Landlady took food donations

[MSSheBear]

I left some food donations for my church on the porch of the house where I rent a room. I stapled a flyer to the bag and left to visit my mother. I came home this evening and found that my landlady had taken the food in and threw the flyer in the trash.

She has loads of canned food and a higher income than I do. I am angry but should I be? :banghead: I obviously won’t leave anything on the front porch again. I am afraid to confront her about it because then I would have to move. I can just assume she is nutty and leave it at that. To make things worse she gets a food box from my parish.

I keep my personal food in my room. I haven’t been missing anything.

 

[Beryllos]

Does she keep the front of the house really neat and uncluttered? If so, perhaps she felt justified in removing the bag of food, in order to maintain the appearance of the porch. Still, if that was her intent, she should have returned the bag and its contents to you (assuming she knew you had placed it there), but perhaps she is not completely reasonable about such things. It’s hard to find good landlords. I’ve had some bad ones and some good ones.

 

[MSSheBear]

The porch is small and nothing else is on it. She threw the flyer in the trash and added the cans to her personal collection. She said nothing to me about it. She may not have realized which one of the tenants put it out there but most likely she knew it was me.

 

[MSSheBear]

I am wondering how many people really need the services of the food pantry now. I can’t really afford to give food anyway. I have a back up stash that I can give to my church but I guess that is that.

 

[1ke]

It’s not really clear why you left it on the porch, or what the flyer stapled to it said.

You say she is a recipient of food from the parish, maybe she thought this was food being given to her.

You basically have an ambiguous situation where you left food on her porch and you are assuming all sorts of things about her, her motives, and what she did.

Perhaps it was a misunderstanding on her part. Perhaps you should have left a note saying “this belongs to me, please do not remove it”. Perhaps you should have left the food in your room rather than on the porch.

So, instead of assuming she is nutty, why do you just ask her what happened to your bag of food that you were donating to the food pantry and see what she says.

 

[MSSheBear]

The flyer asked us to put it out on the porch if we were not home. I’ve done it for three years in a row. My landlady could have possibly thought it was for her but my church doesn’t deliver food. I could yank the flyer out of the trash and asked her what happened to the bag but I would probably have to move. I’ve known her for three years and I know how she is apt to react. I guess I am overreacting. It wasn’t all that much anyway.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi MsSheBear,

I am thinking that this situation was just a total misunderstanding.

I am also thinking that she mistakenly assumed that the bag of food was meant for her, since she saw it on the porch and she saw the name of the church on the bag, and she already receives food from your church.

I would just let the situation go.

The next time that you want to donate food to your church, I would just leave the food in your room until you are ready to take it to the church.

 

[Country_Gal]

If it’s true, that she took the food for herself, it’s time to find a new place to live. The thing to do would be to clarify that with her.

 

[MSSheBear]

She could I suppose have not have bothered to read the flyer and assumed it was for her. I am not convinced but it is possible. I don’t see any point to asking her. Maybe she will think we Catholics are overly generous?

I also have trouble bringing canned goods to church but that is another potential thread.

 

[MSSheBear]

If it’s true, that she took the food for herself, it’s time to find a new place to live. The thing to do would be to clarify that with her.

Sorry I didn’t see your post until I posted mine. There are other reasons I should move too but I would like to get another job before I moved.

 

[Beryllos]

… I am angry but should I be? :banghead: …

While your anger is understandable, it is not doing you any good. You should try to put this incident behind you. Let’s assume it was a misunderstanding (she thought it was for her) and get back to loving our neighbor, or landlady, as the case may be.

 

[Weejee]

It sounds like your landlady stole food that was supposed to be going to the poor.

I don’t know what you can do, as you are in a delicate financial situation (job change, moving) and a forced move might upset things for you too much.

From what you’ve stated, it seems she must go to the church to collect her food, as people must go to food pantries to collect their food.

Also, that flyer clipped to the bag would explain where that food was SUPPOSED to go.

Did a fellow tenant see her carry the box into her kitchen?

The only thing I can suggest is what others have suggested here: Ask her where the box of food you had set out for XXXX church went. She will probably tell you a bold faced lie. I hate to tell you to swallow it, (a lying thief) but because of your difficult situation, you might have to. CRUD!

