Lapsed Catholic Reconciliation & Last Rites

[Bibliowyrm]

My step-father was married in the Catholic church for his first marriage. His first wife has now passed on, several years ago. Since there were children from the marriage, he was not interested in pursuing an annulment even though it was something others told him to do. I am not privy to the reasons that it was considered pursuable by his family but he did not do it because he did not want to illegitamize his children.

He has been married to my mother for 35 years. He has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and is wanting certain things done before he passes. Since it has been so long since he has been in church (he stopped going after his civil divorce), he is not sure what he has to do to get last rites or extreme unction. I am not Catholic myself and volunteered to find out for them, as he has much on his plate right now dealing with his health issues.

I do not want to just ask a priest to go visit him without knowing first what would be needed in broad terms. I assume confession would be involved but what else? My mother is not a Catholic either and won’t be converting. I would like my dad to reconcile with God and have wished that for him for years.

Should I just call his local parish church and talk to the priest?

Thank you for any help you can give.

 

[Trishie]

Dear Bibliowyrm,

As your step-dad wishes to receive the Sacrament, Confession, the “Last Rites” then just contact a priest in the area and tell him that your step-father has been away from the Church for many years and wishes to return to the Sacraments and receive the “Last rites”. Once the priest knows the situation he should take care of things, as you surmise.

You are a good and caring person. God bless you

May I offer my sympathy to you and your family for your step-father’s illness.

I will pray for your step-dad and all of you in this difficult time of his illness.
Warm thoughts,
Trishie

 

[FrDavid96]

…
Should I just call his local parish church and talk to the priest?

Thank you for any help you can give.

Yes. Absolutely. Call the local priest. He doesn’t need all the details, just tell him that your father is a Catholic who has been away from the Church, although a little bit of background will help the priest to be prepared. The priest will take it from there–he knows exactly what to do. The only information he might need would be “how urgent?” Does he need to get there in the next hour, or in the next few days? can your father take solid foods (for Communion), is he conscious? for example.

By all means, do contact the priest.

 

[Spirithound]

My step-father was married in the Catholic church for his first marriage. His first wife has now passed on, several years ago.

He has been married to my mother for 35 years. Since it has been so long since he has been in church, he is not sure what he has to do to get last rites.

I do not want to just ask a priest to go visit him without knowing first what would be needed in broad terms. I assume confession would be involved but what else?

Should I just call his local parish church and talk to the priest?

Since your step-father’s first wife has died, he can be reconciled to the Church without much trouble. Tell the priest his general situation. Your father will likely only have to make a confession to be reconciled (I can’t imagine what else could be asked of him!), and then he can receive the anointing of the sick and the Eucharist.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

I would like to ask about the gentleman’s current marriage. If he re-married while his former spouse was alive is his current marriage valid? Does anything need to be done to resolve this? As his former spouse is dead he is no longer bound to his marriage bond with her. Does that automatically resolve any issues there may be concerning his second marriage?

I think it is worth pointing out here, for information purposes, that an annulment does not make children illegitimate.

 

[FrDavid96]

The specific details of this are best left to the priest who is going to make this visit. The priest will know what needs to be done and how to do it.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

The specific details of this are best left to the priest who is going to make this visit. The priest will know what needs to be done and how to do it.

OK! As I’m trying to learn something here could you please answer the following hypothetical question. John Smith and Mary Green are both Catholics and marry in the Catholic Church. After 18 years of marriage Mr John and Mrs Mary Smith get a civil divorce. Two years after the divorce John Smith marries Anne Taylor in a civil ceremony. The Church would consider John still married to Mary and committing adultery with Anne. Three years after John and Anne marry Mary dies. Obviously John’s second marriage has the problem that it lacked canonical form. Because Mary is dead John is no longer committing adultery. How can he regularise his marriage with the Church?

 

[FrDavid96]

OK! As I’m trying to learn something here could you please answer the following hypothetical question. John Smith and Mary Green are both Catholics and marry in the Catholic Church. After 18 years of marriage Mr John and Mrs Mary Smith get a civil divorce. Two years after the divorce John Smith marries Anne Taylor in a civil ceremony. The Church would consider John still married to Mary and committing adultery with Anne. Three years after John and Anne marry Mary dies. Obviously John’s second marriage has the problem that it lacked canonical form. Because Mary is dead John is no longer committing adultery. How can he regularise his marriage with the Church?

Matthew, I’m more than willing to discuss hypothetical scenarios–just not within the context of a person asking questions about a very much real-life relative who’s just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am confident you understand my meaning.

I’ll be busy for the next few hours, but when I get back to the desk I’ll be taking a peek at the moral theology forum.

 

[puzzleannie]

My
I do not want to just ask a priest to go visit him without knowing first what would be needed in broad terms. I assume confession would be involved but what else? My mother is not a Catholic either and won’t be converting. I would like my dad to reconcile with God and have wished that for him for years.

Should I just call his local parish church and talk to the priest?

Thank you for any help you can give.

call the priest today, and God bless you for doing so. All that is required is that he make a good confession to the best of his ability, receive communion and the anointing of the sick. How wonderful to have you and the rest of the family caring for this deepest of his needs at this time.

Too bad he got false information about annulment and illegitimacy, but he has been free to have his current marriage convalidated any time since his first wife’s passing. Not his fault either if those responsible for his pastoral care did not give him this information. Yes the priest can convalidate the marriage also, but the details of that are between the spouses and the priest.