Ladies Only: Top 10 Most Important Qualities In Choosing a Husband

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Xantippe said:
I think male female terms often come in pairs:

boy/girl
man/woman
guy/gal
gentleman/lady
etc.

I think it is properly offensive to use a generic or respectful term for the male (like “man”) and then use “girl,” “gal,” or whatever for the female. I think people are on much safer ground when they use matching terms. It’s probably over-sensitive to get prickly at “gal” when “guy” is being used at the same time, but not over-sensitive when somebody is talking about “men” and “gals” in the same breath.
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I understand what you are saying. I consider the source when the term is used…in my experience, most who use it are elderly, and it is a generational thing. That doesn’t even register on my radar, totally understand it. It’s more cringe-worthy when a younger man uses it. Similar to calling a wife “the little woman.” There’s just something about it!!

OP…not meaning to derail your thread!
 
Pax2u said:
I understand what you are saying. I consider the source when the term is used…in my experience, most who use it are elderly, and it is a generational thing. That doesn’t even register on my radar, totally understand it. It’s more cringe-worthy when a younger man uses it. Similar to calling a wife “the little woman.” There’s just something about it!!

Right.

OP…not meaning to derail your thread!
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I suspect that’s probably quite helpful.
 
Pax2u said:
I understand what you are saying. I consider the source when the term is used…in my experience, most who use it are elderly, and it is a generational thing. That doesn’t even register on my radar, totally understand it. It’s more cringe-worthy when a younger man uses it. Similar to calling a wife “the little woman.” There’s just something about it!!

OP…not meaning to derail your thread!
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And people wonder why I’m so quite. I’d give up speaking entirely if I could get away with it.
 
Gender-based nomenclature perceptions could warrant another thread entirely. 🤷
 
I’d venture a guess that more than half the women that have answered are already married and have modified their original criteria perhaps more than a little. Maybe that would be another thread.

But I wanted to ask here at CAF because my primary pool of prospective ladies would be devout Catholics which, one would hope, make up a good share of this board.
 
JamalChristophr said:
I’d venture a guess that more than half the women that have answered are already married and have modified their original criteria perhaps more than a little. Maybe that would be another thread.

But I wanted to ask here at CAF because my primary pool of prospective ladies would be devout Catholics which one would hope make up a good share of this board.
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I didn’t provide my list, because a lot of the other women already covered it, but yeah, you’re onto something there.

A lot of what I thought would be important turned out to not matter. And other things turned out to be critically important that I hadn’t considered. I don’t think that’s *necessarily *indicative of maturity or depth of faith life, but more that single people who have never been married don’t know what it’s like to be married (or over-romanticize or idealize it if they are planning to get married someday).
 
And thanks for the clarification about your use of “girls” in the other thread. I was actually surprised when I read it, so I’m glad to know that I simply misunderstood. 🙂
 
JamalChristophr said:
I’d venture a guess that more than half the women that have answered are already married and have modified their original criteria perhaps more than a little. Maybe that would be another thread.

But I wanted to ask here at CAF because my primary pool of prospective ladies would be devout Catholics which, one would hope, make up a good share of this board.
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Sometimes a woman learns the lesson early on about what is important, but I’d say it is rather rare to know how to balance the importance of both the “practical” things like being responsible and the “impractical” things like being able to arouse romantic emotions in each other. Usually we err too far to one side or another until we date someone we would have imagined was ideal and find we were wrong or else get lucky and choose someone that is as close to ideal as anyone could hope for and only appreciate later how important some things are that we had not thought to value ahead of time.

More commonly, a woman will start a relationship thinking she knows what her needs are, only to find out later that she didn’t know herself and what she really needs as well as she thought. If she is lucky, she figures out what she needs to be given and what she needs to give before marriage.

If I were young, I’d want to know what the happily-married say is important–both what the men and the women say is important. They have been through the obstacle course of life, and they have a good idea why they succeeded when others (who confided in them through their break-ups or near break-ups) either failed or succeeded only with great difficulty.

If you are guessing that the list of things that will get your lots of dates and the list of things that will get you into that one relationship that will last a lifetime are two different lists, however, you could not be more correct!
 
EasterJoy said:
If you are guessing that the list of things that will get your lots of dates and the list of things that will get you into that one relationship that will last a lifetime are two different lists, however, you could not be more correct!
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This is a brilliant observation - thank you for sharing it here!

I haven’t dated in years and years, and just recently became active on Catholic Match. I realized at one point that I need to present my profile as a woman looking for that one man, not a woman trying to win a popularity contest. Funny thing is, my 20-something friend was horrified by my profile (it starts “Proverbs 31 woman looking for an Ephesians 5 man”). She thinks I’m jaded as a 47 year old divorced woman and need to be more funny and flashy I suppose. (Incidentally, I’ve had lots of interest, maybe a little too much since I’m only looking for one:blush:)

So yes, whether it’s who you’re trying to find, or who you’re trying to be, knowing what you are about is essential.

Gertie
 
Gertabelle said:
This is a brilliant observation - thank you for sharing it here!