And I understand that not everyone can carry heavy cans over to their church. Not everyone on the planet is blessed with a car.

If there is any way you can confront her after you move out, I’d do it then. I’d also tell the other tenants, because a woman like that has to be viewed with a suspicious eye, and you’ll be helping other tenants if you tell them to watch out.

 

[EasterJoy]

It’s not really clear why you left it on the porch, or what the flyer stapled to it said.

You say she is a recipient of food from the parish, maybe she thought this was food being given to her.

You basically have an ambiguous situation where you left food on her porch and you are assuming all sorts of things about her, her motives, and what she did.

Perhaps it was a misunderstanding on her part. Perhaps you should have left a note saying “this belongs to me, please do not remove it”. Perhaps you should have left the food in your room rather than on the porch.

So, instead of assuming she is nutty, why do you just ask her what happened to your bag of food that you were donating to the food pantry and see what she says.

I think this is very possible, and that she did not want to advertise to the whole neighborhood that she was getting a food donation. If she has gotten a food donation from your church and has to take in a boarder–people do not usually rent rooms in their homes to keep from being lonely, but because they need the cash!–she may have far more trouble making ends meet than she lets on. Yes, she may have a higher income than you, but she may also have a LOT more debt than you do, and for reasons that you don’t know. For instance, a woman I rented a room from had a very nice house, but it was because she got the house in a divorce settlement. She was not made of money by any means. Your landlady may have financial obligations that you don’t know about. She may even be in her current financial straits because her generosity was abused by someone unscrupulous.

I can see why you’d be upset, but decide to believe her reasons could have been good and let it go. Do not bring it up, lest you embarrass her. Next time, don’t leave anything out on her porch without her permission. Deliver your food donations personally.

 

[EasterJoy]

It sounds like your landlady stole food that was supposed to be going to the poor.

I don’t know what you can do, as you are in a delicate financial situation (job change, moving) and a forced move might upset things for you too much.

From what you’ve stated, it seems she must go to the church to collect her food, as people must go to food pantries to collect their food.

Also, that flyer clipped to the bag would explain where that food was SUPPOSED to go.

Did a fellow tenant see her carry the box into her kitchen?

The only thing I can suggest is what others have suggested here: Ask her where the box of food you had set out for XXXX church went. She will probably tell you a bold faced lie. I hate to tell you to swallow it, (a lying thief) but because of your difficult situation, you might have to. CRUD!

And I understand that not everyone can carry heavy cans over to their church. Not everyone on the planet is blessed with a car.

If there is any way you can confront her after you move out, I’d do it then. I’d also tell the other tenants, because a woman like that has to be viewed with a suspicious eye, and you’ll be helping other tenants if you tell them to watch out.

What if she has been reduced to taking in boarders because she was bankrupted when someone unscrupulous abused her generous and trusting nature? Maybe she has a nice house and a good job, but nothing else? Is it worth embarrassing someone by confronting her and forcing her to disclose what charity might have lead the OP to hope?

It was a bag of canned food. If it were a family heirloom or something else belonging to a third party that the OP was bound to be responsible for, then the OP would be forced to make inquiries to get it back. As it is, the OP would do better to assume the best and simply change how she makes food donations. If she ever has evidence that the landlady actually is a thief (which she does not have, since there are innocent explanations for this), then she ought to just move as soon as she can.

 

[Weejee]

I’ve seen so many people rip off honest people, that I think they should be called to task. From the facts that the Original Person who began the thread stated, it seems like this lady ignored the paper attached to the bag, and then made the groceries “go away.”

It stinks. You cant always let people “get away” with stuff. Sometimes they need to be confronted. Otherwise they’ll just keep doing it over and over and over again ad nauseam.

There’s a time for justice and a time for mercy. Especially when it involves the poor. Anyone who owns a house can’t be that poor, but people going to food banks usually are.

 

[MSSheBear]

I know my landlady well enough to know that she has financial challenges. But she has collects lots of food and was complaining about all the food she had. So she might have possibly thought that a neighbor dropped something off or felt she was entitled to the bag. I can’t really ask her where a bag went that was suppose to be gone, can I?

She volunteers at one food bank and brings home lots of food. She has offered us some of the produce then took the food back from us saying that she didn’t give it to us. She picks up the holiday boxes from our church. I have met her when I helped distribute the boxes.

