whatever. I’m totally not in that picture anywhere. :dts:
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Sorry, Reed. I had to settle for second best. Your fees are just beyond my means for the present. In keeping with the spirit of this thread, it’s one of my prerequisite attributes to keep a balanced budget. Besides, GG was fairly distracted for reasons that shall remain obvious…🙂 The best of the best wasn’t required in this case, but I shall keep you in mind for future intel gathering engagements.
 
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