I haven’t dated in years and years, and just recently became active on Catholic Match. I realized at one point that I need to present my profile as a woman looking for that one man, not a woman trying to win a popularity contest. Funny thing is, my 20-something friend was horrified by my profile (it starts “Proverbs 31 woman looking for an Ephesians 5 man”). She thinks I’m jaded as a 47 year old divorced woman and need to be more funny and flashy I suppose. (Incidentally, I’ve had lots of interest, maybe a little too much since I’m only looking for one:blush:)

So yes, whether it’s who you’re trying to find, or who you’re trying to be, knowing what you are about is essential.

Gertie
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That is very different from the usual funny, flashy and/or snarky wish list profiles I saw during my online dating days. So yes you will stand out. Good luck.
 
JamalChristophr said:
I’d venture a guess that more than half the women that have answered are already married and have modified their original criteria perhaps more than a little. Maybe that would be another thread.

But I wanted to ask here at CAF because my primary pool of prospective ladies would be devout Catholics which, one would hope, make up a good share of this board.
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New thread?
 
Xantippe said:
New thread?
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Oh, I don’t know. I’d be more than ok with it if you fine women would like to talk about it here. The interesting thing is that I’m asking wiser, more experienced already married women, and if I had to ask just one question, it would still be just this one. But delving into what women expected, particularly before marriage is a not unimportant topic. It’s hard to be just one guy with special qualities, let alone, two persons, as I’m sure you ladies know. :cool:

(I think women have less trouble moving here and there as a thread progresses, so here is ok too. But it is a good…hmmm…addendum question or variation on a theme.😉 )

Is it ok to have threads with posts that go past 100? I’m not a seasoned CAF veteran as are many here, so don’t know.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Oh, I don’t know. I’d be more than ok with it if you fine women would like to talk about it here. The interesting thing is that I’m asking wiser, more experienced already married women, and if I had to ask just one question, it would still be just this one. But delving into what women expected, particularly before marriage is a not unimportant topic. It’s hard to be just one guy with special qualities, let alone, two persons, as I’m sure you ladies know. :cool:

(I think women have less trouble moving here and there as a thread progresses, so here is ok too. But it is a good…hmmm…addendum question or variation on a theme.😉 )

Is it ok to have threads with posts that go past 100? I’m not a seasoned CAF veteran as are many here, so don’t know.
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I think the limit may be around 600 (???) and then you have to start a new thread.

I suggest a new thread just for the convenience of anybody just tuning in that doesn’t know what direction this thread has taken or for anybody that is interested in that particular question.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Oh, I don’t know. I’d be more than ok with it if you fine women would like to talk about it here. The interesting thing is that I’m asking wiser, more experienced already married women, and if I had to ask just one question, it would still be just this one. But delving into what women expected, particularly before marriage is a not unimportant topic. It’s hard to be just one guy with special qualities, let alone, two persons, as I’m sure you ladies know. :cool:

(I think women have less trouble moving here and there as a thread progresses, so here is ok too. But it is a good…hmmm…addendum question or variation on a theme.😉 )

Is it ok to have threads with posts that go past 100? I’m not a seasoned CAF veteran as are many here, so don’t know.
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A thread closes when it reaches 1,000 posts.

As for starting a new thread or not, I agree with Xantippe that it should be a new thread, so the topic matches the content.

Gertie
 
Yes, along with a good kisser … I remember a prerequisite of enjoying Water World before I would marry my guy. He waited, and waited, and waited … I seriously thought I might have to move the wedding date for another year until he went with me.

Also, my guy had to take dance lessons … That was super fun & I wish we would have kept them up … Singing was also major for me … He never serenaded me — but he does sing moderately still.

After watching “Frozen” countless times, I’m still wondering how he picks his nose!!! I guess I’m lucky in that he is sparing me this part of his daily routine (is Kristof & Sven right??? Do all men still pick their noses?)
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
Yes, along with a good kisser … I remember a prerequisite of enjoying Water World before I would marry my guy. He waited, and waited, and waited … I seriously thought I might have to move the wedding date for another year until he went with me.

Also, my guy had to take dance lessons … That was super fun & I wish we would have kept them up … Singing was also major for me … He never serenaded me — but he does sing moderately still.

After watching “Frozen” countless times, I’m still wondering how he picks his nose!!! I guess I’m lucky in that he is sparing me this part of his daily routine (is Kristof & Sven right??? Do all men still pick their noses?)
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So to sum up, Giggly, this is your list:


  1. *]Good kisser
    *]Attends Water World
    *]Takes dance lessons
    *]Serenades you
    *]Keeps nose-picking private

    :hmmm: I made need to revise my original list…

    :rotfl:

    :rotfl:

    :rotfl:
 
Gertabelle said:
So to sum up, Giggly, this is your list:


  1. *]Good kisser
    *]Attends Water World
    *]Takes dance lessons
    *]Serenades you
    *]Keeps nose-picking private

    :hmmm: I made need to revise my original list…

    :rotfl:

    :rotfl:

    :rotfl:
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  1. #5 is very important…for both sexes.

    I don’t think that just 10 top important qualities is going to be adequate, if we need an entry for each personal adjustment or hygiene procedure that we don’t wish to share as a couple experience.
 
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