From her conversations with me it is obvious that her income is higher than mine although she may well have debts she needs to pay off. She rents out four rooms for a fair amount of money.

There were only canned vegetables and fruit in the bag so no it wasn’t of great value.

 

[EasterJoy]

I know my landlady well enough to know that she has financial challenges. But she has collects lots of food and was complaining about all the food she had. So she might have possibly thought that a neighbor dropped something off or felt she was entitled to the bag. I can’t really ask her where a bag went that was suppose to be gone, can I?

She volunteers at one food bank and brings home lots of food. She has offered us some of the produce then took the food back from us saying that she didn’t give it to us. She picks up the holiday boxes from our church. I have met her when I helped distribute the boxes.

From her conversations with me it is obvious that her income is higher than mine although she may well have debts she needs to pay off. She rents out four rooms for a fair amount of money.

There were only canned vegetables and fruit in the bag so no it wasn’t of great value.

She rents out* four rooms? *Either she has a very high need for companionship or she really needs $$$. People don’t usually buy their own home so they can have four strangers for roommates.

Her mortgage may be under water. If you owe more on your house than you can get for it if you sell it, what do you do? Declare bankruptcy or find the money to keep making the payments until you gain enough equity or the price recovers enough that you are able to sell it. IOW, you may have more disposable income and a higher net worth than she does. Ten dollars in the black is a higher net worth than any amount in the red.

In any event, you don’t have to know what the deal is with the food. You just need to take it as a lesson: a) that anything on the porch could be claimed by your landlady as hers and b) make your donations personally. After that, ask for Heaven to give her guidance though whatever is going on with her, and let the fruits and the veggies go.

 

[Weejee]

I know my landlady well enough to know that she has financial challenges. But she has collects lots of food and was complaining about all the food she had. So she might have possibly thought that a neighbor dropped something off or felt she was entitled to the bag. I can’t really ask her where a bag went that was suppose to be gone, can I?

She volunteers at one food bank and brings home lots of food. She has offered us some of the produce then took the food back from us saying that she didn’t give it to us. She picks up the holiday boxes from our church. I have met her when I helped distribute the boxes.

From her conversations with me it is obvious that her income is higher than mine although she may well have debts she needs to pay off. She rents out four rooms for a fair amount of money.

There were only canned vegetables and fruit in the bag so no it wasn’t of great value.

No, you’re in a tight spot right now and you don’t feel comfortable asking her about this, so don’t. You have to take care of yourself.

As soon as you get a good job, get out of that place if you are able. She sounds creepy, You’re not supposed to take home food from a food bank. Of course, if it’s fresh vegetables then maybe the Food Bank gives them to the volunteers lest the vegetables spoil. That’s understandable. And she may have some screws loose if she gives you stuff and then takes it back. God knows.

I’m still sorry you made this effort to collect food for the poor, and then your good works were disturbed. So sad.

 

[EasterJoy]

No, you’re in a tight spot right now and you don’t feel comfortable asking her about this, so don’t. You have to take care of yourself.

As soon as you get a good job, get out of that place if you are able. She sounds creepy, You’re not supposed to take home food from a food bank. Of course, if it’s fresh vegetables then maybe the Food Bank gives them to the volunteers lest the vegetables spoil. That’s understandable. And she may have some screws loose if she gives you stuff and then takes it back. God knows.

I’m still sorry you made this effort to collect food for the poor, and then your good works were disturbed. So sad.

The number of people who once volunteered at food banks who later needed charity from food banks is not negligible. The mortgage crisis and the stock crash are not over for some people. Maybe the banks were able to move on, but many individuals who were not bankrupted outright by the worst economic years are still on the edge of bankruptcy, deep in debt and trapped in their under-water homes. The landlady may be in the situation she is in only because she has too much integrity to walk away from her debts. She may have honestly thought the food was left for her benefit–she may not have read the note very closely, and misunderstood. We just don’t know.

 

[MSSheBear]

The room rents are her income. Her husband has a job too. Some food banks allow volunteers to take the food home so I assume she is allowed to. She and her husband eat well. They eat meat, eggs, and vegetables.

I spend 75% of my gross income on the rent so I don’t have much leftover.